Picky eaters and underweight toddlers: support and ideas thread

[AnneD]

I thought those of us who have picky eaters and/or underweight children (who may or may not refuse food) could meet here and exchange ideas about what works for whom, how we try to sneak extra calories in our children's food, expand the food options, etc.

My three-year-old is not particularly picky (I don't think so, at least) but has always been skinny and is now underweight after an illness a good few weeks ago. Will eat most meat (not necessarily in large quantities), sausages, ham, most dairy (depends on individual type of cheese) but doesn't drink much milk, pasta (preferred choice), rice, cous-cous, sweet potato, small amounts of potato, polenta (only under duress), pancakes, bread/toast, eggs, broccoli, carrots, small amounts of salad leaves (usually has to be tricked into it), cucumbers, cooked tomato in sauces, most squashes, mushrooms, courgettes, aubergines (if cooked into something), leeks. Cabbage is hit and miss; soups are eaten with great mistrust. Fruit goes down well usually but some things go down better than others. Fish is mostly eaten fine with a bit of persuasion. Anything junk or sweet is, of course, met with great enthusiasm and loved instantaneously. Alternative grains have been met with mistrust and refusal every time so far.


We have seen a dietician and had positive feedback, but need to add extra calories wherever we can. So we put butter on everything (we always have, but are now even more generous), we never switched to semi-skimmed milk, we make milk smoothies with cream, avocado and fruit (offer as a drink first, then freeze and call it ice cream), add egg to most rice dishes and white sauces, offer more puddings and custard (custard is not met with approval, though). We often put whipped cream on cocoa on cold days, and on scones or pancakes. And still the weight gain is soooo slow, nearly nonexistent. My kiddiewinkle never stops, so every calorie gets burnt as soon as food is digested.

What do you do? How do you cope? I worry about stunted growth and development. I feel I am constantly offering food and hiding avocado in food. Which foods work for your child? What do you hide and how?

 

[AngelUK]

What a good idea! I wish my Sebastian would eat a fraction of what yours does. The only way I can get calories into him is with fries, ice cream, chocolates and biscuits and I suppose with his two bowls of honey cheerios in the morning. He now even refuses nuggets and is not always willing to eat pizza or pasta and wants his bread rolls butter free. He dislikes the creaminess of whole milk and prefers semi skimmed. But I manage to give him full milk at times if I cleverly (and unbeknown to him!) sieve all the little cream clumps with a tea sieve. We get milk from the milkman and the full fat milk is a lot creamier than the usual. He eats no vegetables at all but does like melon and mango and occasionally apple. I give a vitamin supplement that contains iron every lunch time.

I have the added problem that my other twin is overweight, so I cannot just stuff Sebastian full with treats (unhealthy as they are) cause I cannot deny Dominic the same things without him feeling punished.


ETA: ah and one thing I do do is take nuts to the park to feed the squirrel and turn a blind eye to Sebastian eating some, though I am always worried that he will choke

ETA: I also make fruit ice lollies with organic fruit pots and then add lots of honey to them

 

[AnneD]

Hi Angel,

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you with twins who are such difficult eaters! I totally understand you can't give something to Sebastian and not Dominic, it would be unfair and probably lead to resentment and all sorts of food issues later on.

Have you noticed any patterns/reasoning in Sebastian's preferences or refusals? Mine tends to be mistrustful of anything that's green, spicy, or slimy in texture. Avocado for example only gets eaten when I hide it, and I need to disguise both colour and taste (even though they are incredibly mild). It's easy to hide in smoothies, fruit lollies or ice cream, I find. Courgettes on their own are a no-go, but in spaghetti sauce or stew they get overlooked. I know you said Sebastian eats no vegetables, I take it sauces are out, too?

Would he accept a smoothie? If so, would he notice if you put in a small amount of cooked carrot? (Cooked is softer and easier to mush in so that it doesn't show. Don't ask how I know.) I haven't dared put spinach in yet because it might ruin the colour (very particular about the shade of pink here), but I'm thinking about trying with some beetroot one day.

If you have a blender, you can experiment with ice cream without the need to bother with the custard base. I blend cream, overripe banana, avocado and random fruit, sometimes a bit of chocolate powder if the fruit isn't strongly coloured and the tiniest speck of green shows, sweeten with honey if the fruit is tart, then offer as a drink immediately and freeze the rest as ice cream. You could do a version with skimmed milk for Dominic if you want the boys to think they've got the same - but I do realise it's extra work!

