Summer Lovin'...bring us some babies!

[misaacs117]

Dh is actully really concerned it might be cancer. He did 2 tours in Iraq and due to the burn fields he could have all kinds of nasty stuff. But he is very hard to get to do anything he doesn't want to do. Guess it's the military in him or something. Like take dipping or chewing tobacco. I tried to explain to him it's not good and lower his count and he still won't cut back. He just blows me off. And vitamins...he sucks at remembering to take them. It is almost like he has wool over his face about ttc. He thinks it's just going to happen naturally for us but it's not going to. I have endo and I believe pcos and he has low count. So this spending money on ttc has even a battle for sure. He says he wants one badly but when we do a cycle he gets so on edge and negative. So that effects me for sure. I will ask my RE about clomid for dh though. I heard it helps. And sorry for this long post. It's just something we have been battling.

 

[misaacs117]

Well it's cd1

 

[sarahok]

Awe...sorry Michelle

 

[floridasian]

Sorry Michelle that AF got you. And yes men can be such big babies. I think taking a more proactive measure in the name of ttc is like making them admit that there is a problem which really hurts their manhood!

 

[JCM]

Exactly what floridasian said! Ugh! Sorry about AF! If my bloodwork is negative tomorrow I will be on your same cycle!

 

[minuet]

Dh is actully really concerned it might be cancer. He did 2 tours in Iraq and due to the burn fields he could have all kinds of nasty stuff. But he is very hard to get to do anything he doesn't want to do. Guess it's the military in him or something. Like take dipping or chewing tobacco. I tried to explain to him it's not good and lower his count and he still won't cut back. He just blows me off. And vitamins...he sucks at remembering to take them. It is almost like he has wool over his face about ttc. He thinks it's just going to happen naturally for us but it's not going to. I have endo and I believe pcos and he has low count. So this spending money on ttc has even a battle for sure. He says he wants one badly but when we do a cycle he gets so on edge and negative. So that effects me for sure. I will ask my RE about clomid for dh though. I heard it helps. And sorry for this long post. It's just something we have been battling.

I am so sorry, that is a very rough thing to go through. We've been dealing with infertility for 4 1/2 yrs, so I understand how discouraging it can be.
If your hubby ever goes for a yearly physical - its hard to drag them even to that! - you could get the doctor to check for cancer markers in his blood as part of the routine blood work. If its testicular cancer you can check for that yourself - you can google the one and really only symptom of that for further details.
Does he listen to doctors at all? He might be more willing to believe it if a doctor/ urologist/specialist were to tell him what is harming the count.
As for vitamins - haha, husbands must be as bad as kids at taking vitamins. Mine is willing, sort of, but only when IM the one doing the remembering. So as of now, I get all the vitamins, plop them down in front of him with water, and don't move until they are all swallowed.
That might work for you - you will just have to take the initiative upon yourself to give them to him every day like a kid. But at least he'd be taking them.
Ugh. It is a hard road as it is without your husband being negative or not doing all he can. Maybe he needs another heart-to-heart talk about how that affects you? Loving husbands sometimes need a reminder of how you are feeling.
Anyway, hope I helped you in some way. Feel free to disregard my views on any and everything, they are just my two cents.

 

[misaacs117]

Thanks floridasian, JCM, and minuet. He is ridiculous about his vitamins. I bought a pill container that has an am and pm. I stock it evey week and he still can't take them! Then when I start a new cycle he stops taking them. And I tell him to keep taking so they work but nothing. And he does listen to doctors but after a few months he dies off. And he hates spending money on IUI and meds because he says there is no garantee of it working. I also get the sense he believes it's all me. I'm the reason it hasn't worked. But I'm not the only one with issues. He has them too. He's never said that but I kind of feel it. That's also why we took a break from treatment because to me it wasn't worth fighting almost everyday about it. Can't deal with that stress. Plus, I wanted to go on vacation. But I am planning on talking with him about how I am doing everything I can. He needs to do the same! I want someone on my side, in my corner!

 

[Suzy18]

Sorry Michelle...
Completely agree with Floridasian!

I hope you don't mind me hanging around and lurking.

 

[minuet]

Thanks floridasian, JCM, and minuet. He is ridiculous about his vitamins. I bought a pill container that has an am and pm. I stock it evey week and he still can't take them! Then when I start a new cycle he stops taking them. And I tell him to keep taking so they work but nothing. And he does listen to doctors but after a few months he dies off. And he hates spending money on IUI and meds because he says there is no garantee of it working. I also get the sense he believes it's all me. I'm the reason it hasn't worked. But I'm not the only one with issues. He has them too. He's never said that but I kind of feel it. That's also why we took a break from treatment because to me it wasn't worth fighting almost everyday about it. Can't deal with that stress. Plus, I wanted to go on vacation. But I am planning on talking with him about how I am doing everything I can. He needs to do the same! I want someone on my side, in my corner!

