step parents support thread

[pinkflamingo]

Hi ladies,

I haven't been on for a while so hope that you are all ok!

I'm surprised how negative this line has gotten, I'm going to be leaving this group! I think as step-parents we need to embrace the positive moments, and I don't really see them being even acknowledged!

I too was sorry to see this comment. I think that the 'step parents support thread' is just for that, a place where we can come and voice our upset / frustrations /difficulties and get support from those that have experienced similar things. Amber I seem to remember a thread in which you wrote that your sd's mother was comforting you when you had been forced to tears by your mil. As great as that is for you and your sd that you have that relationship with her mum, most of us on here have had nothing but bitterness and difficulties from the mothers and believe me it is a really tough thing to have to put up with constantly. It can also have an impact on the behaviours of the children towards us step-mums which is only to be expected. If a child is being told constant negative things about their dad and their step-mum then that child is going to absorb some of that and can often display behavioural issues etc etc.

I don't think it's fair to judge any of us step-mums on here, because sometimes we will feel negative about the children for various reasons. We haven't raised this children and in some cases we don't agree with the way that they are being raised by their mothers. We don't blame the children for the environment that they have been subjected to with their mothers, but we may voice that we don't look forward to them coming over sometimes due to the behaviours which they are allowed to get away with. This doesn't make us bad people, it makes us human that we sometimes have difficulties in trying to work out how our 'families' work best.

I think it's important for us to have a space where we can be open and honest and voice our true feelings. I have read posts on here from women who feel relieved that they can say that they don't look forward to the kids coming over and don't get knocked down for saying it. Everyone needs a place to vent their upset and ask for support without being judged.
Maybe a new thread could be set up to give more of a balance 'The positives of being a step-parent' or something similar which could run alongside this one too.

Stay happy ladies xxx

 

[netty]

you worded that so perfectly pink flamingo - thanks alot

 

[lilbeanfolk]

Pinkflamingo - welcome back we missed you And very well put and totally agree. It's a relief to have some other step parents to talk to. Happy weekend all!

 

[cowboys angel]

pinkflamingo- THANK YOU

 

[Lownthwaite]

Thank you pinkflamingo - you put that so well!

I must admit I felt unsure about posting true feelings in this thread now incase I got shot down following that comment.

Us ladies do need somewhere where we can voice our true opinions and feelings and I hope this can continue to be a place to do so

 

[cowboys angel]

I will continue to use it as such.

 

[xpensivtaste]

not posted in a while but thought i would come catch up. firstly sorry to hear about the poster with MS. i hope you can mentally overcome the difficulty that brings. must be very hard for you. be strong x

just an update on step-mummy world from my perspective...things have been going pretty well for us as a family unit, set a date for our wedding in greece in 2013 and found out we are having a BOY which is a dream come true since we have 2 girls our family will now be complete.
on the other hand things with SD's mother are no better. was a little cheesed off last weekend as the ex wouldnt allow us to have SD for my sisters wedding, we kept it from her since she has stopped us having SD any weekend when we want to do anything important and she gets wind of it and she made plans for that weekend to take SD to the park (even tho she doesnt work and has the whole summer hols to do this and shouldnt arrange things during weekends when we are supposed have access.) we think SD may have mentioned it to her but can hardly blame a 5 year old for being excited and spilling the beans....when we challenged the ex about it being a wedding that weekend she basically put up a brick wall saying we cant have her and thats, that so SD ended up missing out =(
MIL did have SD and DD for most of this week to go camping tho with and we got all weekend with them both so its not so bad. noticed a lot of sibling ravalry lately. not sure if its cos we have a new baby on the way or what? but SD has started to become very territorial of her dad and takes any chance she can to tell tales on DD in an attempt to get her into trouble. feel like pulling my hair out with them both some days. i dread to think how they will both behave when there is a newborn around and he is getting a lot of the attention. oh well....they will have to suck it up cos they are going to be big sisters again.
=)

 

[cowboys angel]

Thank you

Good luck with sibling rivalry. Thankfully SD isn't too bad in that aspect...but she also doesn't know that we will be TTC starting Thursday.

