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PAL Summer 2011 Babies - From 1st tri to MC and back again in one go.
- Thread starter Pippin
- Start date
SassyLou
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Hi, back again 
Couldn't send my story off to SANDS without sharing it with my special ladies. It is intentionally written in a very narrative form and is put together from the many posts I've made within BnB.
I'm gonna put it in a spoiler and fully understand if some of you don't want to read it.
Couldn't send my story off to SANDS without sharing it with my special ladies. It is intentionally written in a very narrative form and is put together from the many posts I've made within BnB.
I'm gonna put it in a spoiler and fully understand if some of you don't want to read it.
OUR STORY OF OUR BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS BOY ARCHIE
Archie was a very much wanted baby, my husband, sons and I were so excited to find we were having another child, I'm 39 and my husband is 47. We'd had an 'accidental' pregnancy which sadly ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks in August 2010. We realised how much we wanted another child and fell pregnant again quite quickly in October 2010. As those who've been pregnant again after a loss will know its a nerve racking experience, however, our 12 week scan was fantastic and there was our little baby, heart beating and wriggling away. I had an appointment with the midwife at 15+1 weeks and heard Archie's heart beating, by this point I'd also felt him moving. Just over a week later whilst going to the toilet I had the tiniest spot of blood, honestly it was a speck. But after having had a miscarriage it worried me. I phoned the midwife and she told me to pop down so she could listen for the heartbeat. She spent over half an hour trying to find it but couldn't so sent me to the hospital. By this point it was early evening so I was sent to the ward where a doctor came and scanned me on a portable scan machine. In that moment mine and my husbands world came crashing down, I could see our baby laid lifeless on the scan. We went back the following day and had a more detailed scan which confirmed the previous evenings findings. I was seen by a midwife who advised that I really ought to be induced.
I went in on the Sunday 30th January 2011 (two days later) and had pessaries inserted to induce labour. Our beautiful little boy, Archie, was born just over two and a half hours later; I was 16+6 weeks. I was amazed by the immense feeling of love I had and the amazing calmness that came over me when he was born. I still marvel at his perfection, he had the most amazing long fingers and chubby thighs. I think both my husband and I took great comfort from the hours we spent with him after he was born. Leaving him at the hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done. We both said that due to the caring nature of the hospital staff and the time we'd spent with our beautiful son, the experience had been as positive as it could ever have been.
We decided to let the hospital chaplaincy service arrange the funeral; we were told by the hospital that each baby would be placed in its own container, then they would all be placed in one large coffin and there would be a service at the crematorium which we could attend and that we had 8 weeks to change our mind. Initially we (especially my husband) took comfort in this, in that he would be with other babies.
I kept questioning this decision in my own mind, I don't know if its because I'm Catholic, but I really didn't feel comfortable and was upset we'd never had him come home I was telling a friend that I wasn't sure about our decision she told me to go and look at the cemetery (her baby is buried there) she said it was really nice. In the mean time I phoned the mortuary to find out how we got him back. This was the point where they had no record of us; the woman was very apologetic and promised to get back to me. I got off the phone and cried so much.
Eventually we got a call to say they'd found him in a hospital miles away. By this point I was having him back no matter what. They told me to phone the bereavement midwife to arrange to collect him. She said she would arrange it and I would be able to collect him later that afternoon, although we would have to keep him cold. She then phoned back about 2 hours later and said we couldn't collect him, only the funeral director could and they didn't want us to have him in our house. I asked where he was and she said in histopathology, I said we didn't agree to a post mortem, she assured me he hadn't had one. I asked why we couldn't get him and she said he'd been chemically preserved; I used to be a nurse and understood what this meant. Basically they'd put my baby in a specimen jar and preserved him in formaldehyde (they'd pickled him) I got very upset at this point, the bereavement midwife got very nasty and said she didn't understand why I was upset.
