Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014

[Inky2006]

Hello everyone!

I hope you all as good as can be expected. I just want to say i'm sorry for everyone's heartache and am continuing to pray for all of us and fingers crossed for our happy ending.

My plan is to continue with my further two nhs cycles. Sadly if they don't work I really don't think we will be in a position to pay for another privately. Its a bit of a catch 22 as if we paid for another and it worked it would be worth every penny 100 times over. But if it didn't we would have no money left to get married which would really hinder our chances of adopting. Although I want my own child so so much I ultimately want to be a mum through any means possible and would be happy to adopt. I think as I work with children and have fostered, i've been able to build up really close relationships with children which arn't my own and know that any child adopted would feel like my baby. I also think that if we adopted I would feel like the failed IVFs were for a reason as it lead me to my adopted child which by that point would feel like the best thing that ever happened to me. Its hard to explain properly what I mean as its all bottled up but makes sense to me! Hope people understand what i'm trying to say.

The drugs and failed attempt are really hitting me badly at the moment. I had my first zolodex injection on friday and have cried most of weekend since. Its hard as my family live away, think thats making it worse. Even though I always always said I would do no matter what to have a baby I wonder how long I can keep putting myself physically and mentally through this without cracking. I have known I had fertility problems for 5 1/2 years and am suprised how we all keep going sometimes.

Sorry for the really long post, think I needed to pour some of it out! I know there are people here who have gone through much harder times than these and hope I don't sound too selfish.

I'm glad I found this group, it helps so much. Much love to all of you amazing ladies, Lolly xxxxxxxx

Oh lolly sorry to hear you are feeling down. You aren't selfish. Its helps to write it all down. I know it helps me. Just know you aren't alone. I just keep repeating the mantra that I will get there in the endxx

Inksxxxxxxxxx

 

[Tory123]

Hi Girls

I have had a really bad day today. Naively I thought I had turned a corner and wouldn't cry anymore and would be more positive. No it has hit me today think it might of been my uncle has just had a baby which I am really pleased about. He has named the baby after my dead grandad which I think is lovely. It just makes me think of how proud of this my grandad would be but I can't do this for us at the moment.

Sorry to bring the thread down beat what . Especially with my 4 year plan and reading everyone elses.

Take care

Tory xx

 

[silarose28]

Hi everyone

Inky - good luck for your appointment tomorrow.

Helen - my fiend just got pregnant on her 3rd go so there is defo hope. I've tried agnus castus before - think it did help my luteal phase a bit (it was only 6 days!)

Lolly - don't feel bad for sharing. 5 1/2 years is a long time to keep strong and go through all of this! You're doing really well believe me!

Tory - there is nothing like a new baby to hammer home how much we would love to have little ones of our own. Myself - I find it very hard to enjoy my friends' children at the mo and I hate it! It's self-preservation not to be around new mums talking baby talk constantly. Makes me feel so isolated that I can't join in. i so hope that I will be able to 1 day.

I keep having thoughts that IVF won't work twice in a row - I so hope my BFP wasn't my last!!! Fx'd and I will be starting again as soon as af arrives - I'm 37 so there can be no wait for me. I'm dreading OTD more that anything - can't bear the thought of another BFN!!

Here's hoping that we all get some good luck next time round xxxxxx

 

[MySillyGirls]

After my last failed IVF, we have decided to definitely give it one more go. I'll start stims in a few weeks. This will be it though. The last chance! If it does not work, we may adopt again. I can't believe I am now 38. UGH!! When did this happen??

Lolly, you are right! Adoption is amazing and is a wonderful wonderful option. We adopted my 6 year old daughter at the age of 13 mos and she couldn't be more my baby. I also have an 8 year old bio daughter and they are both equally precious to me.

We initially stepped into ivf because our insurance would pay for one and a half cycles. So, we will fund this second cycle partially ourselves. But, after that, I also can't privately pay for another and also have the funds to adopt.

Good luck to all!!

 

[Helen76]

Hello everyone.

I can't get on to post much at the minute but just wanted to reinforce that Lolly and whoever shouldn't feel bad about posting anything,, no matter how long.

Thanks for kind words Silarose, here's hoping!

Big, Big Hugs Tory. Going to post this message in two parts as my phone is crap.

 

[Helen76]

2nd part. Also good luck to Inky for your appointment and My Silly Girls for starting stimms.

I meant to say in first post that I have everything crossed for you Silarose and will be rooting for you all the way, as I am with all you lovely ladies


H xx .

 

[Helen76]

I'm such a div! I came on here to post something and got distracted by the other posts.

What I wanted to say is that Lolly, that is such a young age to discover you have fertility problems. Most of us were in blissful ignorance when we were your age.

I also think you're doing the right thing by getting married, I'm sure you'll have the most fantastic day. You also have a really healthy attitude about adoption. I think you're an inspiration!

