step parents support thread

[netty]

everyone

sorry have not been round for a while.
On my sd front everything seems to be going ok - they have just been to disney land for a fortnight so been quite quiet but now my ex husband has decided to cause a few problems.

Basically he met someone else who has obviously had a problem with my 10 year old son and my ex has slowly reduced his contact time -this weekend they split up and apparently a lot of homw truths were said and now my son is not welcome in their house until he finds somewhere else to live

(he slept walked and wee'd in the corner of the room the weekend before)
my ds has not done that with me for months - apparently he witnessed a big arguement between them before he went to bed

he normally has him every other weekend so he has now text and said he will see him for a few hours for the day on sat and sunday.

My now husband is pee'd off cos it is affecting the weekend we have for us and alex and also my ex is not showing any responsiblity at all.

we are still cross with my ex as it was my ds birthday and he did not even buy him a birthday card

god men!!! they are are pee'ing me off -i am caught between a rock and a hard place and i dont like it. My ultimate responsibilty is for my son and his safety

 

[tallybee]

Oh dear to inge and netty. These people are not right in the head

Inge she shounds completely unhinged from all your posts I've seen. Some people never learn do they!

Netty, that must be horrible for your son. I'm not surprised he's having problems and doing weird behaviours if he's witnessing the fallout of a dysfunctional relationship between his father and some woman who makes him feel unwanted.

It's the fact that some 'parents' seem to just waltz off and forget their responsibilities Not even giving a birthday card is unforgivable IMO!
I know - well USED to know - someone just like that. As I have posted before, he has completely disappeared now.

All we can do is keep on doing the best we can - in the end hopefully all the children involved will make their own minds up as to who was a positive influence in their life growing up, and who was a waste of time.

xxx

 

[cowboys angel]

Well ladies....we called child protective services on the baby mama....

 

[Jen.Uh.Fur]

I was shown this thread by cowboys angel .

I guess I should start off by telling you my story. I started dating DH when SD was 2. At that time they had joint custody. SD's mother never really cared for her from that time, you could full on tell my the things she did. Then major things happened. She left drugs around SD, she wouldn't bathe her, brush her hair, etc. But the worst thing was she left SD with a pedophile to go have sex with her boyfriend in another room. THANK GOD he called DH for DH to go pick her up.

After that DH filed for full custody, and she only sees SD every other weekend. Which I still believe is too much. CAS uses all the stuff she did with SD in her case against her other child. She had a daughter with another guy almost 2 years ago. It got taken away and is in the process of being adopted. Plus the only real reason she takes SD on her weekends is because HER mom makes her. And HER mom only makes her because of her pride. We still have many issues where DH has to lecture them to take care of her. We've actually kept her from going there for lack of food. We've talked to CAS about it, and they said that since it's every other weekend at her moms, unless they do something really bad, she still has to go there.

SD is starting to notice weekly how they don't really want her there, and it just breaks my heart. She's started saying she doesn't want to go there, but she is only 7, so she doesn't have a choice. I really am counting down the days until her mom just has enough, or SD is old enough to pick.

 

[cowboys angel]

I was shown this thread by cowboys angel .

I guess I should start off by telling you my story. I started dating DH when SD was 2. At that time they had joint custody. SD's mother never really cared for her from that time, you could full on tell my the things she did. Then major things happened. She left drugs around SD, she wouldn't bathe her, brush her hair, etc. But the worst thing was she left SD with a pedophile to go have sex with her boyfriend in another room. THANK GOD he called DH for DH to go pick her up.

After that DH filed for full custody, and she only sees SD every other weekend. Which I still believe is too much. CAS uses all the stuff she did with SD in her case against her other child. She had a daughter with another guy almost 2 years ago. It got taken away and is in the process of being adopted. Plus the only real reason she takes SD on her weekends is because HER mom makes her. And HER mom only makes her because of her pride. We still have many issues where DH has to lecture them to take care of her. We've actually kept her from going there for lack of food. We've talked to CAS about it, and they said that since it's every other weekend at her moms, unless they do something really bad, she still has to go there.

SD is starting to notice weekly how they don't really want her there, and it just breaks my heart. She's started saying she doesn't want to go there, but she is only 7, so she doesn't have a choice. I really am counting down the days until her mom just has enough, or SD is old enough to pick.

Jennifer! Welcome to our thread!

 

[Lownthwaite]

Well ladies....we called child protective services on the baby mama....

What happened!??!

I hope you're all ok!!


Welcome to the thread Jen!

 

[cowboys angel]

Well ladies....we called child protective services on the baby mama....

What happened!??!

I hope you're all ok!!


Welcome to the thread Jen!