The following day I spoke to the senior histologist who agreed that so long as we didn't open the casket we could collect Archie the following afternoon as she needed time to wash him and try and remove as much as the chemical as she could. I said that I needed to see him as after everything that had happened I needed to be sure it was Archie. She told me he would look the same as he did when I left him as the formaldehyde would have preserved him. We went the following afternoon to collect him and had to collect him from specimen reception!!! I did look at him and it turned out he'd been in transit for over 24 hours before he'd been pickled therefore he looked nothing like the baby I left (he'd obviously started to decompose), but because of the position he was in I could tell it was him, it was a sight that will haunt me forever. I even woke myself up the following morning crying after having a dream about him. I still today find it sick that they'd put him in a large 'pickling' jar and kept him on a shelf for all to see, but to preserve him when he was already decomposing feels even sicker, I don't know why it just does.
I can't believe that they did this to him and have asked since how would you like it if I did a Damien Hirst on your family member, at which point you can see it hit medical staff what they've done. The hospital can offer no explanation why this happened or even what should have happened to Archie, their policy is completely out of date. It would appear that no one knows if this should have happened or not. The histologist said it was a mistake whereas the head of womens services said this is how they preserve babies until funerals. I assumed he would be in a freezer. Before we left him at the hospital my husband kept saying 'you won't treat him like clinical waste will you', they assured us he wouldn't be. As we've said since they didn't treat him like clinical waste they treated him like an unwanted tumour.
The hospital has apologised and we now find ourselves in the position of being able to assist with policy changes within our local hospital maternity services. We have a meeting again with them on Friday. The main change will be to the policy regarding storage of babies however we now have the ability to try and make changes generally to the maternity service. We also hope to highlight these problems across the country.
Many thanks for taking the time to read our story,
Sarah & Rob Dowde
(proud parents of Archie)
Archie was a very much wanted baby, my husband, sons and I were so excited to find we were having another child, I'm 39 and my husband is 47. We'd had an 'accidental' pregnancy which sadly ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks in August 2010. We realised how much we wanted another child and fell pregnant again quite quickly in October 2010. As those who've been pregnant again after a loss will know its a nerve racking experience, however, our 12 week scan was fantastic and there was our little baby, heart beating and wriggling away. I had an appointment with the midwife at 15+1 weeks and heard Archie's heart beating, by this point I'd also felt him moving. Just over a week later whilst going to the toilet I had the tiniest spot of blood, honestly it was a speck. But after having had a miscarriage it worried me. I phoned the midwife and she told me to pop down so she could listen for the heartbeat. She spent over half an hour trying to find it but couldn't so sent me to the hospital. By this point it was early evening so I was sent to the ward where a doctor came and scanned me on a portable scan machine. In that moment mine and my husbands world came crashing down, I could see our baby laid lifeless on the scan. We went back the following day and had a more detailed scan which confirmed the previous evenings findings. I was seen by a midwife who advised that I really ought to be induced.
I went in on the Sunday 30th January 2011 (two days later) and had pessaries inserted to induce labour. Our beautiful little boy, Archie, was born just over two and a half hours later; I was 16+6 weeks. I was amazed by the immense feeling of love I had and the amazing calmness that came over me when he was born. I still marvel at his perfection, he had the most amazing long fingers and chubby thighs. I think both my husband and I took great comfort from the hours we spent with him after he was born. Leaving him at the hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done. We both said that due to the caring nature of the hospital staff and the time we'd spent with our beautiful son, the experience had been as positive as it could ever have been.
We decided to let the hospital chaplaincy service arrange the funeral; we were told by the hospital that each baby would be placed in its own container, then they would all be placed in one large coffin and there would be a service at the crematorium which we could attend and that we had 8 weeks to change our mind. Initially we (especially my husband) took comfort in this, in that he would be with other babies.
I kept questioning this decision in my own mind, I don't know if its because I'm Catholic, but I really didn't feel comfortable and was upset we'd never had him come home I was telling a friend that I wasn't sure about our decision she told me to go and look at the cemetery (her baby is buried there) she said it was really nice. In the mean time I phoned the mortuary to find out how we got him back. This was the point where they had no record of us; the woman was very apologetic and promised to get back to me. I got off the phone and cried so much.
