step parents support thread

[Inge]

whats up? Mines been ok apart form OH not telling him to go to bed so he fell asleep in the sofa at midnight and left tv and lights on everywhere til about 6am Why is it so hard for OH to make a bed time for him? I think I be the one making rules for Leo

 

[cowboys angel]

My SD is a very sweet very well behaved little girl...at our house.

Her mom has NO rules for her, lets her run wild, and treats her like shit. When we get SD, her attitude is awful. She talks back horribly, doesn't listen, sasses me.

I hate punishing her that first few days, cuz I know that's not who she is, it's her mother. Her mom is a class A bitch, and I think honestly she's not quite right......some of the things she says and does just aren't...as a mother myself, they don't make sense.

I hate punishing her, but if I don't give her a concequence, it doesn't stop. She treats my like shit the entire time we have her.

Usually, the longer she's hear, the better she behaves. And generally after the first 24 hours or so, she's acting like the little girl her daddy raised, who is yes, still a kid and still screws up sometimes, but we expect that. She's 7. No kid is perfect. But she starts being respectful, following the rules, and not sassing back at everything I say.

This weekend though, I don't know what the hell her problem is. I've asked her a few times if everything's okay, if anything happened at home, if there's anything she wants to talk about. She always says no and starts talking about school. I dunno.

I am sick and tired tho, of her being a pain in the ass this weekend. She's mouthing back, bossing me around, being sassy and talking back. I swear to god, one of these days, I will clip her across the mouth. MIL has said that she totally agrees with me, this child needs someone to put her back in her place one of these times, but her mother would instantly drag us to CPS and throw a fit.

No one jump on me cuz I advocate spanking and physical discipline. I do NOT beat children, and it is my right as a parent to parent as I choose. I don't jump anyone else cuz of their parenting.

Sorry to be defensive, the ladies in baby club always jump me and get after me for saying i spank and tell me my kids will be horrid people.

*and breathe*

 

[cowboys angel]

I feel bad cuz we haven't done anything 'fun' this weekend. Normally I take her to the park or to get ice cream or something.... But I refuse to reward her for bad behavior. We've played games, done stuff. She's not just locked in her room.

But she asked why we haven't done anything 'special' and I told her if she started being good like I know her daddy raised her and was respectful to me and treated me like the mommy of the house like she normally does, I might be willing to do something special. But when she's mean to me and bosses me around, no, that I don't wanna be super nice and do anything fun and special for a mean little girl that's not nice to me.

*sigh*

I just dunno.

 

[Inge]

But she asked why we haven't done anything 'special' and I told her if she started being good like I know her daddy raised her and was respectful to me and treated me like the mommy of the house like she normally does, I might be willing to do something special. But when she's mean to me and bosses me around, no, that I don't wanna be super nice and do anything fun and special for a mean little girl that's not nice to me.

*sigh*

I just dunno.

that sounds a good way to do it to me. SS knows we wont let him play his games if he misbehaves. We went to the garden centre today and he just spent the whole time hitting the displays and swearing Also I cooked a lovely meal yesterday and his mum called him home to give him 4 packs of microwave chips! I dont think micro chips are the best for a 9yr old to live on SS's mum doesnt disipline him either so when hes here and plays up he thinks he can get away with it. OH does give him a little slap on the back if hes very bad. He tried to push Leo into the road when we went to a busy city recently and OH flipped! Obviously ss's mum didnt mind him doing that when she was told

 

[cowboys angel]

I'm just...almost at my wits end this weekend.

It's not all her, we have a lot going on that has nothing to do with her and it's not her fault. I know I'm stressed and scared and worried.

GAH! Even as I type this she's arguing with me. I told her to find lunch. She said okay, and then as she looks, starts mouthing off and being a little ass......

*sigh*

I'm tired, stressed, scared, and pissed off (only the pissed off part is at her )

*sigh*

We've had her since Thursday night. Generally by Friday afternoon-evening she is behaving like she knows she's supposed to. It's now Saturday afternoon....she goes home tomorrow evening...

