cheerios
Mom of 5 (4 on earth 1 in heaven)
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- Sep 11, 2009
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Last night at around midnight, I snuck out of my bedroom, and sat in the dark living room and just prayed. Along with many tears, I prayed that God would just heal my heart ache. That this pain and confusion would go away! See, yesterday, I had a bad day. I was just sick of seeing pregnant women everywhere! So basically, I stayed home. I didn't go anywhere. I had a miscarriage in January, so by now, I was supposed to be one of the Huge waddling women walking around complaining about how many times they have to get up at night to go pee. But seeing them now, just breaks my heart. I couldn't deal with it yesterday, (Not sure if I really can today yet either) But I just prayed. I prayed for a baby girl that looks just like me. Luckily I'm blessed with a Son that looks just like his Daddy, so I wouldn't mind my own little twin. But then I started Praying for something to just take this anger away, to take away this depression! This morning I woke up, and the first thing I read was my Daily Bible Verse on my Phone (I downloaded an app.) And it said "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in Turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:11
So that really spoke to me. Then I signed onto facebook, and One of the first things I read there, was from a group I had joined called "I want a Godly Marriage" and it said -
‎"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).
Right then I knew God was answering my prayer when I asked if he could just speak to me. Just give me guidance. If I was doing something wrong, let me know so that I could change it and recieve my baby.
I guess basically, I'm not doing anything wrong. I just need to be patient.
So then I signed on to B&B and came across this. I haven't come into the LTTC section for quite some time, and of course I found your Story. It's very inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing. I know you've heard that a lot, but I felt like it needed to be said at least one more time. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I bet you're very excited.
And yes, I know that 1.5 years can be a LONG time when TTC! I'm coming up on 2 years. It feels like a life time! At 1.5 years, I got pregnant, but then lost it. I miss my baby, and I was very mad at God when that happened, but months later, I came to realize that had I not lost my baby, I wouldn't be this close with God now. I actually ended up getting Baptized and Re-Recieving the Holy Spirit. I also found a great Church and started going. So I believe my baby gave up their life, to Save mine. It makes me tear up thinking about that. But I feel blessed. I know God's timing is the best, its just so hard.
Anyways, sorry for such a long post... And thank you again for your story.
Oh hun
Thanks for sharing your story! You've gone through so much! I'm so sorry about your m/c! Can't imagine the pain that you went / are going through.
Did you manage to conceive your son easily? (If I may ask?)
It would be sooo lovely to have a baby daughter who looks just like you! I really believe that its a season of waiting. I used to ask God if I was doing anything wrong so that He would show me, but guess what? He didn't show me anything for the whole 1.5 years - only until the end! And it was something I said during my teenage years. At that time, I was like, "OH man, why didn't God show that to me earlier? I would have repented and we would have conceived earlier" but looking back, I know that this is the perfect time for our baby.
So yeah, as long as your conscience is right before God, I believe that the Holy Spirit will continue to guide you. I know that my time of TTCing was really a time of honing my relationship with God and my hubby. I came to point when I knew that even if we didn't have any children, I was blessed and God still loves me and I'm still married to the best hubby in the world.
Keep being encouraged by God's word. He loves you dearly and when He has done it once (with your son), He can do it again.