Eventually we got a call to say they'd found him in a hospital miles away. By this point I was having him back no matter what. They told me to phone the bereavement midwife to arrange to collect him. She said she would arrange it and I would be able to collect him later that afternoon, although we would have to keep him cold. She then phoned back about 2 hours later and said we couldn't collect him, only the funeral director could and they didn't want us to have him in our house. I asked where he was and she said in histopathology, I said we didn't agree to a post mortem, she assured me he hadn't had one. I asked why we couldn't get him and she said he'd been chemically preserved; I used to be a nurse and understood what this meant. Basically they'd put my baby in a specimen jar and preserved him in formaldehyde (they'd pickled him) I got very upset at this point, the bereavement midwife got very nasty and said she didn't understand why I was upset.
The following day I spoke to the senior histologist who agreed that so long as we didn't open the casket we could collect Archie the following afternoon as she needed time to wash him and try and remove as much as the chemical as she could. I said that I needed to see him as after everything that had happened I needed to be sure it was Archie. She told me he would look the same as he did when I left him as the formaldehyde would have preserved him. We went the following afternoon to collect him and had to collect him from specimen reception!!! I did look at him and it turned out he'd been in transit for over 24 hours before he'd been pickled therefore he looked nothing like the baby I left (he'd obviously started to decompose), but because of the position he was in I could tell it was him, it was a sight that will haunt me forever. I even woke myself up the following morning crying after having a dream about him. I still today find it sick that they'd put him in a large 'pickling' jar and kept him on a shelf for all to see, but to preserve him when he was already decomposing feels even sicker, I don't know why it just does.
I can't believe that they did this to him and have asked since how would you like it if I did a Damien Hirst on your family member, at which point you can see it hit medical staff what they've done. The hospital can offer no explanation why this happened or even what should have happened to Archie, their policy is completely out of date. It would appear that no one knows if this should have happened or not. The histologist said it was a mistake whereas the head of womens services said this is how they preserve babies until funerals. I assumed he would be in a freezer. Before we left him at the hospital my husband kept saying 'you won't treat him like clinical waste will you', they assured us he wouldn't be. As we've said since they didn't treat him like clinical waste they treated him like an unwanted tumour.
The hospital has apologised and we now find ourselves in the position of being able to assist with policy changes within our local hospital maternity services. We have a meeting again with them on Friday. The main change will be to the policy regarding storage of babies however we now have the ability to try and make changes generally to the maternity service. We also hope to highlight these problems across the country.
Many thanks for taking the time to read our story,
Sarah & Rob Dowde
(proud parents of Archie)
L
LittleGriffin
Guest
Hi, back again
Couldn't send my story off to SANDS without sharing it with my special ladies. It is intentionally written in a very narrative form and is put together from the many posts I've made within BnB.
I'm gonna put it in a spoiler and fully understand if some of you don't want to read it.
OUR STORY OF OUR BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS BOY ARCHIE
Archie was a very much wanted baby, my husband, sons and I were so excited to find we were having another child, I'm 39 and my husband is 47. We'd had an 'accidental' pregnancy which sadly ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks in August 2010. We realised how much we wanted another child and fell pregnant again quite quickly in October 2010. As those who've been pregnant again after a loss will know its a nerve racking experience, however, our 12 week scan was fantastic and there was our little baby, heart beating and wriggling away. I had an appointment with the midwife at 15+1 weeks and heard Archie's heart beating, by this point I'd also felt him moving. Just over a week later whilst going to the toilet I had the tiniest spot of blood, honestly it was a speck. But after having had a miscarriage it worried me. I phoned the midwife and she told me to pop down so she could listen for the heartbeat. She spent over half an hour trying to find it but couldn't so sent me to the hospital. By this point it was early evening so I was sent to the ward where a doctor came and scanned me on a portable scan machine. In that moment mine and my husbands world came crashing down, I could see our baby laid lifeless on the scan. We went back the following day and had a more detailed scan which confirmed the previous evenings findings. I was seen by a midwife who advised that I really ought to be induced.
