step parents support thread

[Lownthwaite]

Oh Girls!!! I dunno what to do!

SS's mum is from the pits of hell I swear! I actually feel like walking away from my marriage, my SS and everything I've built my life around. Its just crazy right now.

SS is supposed to stay with us over night every second weekend, and then come to visit every Thursday from 6pm-9pm. So the weekends we don't have him, we make plans for ourselves. SSmum is ALWAYS changing the plans, we were supposed to have him last weekend so made plans for this weekend (my Dad's wedding is the 8th of Oct and we've made pre-wedding dinner arrangements) but SHE called on Friday and said SS was going to stay at his cousins this weekend instead. Which would be fine only we had a newlyweds conference we had registered for this weekend, off the next weekend now and my Dad's wedding is the following weekend when were supposed to have him now that shes changed the plans. And the worst part is that hubby is so afraid that she'll take SS out of his life again that he wont put his foot down, so effectively I am living my life to whatever SHE says? WTF? I feel like I am losing my husband, to this horrible woman!

Oh and we have our 12wk scan this Friday and I had invited a few close friends over on Friday evening for a dinner to announce our good news. Cant do that now because she doesnt want SS introduced to ANY of my family untill he's met ALL of hubbys family (who we barely speak to )

Am I just being a hormonal pregnant woman?
What would you do?
I feel like I am losing my mind....

I really feel for you

I would make sure she isn't made aware of any plans you have - that way she can't ruin them by mixing up plans at the last minute.

If you are having friends over to celebrate your scan then I would still have them over. It is your house and your life and you can decide who is in it - not her!!

You can't put your life on hold or dance to her tune your entire life - who does she think she is?!?!

See my SS is 8 years old and only since July has been a part of either mine our hubbys life since he was 18months. So his mum is saying that "its confusing enough for him without meeting all your friends and HER family (as in mine).

She didn't know what our plans were, but I'm sure she presumed that we had some since we hadnt got SS that weekend. Oh and she doesnt know yet that I am pregnant..

Oh god! Not good

Surely she can't expect you and your DH to put your lives on hold until she is happy for you to do something??!

Is she not easy to talk to?
She can't seriously expect you to not see any of your friends and family just cause you have SS there??

Have you thought about when you are going to tell her about the baby?

Yep she can and does expect us to put our lives on hold just for her to be happy and "ready" for what she wants. We were going to make the announcement on Friday after the 12 weeks scan once we see everything is ok with the baby. Now I don't know what to do. Hubby wont put his foot down at all. He just jumps to her tune and does whatever she says and it infuriates me!

I can understand it being hard when your DH is worried about her taking SS away from him but she can't be allowed to make your life miserable in the process! Have you spoken to hubby about how you feel?

 

[TheNewMrs]

I have indeed, and he says "it'll all settle down in time". I dont know how much "time" he expects me to give it. But I am slowly starting to wonder if I am willing to let her control my life this way. Would I be better off giving hubby a kick up the bum and making him put his foot down? How do I do that?

 

[cowboys angel]

BOO-YAH!

My DH was at court with the ex today, about her 'deciding' he didn't want his visitation and not bringing their daughter to us, and her not letting me take their daughter from her for our visitation after the judge ruled that anyone their daughter knew could pick her up and drop her off.

The judge basically told her to grow up and stop playing games, found her in contempt of court, and ordered that we get 2 thursday (6pm) to friday (6pm) visitations for the day and an hour she took from us.

The judge also told her to cut the crap, and if she doesn't allow ANYONE EVIE KNOWS to pick her up from her, or if she's late for a visitation, or if she refuses to hand her over again, she's being fined $500 and will spend 90 days in jail. The ex was told by the judge that she is playing games with their daughter, and that is not okay. It needs to stop.

The judge was PISSED.

 

[Lownthwaite]

I have indeed, and he says "it'll all settle down in time". I dont know how much "time" he expects me to give it. But I am slowly starting to wonder if I am willing to let her control my life this way. Would I be better off giving hubby a kick up the bum and making him put his foot down? How do I do that?

I guess that all depends on how much longer you think you could put up with it? Maybe he's right - maybe he's not - I don't know the individual people so I can't really give an insight.

 

[Lownthwaite]

BOO-YAH!

My DH was at court with the ex today, about her 'deciding' he didn't want his visitation and not bringing their daughter to us, and her not letting me take their daughter from her for our visitation after the judge ruled that anyone their daughter knew could pick her up and drop her off.

