Pregnancy An Accident Or Not???

[beija_flor]

/shakes head
I honestly don't know what to say to some of you.

I don't think there's any point in criticizing teens who are already pregnant.

There are also several girls here that got married very young, and if they decided to start a family when they're 17 or 18, no one should judge them.

However, I am worried about the trend of teens becoming pregnant on purpose and going on this site to see 16-year-olds posting happily about "bf and I really wanted one, we weren't trying but got pregnant anyway! Best mistake ever!"

 

[Alexas Mommy]

/shakes head
I honestly don't know what to say to some of you.

I feel as though I need to reply to this, mainly because yes, I was 19 when I got pregnant, and we tried, and well 19 is considered a teen. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know trying while you are a teen is looked down on, and as hypicritical as it sounds, I totally agree. That being said, I can say for myself that I did not live as a teen while ttc (if that makes any sense) I moved out on my own at 17, by choice, and my friends thought I was crazy, BUT I paid all my bills ON time, dealt with life worked my butt off and lived responsibly. I know a lot of people go and say, "yeah but I am mature for my age" and all that, well I am not just saying that, I can guarantee all my friends can back me up on this, that I am one of the most mature and responsible people my age... I know i just can't expect anyone to take that as meaning much, since I only know one other person on this forum in person, but I can promise it is true. When Michael and I decided we wanted a child we went to his Father and Step-mother and told them. They sat down and discussed it with the two of us and agreed that Yeah, we were both responsible enough to have a child. Without their blessings, I know Michael and I would have waited to try. So with the blessings of his parents we started ttc... (I was a foster kid my whole life so it didn't really matter what my biological parents said, as they would go along with anything without caring). Now I know besides maturity and responsibility, most planned pregnancies under the age of 25 is typically frowned upon because apparently you should "live your life and have fun" etc etc etc. Well I understand all this, but had I waited, I would still be living my same old life, where the most fun I have is when I go out shopping or whatever-which I can take Alexa out with me anyway... I figure why wait for another five years to have fun, when that is not who I am ? I am not like that at all... My older sister is 23 with two kids, and I am sure she will agree that I am more responsible than her, and I am 20 years old (21 Jan 1st) Do I regret having Alexa young? Not at All! She adds joy into my life, and honestly, I am doing something more useful by raising her, than what I would be doing if I didn't have her...

I am sorry this is soo long, I don't know why I felt I needed to defend myself, since really all that matters is that I know what I did is okay, but I guess I felt as though I needed to explain... I have never considered myself a young Mom-I know anyone older would chuckle at that, but gee if you saw how I live my life you would see how true it is! If you read this whole thing, then thanks, if not, I do not blame you, just getting it all out has made me feel better...

Edit: I also wanted to add that I am not saying that I am the only responsible 20 y/o mother out there, everyone has their story, and their reasons for wanting to ttc. I just hfelt I had to post, because I feel uncomfortable reading this thread and feeling like people over the age of 25 are looking down on me...

 

[beija_flor]

^^^ The above post is what I meant about not judging very young mothers who start their committed relationships and families early but responsibly. A LOT of women are emancipated by 16 or 17 for diverse reasons. A LOT get married by eighteen. And they have as much right to plan a baby as someone who gets married by 28.

What I think is flat-out wrong is for a young teenager who hasn't got a set plan for her life or a committed relationship to just consciously allow herself to get pregnant, it's mighty dangerous.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

^^^ The above post is what I meant about not judging very young mothers who start their committed relationships and families early but responsibly. A LOT of women are emancipated by 16 or 17 for diverse reasons. A LOT get married by eighteen. And they have as much right to plan a baby as someone who gets married by 28.

What I think is flat-out wrong is for a young teenager who hasn't got a set plan for her life or a committed relationship to just consciously allow herself to get pregnant, it's mighty dangerous.

Thank-you, I am glad that I am not the only one out there who feels this way.

 

[hollie3]

Originally Posted by akalei
/shakes head
I honestly don't know what to say to some of you.

What makes you think you have the right to judge pregnant teens?

 

[meztisa]

We weren't planning, but also didn't use any birth control, so we weren't surprised when we found out I was.

 

[xJG30]

Tom was an accident.. but so worth it

 

[PrettyBonk]

My son wasn't an accident...he was sort of planned... and my daughter wasn't a mistake either because we didn't protect ourselves but you can call her the greatest mistake I have ever committed!!!! ha ha ha
and now that I am actually TTC is not happening right away.

My OH and I were just girlfriend and boyfriend lol for a long time before I got a after that we are one!!!!!! 7 yrs and going!!!!!!!!!

 

[PrettyBonk]

/shakes head
I honestly don't know what to say to some of you.