 

[Inge]

some kids really love to wind you up so she might just be in a mood like that and be enjoying being a pain? Is she doing it to her dad too or is it just you? SS is getting moody at Leo cos he keeps crying cos hes teething. Leo cant help it and he can hardly breath cos hes screaming that much
The lunch things is annoying with me. If I cooked a lovely homecooked meal then he gets given micro chips and noodle cups ( great diet for a little boy eh?) its not very nice to me. But his mum does spend his money from OH on beer and crisps and take aways so I can expect much can I?
OH has told me wer going to bring Leo up so differrently but Im worried that he'll see SS doing things and getting away with it and he'll wonder why its different rules
Im also holding off Leo having to share rooms as I know for a fact ss's mum will moan about them sharing, even though ss is only here 2/4 days a month
Your steppie is probably just looking for a reaction from you so just ignore her. Put some food out for her lunch and walk away and leave her to sulk

 

[cowboys angel]

She sometimes does it to my DH but she knows better. Even when she's being a pain, she knows better than to upset daddy. He'd never hurt her, but she just knows better.

She might be doing it on purpose I suppose.

I finally put some leftover spaghetti on the table and told her that was lunch and she gets no treats unless she eats it and starts being good.

So she ate it, and is now watching a movie.

She keeps going "Momma? Are you gonna tell daddy I was bad?" *insert scared face* Lol

 

[cowboys angel]

Well I finally had it out with her.

I told her I am sick and tired of her acting like some awful little kid that had no parents to teach her how to behave. That I know she can behave. She is a very sweet very kind very smart very loving little girl so I don't know what the deal is this weekend but I know she knows how to listen and how to behave and be good and I expect it to start if she doesn't want to be grounded for the rest of the weekend.

Her lip went out and I told her no pouting. She knows she was bad, don't pout at me for something she chose to do, now she can choose to be good or choose to be grounded.

She said 'sorry mommy, I'll be good, I promise." and kissed my cheek. Big improvement already!

 

[Inge]

aww SS is cuddled up on the sofa with Leo right now which is cute. He wants to put him to bed soon too. I need to work out as OH had apple pie and custard and I needed some

 

[cowboys angel]

Aww! And YUMMM!Can I have some?

 

[Inge]

I know! I smelt it in the oven and i needed some. Im on a diet and lost 14lbs so far but a little treat is ok

 

[cowboys angel]

Exactly! Mmmmm that sounds good... Gotta look around and see what kind of goodies I have...

 

[Lownthwaite]

whats up? Mines been ok apart form OH not telling him to go to bed so he fell asleep in the sofa at midnight and left tv and lights on everywhere til about 6am Why is it so hard for OH to make a bed time for him? I think I be the one making rules for Leo

DH never gives SS a time to go to bed

It's a weekly occurance for him to be up till he falls asleep on the sofa and then DH carries him up the stairs (he's 7 for gods sake!?) he has to go to the toilet and put pjs on and then get in bed - he does all this whilst trapesing around then moaning he's tierd and banging and running across the landing - his bedroom is next to LO's so there's a very high chance of him waking her up!

DH says SS is allowed to stay up on a saturday night as a treat cause we only have him once a week..........although we have had him friday and saturday night for the last 2 weeks - as it's easier for SS's mum!............yet we still had to pay the same child maintenance this month...........go figure!!?!!