The judge basically told her to grow up and stop playing games, found her in contempt of court, and ordered that we get 2 thursday (6pm) to friday (6pm) visitations for the day and an hour she took from us.

The judge also told her to cut the crap, and if she doesn't allow ANYONE EVIE KNOWS to pick her up from her, or if she's late for a visitation, or if she refuses to hand her over again, she's being fined $500 and will spend 90 days in jail. The ex was told by the judge that she is playing games with their daughter, and that is not okay. It needs to stop.

The judge was PISSED.

That's great news!!!!!

 

[cowboys angel]

 

[TheNewMrs]

Thats fantastic news!

 

[cowboys angel]

Oops, 93 days,

And if that happens, we will get temporary custody while she's in jail automatically, and when the 93 days is almost up, will be filing for a temporary extension on custody so we can go in front of the judge and try to get permanent custody.

 

[lilbeanfolk]

Oops, 93 days,

And if that happens, we will get temporary custody while she's in jail automatically, and when the 93 days is almost up, will be filing for a temporary extension on custody so we can go in front of the judge and try to get permanent custody.

Wow, that is great news congrats!! Finally someone on your side doing something about the wacko!

 

[rjsmam]

i've been a bad thread participant & not posted in ages...

thenewmrs - how are things, any better? can understand your oh's trepidation but surely he needs to see how hard it is for you too... you are his family & therefore so the rest of your family should also be ss life if you ask me

cowboysangel - a shame it got to that stage huh but glad you got a judge with a great big dollop of common sense!!!

afm....... urg. ss mother turned up tonight to say they're moving hundreds of miles away. i left the room to let dh talk to her & it turns out she's moving because her new husband has kids down south who he never sees so she wants to move closer for her husbands sake. this will be ss 4th school (he's just started p6) and after the last move she promised she wouldn't move him again. the negative effects the moves had on ss were obvious, he finds it hard to make friends etc etc. they are constantly moving from one rented house to another and in and out of work. now i know that it's a sign of the times & not necessarily a bad thing - but couldn't they at least try to keep things stable for ss... grrr. i think he'd be better off with us full time and she sees him in the holidays etc buuuut we both know that'll never happen. she has already discussed the potential move with him and brainwashed/manipulated him into thinking its a good idea. am so frickin annoyed - selfishly we were just on a high about our pregnancy and now this...... dh is gonna try the citizens advice but i don't think there's much we can do but roll over & take it. usually we have him every wk end & our family won't be the same..... so we'll get to see him in holidays and have the added expense of flights



x

 

[cowboys angel]

Thanks everybody. We're feeling much better about the situation, though we wish it had never got to this point.

 

[Inge]

rjs -
wev been having a little hiccup here too. ss mum got the house number and has been phoning a hundred times a day to nag oh about pointless things - this is why oh didnt want her to have the house number
she had a go at oh cos ss has friends and spends his weekends out with them instead of here this time last year he never went out and just played xbox so its a good thing hes playing with other kids, right?
oh admitted he feels not as connected to ss as he does to Leo which is understandable as he was blocked from seeing ss when he was first born adn his mum made it hard for him , still does.
oh annoyed me by saying ss isnt to do with me who does his cooking? who does he ask for when he is here? ME Just because hes not my child doesnt mean I dont care about him, hes oh's son and Iv been here for 3 years so im bound to feel something! I understand oh doesnt feel as close to him as he does to Leo but its hard for me to see that.
ss really playing up recently, not just to us though and he just does not listen.. oh admitted hes really getting annoyed with it now. ss's jumps on the furniture, shouts in Leos face, if he pushes the pushchair and he gets bored he just pushes and lets go ( did this in a busy city centre a few weeks ago, posted here about it) Hes only 9 and going to get worse. His mum lets him hang around with much older boys who arent good to be around

 

[Inge]