H x
x

 

[MissMonty]

Hey ladies - sending you all massive hugs

Tory - I know how you feel, I often have bad days that seem to last for ever at the mo, just as I'm starting to feeling more positive something slaps me in the face!

We've kind of go a plan for the coming year, we're waiting for our immunology level 1 tests to come back then we think we'll also have the level 2 tests, we're planning a holiday for March 2011 and plan to start our next fresh ICSI cycle April/May time all being well, as this will be our second self funded cycle we are going to see how we feel about further cycles in the future. DH and I did say by the end of 2011 we will make a choice if to continue or not, we love the idea of adopting, and have discussed adopting even if IVF works for us.

 

[Inky2006]

Hi guys

Tory - Its very difficult when someone close in the family has a baby. You haven't brought the thread down at all. At the moment I think you probably still feel quite raw - a feeling I can relate to.

Sila - good luck on your next cycle. Really gunning for you.

MySillyGirls - I am so sorry your cycle didn't work. I hope this next cycle works for you. Thank you for writing about adoption. I, like Lolly have considered this and have made a decision that I will adopt if the next two cycles of IVF do not work. I think it is a wonderful thing to do. I can imagine loving a child as my own. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Lolly - keep going. Hope you are okay. Also think what you said about adoption was wonderful. However, I think IVF will work for you.

Helen - Hope you are okay - thanks for your supportx


I saw the nurse today at the clinic. Just an update. I start FET in January on a natural cycle. It will be towards the end of Jan as this is when Jan cycle starts. The reason I can't have it earlier is that the clinic closes for 2 weeks over christmas and Jan (to deep clean the lab - hopefully they won't deep clean my embies away!!!) Anyway, I am pleased because a natural cycle means I don't have any meds to control it. Although, techinically that is a lie because I do have to do an Ovitrelle injection and cyclogest suppositories. The downside to FET is that you cannot always guaranttee a thaw, so although I have 5 frozen embies, there is only 60 - 70 % thaw rate at my clinic. We'll have to wait and see. I am not totally positive it will work but am trying so so hard to remain positive. Anyway, at least means I can enjoy christmas and new year and can drink lots of alcohol!!!!xxx

 

[MySillyGirls]

Hey ladies - sending you all massive hugs

Tory - I know how you feel, I often have bad days that seem to last for ever at the mo, just as I'm starting to feeling more positive something slaps me in the face!

We've kind of go a plan for the coming year, we're waiting for our immunology level 1 tests to come back then we think we'll also have the level 2 tests, we're planning a holiday for March 2011 and plan to start our next fresh ICSI cycle April/May time all being well, as this will be our second self funded cycle we are going to see how we feel about further cycles in the future. DH and I did say by the end of 2011 we will make a choice if to continue or not, we love the idea of adopting, and have discussed adopting even if IVF works for us.

Miss Monty, the funny thing about our adoption is that we didn't know we had fertility problems at the time (and, I guess we probably didn't). We had had a bio daughter and thought, let's add to our fam through adoption. We were just in love with the idea. Fast forward 5 years and we thought, let's try to get pregnant again (choosing this due to the costs of adoption) and, guess what, I have diminished ovarian reserve and dh has low count and motility. So, we thought, ok, since insurance will pay for it, let's try fertility treatments. After an IUI (post wash count for dh below 5mm) and a failed IVF, I am sitting back stunned. It never ever occurred to me that this would be difficult for us. So, we will be partially self pay on this second cycle which will cost us around 8k. Part of me thinks we shouldn't do it as 8k would go a long way with adoption. But, the other part of me is convinced that this is what we need to do and we are too far in to stop now. LOL!! Prior to starting the ivf, we actually paid the initial fees to start adoption again from either China or Russia.

Here's the thing, though. Our ivf doc did say we have an "escape hatch." If we see I am not stimming well (my first cycle I didn't), we may bail and go to iui before the retrieval. This time, our cycle will be a week of lupron then follistim and repronex. I hope this new protocal is better than last time.

I am glad this thread is here. I could use the insights of you fabulous ladies Hugs to each of you! Btw, I have attached a pic of my little one when we first adopted her..just a bit of positivity of for those of you contemplating that in your mind.

