The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[daddiesgift]

I never explained it to anyone but I always felt people were staring at me. I also wish It wouldve helped me lose weight!

As you ladies see we are expecting #3!! Im happy but nervous. Breastfeeding being one of the issues Im nervous, I dont know if I can fail at it again

 

[Smiler82]

Have to say no, I never feel like people are staring and judging when the bottle comes out, but I do say to myself they might think it's expressed breast milk, but also to be perfectly honest the town where I live I think they'd all faint if someone got a boob out!!

Re losing weight, my MW told me it's not actually true! In fact BFing women need to keep on a few pounds so their bodies have the energy supplies to make the milk. BFing helps your womb to go back down in size much more quickly than if you didn't BF. I only BF'd for 2 weeks and the MW said my womb was back down to size already.

 

[daddiesgift]

Breastfeeding burns calories. Thats how you lose weight. If you are still eating like crap or eating too much you will gain or wont lose anything. Its proven to burn over 500 calories a day. So you could breastfeed and burn calories or you could go to the gym for hours to burn calories. Obviously most women would rather breast feed. Breast feeding early days causes contractions which helps your uterus shrink back down to size quicker but either way its going back down. It doesnt take months or even weeks for your uterus to go back down.

 

[sillysapling]

Re:contractions- I lost a lot of blood and had to take medicine to cause contractions. We weren't able to get it until about 16 hours after the birth when my dad came and was able to pick up the prescription. I'm sure that didn't help with my recovery. I really wish I'd just been able to breastfeed from the start.

Does anyone else feel like when they're out and about and bottle feeding in public they have to explain and justify why they're bottle feeding instead of breast? I'm less inclined to do this now, but I have a lot in the past. I'm sure the person walking past and smiling didn't need our whole story...oops!
I also often curse having to wash/sterilise the bottles...grumbling that it's another reason I wish BF had worked out...that and the fact I was hoping it'd help me lose weight.

I don't about just bottle feeding. I feel self-conscious about having to mix up bottles, though, the damn powder gets everywhere! We also sometimes forget the formula/water (not enough sleep X_X). It KILLS me every time, and I cant help but think "If we were breastfeeding, this wouldn't be a problem, it's not like I can forget my own nipples!".

The bottles are so ridiculous... I'm just glad we have a dishwasher. I can't do the nipples in there, but at least I can wash the bottles more easily.

 

[fides]

Does anyone else feel like when they're out and about and bottle feeding in public they have to explain and justify why they're bottle feeding instead of breast? I'm less inclined to do this now, but I have a lot in the past. I'm sure the person walking past and smiling didn't need our whole story...oops!
I also often curse having to wash/sterilise the bottles...grumbling that it's another reason I wish BF had worked out...that and the fact I was hoping it'd help me lose weight.

Sort of - only when the nosy people ask me if it's expressed milk. I hate that question.

And, yes, right there with you resenting the extra mess and hassle of keeping bottles safe - part of why it was such a HUGE weight off my shoulders - pure joy - when my pediatrician said we could go off formula at 12 months with my older son - I was soooooo happy, even though it took a couple months to totally wean from bottle. I'm already counting down until 12 months with this one, telling myself 7 down, 5 to go!

 

[fides]

As you ladies see we are expecting #3!! Im happy but nervous. Breastfeeding being one of the issues Im nervous, I dont know if I can fail at it again

aww, congratulations!

 

[girlnboots]

People in my area basically assume you formula feed anyways. Whenever I mentioned I was breastfeeding, it made people visibly uncomfortable. Oh well.

 

[AirForceWife7]

Nearly 3 years down the road and I still feel guilty.

Does it ever end?

 

[daddiesgift]

Everyone's different. What helped me stop feeling guilty is realizing my boys are healthy and smart. And overall that's all that matters. It meant more to me that I breast fed then it did to them. They still love me, we still have an unbreakable bond. I also don't feed into the bashing formula or bottle feeding things out there.

My boys are well advanced above their ages, they are rarely ever sick, if ever. They aren't overweight like everyone said they'd be on formula.

I'd like to succeed breast feeding with this baby due in May, but its mostly for selfish reasons. I know if it doesn't work out it will be just fine!