Does Sebastian eat peanut butter? I think AngelOfTroy said she stirs a spoonful into porridge (if porridge is a no-no, you could put it into ice cream, the smooth and sweetened variety would probably be easier to hide than the crunchy unsweetened). Or perhaps thinly spread peanut butter on an apple slice? (I don't keep nuts in the house because of a nut allergy in the family, so I haven't introduced nuts at all yet). I've never seen any other nut butters where I am.

I have had success with baking ham and cheese into breadrolls in the past, but I don't often have the time to faff with that these days. I do add wheatgerm and flaxseed to bread dough, but that's about it. If you bake cakes, you could finely grate carrot or courgette and add it in, perhaps Sebastian might not notice; cocoa powder usually hides the unacceptable green colour.

It must be wonderful to get 'real' milk delivered by a milkman instead of the anonymous supermarket variety. I can imagine the clumps of cream being an issue, though, the one time I was given milk like that as a child I thought there was something wrong with it. Does Sebastian accept whipped cream at all?

Sorry about the novel and putting you through he third degree!

 

[Rainbow82]

we make milk smoothies with cream, avocado and fruit (offer as a drink first, then freeze and call it ice cream?

This is genius and I'll definitely be trying it with DS. We have had issues with weight gain for what feels like forever, we've been under a paediatrician for a few months and had all blood tests etc for coeliac and are now gluten free which has helped the chronic diarrhoea that was contributing to the weight loss but not the picky eating. Today DS has eaten one bite of scrambled egg. Two small cubes of cheese for breakfast, half an oatcake with cream cheese for lunch with a very small cube of melon and for lunch and five teaspoons of bolognese to dinner. We are trying to add calories with nut butters, avocados spread in everything and lots of cheese. DS loves most fruit and veg but isn't fussed on meat and hates cake but will eat chocolate if offered. He loved pasta but we haven't found a good gluten free one yet.

 

[AngelUK]

Anne that is so sweet of you to write down so many great ideas! I would try them all if it were not for Dominic. Smoothies taste lovely but they are empty calories in as much as you need a lot of fruit/vegetables to make one small smoothie but they do not fill you up for long. If you ate the whole fruit or the whole vegetables instead of blending them up, you would feel full with a fraction of what is needed for one smoothie. This is inadvisable for Dominic. Having said that, we did once give Sebastian one of those Innocent smoothies that is made from pineapple, apples and carrots and he had one sip and refused the rest.
But were it not for Dominic being overweight, I know I could come up with all sorts of treats and things that Sebastian might eat. But, and maybe I am wrong, I think being too skinny may well be less damaging to life in the long run as having a child who is overweight and has been obese not too long ago.
It is hard though and I do worry about them all the time

 

[AnneD]

Hi Rainbow, yes, 'reselling' drinks as ice cream goes down well with my child, be it plain fruit smoothies, milk shakes or cream shakes. The only thing I haven't called ice cream yet is frozen soup. We also have the problem of eating very small amounts, it's quite frustrating.

Coeliac disease is hard, can your DS eat millet, quinoa, amaranth or buckwheat? I've tried quinoa because we were told to offer more protein, and it wasn't a success. I'll try mixing it in a stew or bread next. Does he like rice noodles?

Angel, would Sebastian accept coconut oil instead of butter on his toast? I know what you mean about smoothies. I don't offer them on a regular basis (and if I did, my child would get bored with them).

 

[Rainbow82]

HI Anne, we haven't tried quinoa yet as the proteins are similar to gluten so have been waiting till we are completely clear from gluten but I'm planning to put some in a stew this week. Rice noodles are becoming a favourite of ours though I just need some high calorie sauces to coat them with. Tried one of your smoothie suggestions today though and DS actually managed a small cup full which is great for him.
One of the suggestions from our paediatrician was to add a spoon of olive oil to any sauces we give DS, would that work for your daughter? I find it a struggle to add healthy calories and fats to DS diet.