I went in on the Sunday 30th January 2011 (two days later) and had pessaries inserted to induce labour. Our beautiful little boy, Archie, was born just over two and a half hours later; I was 16+6 weeks. I was amazed by the immense feeling of love I had and the amazing calmness that came over me when he was born. I still marvel at his perfection, he had the most amazing long fingers and chubby thighs. I think both my husband and I took great comfort from the hours we spent with him after he was born. Leaving him at the hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done. We both said that due to the caring nature of the hospital staff and the time we'd spent with our beautiful son, the experience had been as positive as it could ever have been.
We decided to let the hospital chaplaincy service arrange the funeral; we were told by the hospital that each baby would be placed in its own container, then they would all be placed in one large coffin and there would be a service at the crematorium which we could attend and that we had 8 weeks to change our mind. Initially we (especially my husband) took comfort in this, in that he would be with other babies.
I kept questioning this decision in my own mind, I don't know if its because I'm Catholic, but I really didn't feel comfortable and was upset we'd never had him come home I was telling a friend that I wasn't sure about our decision she told me to go and look at the cemetery (her baby is buried there) she said it was really nice. In the mean time I phoned the mortuary to find out how we got him back. This was the point where they had no record of us; the woman was very apologetic and promised to get back to me. I got off the phone and cried so much.
Eventually we got a call to say they'd found him in a hospital miles away. By this point I was having him back no matter what. They told me to phone the bereavement midwife to arrange to collect him. She said she would arrange it and I would be able to collect him later that afternoon, although we would have to keep him cold. She then phoned back about 2 hours later and said we couldn't collect him, only the funeral director could and they didn't want us to have him in our house. I asked where he was and she said in histopathology, I said we didn't agree to a post mortem, she assured me he hadn't had one. I asked why we couldn't get him and she said he'd been chemically preserved; I used to be a nurse and understood what this meant. Basically they'd put my baby in a specimen jar and preserved him in formaldehyde (they'd pickled him) I got very upset at this point, the bereavement midwife got very nasty and said she didn't understand why I was upset.
The following day I spoke to the senior histologist who agreed that so long as we didn't open the casket we could collect Archie the following afternoon as she needed time to wash him and try and remove as much as the chemical as she could. I said that I needed to see him as after everything that had happened I needed to be sure it was Archie. She told me he would look the same as he did when I left him as the formaldehyde would have preserved him. We went the following afternoon to collect him and had to collect him from specimen reception!!! I did look at him and it turned out he'd been in transit for over 24 hours before he'd been pickled therefore he looked nothing like the baby I left (he'd obviously started to decompose), but because of the position he was in I could tell it was him, it was a sight that will haunt me forever. I even woke myself up the following morning crying after having a dream about him. I still today find it sick that they'd put him in a large 'pickling' jar and kept him on a shelf for all to see, but to preserve him when he was already decomposing feels even sicker, I don't know why it just does.
I can't believe that they did this to him and have asked since how would you like it if I did a Damien Hirst on your family member, at which point you can see it hit medical staff what they've done. The hospital can offer no explanation why this happened or even what should have happened to Archie, their policy is completely out of date. It would appear that no one knows if this should have happened or not. The histologist said it was a mistake whereas the head of womens services said this is how they preserve babies until funerals. I assumed he would be in a freezer. Before we left him at the hospital my husband kept saying 'you won't treat him like clinical waste will you', they assured us he wouldn't be. As we've said since they didn't treat him like clinical waste they treated him like an unwanted tumour.
The hospital has apologised and we now find ourselves in the position of being able to assist with policy changes within our local hospital maternity services. We have a meeting again with them on Friday. The main change will be to the policy regarding storage of babies however we now have the ability to try and make changes generally to the maternity service. We also hope to highlight these problems across the country.
Many thanks for taking the time to read our story,
Sarah & Rob Dowde
(proud parents of Archie)
I still can't believe it .....
L
LittleGriffin
Guest
Congratulations Kimberly! Xx
Pippin
Sam and Adélie-Rose's Mum
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Sassy honey that it's still heart breaking to hear the story but well done for putting it down so well and I hope you have found a little peace in writing it and knowing he's where he should be now 
He'll always be the precious little Archie as you described him when he was born so try to hold onto that feeling too 
Congrats again Kim. Everyone Kim had her last baby the same time as I had Sam so that's how we know each other on here just in case you are curious.
