step parents support thread

[HopefulKirsty]

Tell me about it! I love H as though she were my own, and it is sad to send her home. I always feel bad when shes at bitchfaces because I know her head is being messed with, but I would never say anything negative about bitchface to H.

 

[ladyjayne]

oooooo HIII!
Im sooo glad this thread has been made! Im a step mummy to a beautiful little girl emily whose 7 and my LO finn. I'm loving that theres somewhere where we can talk aout how we feel without being judged. Others just dont get it! If you say something negative its like your attacking your stepchild and that you dont love them, when if you say the same thing as the bio parent your just trying to help! Sorry just venting lol.

Anyway just to add that were taking emski on holiday for the first time this year to turkey (she calls it chicken land) and im soooo excited. Were lucky in that we get to have her all school hols so we get to take her abroad and then get to chill after too. Although is it just me or do you feel guilty doing things without your stepchild. I feel horribly guilty as for my LOs 2nd bday well be going to peppa pig world and emily cant come, she'll still be in school then and I cant afford to do the trip to manchester (200 miles away from here) twice to pick her up and bring her down and take her back again so she misses out on it.

ooo long mumbled post there but im tired and excited to have this section. Yay for step-mummys, your all wonderful people. x

 

[tallybee]

oooooo HIII!
Im sooo glad this thread has been made! Im a step mummy to a beautiful little girl emily whose 7 and my LO finn. I'm loving that theres somewhere where we can talk aout how we feel without being judged. Others just dont get it! If you say something negative its like your attacking your stepchild and that you dont love them, when if you say the same thing as the bio parent your just trying to help! Sorry just venting lol.

Anyway just to add that were taking emski on holiday for the first time this year to turkey (she calls it chicken land) and im soooo excited. Were lucky in that we get to have her all school hols so we get to take her abroad and then get to chill after too. Although is it just me or do you feel guilty doing things without your stepchild. I feel horribly guilty as for my LOs 2nd bday well be going to peppa pig world and emily cant come, she'll still be in school then and I cant afford to do the trip to manchester (200 miles away from here) twice to pick her up and bring her down and take her back again so she misses out on it.

ooo long mumbled post there but im tired and excited to have this section. Yay for step-mummys, your all wonderful people. x

Awww at chicken land, that is too cute

It's good that you guys can do nice things with your sd, I dream of a day when we can even see OH's boys, the stupid moo they live with is just too twisted. I often feel they should be with us on days out etc, but it hasn't happened in a long time. It's made difficult by the fact that we can't all fit in a car as well But of course we did and would again get around that given the chance!

It's so friggin stupid, we moved out to this place to be close to those boys and now we live out miles from OH's work, and don't even see them. Bitchface was on about moving them back to Ireland where she came from at one point! OH even agreed to it as he didn't want to be the bad guy But she's decided against it now, and the sep agreement they signed no longer has that permission.

Does anyone else find that with bitchfaces, they only see the kids dad/your family seeing the kids as free babysitting? Our bitchface doesn't see it as valuable in itself at all that the boys see OH or anything. They've only ever seen us when SHE needs them looked after. I mean yeah we are happy to have them anytime we can - but surely it should be VISITs rather than BABYSITs (and I Hate using the term babysit for ones own children - but that's exactly what she makes it to be!!!!!)

 

[pinkflamingo]

Tallybee that sounds tough on you all. When your OH signed his sep agreement was there not something in there about him getting access to the children? I suppose even if bitchface does just use you for babysitting in her eyes, then it as least a chance to spend time with the children.

Just wondering if anyone on here is step-mum to any teenage boys? and what your experience of them growing from a boy into a teenager was?

When DH and I got together SS was 7 years old, and given that he was being fed such poison from his mum he was distant from me for quite a while. I understood this and just handled things gently. He grew closer and would cuddle up on the sofa etc which was all good. Now he is getting older there is a distance creeping in and more of an attitude towards me emerging. I think that some of this is natural as he is 13, but I notice little things like he has started to mention his mum more whilst talking to his dad, but sneaking looks at me whilst he says it. Like 'my mum says you used to do blah blah blah' and 'my mum told about a time when you went *somewhere*'. I mentioned this to DH and told him to just be aware of it, as I'm not sure whether in SS mind he is saying these things to try and 'remove' me from the situation all of a sudden. He has never talked about when his mum and dad were together before, and even now he is not talking about when they were a family, but just about times that DH was going out with his mum. He is not asking questions about anything from that time, but just making short statements (which seem more for my benefit!!)

When I spoke to DH I did say that maybe SS has considered that we have been married for 2 years now and so a baby is not going to be a million miles off. We have bought a house which we are renovating and the smallest room is referred to as 'the nursery' by us and family. We talk openly to friends and family about wanting children etc, and have spoken to SS about this also when he has asked any questions, so we have not hidden anything from him at all. I wonder whether this recent behaviour is just his jealousy and insecurity coming out. I would understand this, but am open to advice on how to deal with it and stop it from becoming a really big issue.