 

[AnneD]

I didn't know the proteins in quinoa are similar to gluten, I hope your DS doesn't have a negative reaction to it when you try it! Have you tried carbonara sauce for the noodles? It's cream, egg yolks, whole egg and cheese (I used to substitute cheddar for parmesan when parmesan was refused), so quite calorie-rich. I am fairly unimaginative with pasta sauces otherwise, I just do variations on the basic tomato sauce most of the time. We don't do pesto because of nuts.

That's a great idea to add a spoonful of olive oil to sauces, I'll be trying that, thank you very much!

I'm glad your son managed a small cup of the smoothie - every sip is a step in the right direction when they're underweight.

 

[littlegreenie]

Some great suggestions. My 4 year old is allergic to dairy and coeliac so diet is quite limited. On the whole she eats well but if she has accidentally had even a very tiny amount if gluten she has agonising tummy ache and worries about eating. I am currently trially not serving plates and getting the children to do it themselves. I have been so surprised at how much more they have both eaten, constantly going back for more. Also they have tried things I wouldn't expect them too. The youngest is 18 months but also has massively bought into this.

What I was going to say rainbow was that my daughter started to gain weight quite well after a few weeks gluten free. Her stomach started to absorb nutrients and she gained 2 kg in a year. She looks so much better. Also it doesn't seem to take too long to get used to the different flavours of gluten free. We tried to mainly eat food that is naturally gluten free but she has bread and we all have the corn pasta which is ok (only stir once. Seems to help!!)

 

[sequeena]

Hello. Hope you don't mind me joining. Thomas is older but has always been a picky eater. He mainly struggles with textures (spd). His go to foods are cheese, yoghurt, bread (used to be plain but now I can toast it or add jam/peanut butter), grapes and that's about it. He eats no vegetables and the only other fruits he will eat are strawberries and bananas. He's not keen on meat, he will have sausage and maybe bacon. He just started eating eggs again after at least 6 months. Oh and he loves beans!

 

[AnneD]

Hello littlegreenie, it's great that your daughter is feeling so much better on a GF diet and put on so much weight!

That's interesting about not serving plates, do you just put bowls of different foods on the table and let them help themselves? I will have to think about the logistics, but I'm quite curious how mine would do. Do your children ever just go for the one thing? (Mine would probably go for pasta only.)

Sequeena, welcome! Well done to Thomas for starting to eat eggs again, and it sounds like going from bread to toast (and with a topping) is quite a big step texture-wise! How is Thomas with foods like mash, mixed foods like stews, and wraps?

 

[AngelUK]

I just bought some PediaSure at Boots. I will try to give this to Sebastian while Dominic can have milk with half a spoonful of Nesquik. It should look the same and hopefully Sebby will like it. FX!

 

[krissie328]

What a fabulous idea!! My ds is 2 and is very picky. He likes chicken nuggets, rice and quinoa, most fruit, chips/fries/tatertots, juice and milk. He will also eat most soup and Mexican inspired dishes like tacos and chili.

He is very slim and small for his age. I believe right about the 6th percentile. I struggle so much for him to eat something every day. Often he grazes and eats a few things but for the most part it is a struggle. He eats a fraction of the others his age.

Even as an infant he age way less than typical. He only took 2.5-3 oz at a time until he was about 6 months old. Even then at a year he most often took 4 oz and occasionally got to 6.

 

[alliec]

Hello! I'd love to join in here as well. I have a disinterested eater and have been really struggling with things to try with him.

Cai is almost three and while he eats a decent variety of food (I think), he doesn't eat a decent quantity. He'll take a few bites of whatever I offer him at each meal, but really doesn't eat much at all.

For example, breakfast might be a quarter or a half piece of toast with peanut butter, lunch might be a half or a whole banana, and dinner will be two-three pieces of veg and a couple pieces of sausage. He gets a cup of almond milk with breakfast or lunch but rarely finishes it. Otherwise he just drinks water.

I generally put out fruit, cheese and nuts for snacking during the day, but he never chooses to snack on his own. He generally only snacks if I put something directly in his mouth, and after a couple pieces of fruit will generally refuse to snack further.

Both eating disorders and obesity run in my family so we've never required him to eat everything on his plate, and he's allowed to leave the table once he says he's full. We really don't want him to associate stress with eating but of course, we are a bit stressed about him getting the proper nutrients

We give him a multi-vitamin and fish oil every night on our doctor's recommendation, and we generally just try to mix up the kinds of veggies that we eat each day so that he gets something new in his two-three bites of dinner a night.