He'll always be the precious little Archie as you described him when he was born so try to hold onto that feeling too Congrats again Kim. Everyone Kim had her last baby the same time as I had Sam so that's how we know each other on here just in case you are curious.
Pippin
Sam and Adélie-Rose's Mum
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I'll take a picture for you Sassy next time I wear it 
AFM Little Madam is stretching out today I am so uncomfortable. Sam didn't do this from memory I now know what people mean by feet in the ribs and I have another 9 weeks to go lol. He must have been all curled up in there compared to this long thing inside me.
AFM Little Madam is stretching out today I am so uncomfortable. Sam didn't do this from memory I now know what people mean by feet in the ribs and I have another 9 weeks to go lol. He must have been all curled up in there compared to this long thing inside me.
Emmea12uk
The Folic acid police!
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Congratulations Kim
Yes my hospital is the one from one born every minute. But I never plan on going back! I am do ready to have this girl at home now! Super excited!
I am not sure how I am going to carry her around much longer - my tummy is massive and I am getting so sore
I would take a pic but I can figure put the logistics of it with no mirror
Yes my hospital is the one from one born every minute. But I never plan on going back! I am do ready to have this girl at home now! Super excited!
I am not sure how I am going to carry her around much longer - my tummy is massive and I am getting so sore
I would take a pic but I can figure put the logistics of it with no mirror
L
LittleGriffin
Guest
Summer has more profound movements and for longer periods of time but i can tell she has less room to scoot about in. Maybe that's what's happening with A?Of course, if your worried you should call your Midwife.
Xx
L
LittleGriffin
Guest
Eurgh i feel pants today...
Baby Griff feels really hard and heavy and i keep feeling nauseous and sometimes dizzy and i'm bloody hot too! I don't even have socks on ..... i NEVER don't have socks on!!
I'm not sleeping very well at night either but can i sleep in the day??? CAN I BUGGER!
Plus all i want to eat are little things like bananas and yogurt and cereal etc, it feels like 1st tri all over again!
On a really sweet note ......
Jimmy stroked my bump earlier and said 'Hello Baby Griff, i can't wait to show you off to everyone.'
Honestly, i could have cried my eyes out!
Xx
Baby Griff feels really hard and heavy and i keep feeling nauseous and sometimes dizzy and i'm bloody hot too! I don't even have socks on ..... i NEVER don't have socks on!!
I'm not sleeping very well at night either but can i sleep in the day??? CAN I BUGGER!
Plus all i want to eat are little things like bananas and yogurt and cereal etc, it feels like 1st tri all over again!
On a really sweet note ......
Jimmy stroked my bump earlier and said 'Hello Baby Griff, i can't wait to show you off to everyone.'
Honestly, i could have cried my eyes out!
Xx
L
LittleGriffin
Guest
Happy 30 weeks to Me, Jimmy and Baby Girl Griff!!!!!!
Pippin
Sam and Adélie-Rose's Mum
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Happy 30 weeks LG 
She's moving regularly but just slow like she has no room. I wonder if she's going to be huge I'm sure Sam was a bit later.
Finally one of my student acknowledged I'm pregnant and said congratulations
they make me crack up, I must really scare them 
She's moving regularly but just slow like she has no room. I wonder if she's going to be huge
I'm sure Sam was a bit later.Finally one of my student acknowledged I'm pregnant and said congratulations
they make me crack up, I must really scare them 
Aaisrie
Cautiously pregnant #3
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Pip Atti is doing the same, I found his movements have slowed the last week or so. Been having really really bad BH - like they come ever 2-3 mins and last for 1-2 mins!! Fortunately they've eased this morning. Pip it just occured to me that our first children's initial is S and our second is A! lol
Aaisrie
Cautiously pregnant #3
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Oh and if you could spare thoughts and prayers for one of the girls in my July group - she is due the same day as me [18th July] but had an emergency section yesterday due to a ruptured placenta, her little boy Evan isn't doing very well right now and is having fits and things.... last night her msg said that they told her they weren't sure he would last the night so we're waiting to hear from her this morning to see how things are.