 

[Inge]

yep, and ss gets grumpy and in a mood the next day cos hes tired aswell! Thing is his mum lets him do the same in the week too
how come its easier on his mum?
I cant cope when OH take Leo out for an hour or 2 without me, no way would I cope if he was gone a whole weekend Dont know how some mums can hand their kids over so easily when ever they like SS is never really at his mums, he goes to my OH's parents every day after school for feeding and stays out til 9 then goes home. Yet she still moans how hard it is looking after him? I look after Leo alone 12hrs a day when hes screaming with teething pains and I have no-one to pass him onto (not that id want to cos hes my baba, and its my responsibility)

 

[Lownthwaite]

yep, and ss gets grumpy and in a mood the next day cos hes tired aswell! Thing is his mum lets him do the same in the week too
how come its easier on his mum?
I cant cope when OH take Leo out for an hour or 2 without me, no way would I cope if he was gone a whole weekend Dont know how some mums can hand their kids over so easily when ever they like SS is never really at his mums, he goes to my OH's parents every day after school for feeding and stays out til 9 then goes home. Yet she still moans how hard it is looking after him? I look after Leo alone 12hrs a day when hes screaming with teething pains and I have no-one to pass him onto (not that id want to cos hes my baba, and its my responsibility)

Last weekend she was going to get her wedding dress fitted early on the saturday morning - she has a daughter too so would of had to take her with her / get someone to watch her so I don't see why she couldn't of kept SS until the saturday as usual and just dropped him off earlier or later?! Don't get me wrong - it's not that I didn't want to have SS - it's that we had to change our plans last minute, letting people down, to suit her so we could have him the friday evening!

This weekend we have had him friday too - ok, I can understand the reasoning behind this - it was his birthday this week so she called asking if DH wanted to have SS from friday evening to spend more time with him - she would only suggest it so that she can get him out of her hair so she can do something for herself! So I'm also washing school uniform for him for monday now along with all the other million things I have to do!

We've had to go to town and buy him new pairs of jeans today too as everytime we've sent him home in jeans for the last few weeks she's sent him back the following week in shorts?!! Today was freezing and raining!! I wouldn't mind but the amount DH pays in child maintenance it just annoys me that we still pay out a stupid amount for things every week when it should be covered in the amount of maintenance he pays!!!

Rant over!!

 

[TheNewMrs]

Oh Girls!!! I dunno what to do!

SS's mum is from the pits of hell I swear! I actually feel like walking away from my marriage, my SS and everything I've built my life around. Its just crazy right now.

SS is supposed to stay with us over night every second weekend, and then come to visit every Thursday from 6pm-9pm. So the weekends we don't have him, we make plans for ourselves. SSmum is ALWAYS changing the plans, we were supposed to have him last weekend so made plans for this weekend (my Dad's wedding is the 8th of Oct and we've made pre-wedding dinner arrangements) but SHE called on Friday and said SS was going to stay at his cousins this weekend instead. Which would be fine only we had a newlyweds conference we had registered for this weekend, off the next weekend now and my Dad's wedding is the following weekend when were supposed to have him now that shes changed the plans. And the worst part is that hubby is so afraid that she'll take SS out of his life again that he wont put his foot down, so effectively I am living my life to whatever SHE says? WTF? I feel like I am losing my husband, to this horrible woman!

Oh and we have our 12wk scan this Friday and I had invited a few close friends over on Friday evening for a dinner to announce our good news. Cant do that now because she doesnt want SS introduced to ANY of my family untill he's met ALL of hubbys family (who we barely speak to )

Am I just being a hormonal pregnant woman?
What would you do?
I feel like I am losing my mind....

 

[Lownthwaite]

Oh Girls!!! I dunno what to do!

SS's mum is from the pits of hell I swear! I actually feel like walking away from my marriage, my SS and everything I've built my life around. Its just crazy right now.

SS is supposed to stay with us over night every second weekend, and then come to visit every Thursday from 6pm-9pm. So the weekends we don't have him, we make plans for ourselves. SSmum is ALWAYS changing the plans, we were supposed to have him last weekend so made plans for this weekend (my Dad's wedding is the 8th of Oct and we've made pre-wedding dinner arrangements) but SHE called on Friday and said SS was going to stay at his cousins this weekend instead. Which would be fine only we had a newlyweds conference we had registered for this weekend, off the next weekend now and my Dad's wedding is the following weekend when were supposed to have him now that shes changed the plans. And the worst part is that hubby is so afraid that she'll take SS out of his life again that he wont put his foot down, so effectively I am living my life to whatever SHE says? WTF? I feel like I am losing my husband, to this horrible woman!

