step parents support thread

[daniellelk]

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[tallybee]

Yep - there are ways of disciplining and teaching small children and smacking is NOT necessary

How many times have ss been round/involved?



xx

In the past 9month's, 3time's that i'm aware off. One I don't know why but we got the blame, the second was over her smacking the child and the 3rd some one reported her for leaving LO at home on her own and again we got the blame for that. Neither of them was us, hospital got SS involved when OH took LO in.

Jeez, she's been leaving LO home alone??? Plus smacking hard enough that she went to hospital... and saying she'll put LO into care if someone doesn't take her? And SS say there's no problem? WTF are they playing at... this stuff makes me so sad There are people desperate for a child and then there are parents who act like complete idiots. it must be so hard having to see this happen xx

 

[daniellelk]

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[tallybee]

Crikey. I suppose it would be hard to prove anyway, if it was her word against someone else's... but if that was true that's beyond awful

Seriously, she's got no-one to blame but herself if SS get called on her, by the sounds of her behaviour

 

[pinkflamingo]

What is going on with all of these women who just don't seem interested in being good mothers? They don't think twice about sl@gging off the dads or their girlfriends/wives, but when it actually comes down to real parenting themselves they do not care less!

As its only step-mums that I have seen on here so far, I really would advise that we encourage our OH's to get parental responsibility if he does not already have it. I think that we can criticise the bitchfaces behaviours only so far before we should question why the father is not intervening and taking control of his childs / childrens welfare.

In the case where social services have been involved, if they took the child away from the mother then without PR would the father be entitled to have the child, or would they be placed in care?

I was at a wedding at the weekend and the groom made a lovely speech to his parents. He thanked them for allowing him to grow up in a stable and secure family, and it had taught him the importance of family values which he hoped to pass on to his own children one day. It made we wonder how many children now will grow up and be able to say the same thing? But it also made me want our future children to have that feeling as an adult. SS has already said he doesn't want to get married and have kids because its too messy. His parents were never even married so he has clearly been put off by all the cr@p that has been flying around over the years!!!

 

[Mellybelle]

I completely agree with you Pinkflamingo. While my husbands ex hates me she is certainly not a neglectful or abusive parent. But if she would let go of some of the hatred she has toward my husband and I, she would be a far, far better parent. The kids would benefit sooooo much from it.

 

[pinkflamingo]

It does have such a negative impact on the children. SS doesn't share any news about his life with his mum (which is who he lives with and spends most of his life with) with DH. It was only through a third party that we learned that they were moving house and that his mum was getting married. DH only found out that there was a man living with his son a few weeks before, but when he asked SS about it, he lied and said there was nobody! Its so sad that a 13 year old has become this way. He doesn't share anything with us.

 

[Mellybelle]

It really is sad. Our boys dont tell us much about their life with their mother either, unless we ask. I know it goes the other way. They dont tell her much about life with us. Probably because she is likely to criticize everything we do.

 

[pinkflamingo]

I think SS tells his mum about us, as I think she interrogates him to find out all that she can! I guess its only natural for a boy to protect his mum especially when he has been constantly told that his dad is the bad person etc. I think we will just have to carry on as things are until SS becomes an adult and then he will choose what relationship he has with everyone based on his decisons and not other peoples.
Mellybelle how are you feeling? Its wonderful news that you are expecting! Congrats hun!

 

[Mellybelle]

Thanks hun, I'm actually really really scared and tryng my hardest to stay positive. Had some spotting a couple days ago and I was convinced it was all over (spotting during pregnancy has always ended in disaster for me) but scan yesterday showed everything was perfect. Are you TTC?

 

[pinkflamingo]

I'm so glad all was fine, and reassuring for you to see the scan. I can imagine it must be scary after 2 losses anyway. We had a mmc in january and I wonder how I will feel again next time. Cautious i am sure, to say the least! We are on 2nd cycle ttc since mc. My cycles have lengthened and as I don't temp etc I missed ov by 5 days last month! I am using my CBFM this month for the first time in ages! I also take metformin as I have pcos, and am taking epo and using preseed and softcups!! Its an all or nothing month this month!!!