 

[lilbeanfolk]

I think no matter what age the other children are there is a little jockying for position when there is a new baby on the way. My SD is almost 18 and the other day she went hunting and found all her baby pictures her dad has and pulled them out the reminice with him (which he loved of course) then posted them all on FB asking "aren't I the cutest baby?" so... there is always that lurking fear from kids I think when things are changing, they wanna make sure they are not being de-throaned

 

[xpensivtaste]

I think no matter what age the other children are there is a little jockying for position when there is a new baby on the way. My SD is almost 18 and the other day she went hunting and found all her baby pictures her dad has and pulled them out the reminice with him (which he loved of course) then posted them all on FB asking "aren't I the cutest baby?" so... there is always that lurking fear from kids I think when things are changing, they wanna make sure they are not being de-throaned

yeah i can totally understand that, my 9 year old is really excited about having a baby brother but at the same time she really clings to her stepdad, who she calls dad....she doesnt seem all to clingy with me but i get a lot of time alone with her when OH is at work, especially in the holidays. both kids see dad as much as the other due to the long hours he works even though our 5 year old (SD) lives with her mum but i think SD assumes my eldest sees him more as she lives here (naturally) so there's competition for his affection and attention throughout the weekend which can be a little frustrating for us both. obviously we are aware when a 3rd sibling comes along the older ones will feel threatened but we are preparing for it. especially with SD only being here on weekends. the last thing we want is for her to feel left out or discluded.

 

[tallybee]

Hey everyone

Thanks pinkflamingo for that statement above, I feel likewise how important it is to be able to say how shitty things can make us feel without fear of judgement - that's why netty started this thread up in the first place after the way a member was treated in another thread.

Ooh and sibling rivalry is a headache for sure!

 

[tallybee]

Well girls we are finally going to get married on 21st October! OH's divorce came through and we're planning it fast as we've waited so long for this..... OH is currently on the phone to J (14) talking to him about it and how he feels about it and all that... now he's just passed the phone to S (10) and they're chatting away about it... it sounds like they are happy and want to be there which is wonderful as we were worried that their mum's poison and all that would have meant they didn't even want to know!

They will finally be my actual stepsons officially (obvs they are family to me already though )

Wooooooh!

 

[Inge]

sorry but im going to moan SS's mum has stopped OH seeing him for no reason. Her reason is "he has to get his life together" um what?? He works full time, gives her whatever and whenever she wants (she will phone and demand more money and he has to give it to her or else she stops contact) Shes also had a habit recently of telling him to pick SS up then going out or not answering the door so OH has to drive around to all her relatives to see if their there. Its SS 9th birthday today so obviously shes saying OH cant see him but hes going up after work (wont get there til about 8pm) to give him a cake and say happy birthday. I feel so bad for SS as hes caught in the middle and she says the stuff about OH getting his life together infront of him and Im worried when we do have him next hes going to really play up. When OH had him 2 weekends ago he was really bad because apparently "his mum lets him do it" so OH spent the whole weekend telling him off and banning him from his games which caused more arguments. OH is off friday-monday night so Im hoping he'll get himk through those days. Its our 3 yr anniversary saturday too. Iv also today had the contraceptive implant fitted so we have 2-3yrs to get a 3bed house and sort that out. Iv also got a bad feeling SS's mum has been saying OH is too busy with his "new family" to bother with him when really OH cant even get hold of her to see his son. When we do TTC a 2nd I know she'll use that theory all the time
sorry for the moan girls just needed to let it out as Iv been worring about OH

 

[cowboys angel]

I can TOTALLY relate. SD's mom can't stop contact, though we keep hoping she will so she'll go to jail.