Oh and we have our 12wk scan this Friday and I had invited a few close friends over on Friday evening for a dinner to announce our good news. Cant do that now because she doesnt want SS introduced to ANY of my family untill he's met ALL of hubbys family (who we barely speak to )

Am I just being a hormonal pregnant woman?
What would you do?
I feel like I am losing my mind....

I really feel for you

I would make sure she isn't made aware of any plans you have - that way she can't ruin them by mixing up plans at the last minute.

If you are having friends over to celebrate your scan then I would still have them over. It is your house and your life and you can decide who is in it - not her!!

You can't put your life on hold or dance to her tune your entire life - who does she think she is?!?!

 

[TheNewMrs]

Oh Girls!!! I dunno what to do!

SS's mum is from the pits of hell I swear! I actually feel like walking away from my marriage, my SS and everything I've built my life around. Its just crazy right now.

SS is supposed to stay with us over night every second weekend, and then come to visit every Thursday from 6pm-9pm. So the weekends we don't have him, we make plans for ourselves. SSmum is ALWAYS changing the plans, we were supposed to have him last weekend so made plans for this weekend (my Dad's wedding is the 8th of Oct and we've made pre-wedding dinner arrangements) but SHE called on Friday and said SS was going to stay at his cousins this weekend instead. Which would be fine only we had a newlyweds conference we had registered for this weekend, off the next weekend now and my Dad's wedding is the following weekend when were supposed to have him now that shes changed the plans. And the worst part is that hubby is so afraid that she'll take SS out of his life again that he wont put his foot down, so effectively I am living my life to whatever SHE says? WTF? I feel like I am losing my husband, to this horrible woman!

Oh and we have our 12wk scan this Friday and I had invited a few close friends over on Friday evening for a dinner to announce our good news. Cant do that now because she doesnt want SS introduced to ANY of my family untill he's met ALL of hubbys family (who we barely speak to )

Am I just being a hormonal pregnant woman?
What would you do?
I feel like I am losing my mind....

I really feel for you

I would make sure she isn't made aware of any plans you have - that way she can't ruin them by mixing up plans at the last minute.

If you are having friends over to celebrate your scan then I would still have them over. It is your house and your life and you can decide who is in it - not her!!

You can't put your life on hold or dance to her tune your entire life - who does she think she is?!?!

See my SS is 8 years old and only since July has been a part of either mine our hubbys life since he was 18months. So his mum is saying that "its confusing enough for him without meeting all your friends and HER family (as in mine).

She didn't know what our plans were, but I'm sure she presumed that we had some since we hadnt got SS that weekend. Oh and she doesnt know yet that I am pregnant..

 

[Lownthwaite]

Oh Girls!!! I dunno what to do!

SS's mum is from the pits of hell I swear! I actually feel like walking away from my marriage, my SS and everything I've built my life around. Its just crazy right now.

SS is supposed to stay with us over night every second weekend, and then come to visit every Thursday from 6pm-9pm. So the weekends we don't have him, we make plans for ourselves. SSmum is ALWAYS changing the plans, we were supposed to have him last weekend so made plans for this weekend (my Dad's wedding is the 8th of Oct and we've made pre-wedding dinner arrangements) but SHE called on Friday and said SS was going to stay at his cousins this weekend instead. Which would be fine only we had a newlyweds conference we had registered for this weekend, off the next weekend now and my Dad's wedding is the following weekend when were supposed to have him now that shes changed the plans. And the worst part is that hubby is so afraid that she'll take SS out of his life again that he wont put his foot down, so effectively I am living my life to whatever SHE says? WTF? I feel like I am losing my husband, to this horrible woman!