I feel as though I need to reply to this, mainly because yes, I was 19 when I got pregnant, and we tried, and well 19 is considered a teen. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know trying while you are a teen is looked down on, and as hypicritical as it sounds, I totally agree. That being said, I can say for myself that I did not live as a teen while ttc (if that makes any sense) I moved out on my own at 17, by choice, and my friends thought I was crazy, BUT I paid all my bills ON time, dealt with life worked my butt off and lived responsibly. I know a lot of people go and say, "yeah but I am mature for my age" and all that, well I am not just saying that, I can guarantee all my friends can back me up on this, that I am one of the most mature and responsible people my age... I know i just can't expect anyone to take that as meaning much, since I only know one other person on this forum in person, but I can promise it is true. When Michael and I decided we wanted a child we went to his Father and Step-mother and told them. They sat down and discussed it with the two of us and agreed that Yeah, we were both responsible enough to have a child. Without their blessings, I know Michael and I would have waited to try. So with the blessings of his parents we started ttc... (I was a foster kid my whole life so it didn't really matter what my biological parents said, as they would go along with anything without caring). Now I know besides maturity and responsibility, most planned pregnancies under the age of 25 is typically frowned upon because apparently you should "live your life and have fun" etc etc etc. Well I understand all this, but had I waited, I would still be living my same old life, where the most fun I have is when I go out shopping or whatever-which I can take Alexa out with me anyway... I figure why wait for another five years to have fun, when that is not who I am ? I am not like that at all... My older sister is 23 with two kids, and I am sure she will agree that I am more responsible than her, and I am 20 years old (21 Jan 1st) Do I regret having Alexa young? Not at All! She adds joy into my life, and honestly, I am doing something more useful by raising her, than what I would be doing if I didn't have her...

I am sorry this is soo long, I don't know why I felt I needed to defend myself, since really all that matters is that I know what I did is okay, but I guess I felt as though I needed to explain... I have never considered myself a young Mom-I know anyone older would chuckle at that, but gee if you saw how I live my life you would see how true it is! If you read this whole thing, then thanks, if not, I do not blame you, just getting it all out has made me feel better...

Edit: I also wanted to add that I am not saying that I am the only responsible 20 y/o mother out there, everyone has their story, and their reasons for wanting to ttc. I just hfelt I had to post, because I feel uncomfortable reading this thread and feeling like people over the age of 25 are looking down on me...

I moved out at 16 and got pregnant on the same month I was going to turn 18. I have been a responsible mother and person...I was a responsible "wife" as well...I went to school and I worked and I took care of things at home...what did I miss out...going to clubs, hanging out with my friends????? no...I didn't do any of that really...I did hang out with my friends...but why would pregnancy prevent this?????
Even thought it didn't work out with him...not because we were young because I've seen ppl get a divorce after 25 years of marriage...I was ok...I was happy with my son and I was able to take care of us...but it was a big plus that my parents wanted to protect me and help me...I got pregnant with my daughter at my early 20's still young.
So I understand you and there is nothing wrong with having a baby at a "young" age...unless you are incapable.

 

[PrettyBonk]

/shakes head
I honestly don't know what to say to some of you.

Why don't you understand us/them? elaborate please.

 

[Lunaty]

Although i am not pregnant yet (trying though, am 22) i do have my view on this..

I can see this from both sides..
I dotn agree with the casual perspective of younger girls saying: we were not trying but no protection used.

This to me sounds like you have not stood still at the responsibility that it brings with your chance of getting pregnant.. It's for life.

I feel looking back at myself at age of 16 (and i WAS living on myself juggling school and work) that i simply havnt had the life experience nor the skills i have now.. and that i stand stronger in so many ways.. by experiencing different things and falling down

Im not talking about mother skills, every person no mater how young will unconditionally love her child.. but the skills to manage life around this..
The realization that it could be better/ easier..

Now im ready to be a mom, but I am afraid of the reactions around me i will get.. and see why there is a need to get defensive over it on some way or form (even if there is no need too).. It's a tuff situation..

havnt really made a point i gues sbut just my 0.02 about teen pregnancy

 

[Booksmart]

I agree with the previous poster, there are several young moms (and moms to be) that are either in a committed relationship or are super responsible and understand that having a child is a complete life change, these Mom's should not be judged for their ages but instead for their abilities.

I do find it heartbreaking to read about (in Statistics, Newspapers, i.e. a ton more places than the few women on these blogs) young teens who are having unprotected sex trying to get pregnant. What's even more alarming is the number of teens who are getting pregnant to follow the current trend of celebrities getting pregnant, insane but true. Search CNN for Pregnacy Pact to read about a several girls in a US high school that made the pact to get pregnant (it's sick).

I don't mean to offend anyone here, I just wish that young teens had someone to really tell them how hard it is to be a young teen mother.

Oh, to anwser the thread I'm not expecting but I'll try to plan for it (although it's really up to fate). I have to finish my undergrad and I finally get a chance to breathe before I'm ready.

 

[tasha41]

I don't know if I ever replied to this.. but my baby was unplanned and unexpected but accident is just not a word I ever want to use!!

 

[akalei]

Im not trying to judge. Im not judging everyone, just the ones who think having a baby ar 16-17 is an amazing trend! Like how tons of teen girls think Jamielynn spears is a great role model and they all want to be like her. Some teens make amazing mothers, im just concerned about the ones who are careless and think a baby is all fun and games.