DH and I have been ttc for some time and have recently gone through the loss of a baby. SS did not know about the pregnancy or any of the stuff we have gone through. I just worry that when we do announce a pregnancy that it will be a really tough time if SS continues this way. Like I say we have openly spoken to him about children and how great it will be for him to have brother and sisters, and this is met with 'well they won't be my real brothers and sisters anyway'. We have never excluded him in anyway when we speak about this, but I suppose to him the reality is that he will only see them once a fortnight and he also said 'i won't be coming over so often then anyway as i will want to see my friends and stuff'.

I know that it will be different when the first baby does come along and that i am worrying about stuff that is a long way off, but it does cause me concern. And at the mo I am rather dubious about the things that are coming from SS, and where these actually stem from. DH doesn't really pick up on much to be honest (typical man!) and isn't much of a hands on dad, so I often have to point things out to him or tell him that as a dad he should be doing this etc etc (never in front of SS I hasten to add, but we talk about things when he is in bed etc).

On that point, another thing I worry about (OMG I sound like a nervous wreck!!) is that when we do have kids, that SS will see DH being a completely diff dad to our kids than he was to him. SS had a VERY strict upbringing, much led by his mum but DH went along with it. As a result of this DH has a very formal relationship with SS, and when I saw Dh telling him off for the first ever time when he was 7, I was shocked by the adult way in which he spoke to him!! I don't want him to have that relationship with our children and we have talked about how we can do things differently. Will SS resent his dad for being one way with him and another with his other children?

Arghhhhhh!!!!!! I am off to have a cup of tea and then I will have no worries in the world!!!

Thanks if you have lasted til the end!!!!

xxxxx

 

[tallybee]

pinkflamingo

The sep agreement was more to do with the finances really... the bit about the children basically (as far as I know) says that access will happen to be agreed by both parties which doesn't really do much. There's nothing to stick to which means bitchface will just do whatever she wants... OH had been hoping that this sep agreement thing being over and done would pave the way for another chapter in which the animosity lessens. I have been having to repeat all the way through that bitchfaces are bitchfaces and never to be trusted..... but all we can do is try.

As I've said, bitchface won't cooperate, she trolls J's facebook and prevents OH's messages getting through, also J's mobile seems never to be on any more (possibly might not even exist any more for all we know) so it's tough but we do try to make sure those boys know our door is always open to them...

So yeah - not the best. J's coming up for 14, so he's at that age too... like I said before he never had a problem with me/us, neither did S, but the attitude reeking off their mother, with the sheer difficulty in even sorting out a visit is not helping one bit.

In my more ruthless moments I sincerely hope that Karma exists.



xx

 

[pinkflamingo]

Tallybee, it's so difficult to know whether the step-child actually has a problem with you or whether it is just the mum that is turning that child against you, isn't it? That's why I have told DH to just be on the alert for things that DS says so that we can monitor whether a problem is arising, or whether it was just a one off.

I hope you get access sorted very soon.

Hugs hun. xxx

 

[tallybee]

Tallybee, it's so difficult to know whether the step-child actually has a problem with you or whether it is just the mum that is turning that child against you, isn't it? That's why I have told DH to just be on the alert for things that DS says so that we can monitor whether a problem is arising, or whether it was just a one off.

I hope you get access sorted very soon.

Hugs hun. xxx

Yup... I have been blamed for all manner of crap. I wrote a poem and posted it on facebook once and bitchface saw it and phoned OH, hysterically screeching at him that J had seen this and asked what it was about (she'd clearly told him some crock of shit, it was a bloody poem ffs not aimed at anyone) and that I was evil blabla, fucking with her -yes HER childrens heads (they are only OH's kids as far as she's concerned when she's trying to fiddle more money, and never mind that she's the one with the agenda to fuck with their heads)

That's just a single example in the oceans of it. It's hard to imagine how kids could possibly get a balanced view with that tripe infesting them continuously......

I've told OH that he NEEDS to start fighting his corner re. access ASAP, in fact although I know he loves and misses his boys incredibly, it's almost as if part of him has given up hope, that all he can see is that in the future they will come to him realising that he never abandoned them it was their mother's dirty tricks....... I've pointed out to him that it took me until my late 20s to realise that my dad wasn't the sh!t I thought, that he was merely doing what he thought best at the time, he's now left with deep and bitter regrets

I can see it is becoming the case that everytime OH tries to see his boys and he gets knocked back in some way, it kills a little bit of his fight and resolve to keep going All I can do is keep supporting him but it's so damn tough!

I am aware that this thread has become taken over somewhat by issues relating to exes rather than stepkids! Sorry, my bad

Please don't anyone be put off!!

It's just that these issues can be so all-encompassing with some step families, and like we've said previously, those without experience of similar haven't a hope of getting their head round what it's like.

Thanks so much for being there, y'all!

 

[netty]

sorry have not been around for afew days - been busy trying to sort my business ideas out!!