Oh and we have our 12wk scan this Friday and I had invited a few close friends over on Friday evening for a dinner to announce our good news. Cant do that now because she doesnt want SS introduced to ANY of my family untill he's met ALL of hubbys family (who we barely speak to )

Am I just being a hormonal pregnant woman?
What would you do?
I feel like I am losing my mind....

I really feel for you

I would make sure she isn't made aware of any plans you have - that way she can't ruin them by mixing up plans at the last minute.

If you are having friends over to celebrate your scan then I would still have them over. It is your house and your life and you can decide who is in it - not her!!

You can't put your life on hold or dance to her tune your entire life - who does she think she is?!?!

See my SS is 8 years old and only since July has been a part of either mine our hubbys life since he was 18months. So his mum is saying that "its confusing enough for him without meeting all your friends and HER family (as in mine).

She didn't know what our plans were, but I'm sure she presumed that we had some since we hadnt got SS that weekend. Oh and she doesnt know yet that I am pregnant..

Oh god! Not good

Surely she can't expect you and your DH to put your lives on hold until she is happy for you to do something??!

Is she not easy to talk to?
She can't seriously expect you to not see any of your friends and family just cause you have SS there??

Have you thought about when you are going to tell her about the baby?

 

[TheNewMrs]

Oh Girls!!! I dunno what to do!

SS's mum is from the pits of hell I swear! I actually feel like walking away from my marriage, my SS and everything I've built my life around. Its just crazy right now.

SS is supposed to stay with us over night every second weekend, and then come to visit every Thursday from 6pm-9pm. So the weekends we don't have him, we make plans for ourselves. SSmum is ALWAYS changing the plans, we were supposed to have him last weekend so made plans for this weekend (my Dad's wedding is the 8th of Oct and we've made pre-wedding dinner arrangements) but SHE called on Friday and said SS was going to stay at his cousins this weekend instead. Which would be fine only we had a newlyweds conference we had registered for this weekend, off the next weekend now and my Dad's wedding is the following weekend when were supposed to have him now that shes changed the plans. And the worst part is that hubby is so afraid that she'll take SS out of his life again that he wont put his foot down, so effectively I am living my life to whatever SHE says? WTF? I feel like I am losing my husband, to this horrible woman!

Oh and we have our 12wk scan this Friday and I had invited a few close friends over on Friday evening for a dinner to announce our good news. Cant do that now because she doesnt want SS introduced to ANY of my family untill he's met ALL of hubbys family (who we barely speak to )

Am I just being a hormonal pregnant woman?
What would you do?
I feel like I am losing my mind....

I really feel for you

I would make sure she isn't made aware of any plans you have - that way she can't ruin them by mixing up plans at the last minute.

If you are having friends over to celebrate your scan then I would still have them over. It is your house and your life and you can decide who is in it - not her!!

You can't put your life on hold or dance to her tune your entire life - who does she think she is?!?!

See my SS is 8 years old and only since July has been a part of either mine our hubbys life since he was 18months. So his mum is saying that "its confusing enough for him without meeting all your friends and HER family (as in mine).

She didn't know what our plans were, but I'm sure she presumed that we had some since we hadnt got SS that weekend. Oh and she doesnt know yet that I am pregnant..

Oh god! Not good

Surely she can't expect you and your DH to put your lives on hold until she is happy for you to do something??!

Is she not easy to talk to?
She can't seriously expect you to not see any of your friends and family just cause you have SS there??

Have you thought about when you are going to tell her about the baby?

Yep she can and does expect us to put our lives on hold just for her to be happy and "ready" for what she wants. We were going to make the announcement on Friday after the 12 weeks scan once we see everything is ok with the baby. Now I don't know what to do. Hubby wont put his foot down at all. He just jumps to her tune and does whatever she says and it infuriates me!