 

[Mellybelle]

Thanks hun. We've actually had four losses, two were early losses.

I'm all for the all or nothing approach. Get your DH onto zinc tablets too, it boosts the little swimmers. I had my DH on zinc, horny goats weed, maca and mens vitamins. I think his had little superman capes on!

 

[Mellybelle]

and sorry for your loss too hun. Pregnancy after a loss is scary shit! When you get your BFP this cycle we'll talk more about it.

 

[pinkflamingo]

Thanks hun. I have got DH on vitamins. We found out that the meds he was taking for his epilepsy had caused sperm issues, so that was a waste of the first 12 months really! he changed his meds and had another SA and his results were back in the normal range, and then we fell pregnant so that has given me some hope! I had spoken to the Dr's about it when he was getting check ups for his epilepsy etc, but they all told me that as no official medical research had been done on the meds, that they couldn't advise us incase they gave wrong advice! I have since found lots of men online (sounds rather dodgy!!) who have written about the same issue when ttc, and since they changed their meds their SA results changed dramatically. Doesn't help when you have to make all of these things happen yourself, especially when the whole ttc thing is hard enough on its own!

I am so sorry that you have gone through 4 losses hun, you must be a very strong lady. It will be so special when you have this little one in your arms. I will definately come knocking for a chat when I get my BFP this month!!!!

Big hugs to you! xx

 

[tallybee]

Ah that's good news Mellybelle! I have everything crossed for you that things go perfectly!

We should have a spin-off group - the TTC and Preggy Steppies I've been having since a week ago (POAS addict, much? )- I am that late coming on AF. It is so tough trying to stay sane with all this TTC business... I think I will need to get more tests as I've run out

You ladies speak so much sense! It is incredibly sad having to watch powerless as these people fuck their kids' lives and minds up. I totally agree that their dads should be doing as much as they possibly can, and going through the legal system is unfortunately going to be necessary in many cases - particularly if PRR is an issue. Legal bills are daunting, I am fully aware of this - we've had to put several thousand on credit cards to pay for solicitors to sort out the shit from our exes. But it's a small price to pay for peace of mind and the knowledge that we have not failed our children or ourselves.

XxX

And to all who wish for it xx

 

[pinkflamingo]

Morning Tallybee! I think a spin off thread is a great idea! As well as the usual difficulties of ttc we will have other obstacles to overcome like telling step-kids about being pregnant and how they deal with that, bitchfaces adding to the stresses etc!!
How long have you been ttc? I was a bit of a poas addict last month as I was convinced it was my month! But alas no! I do kind of convince myself each month even when I know it is virtually impossible! But this month I'm sure it will be my month!!! (Joke! But I secretly hope it is of course!!) Xx

 

[pinkflamingo]

Tally is AF 7 days late? Fingers crossed for you hun! Keep us posted of any developments!!
Xx

 

[daniellelk]

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[pinkflamingo]

Hi danielle,
Honestly if ex doesn't want to be civil to you then don't waste your time on her. Just concentrate on your relationship with ur sd, and making her feel like she is a part of your family when she is with you and her dad. As for her not listening to you? That is where her dad needs to get involved and explain to her that your word is as good as his, and whatever you tell her must be listened to or there will be consequences in the same way as if she ignored his word.
Exes seem to have issues seeing the dads move on and be happy with a new family etc. They love trying to cause issues and using the child as a weapon. In our case all the crap stopped once Dh stood up to bitchface and told her what was what. Once she realised that actually she wasn't going to get her way and he would not be walked over, she lost interest. She hasn't contacted dh at all for months (they only communicate via email) and if there is anything she just texts me.

 

[daniellelk]

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