She beat the piss out of her boyfriend. We're concerned about Evie witnessing and/or if it happens again, and we're sure it will cuz she used to get physical with Terry, tho not to that extent, if Evie tries to stop it or the bf leaves and Evie says or does something to piss her off, what's going to stop her from backhanding Evie?

CPS said they are going to assign it immediately and investigate and if there's any sign of domestic violence, they're going to pull Evie while they investigate.

 

[Lownthwaite]

Well ladies....we called child protective services on the baby mama....

What happened!??!

I hope you're all ok!!


Welcome to the thread Jen!

She beat the piss out of her boyfriend. We're concerned about Evie witnessing and/or if it happens again, and we're sure it will cuz she used to get physical with Terry, tho not to that extent, if Evie tries to stop it or the bf leaves and Evie says or does something to piss her off, what's going to stop her from backhanding Evie?

CPS said they are going to assign it immediately and investigate and if there's any sign of domestic violence, they're going to pull Evie while they investigate.

My god that's awful - that poor little girl would of been so scared if she witnessed that!!!

You're right - from the sounds of things she could easily snap or Evie could get in the way?! Not a good environmet for a little girl to be in!

So will they place Evie with you and her dad when they investigate?

 

[cowboys angel]

Yeah, we have split custody.

 

[Inge]

hope it all goes ok x my mum was violent to me and my younger brother (still is to him) she has never had help for her mental health or violence even though CPS have said shes not right and shes been in trouble for hitting other women and children
No idea how things are now as shes cut me of and confinded my 15 yr old brother to his bedroom (no schooling or contact with friends) and iv not heard from CPS for months. So anything can happen and Il have noidea
I hate violence as a result and anything where children are concerned.. even smacking I dont like as its too much for me.

 

[tallybee]

Welcome to the group Jen! Your situation sounds tough. Why do people have to make our lives so complicated... it's a shame your SD is forced to go when she is against it. At What age does the court take the child's opinion into account where you are?

Cowboys angel, how horrible! Big hugs to you!

Sorry to hear about how violence affected you growing up too Inge, and what's happened with your brother

Well SSs were going to come over on Friday and stay over, but S decided he didn't want to at the last minute (when he found out that we didn't have plans to go out for the day or anything and were just going to be at the house). So that was a bit crap, J still came though, which was nice. He's almost as tall as DH!

Also, some of you might remember, waaaay back on this thread, me saying about bitch-face making J block me on FB because of her stupid bitterness.... well to cut a long story short, he is my FB friend again I know it sounds like a silly thing to get worked up about, but I found it incredibly annoying that she clearly thought I was offensive and/or dangerous to her sons on FB yet it was perfectly OK for them to come to my house etc

The little things in life that make us so happy!!

xx

 

[Jen.Uh.Fur]

tallybee : I believe it's 12, perhaps 11 depending on the judge. So we still have a bit of wait left.

As much as I love the mom role, and stepping up to do everything and fill her mom's void and everything, I would so much rather her mom be a normal mom. For SD's sake, I do really wish that.

 

[tallybee]

Jen, it's so frustrating watching a parent continually fail a child

Well done for stepping up and being there for your SD. It's a tough job and not everyone can manage it.

 

[Inge]

BM called last night and OH sounded quite down on the phone. Apparently shes not happy with her only getting £40 this month. Reason is she keeps asking for SS's money early "for food" then when she gets it later admits she brought video games and beer with it So hes already given her £100 this month so if she was smart she'd work it out and understand.
Then I asked OH when SS is coming up (OH doing overtime so cant pick him up friday) and BM says he doesnt want to come up this week Dont think its anything we did but im thinking it might be me. SS told his mum that I made OH a meal and he wanted it to but SS wasnt here when I made it and OH told me to make a seperate meal... so I think BM is pissed at me for "treating him differently" Im not a mind reading with a 20+ foot raidus so how am I supposed to know?
At least I feed him when he asks not like iv been told, that he asks for food and she waits an hour or til the end of her tv show to heat up a pasta pot or microwave meal for him
He keeps calling Leo "step brother" instead of half brother now just makes it sound like Leo isnt anything to do with him, hes asked OH if he's gonna have a real brother too and why he hasnt got one. Sometimes I wonder what his mum says about us I really do. I already know months ago she was bad mouthing us on facebook to her little friends (all think their tough and scary but their not and none of them really like her tbh) that we were liking our unborn baby more and if we showed more love to "that baby" shes gonna set her mates onto us... same women who told me the day I went into labour she would beat me up if I wasnt pregnant.. not suprising I went into labour that day eh?