 

[Inky2006]

Hi Missmonty
Just saw you had written - did not want to leave you out. I think I can relate to alot of what you say. I hope it works for you in the new year. I think its good that you have booked a holiday before the next treatment starts. I think I need to follow your example and go on holiday soon alsoxxxx

 

[MissMonty]

Miss Monty, the funny thing about our adoption is that we didn't know we had fertility problems at the time (and, I guess we probably didn't). We had had a bio daughter and thought, let's add to our fam through adoption. We were just in love with the idea. Fast forward 5 years and we thought, let's try to get pregnant again (choosing this due to the costs of adoption) and, guess what, I have diminished ovarian reserve and dh has low count and motility. So, we thought, ok, since insurance will pay for it, let's try fertility treatments. After an IUI (post wash count for dh below 5mm) and a failed IVF, I am sitting back stunned. It never ever occurred to me that this would be difficult for us. So, we will be partially self pay on this second cycle which will cost us around 8k. Part of me thinks we shouldn't do it as 8k would go a long way with adoption. But, the other part of me is convinced that this is what we need to do and we are too far in to stop now. LOL!! Prior to starting the ivf, we actually paid the initial fees to start adoption again from either China or Russia.

Here's the thing, though. Our ivf doc did say we have an "escape hatch." If we see I am not stimming well (my first cycle I didn't), we may bail and go to iui before the retrieval. This time, our cycle will be a week of lupron then follistim and repronex. I hope this new protocal is better than last time.

I am glad this thread is here. I could use the insights of you fabulous ladies Hugs to each of you! Btw, I have attached a pic of my little one when we first adopted her..just a bit of positivity of for those of you contemplating that in your mind.

Hi MySillyGirls -the picture of your daughter is adorable she looks so happy. DH and I always talk about how wonderful it would be to adopt, we talk about the excitment we hope to see on their little faces when they see their room for the first time and when we take them to the park to feed the ducks, just little things really. I think adoption is such a selfless act but I know it can be a difficult and timely process. It's something we are seriously thinking about - thanks for sharing your story xx

 

[MissMonty]

I saw the nurse today at the clinic. Just an update. I start FET in January on a natural cycle. It will be towards the end of Jan as this is when Jan cycle starts. The reason I can't have it earlier is that the clinic closes for 2 weeks over christmas and Jan (to deep clean the lab - hopefully they won't deep clean my embies away!!!) Anyway, I am pleased because a natural cycle means I don't have any meds to control it. Although, techinically that is a lie because I do have to do an Ovitrelle injection and cyclogest suppositories. The downside to FET is that you cannot always guaranttee a thaw, so although I have 5 frozen embies, there is only 60 - 70 % thaw rate at my clinic. We'll have to wait and see. I am not totally positive it will work but am trying so so hard to remain positive. Anyway, at least means I can enjoy christmas and new year and can drink lots of alcohol!!!!xxx

Hi Inky - great to see your appointment went well and you can start again in the New Year. I'm sure your little embies will be safe and sound during the deep clean. We only had one frozen embie after our first ISCI cycle, I was shocked and amazed when they phoned the morning of the transfer to let me know it had survived the thaw x

 

[Inky2006]

Hi Miss Monty

By the way I agree with you about 'MySillyGirls' daughter she is georgous. It lifts the spirit thinking there are other options. I like you ,may adopt even if IVF does work - because feel it is a wonderful thing to do. My hairdresser was adopted. She is only 22, she said for her it was like winning the lottery. She has never felt the desire to find her real mother. (I think her real parents were drug abusers) Anyway, thank you for your words. Did you have a natural cycle of FET also. Its abit of an unknown to me. That is amazing that the one embie survived the thaw. Although they say it only takes one. having not experienced it yet interested to know what your experience was. (I note you still have one more frozen too) I'm also really interested to see what your results are from immunity testing. Its not something I have had to go through yet but may have to, so am learning from you (sorry you have to go through it at all )xxxxxx

Hope everyone else is okay. Anyway, I better get off babyandbump got to go to my French class soon (although would rather stay in, in the warm)xxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hello Everyone

I want to thank you all for your kind words, some of the posts made me well up! It means so much, and all the positivity has made me feel much stronger again.

Tori - Thanks for starting the 4 year plan! Its good to hear everyones experiences and makes you realise that no matter how hard times are, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you are feeling stronger.

Silarose - You can get your BFP twice! I hope your cycle goes really well and have everything crossed for you!

MySillyGirls - Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your daughter is gorgeous! All your fertility problems must have been a bit out of the blue after having your children. After a successful natural pregnancy I really do feel positive that this next cycle of IVF will work for you. I can only imagine how precious your children must be during this difficult time.

Helen - I'm so glad you are doing so well. I hope you continue to make positive steps, and that actually makes you the inspiration!

MissMonty - I think you do right by setting yourself a target, and by the end of 2011 you will be much clearer of your next steps. A holiday is a great plan. We went away after our failed cycle and it was honestly the best thing we could have done.

Inky - I'm sure your little embies will be little fighters! Its great that you have 5 snow babies. I think a good christmas is just what you need before it kicks off again in January! Enjoy the alcohol while you still can! I've heard very postive stories about FET, a lot due to the reduced drug intake. I really am praying that the founder of this thread can soon be a big success story!