 

[sequeena]

You've reminded me - he does like wraps but he goes through phases of liking them then going off them. Mash he has eaten a handful of times, just a few times. I've tried smooth and lumpy mash he doesn't seem particularly keen on either.

I gave him a mousse type dessert yesterday and then had to stir it until it lost all its bubbles.

Mixed foods are an absolute no. Even sandwiches he takes apart.

He's 114cm which puts him bang between 91st and 98th percentile. I'm not sure what he weighs now but the last time he was weighed he was 2nd percentile so not underweight but very close and completely the opposite of where he should be for his height.

I've learned to just go with the flow with Thomas. I used to worry so so much and meal times were an absolute nightmare. Now I always put something he likes eg a yoghurt next to his meal. He may or may not try what's on his plate but I don't tell him to sit and eat or make a big deal out of it. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

 

[morri]

Anybody in peanutbutter or coconut oil as spreads? they are quite calorific.

 

[krissie328]

Morri- I use coconut oil on as much as I can. Ds doesn't like toast but when he eats waffles or pancakes I load it up. Plus he is rather weird and likes it by itself so he has a container of it he can eat as he wants.

 

[littlegreenie]

Anne d I was surprised they they don't just take one thing. The only rule I made was that they needed to consider others at the take and not take a whole bowl of something. I was imagining the oldest just emptying a bowl of something they liked. I pick each bowl up and go round asking if they would like some and serve myself too. The youngest has a bit of everything. The oldest will usually miss one thing. She will then keep helping herself and the youngest will keep asking for more. They definitely eat a lot more. I don't make any issue over anything they don't try but will ask them to finish what they have before having more of the same thing. I also do the same with pudding doing a fruit platter and get them to help themselves. Think it makes me offer more variety too. When I used to pre serve I would usually just have one veg but now i think I should offer choice so often do two or three. I think the oldest might feel like they need to eat with more pace too so the youngest doesn't eat all heir favourite things!!

 

[AnneD]

Angel, I hope PediaSure works for Sebastian.

Krissie, that's interesting that your son always took small amounts even as a baby. Did doctors/health visitors ever comment on it? I'm impressed that he eats Mexican-inspired dishes. Mine is a total wuss when it comes to anything remotely spicy (takes after me lol). On a funnier note, mine also eats cocnut oil out of a jar when the mood takes her (but rejects it on bread or toast).

Alliec: that sounds very stressful! Does involving your son in food preparation help at all? (It's totally hit and miss with mine - totally happy to cook say tomato soup with me from scratch doing everything herself except dangerous parts involving a knife, and will equally happily refuse to eat it after trying a single drop of it.) With snacking, I find the 'one bite each' trick helps persuade mine to eat fruit she isn't keen on, or when she feels that she'd rather have something else that she won't get (chocolate).

Sequeena, wow Thomas is really tall! Mine deconstructs sandwiches as well, which I find particularly annoying at picnics or birthday parties...

Morri - good suggestions, thank you!

Littlegreenie, sounds really good, I'm glad it's working for you! I'll try it next weekend when I'm the one cooking and serving food. It only partially works for mine at picnics (where she eats picnic sausages and cold pasta to her heart's content but only has token bites of veg). Although I find this may be due to the presence of other children and overexcitement.

Pointless pickiness runs in our family. Proof: I added a vegetable to something and the other adult in the household refused to even take a bite. The toddler (who watched me do it and knew all along that the veg was in there) ate it without a problem. Eyeroll.

 

[SpringCrane]

I hope y'all don't mind if I jump in here. My toddler eats fine, but my 5 month old does not. I'm wondering what things looked like for y'all at infancy.

He was ebf for two months, but directed to supplement after slow weight gain. Then, recently, I've been directed to stop all breastmilk and give him only hypoallergenic formula to figure out if we're dealing with allergies. He was born at 25th percentile and is now at 3.5%, yet length is 98%... so very long and very skinny.

I spend all my time trying to get him to eat. It's a struggle to get 2 oz at a time. The gastroenterologist wants him taking in 37 oz per day and yesterday was one of our best days at 23 oz. They're suggesting a feeding tube as our next step if he goes back to taking in less than 15 oz/day.

It's scary, frustrating, and really hard on my relationship with his big brother as I have very little time to play