It is unfortunate with most new relationships not on;y do you gain step children but also a bitchface with it

I know for a fact our bitchface and her mum (sd nan) slag us both off but also do things that they know will upset my 9 year old too such as buy things or take my sd where my sons wants to etc.
I am not sure if sd is asked what he asks for or if she tells them "to get one up"
I dont care if they pee me off but i dont like them bringing my innocent 9 year old into it all

sigh
Having one of those evenings

 

[tallybee]

sorry have not been around for afew days - been busy trying to sort my business ideas out!!

It is unfortunate with most new relationships not on;y do you gain step children but also a bitchface with it

I know for a fact our bitchface and her mum (sd nan) slag us both off but also do things that they know will upset my 9 year old too such as buy things or take my sd where my sons wants to etc.
I am not sure if sd is asked what he asks for or if she tells them "to get one up"
I dont care if they pee me off but i dont like them bringing my innocent 9 year old into it all

sigh
Having one of those evenings

Hi netty

Horrible Take solace in the fact that those people can only express themselves through buying stuff/spending money - which to me underlines their obvious deficiencies as decent people

Positive note from our end - OH has managed to arrange to see the boys a couple of weekends over the next month - bitching was going on in the background but at least it's organised! So looking forward to it! We're getting chickens v soon and the boys are so excited to see them

Also - following on from the sep agreement, the ball is properly rolling for OH's D! Solicitor submitted initial writ yesterday

xx

 

[netty]

Tallybee that is great news
Great to see your ticker too!!!!

 

[tallybee]

Tallybee that is great news
Great to see your ticker too!!!!

Yea the TTC is back! We are fully aware that our chances aren't great but will have fun trying

 

[netty]

I would love another baby but dont think funds will allow it!!

 

[tallybee]

Yeah netty we'd be stretching it in all honesty but we will find a way! I have no problem with using freecycle and charity shops... I managed on next to nothing with my 2 when they were babies and am willing to do whatever it takes as we are so ready for a baby together

xx

 

[pinkflamingo]

Tallybee that is great news about seeing the children. Hope it all goes to plan and that bitchface doesn't cause any issues. And good luck with the ttc.

We are back ttc this month too for the first time properly since we had a mmc in December. Hope we get our BFP's very soon.

xxxx

 

[tallybee]

pinkflamingo,

We deserve things to go how we would like them to for once!

All the best with the TTC xxxx

 

[netty]

will be cheering you both on!!!

 

[tallybee]

will be cheering you both on!!!

Thanks

How is everyone today?

xx

 

[Amber_Lynn822]

I'm good :] Planning my steppie's birthday, The guest list is around 60, and with just the basics (food, plates, basic decorations, holding it for free at the park) we've hit the $300 mark :/

She's turning ten and so far her gifts from hubby and me are as follows, jeans, two tops, a cell phone (with a TON of restrictions), and a boogie board
Can we say my husband is feeling guilty? lol

 

[Mellybelle]

Hey ladies, have been mia for a few days. Nice to see some fellow TTCers in here too. Beware, the bitchface will become a megabitch face when you dare have children!!!

We held a memorial service for our little girl we lost a few weeks ago. Had to wait a few weeks to get back results etc. Anyway, we had never told anyone we were pregnant as we wanted to wait until we were sure we were 'safe' due to our loss of our little boy last year. We told the kids after we lost Evie. It was hard for them to understand and probably very confusing to miss something you never knew existed.

Anyway, I wanted to share the heartfelt email from the megabitch.....
This is the email my husband sent to her.:
Hi *****
On Thursday 12th we are having a small service for our little baby girl who we recently lost during pregnancy. The service is at 4pm & I would like to pick up the boys from school & drop them back at your place at around 6ish. I have spoken to the boys & they would both like to come. Also if it is possible, I would like to swap weekends 20-21 & 27-28 May around. I know its late notice but something rather important has come up.
Can you let me know ASAP.

Thanks,

***.

This is the heartfelt response:
***,

Picking them up tomorrow is fine but I can't swap the weekends as we have plans.

*****.

Any other person would have said something along the lines of "sorry for your loss" or similar. Even if they dont care, most people still say something. To be honest, if she had said anything I wouldnt care either. I would think she was lying, she's not sorry at all. But the fact that she said nothing just shows what a total megabitch she really is. Especially as she knows we also had a loss last year.

 

[tallybee]

I'm good :] Planning my steppie's birthday, The guest list is around 60, and with just the basics (food, plates, basic decorations, holding it for free at the park) we've hit the $300 mark :/

She's turning ten and so far her gifts from hubby and me are as follows, jeans, two tops, a cell phone (with a TON of restrictions), and a boogie board
Can we say my husband is feeling guilty? lol

Ooooh exciting! You guys are brave catering for so many, I bet she'll love it though! I hope you get a gorgeous day for it

Now that OH has arranged to see his boys hopefully we can feature in their birthday plans too. Their b-days are within 4 days of each other next month! So doing a joint thing would probs make sense.

xx