Uhh he needs a huge reality check. 4 million swimmers is abnormally low. He has more issues right now than you! Someone needs to slap him upside the head with accurate figures on what his count should be.
20 million is the low side of normal. If he is stressed or something about low count maybe he is trying to hide that by blaming it all on you, but that's hardly fair.

 

[beaglemom]

Michelle - one of my biggest fears about getting tested was the blame game. I was lucky that didn't happen to us. I actually think my husband blames himself a lot. I never blame him, though. I am angry at our situation...not him. It is so important that you 2 not get in to fights about the process. I know it is so stressful. But he needs to understand how you are feeling & realize the hurt he causes. He should want to quit the tobacco for the sake of the future children & his own health. My husband wants to start working out so he is healthier for his kids & he also doesn't want to feel out of shape running around after them. But none of that processes right now. Maybe it is that whole thing about men not being fathers until the baby is born. I talked to him the other day about his dad. His dad is in a wheelchair & partially paralyzed. He is in a great facility but he refuses to let people help him. So he ends up wearing dirty cloths & not bathing as much as he should. So I told my husband this really concerns me. I want my child to be loved by as many people as possible. But his dad has to start taking better care of himself. I cannot let some dirty smelly person hold my child. My husband also has to be begged to do everything. Like my dog is all itchy. He is off 4 days this week. So last night I said did you call the vet? Nope. Well I can't take him. I am using all my time towards doctor visits. I still have to remember everything. It makes me wonder how things will be when a baby comes.

Well I think I may have gotten all off track...I really hope you guys can talk this through & he can realize how his actions are impacting your goals.

 

[sarahok]

Good luck with your blood work today Jen!

Michelle, I'm sorry. I think you're right about the fact that men tend to have the attitude that if you try long enough it will just happen. They tend to wear the rose colored glasses. My rose colored glasses got ripped off at my first re appt when he told me (despite me being 29 and nothing diagnosably wrong w either of us) based on our history we only have a 2% chance of conceiving naturally each month. Well, shit...let's start the treatments!!!

Infertility comes with a lot of shame. For women I think we experience it more as sadness and frustration. But I think men experience it as a feeling of inadequacy. As others have said, a threat to their manhood. Even though we've (mostly) moved past a society where the males job is to spread their seed as much as possible, tens of thousands of years of evolution have shaped our psychology so it feels (sometimes subconsciously) to men if they can't make a baby, they are not functional men.

 

[misaacs117]

Thank you all so much! I wish I would have said something sooner! I just hate having that conversation about it too. Which is my problem that I need to get over. I just want to hit him and say I'm doing everything what the hell are you doing?! Which totally translates through my tone and attitude when we talk. I plan on talking with him about it today. Hope it goes well and no arguing! I

 

[JCM]

Thanks Sarah! I'm literally sitting by the phone waiting. The good news is, we should be able to move right into ivf without missing a cycle if we need to! For some reason I don't have a positive feeling today but I think maybe that's me trying to prepare for bad news. Funny how we do that. Suzy thought she was out and there's proof in writing! Lol Suzy you should stick around and hang with us!

Michelle, clomid worked great with DH. He was already seeing a urologist because he had the vasectomy reversal done by him. He's also over 40 so he gets prostate exams...colonoscopy procedures...all types go fun stuff! He may feel better going to a urologist rather than the "fertility guy". Maybe give him that option?

 

[floridasian]

Keeping my fingers crossed for you, Jen!!

 

[floridasian]

Stick around Suzy! We love having you here!

 

[sarahok]

Still nothing, Jen?

Yes stick around Suzy! Speaking of success stories...Savvy...if you're lurking you should let us know how your pregnancy is coming along. Hope you're doing great!

 

[JCM]

I just got my call. Negative. I had a long cry and I feel better. Ivf here I come!

 

[misaacs117]

Awe Jen I'm sorry! I had a super long cry last night too! Feel better today!

 

[sarahok]

Aww...sorry sweet girl! Well give yourself a little time to be sad if you need it then just think....you're about to have a cycle with 60% odds of making a baby!!!

 

[JCM]

Such a crazy roller coaster this cycle. I was nervous for ivf but I think I can handle it after this crappy month! Now I wish AF would just start already.