But she sounds like our 'baby mama,' whom I refer to as psycho bitch.

 

[Inge]

she has threatened OH with CSA and to say he has never paid for his son (he gives £30-50 a week for him, sometimes twice a week when she demands it) she did that the day Leo was born so I spent 2 days upset as in her words she was going to do us over so we'll never have our own place and all our money would go to her. That actually put me into labour as I was so worked up
But she realised she couldnt as she has already been in trouble with the police (found a credit card and used it ) and if she gets in trouble again its prison for sure. She gets all the benefits she can but hasnt declared her partner living with her or any money she gets/borrows so if it went to court she'll lose alot.
I think she should think herself lucky OH has stuck around. I know many men wouldnt bother how she treats him

 

[tallybee]

How nasty! Some of these people need a good shake... they think they are entitled to so much! I would say PLEASE make sure your OH is transferring any money in a traceable way (ie not just dishing out cash) as if she ever did go down the CSA route, they could assume nothing had been paid (particularly if she came out and said he wasn't paying... she doesn't sound like the most honest type...) and screw him for back payments

I hope things can get better for you guys

 

[Inge]

thanks tally He went round to say happy birthday and SS wanted to come up but his mum was against it She actually tried to guilt trip OH into buying her BBQ food she told him she really wanted to have a BBQ but couldnt afford it so could he give her some money um nooo... He pays for his SON not her as well! She's so cheeky! When we saw her in the week she had a massive asda shop with a good few cases of beer so she cant be that bad off.
She wont let OH put money into her account because then she'll have to declare it to the job centre and her benefits will go down so she tried to get it put into her dads account but that never went ahead. She just uses CSA to blackmail OH into doing what she wants tbh. Makes me angry when some mothers do that.
Ok im done with my rantin. Back to a happy thread! Leo has just last night and this morning been having a mix of banana puree and formula to help him keep his feed inside. Hes bring up nearly all his 6oz bottles so I needed to try something. Hes not been sick once so its good. Its only a few spoons after his bottle and he loves it so should be ok

 

[cowboys angel]

Does he have reflux? I have a reflux baby, and we started putting a pinch of rice cereal in her bottles, and are now giving her a feeding of rice cereal every day, and it's helped the reflux considerably.

 

[cowboys angel]

Omg. So psycho bitch (PB), otherwise known as my SD's mom, has really done it.

Yesterday my OH got hung up at work waiting for one of his employees to show up, so I picked up my SD, and went and picked up my OH.

PB texted my OH and said that the next time I showed up to get my SD, and I quote, "I will count it as you dno't want to see your daughter because it is your time with her, not your little whores"

I'm the little whore btw.

Today, my OH was doing an online college test, and couldn't leave the computer, so I went and got SD. Now the court order says ANY designated person can pick Evie up, as long as it's someone she knows.

PB saw me, texted my OH and told him to let her know when he was on his way cuz she wasn't turning SD over to me. My OH called me and told me to go into the police station and ask an officer to accompany me out. (drop off is at sherrifs office)

As soon as I headed towards the building she took off with my SD.

 

[tallybee]

Omg. So psycho bitch (PB), otherwise known as my SD's mom, has really done it.

Yesterday my OH got hung up at work waiting for one of his employees to show up, so I picked up my SD, and went and picked up my OH.

PB texted my OH and said that the next time I showed up to get my SD, and I quote, "I will count it as you dno't want to see your daughter because it is your time with her, not your little whores"

I'm the little whore btw.

Today, my OH was doing an online college test, and couldn't leave the computer, so I went and got SD. Now the court order says ANY designated person can pick Evie up, as long as it's someone she knows.

PB saw me, texted my OH and told him to let her know when he was on his way cuz she wasn't turning SD over to me. My OH called me and told me to go into the police station and ask an officer to accompany me out. (drop off is at sherrifs office)

As soon as I headed towards the building she took off with my SD.