 

[fides]

^well said.


ladies

had tough night b/c of some comments a guest made, but reading the above post helps so much. you ladies are wonderful

 

[girlnboots]

I was feeling awesome today and finally settling into the ease of formula feeding, and then a lady on here mentioned how well her supply is doing and how well bf is going in general, and I'm back to feeling guilty. I HATE that my milk isn't enough to nourish my baby and help her grow.

My supply is ok, Marin's latch is ok, but she won't gain any weight! She seems like she was starving all the time while bf, even 10 minutes after a feed. However, her amount of stools has gone down from 7-8 a day to 2-3, and they've decreased in size. I always thought it was supposed to be the other way around with formula. Maybe this means she'll fatten up a bit and get back up to her birth weight. If she doesn't gain any by tomorrow morning, I just don't know what to do.

 

[fides]

ladies

coming in here to vent - so glad to have a safe place.

i'm tired of feeling like a 2nd class mom. I made it through a whole session of baby time at the library without the whole bottle issue being brought up, until the very end, one of the moms started talking about introducing solids. safe enough topic, until one of the other moms mentioned hearing how some moms introduce formula and no way she'd do that to her 6 month old. Two other moms were all, oh no, you certainly wouldn't want to do that!! formula is x, y, z, blah, blah, blah. another mom piped in with, oh, yeah, i introduced a bottle of formula to one of my other kids at 6 months and the look on her face was priceless! that stuff's so nasty! ha ha ha, blah blah blah, and on and on they went. i hurried out and left without even saying by to the other moms like i usually do - i was done.

ugh.

tired of smug moms.

 

[baileybubs]

Eurgh Fides that is just awful to hear!! Some women just flap their mouths without thinking who they might offend dont they? I'm sorry they made you feel so bad that you had to rush out of there thats terrible.
I know a few women that have that way of thinking too and I do get sick of hearing about how breast is best and how I hear them encourage new mammas by saying things like "your baby wont get as many illnesses if you BF". Well my LG is FF and she is 7 months old and hasnt been sick once yet, she clearly got my brilliant antibodies from when she was in the womb and not being BF hasnt affected whether she get ill at all.
I couldnt BF her as she just wouldnt latch at all and i wasnt producing enough milk for her, I think I am finally getting over my guilt but its so hard when there are judgemental people like that in the world making insensitive comments.

 

[daddiesgift]

So sorry Fides, I know how you feel.

 

[Tweak0605]

I'm so sorry fides That's horrible. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I'd like to think I'd want to confront them, but I'd probably run right out of there and cry in my car.

 

[girlnboots]

My dumbass of a boyfriend gave me shit all night last night about not breastfeeding and how expensive formula is. What an asshole. I don't need his opinion when he barely looks at his daughter.

 

[daddiesgift]

That's a shitty thing for him to say girlnboots! So sorry

 

[Emz1982_in_uk]

I work in a school and my heart aches when I hear kids say they haven't had breakfast, or I see them in dirty clothes or have holes in their shoes. Why do people care how a baby is fed? As long as a child is fed, warm, safe and loved I don't see what the bloody problem is. There are definitely more important things happening in this world. I am pro BF but I'm more pro simply looking after and loving your child.

Don't let the haters bring you down ladies x

 

[gflady]

I still feel guilty about stopping at 6 months which is crazy but I can't shake the guilt x

 

[StellaBella24]

Glad to have found this thread!

I had decided to express my milk and give via bottle as the idea of bf made me feel 'funny' and wanted OH to be involved.

Well my daughter was born very suddenly at 6 weeks prem. Hospital were happy for me to express, no pressure to bf. We were in for 4 days and i expressed at each feed. When i came home the expressing became difficult to keep up so i decided to express 3 - 4 times a day not knowing that my milk supply would quickly deminish. After a month i stopped expressing and she was ff full time.

I regretted not properly bf but thought i'd missed the boat.
My baby was approx 3 1/2 months when this incredible guilt kicked in and i cant shake it!!!!!

I didnt realise how much i would want to give her the very best but that feeling came too late!!

I tried to restart my milk ladt month by expressing every 3hours but 5 days later i was still producing nothing and the expressing was pulling me away from baby at times due to strict schedule...so yet again i gave up. I thought i would be satisfied knowing i had tried but i hate myself for not giving her the best.

I want to go back in time and start it all again!!