I am feeling what I can only discribe as more stable at the moment. I think this is due to many factors, a big one being you guys! But also my mum is up for christmas next week and I can't wait for time off with my family. And I think the initial surge of hormones from the injection is starting to settle down, just the hot flushes to look forward to now!! Happy days!

Sending everyone but hugs and positive vibes,

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[MissMonty]

Hi Miss Monty

By the way I agree with you about 'MySillyGirls' daughter she is georgous. It lifts the spirit thinking there are other options. I like you ,may adopt even if IVF does work - because feel it is a wonderful thing to do. My hairdresser was adopted. She is only 22, she said for her it was like winning the lottery. She has never felt the desire to find her real mother. (I think her real parents were drug abusers) Anyway, thank you for your words. Did you have a natural cycle of FET also. Its abit of an unknown to me. That is amazing that the one embie survived the thaw. Although they say it only takes one. having not experienced it yet interested to know what your experience was. (I note you still have one more frozen too) I'm also really interested to see what your results are from immunity testing. Its not something I have had to go through yet but may have to, so am learning from you (sorry you have to go through it at all )xxxxxx

Hope everyone else is okay. Anyway, I better get off babyandbump got to go to my French class soon (although would rather stay in, in the warm)xxxx

Hey Inky - I hope you enjoyed your French class

I had a medicated frozen transfer, I only had one embie left to freeze after my 1st fresh cycle. I started progynova tablets 3 times per day on cycle day 1, CD9 I had my only scan, CD13 started pressies and CD15 had embryo cycle, physically it was less stressful and much quicker than a whole fresh cycle. I've got one frozen embie left from my second fresh cycle. I don't seem to get many embies but they are all good quality and that's why we have been advised to have immunology tests, get the results in January and will let you all know the outcome.

Lolly - its great to hear you're feeling a little better and you've got spending time with your family to look forward to

I hope everyone else is well - sending you all lots of hugs

 

[Helen76]

Hey ladies - sending you all massive hugs

Tory - I know how you feel, I often have bad days that seem to last for ever at the mo, just as I'm starting to feeling more positive something slaps me in the face!

We've kind of go a plan for the coming year, we're waiting for our immunology level 1 tests to come back then we think we'll also have the level 2 tests, we're planning a holiday for March 2011 and plan to start our next fresh ICSI cycle April/May time all being well, as this will be our second self funded cycle we are going to see how we feel about further cycles in the future. DH and I did say by the end of 2011 we will make a choice if to continue or not, we love the idea of adopting, and have discussed adopting even if IVF works for us.

It's been a busy posting day today!!

Miss Monty your story is so similar to mine. Our next steps are more tests (although not immunology), they think I might have a problem with my left tube. After that I'll be looking to start another cycle April/May time (after a holiday in March) and we've also said we'll make that call at the end of 2011 too!! (everything crossed we don't get there....)

Inky - glad your appointment went well and yay for Xmas drinking!

Lolly - really glad to hear you're feeling a bit better about things.

MySillyGirls - what a beautiful girl and really good to hear a positive story about adopting.

Tory - hope you're feeling better, it just takes time and we are here for you.

Hi to Sila too! (and anyone I've missed)

H xx

 

[MySillyGirls]

Thanks, ladies, on your sweet comments about my girl. She's mama's baby. LOL!

I hope we all get the bfp or the special blessing we are looking for in 2011. I am praying for all of us.

 

[Tory123]

Hi Girls

Hope your all o.k

I have managed to get a cancellation to see the FS about my failed IVF.

I am going to ask the FS the following questions but can anyone think of anything else I should ask?

Why didn't it work? Bit more polite then that but you know what I mean
Last time I OHSS what medication will be different this time?
What are my chances of success? What else can they do to increase success?
Will I have a better chance on ICSI rather than IVF
When will it start?

If anyone can think of anything else, let me know x

Tory xx

 

[silarose28]

Hi everyone

I have felt soooo crappy today. Just found out that I might be made redundant in jan which is making me so scared for the 1 reason that I probably need to fund more ivf! Had a major problem in work too urgh! Been on the verge of tears constantly and feel so low. Going to see the GP tomorrow as surely I should be feeling better by now?! (m/c on 20th Nov). I've experienced anxiety before but not this - it's awful!!!! I feel like it is just 1 thing after another and has been for over 2 years now! I try and think of all the good things in my life (friends/family/dh etc.) and I am truly grateful - but I really am depressed! I think I need some help but I just don't know what - don't want to take drugs or anything like that and counselling has never really helped me. I'm wondering if I am 'ready' for next cycle but I honestly will crack up if I wait!!! (I'm 37 so time truely is runnning out!)


Sorry to moan but I am having a really bad day. Think I am due to get af within a week or so so maybe my hormones are going nuts after my m/c.