just a rant from me ---
well....
yesterday was HELL no exxageration.... we had SS who we took to the supermarket. Big bad idea. Ramming the trolley around nearly breaking displays, nearly knocking inot people when he kept swinging the trolley around, OH getting annoyed and wanting to go home making me annoyed as we needed to do a shop Then SS kicked up a fuss at holding his bag of cookies when me and OH struggled with a pushchair and 4 heavy bags each. Then came to home time. Talking back being cheeky, so we ended up ignoring him. Jumnping on the sofas when Leo was sat on one, Wasting a litre of juice as "he didnt know he had to water it down, he has that juice everytime hes here and KNOWS to water it down firstOH went mad at the waste, SS mum lets him wste and do what he likes so he thinks its funny) then from 8:30pm OH was telling him to go to bed, and he didnt. Took til 11pm to get him to sleep! Then at 11pm his tv was on the highest volume and OH ahd to go up 3 times to tell him off and turn it all off.
I couldnt go in my own bedroom (got the flu and needed to rest) because when I did SS would come in and keep waking Leo up (pulling him and dragging him around his cot, poking at him) Leo's teething and has a cold so took from 6-8 to settle him. His bedtime is 7pm so this was fun I really dont look forwards to when they have to share rooms Apparently OH is going to tell SS mum but doubt it, as we have before and she doesnt care. Apparently its our fault he wont eat anything other then fish fingers and chips (this is the woman that made OH drive 40mins to pick up chips for SS from her house for dinner after a 12hr shift!) we always offer food but its all he wants Im really worrying that Leos gonna pick up on his behaviour
Ok... and breathe... im dreading friday actually which sounds so bad but when we got that much grief the last 2 days you cant blame me really

 

[Lownthwaite]

just a rant from me ---
well....
yesterday was HELL no exxageration.... we had SS who we took to the supermarket. Big bad idea. Ramming the trolley around nearly breaking displays, nearly knocking inot people when he kept swinging the trolley around, OH getting annoyed and wanting to go home making me annoyed as we needed to do a shop Then SS kicked up a fuss at holding his bag of cookies when me and OH struggled with a pushchair and 4 heavy bags each. Then came to home time. Talking back being cheeky, so we ended up ignoring him. Jumnping on the sofas when Leo was sat on one, Wasting a litre of juice as "he didnt know he had to water it down, he has that juice everytime hes here and KNOWS to water it down firstOH went mad at the waste, SS mum lets him wste and do what he likes so he thinks its funny) then from 8:30pm OH was telling him to go to bed, and he didnt. Took til 11pm to get him to sleep! Then at 11pm his tv was on the highest volume and OH ahd to go up 3 times to tell him off and turn it all off.
I couldnt go in my own bedroom (got the flu and needed to rest) because when I did SS would come in and keep waking Leo up (pulling him and dragging him around his cot, poking at him) Leo's teething and has a cold so took from 6-8 to settle him. His bedtime is 7pm so this was fun I really dont look forwards to when they have to share rooms Apparently OH is going to tell SS mum but doubt it, as we have before and she doesnt care. Apparently its our fault he wont eat anything other then fish fingers and chips (this is the woman that made OH drive 40mins to pick up chips for SS from her house for dinner after a 12hr shift!) we always offer food but its all he wants Im really worrying that Leos gonna pick up on his behaviour
Ok... and breathe... im dreading friday actually which sounds so bad but when we got that much grief the last 2 days you cant blame me really

That's awful sounds like you're having to deal with alot right now.

I hope this weekend is better

 

[cowboys angel]

Omg guess what guess what!?

 

[Inge]

im guessing but not sure if it will be right....

Spoiler

you have custody of your steppie?

 

[cowboys angel]

Ugh no, I wish. Lol. Next time it's our visitation though, I am going to go alone to pick her up. If her mom refuses to hand her over, the judge already warned her she was going straight to jail ASAP for 93 days and we will automatically get temporary custody, and then we will push for permanent.

But anyway.

My really excited all caps guess what that BnB decided not to post all caps rofl was cuz I will probably be meeting my eldest steppie in May!! Finally!!

God this is gonna be awkward lol

 

[Inge]

how come youv not been able to meet before?
SS's mum has told us shes brought Leo a massive multi pack of chocolate buttons for christmas He'll be 8mnths and hes on solids already but still.. I dont want someone else pumping my baby full of chocolate because she thinks its ok

 

[cowboys angel]

Hubby has not seen her in 10 years since her mom went all psycho and disappeared with her, and then tricked and blackmailed him into signing off his rights so her new husband could adopt her...which they never did lol. I found her on FB for him a year ago, cuz he was really down about not seeing her. They been talking since then, but she lives several states away, about 800 miles. I haven't even talked to her yet. I was kinda waiting for her to make that move. She is 17 and I don't really want it to seem like I'm trying to push my way into her life or anything, especially since I'm only a few years older.

Oh, and you should accept the chocolate and eat it yourself,

 

[Inge]

good plan on the chocs!
My mum didnt tell my dad about me til I was 10mnths then hasnt let him see me since. Im 20 now and just started emailing him. My mum has mental health problems which no one will help with (she has to ask for help, which is pointless) and has kept her kids to herself Hope shes happy to have her dad back in her life