 

[mBLACK]

Although i am not pregnant yet (trying though, am 22) i do have my view on this..

I can see this from both sides..
I dotn agree with the casual perspective of younger girls saying: we were not trying but no protection used.

This to me sounds like you have not stood still at the responsibility that it brings with your chance of getting pregnant.. It's for life.

I say that with such a 'casual' way because what's done is done, why would I sit here moping about the past and/or the stupid decisions I have made in my lifetime?
Tons of women don't think twice about having unprotected sex, not just young girls but women of all ages, it's an irresponsible decision but not just limited to young ladies.
I am not saying that getting pregnant with my baby was a stupid decision. Getting pregnant with that specific person at that point in my life was stupid, however I am not going to say that I would change anything because that 'accident' was the best 'accident' that ever happened to me. Of course I didn't think of the posibility of getting pregnant and/or realized that it was for life, in reality does anybody think about the consequences of their actions while they are doing so? Probably not. At least most of the time. What is REALLY important is learning from the mistakes that we make (once again, not saying my baby was a mistake; infact the complete opposite is true - BUT getting pregnant at the age of 14 with the wrong guy WAS a mistake), and learning from them.

 

[mBLACK]

Im not trying to judge. Im not judging everyone, just the ones who think having a baby ar 16-17 is an amazing trend! Like how tons of teen girls think Jamielynn spears is a great role model and they all want to be like her. Some teens make amazing mothers, im just concerned about the ones who are careless and think a baby is all fun and games.

I apologize in advance for being blunt when I say this, but who exactly made it seem like it was all fun and games so much that you felt the need to shake your head and make that comment about the resonses?

 

[Lunaty]

Although i am not pregnant yet (trying though, am 22) i do have my view on this..

I can see this from both sides..
I dotn agree with the casual perspective of younger girls saying: we were not trying but no protection used.

This to me sounds like you have not stood still at the responsibility that it brings with your chance of getting pregnant.. It's for life.

I say that with such a 'casual' way because what's done is done, why would I sit here moping about the past and/or the stupid decisions I have made in my lifetime?
Tons of women don't think twice about having unprotected sex, not just young girls but women of all ages, it's an irresponsible decision but not just limited to young ladies.
I am not saying that getting pregnant with my baby was a stupid decision. Getting pregnant with that specific person at that point in my life was stupid, however I am not going to say that I would change anything because that 'accident' was the best 'accident' that ever happened to me. Of course I didn't think of the posibility of getting pregnant and/or realized that it was for life, in reality does anybody think about the consequences of their actions while they are doing so? Probably not. At least most of the time. What is REALLY important is learning from the mistakes that we make (once again, not saying my baby was a mistake; infact the complete opposite is true - BUT getting pregnant at the age of 14 with the wrong guy WAS a mistake), and learning from them.

My "rant" is more or less channeled to the reasons behind the situation..
Would you think you would have become pregnant if you had condoms with you? Did your parents/teacher talk to you about precaution? Would yuo have felt comfortable to get them at a drugstore at all?

At the time i became sexual active i have asked my mother to go on the pill and she complied (i was scared shitless about her reaction hahaha) but i never heard (until later) you could just get them at your GP without parents knowing or consenting it (privacy law) !!

In this case i think preventing is better then learning form your mistake right?! And it starts at giving this information out at the right places and age.. and thank god at least something gets done about it (not nearly enough thouh

Im just generally interested what the reason behind the at the time "unthoughtful" decision was..

What the most disturbing thing is is indeed those pacts and celebrity trends.. then again isnt that what is causing most of youths problem (think anorexia, suicide, "gangs" etc.?!)

Gosh im rambeling on.. why do i have the feeling im getting old

 

[Jkelmum]

Speaking as a mother of 3 soon to be 4 I am 27 had my first at 14 and think its a little harsh that anybody can come into the teens forum and rant about the situation they are in ...They are here for support not being ranted at by someone who asnt been in there situation .... Sorry for the rant but teenagers that get preggers have enough to deal with ....i feel this should be there safe haven ! if you dont like teens being pregnant then i would stay out of the teen forum

This post may sound a harsh rant but I am so sick of teen mothers being looked down on great surprise or planned there baby will be loved

 

[Mummy_15]

I don't know if I ever replied to this.. but my baby was unplanned and unexpected but accident is just not a word I ever want to use!!

I agree with tasha. My baby definately wasnt planned, But i dont see it as being an accedent either.

 

[~KACI~]

Speaking as a mother of 3 soon to be 4 I am 27 had my first at 14 and think its a little harsh that anybody can come into the teens forum and rant about the situation they are in ...They are here for support not being ranted at by someone who asnt been in there situation .... Sorry for the rant but teenagers that get preggers have enough to deal with ....i feel this should be there safe haven ! if you dont like teens being pregnant then i would stay out of the teen forum

This post may sound a harsh rant but I am so sick of teen mothers being looked down on great surprise or planned there baby will be loved

*round of applause*
x x