dimplesmagee
2 boys,2 angels,expecting
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2009
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Mrs. J~ I knew after my 1rst MC that part of what I needed to do for healing was to get something that "represented" my loss. I'm not sure if you know what the "Willow Tree Angels" are, but I have a little collection of them, all with a special story. I decided to buy 1 to represent the baby I never knew. The title of the angel was "Angel of Wishes." The 2nd MC that I had, I went out and did the same thing. This angel was called "Surrounded by love" and she holds a bouquet of flowers. I had two friends buy my flowers to show their love and support, so I thought this angel was perfect. This is probably one of the best things you could do for yourself, is create something to help you remember/honor/grieve your babies.
About a month after my 1rst MC, I was crying. My husband said to me, "Shouldn't you have, I don't know, moved on by now? Gotten over it" I was so hurt, but looking back on it, I cannot be upset with him for saying it b/c he was able to grieve in the midst of our pain together, but he moved on quickly b/c he did not have the physical connection, he only had the idea of a baby. There is no way he could possibly understand that puking, bloating, gas, hormones etc. that goes into being pregnant. With my 2nd MC I told my husband to not even think about saying something like that to me...and well, he got it. I communicated to him a few weeks before our first due date, that I may be sad and I will need him. He did not remember the due date, and I remember both of my due dates...difference again between us females and those males. But he was out of the country at the time, but he made sure to call.
I think these MCs will always hurt...but with time my days have gotten easier. And it too will get easier for you. Events happen, people say stupid things, not being pregnant...all brings back the pain and hurt of losing my babies. My last pregnancy in January I know I lost another little boy. I'm positive my 1rst lost was a boy as well. August 22 is my 2nd due date, and I have a friend who is due almost the same day as my would've been due date...I'm so happy for her, b/c she had experienced a loss and now this is her baby after a loss...but I should have a 2nd car seat in my car as well, so it will be another sad day.
I so badly want to be pregnant, but right now my OH is hesitant b/c he feels like the last couple months he felt normalcy b/t us and my emotions for that matter, that I think he's afraid that if we were to lose a 3rd I might not be able to handle it...or maybe he couldn't handle seeing me like he has in the past. I was hurt, and felt like he was being an a$$ when he told me he didn't want to get pregnant right now, but all it was, was he was thinking of me and our relationship, not being selfish.
I believe when you may be feeling like your husband is being selfish and insensitive, he may actually in some way shape or form be trying to look after you, and your relationship. This is why communication is so important. We may jump to conclusions, only to find out later, that our OH's still get sad, they still think about the MCs, and well, they want what is best for us. My OH felt like we needed to wait a bit...he made that decision b/c he felt that's what was best for me and us, where when I did not hear the details, I felt he was an a$$ and being selfish. Does the make sense?
Sorry, this has turned into an essay. But I wanted to stress to you, that the way you are feeling, is okay and you are right, you will get through. It is important to communicate to your OH, b/c he may not have the right words to say, but indeed is on the same page as you! Also, please consider to do something special for your little ones! *hugs*
About a month after my 1rst MC, I was crying. My husband said to me, "Shouldn't you have, I don't know, moved on by now? Gotten over it" I was so hurt, but looking back on it, I cannot be upset with him for saying it b/c he was able to grieve in the midst of our pain together, but he moved on quickly b/c he did not have the physical connection, he only had the idea of a baby. There is no way he could possibly understand that puking, bloating, gas, hormones etc. that goes into being pregnant. With my 2nd MC I told my husband to not even think about saying something like that to me...and well, he got it. I communicated to him a few weeks before our first due date, that I may be sad and I will need him. He did not remember the due date, and I remember both of my due dates...difference again between us females and those males. But he was out of the country at the time, but he made sure to call.
I think these MCs will always hurt...but with time my days have gotten easier. And it too will get easier for you. Events happen, people say stupid things, not being pregnant...all brings back the pain and hurt of losing my babies. My last pregnancy in January I know I lost another little boy. I'm positive my 1rst lost was a boy as well. August 22 is my 2nd due date, and I have a friend who is due almost the same day as my would've been due date...I'm so happy for her, b/c she had experienced a loss and now this is her baby after a loss...but I should have a 2nd car seat in my car as well, so it will be another sad day.
I so badly want to be pregnant, but right now my OH is hesitant b/c he feels like the last couple months he felt normalcy b/t us and my emotions for that matter, that I think he's afraid that if we were to lose a 3rd I might not be able to handle it...or maybe he couldn't handle seeing me like he has in the past. I was hurt, and felt like he was being an a$$ when he told me he didn't want to get pregnant right now, but all it was, was he was thinking of me and our relationship, not being selfish.
I believe when you may be feeling like your husband is being selfish and insensitive, he may actually in some way shape or form be trying to look after you, and your relationship. This is why communication is so important. We may jump to conclusions, only to find out later, that our OH's still get sad, they still think about the MCs, and well, they want what is best for us. My OH felt like we needed to wait a bit...he made that decision b/c he felt that's what was best for me and us, where when I did not hear the details, I felt he was an a$$ and being selfish. Does the make sense?
Sorry, this has turned into an essay. But I wanted to stress to you, that the way you are feeling, is okay and you are right, you will get through. It is important to communicate to your OH, b/c he may not have the right words to say, but indeed is on the same page as you! Also, please consider to do something special for your little ones! *hugs*
surprises do happen 
He thinks we can't have a baby AND him go back to school to get another degree. I guess it's just us women that are the multi-taskers! 
Silly man children! 