 

[Inge]

still gets to me how 5 hours after I gave birth OH had to drive round to her house and have SS non stop for his whole paternity leave and hardly spent time with us really feel like I lost that peaceful time just the 3 of us. sorry if that sounds horrible to SS but its how I felt as a first time mum

 

[rjsmam]

Sorry for all the troubles you guys are having!
Wondered what your opinions are on facebook for kids? I’ve just received a friend request from ss… who is 10. I don’t want to accept for 2 reasons; his mother will just be logging in as him & snooping all over our pages, and I don’t believe facebook is suitable for a 10yr old. I’ve already told my 8yr old he can’t have a page and now he’ll want one too.

I’m already totally hacked off at ss’s mother – when dh told her we were expecting she didn’t even say congrats – just ‘oh we were gonna have one but thought it wasn’t fair on x to have such a big age gap’. Then dh had to talk to her about something after he’d shown ss the scan picture of his brother or sister – all she said was ‘x think it looks like an alien’ ….

Maybe it's just hormones but i want to thrust a rusty fork in her eyes...

 

[Inge]

Sorry for all the troubles you guys are having!
Wondered what your opinions are on facebook for kids? I’ve just received a friend request from ss… who is 10. I don’t want to accept for 2 reasons; his mother will just be logging in as him & snooping all over our pages, and I don’t believe facebook is suitable for a 10yr old. I’ve already told my 8yr old he can’t have a page and now he’ll want one too.

I’m already totally hacked off at ss’s mother – when dh told her we were expecting she didn’t even say congrats – just ‘oh we were gonna have one but thought it wasn’t fair on x to have such a big age gap’. Then dh had to talk to her about something after he’d shown ss the scan picture of his brother or sister – all she said was ‘x think it looks like an alien’ ….

Maybe it's just hormones but i want to thrust a rusty fork in her eyes...

ss is 9 and bm has made him a page but uses it to look at what OH is doing. Strange that she always knows what OH is up to and ss doesnt have the log in details of his FB page I dont think FB is suitable for kids really.
When BM found out we were expecting she sent me a nice facebook message that OH was gonna leave me and she cant wait for him to ruin my life like he has hers she left him as soon as she got pregnant and lied about being on the pill and OH is great, but the whole situation with her is hard on him atm

 

[rjsmam]

Sorry for all the troubles you guys are having!
Wondered what your opinions are on facebook for kids? I’ve just received a friend request from ss… who is 10. I don’t want to accept for 2 reasons; his mother will just be logging in as him & snooping all over our pages, and I don’t believe facebook is suitable for a 10yr old. I’ve already told my 8yr old he can’t have a page and now he’ll want one too.

I’m already totally hacked off at ss’s mother – when dh told her we were expecting she didn’t even say congrats – just ‘oh we were gonna have one but thought it wasn’t fair on x to have such a big age gap’. Then dh had to talk to her about something after he’d shown ss the scan picture of his brother or sister – all she said was ‘x think it looks like an alien’ ….

Maybe it's just hormones but i want to thrust a rusty fork in her eyes...

ss is 9 and bm has made him a page but uses it to look at what OH is doing. Strange that she always knows what OH is up to and ss doesnt have the log in details of his FB page I dont think FB is suitable for kids really.
When BM found out we were expecting she sent me a nice facebook message that OH was gonna leave me and she cant wait for him to ruin my life like he has hers she left him as soon as she got pregnant and lied about being on the pill and OH is great, but the whole situation with her is hard on him atm

wowsers what a piece of work she is!!! arg. i think it's just trouble. I'm not going to accept - but can feel a stormy time ahead as dh may not agree!




x

 

[cowboys angel]

I refuse to add anyone under the age of 13....and anyone younger than me is relatives or someone I've known a long time. I will never add BM or SD (til SD is of age and I (hopefully) know BM isn't using it to spy on us)

 

[tallybee]

Eek Inge I do really think that your OH needs to go on the CSA website, not necessarily to do payments through them but to work out exactly how much they calculate he should be paying each month - and set up a direct debit/standing order for that much and no more. That way she can't turn round and pretend she's had less, claim to be owed more etc etc. If he's just handing her cash when she demands it there's no record or comeback if she decides to play silly buggers and go to the CSA...

As for facebook, I think the age restriction they put on it (13) is there for a reason! My SS who is now 14 has had it since he was 12, and his mother did indeed use it to snoop about (Myself and DH were his friends on it), she caused a hell of a lot of trouble with it! (I believe I described some of the things she did in the last year or so, on this thread). Bloody nightmare.
Plus - I agree that FB is not for children! There are sites for kids to play games (club penguin, moshi monsters etc) ahich are suitable, and my son (7) enjoys it - when he's allowed, which is occasionally.
A couple we know have a son the same age and he has a FB He keeps popping up in the 'people you may know' bit... nup not adding a 7 yr old soz! But then these are the people whose family members have a profile for the dog, cat etc