Things I cannot say out loud....

[pinklightbulb]

My OH lives at work too And all he does when he is home is criticise me lately so when he bugs off to his mates' house at the weekend is it bad sometimes I'm glad I love him but he needs to pull his head out sometimes....

 

[lynys]

To my MIL -

Stop trying to find ways to make me give you the baby to hold. Don't grab at her, don't tell me I should eat so you should hold her (while you eat), don't try and pawn my nephew off to other people so you can grab at the "new" baby, etc.

When I am holding LO and she is finally sleeping, don't come over as I rub her back, and start doing the same. Her back is tiny, and my hand is practically covering it... why do you have to push me out of the way?

When you change her, change her! Don't make it an event in itself, while she screams, thinking you can calm her down by doing it slowly and chatting her up. She doesn't care! She wants her bum covered! And, don't take off her diaper and leave her bare on your couch... she pees all over. Why is it she only does this when you change her? Oh, I know... cause you are too slow!!! She actually once went to change her, took off her diaper, folded diaper up, and got up to go throw it in the garbage before putting a new diaper on. LO peed, her clothes got soiled as a result, and I had to get down on the ground to clean her up, clean up the mess, and luckily, I had another outfit for her.

To my Mom -

Don't call here at 11 pm and expect me to chat you up. In fact, don't call here at anytime and expect me to chat on the phone for long. I am tired, trying to spend time with my husband, or dealing with the baby. Also, don't get off the phone with me and whine to dad about me "not wanting to talk to you" and then allow him to call me and bitch me out.

Don't let my sister LIE to my husband about things in an attempt to make me look bad and not say anything.

If I tell you I will not be answering the phone when I am bf the baby, accept it and move on... don't tell me you understand and then talk **** about me behind my back. It is MY time with MY baby, and something only I can do for her. I don't want to hear you trashing me for not interrupting our time together.

To my Dad -

Just butt out. You should know by now that Mom likes to cause ****... stop letting her.

To OH -

You CAN do dishes sometimes.

You CAN clean the bathroom.

You CAN do some laundry.

You CAN wake up when LO wakes in the middle of the night.

Stop talking so damn loud when she is sleeping.

Stop complaining about how tired you are. I will seriously leave for one day and leave you with LO and see how tired you are then. 24 hours of baby... think you can handle it? You have no idea how tired you can be, and you will never win this argument. Never.

To my Sister -

I just don't like you. You got rid of your kids since you split with your husband. You party all the time. You are abusive to people. Selfish. You've had it worse than everyone else in the damn world. I don't want you around MY baby. And... stop calling her "MY niece" everytime you mention her on Facebook. She is two months old and you've seen her once... for five minutes. She doesn't know you, she will be shy with you, and if I have anything to do with it, she will never see you. Hell, your kids you gave away have spent more time with her...

No one else pisses me off... yet.

 

[missVN]

To my best friend, who I love a lot but really gets on my nerves about this!
- Yes it is a terrible shame that we can't afford for me to be a full time sahm like you but that's the way it is. Yes I'm going to miss Ryan alot but I also do like my job.
- Yes it is a shame that my oh can't do cash in hand jobs like your oh so we can claim more tax credits but maybe we're too honest for our own goods!
- Please don't keep telling me how much you have spent on getting your nails done, having a massge etc etc or telling me you can't understand why you've got so much money, I can't remember the last time I treated myself

To my sister
- Stop being so childish and let dad be happy. Mum is remarried and you accepted that so learn to live with the fact that dad has a girlfriend and stop writing stuff about him on facebook

 

[Cupkake.Luver]

haha love it

My grandmother was HORRIBLE about this Til I told her it was not how I was going to parent my son. And his godmother asked why he wasn't sttn at a week old!!

To grandmother: Quit calling him "my baby" everytime you see him or talk about him. I carried him in MY body for nearly 10 months. I am his mother, not you. He's MY son

No, he isn't a grumpy baby, he's actually a very happy one. He just doesn't know you, and he loves his momma. nothing wrong with that.

Yes, I do let him try certain things of adult food as long as they're soft and mushy. That doesn't mean you can give him whatever you want. Before you try to do it, ask me first

No, I wasn't able to breastfeed. He is formula fed and that doesn't mean I'm a bad mom

I don't let him cry it out. I want him to know I'm there when he needs me. The only reason he's crying is cuz he needs something. He's never cried just to cry.

Exactly the same thing but to my mum! Loathe it entirely! He's MY baby! MY BABY!!!!

Oh gawd. I HATE when my mom does this. I repeat myself over and over again with her. He's MY baby. Did you carry him for 10 months? Or was it me? I'm pretty sure this scar proves it was deffo me. Jerk.

 

[Mizze]

Darling Husband - say to me "I think she might have poo'd her nappy" one more time without a) checking and b) changing the nappy and I will crown you - you are not incapable of changing her and frankly I do it more than enough when you arent here - I dont need to do it all the time while you are

Mizze xx

 

[Scarlett316]

To my mil (who I usually adore) -

You do not know the songs from jungle junction and Mickey mouse' clubhouse so please stop trying to sing along. It's embarrassing.

I have no problem if you want to sing the alphabet to Jacob. I do have a problem with the fact that you keep putting m and n the wrong way round. Seriously. Also embarrassing.

To my fil-

When Jacob is having a whinge and I say I'm putting him on eBay IM JOKING!!!! You moron!!!!! You don't have to look at me and say " I don't think so" in that supercilious voice. And besides, you have fuck all say anyway!!!!

To my husband-

The doctor has to look at my episiotomy to see if it's healed. He's a doctor!!! He's seen a million of them. I don't think he just fancies a look at my foof! Get over it. Now.

 

[Tiffa130]

To my dad - stop telling me not to bounce my baby. She likes it & no it doesn't cause her to throw up, not once has she ever gotten sick while I've been bouncing her or immediatly after. Also she is capable of holding up her own head, I can support her neck but I don't need to constantly hold her head for her. She's 2 months old & has been with me for every minute of her life, she's not broken yet & she's a happy baby so stop nagging me & tell me I've done a good job already.

That is all.

 

[Mizze]

To my mil (who I usually adore) -

You do not know the songs from jungle junction and Mickey mouse' clubhouse so please stop trying to sing along. It's embarrassing.

I have no problem if you want to sing the alphabet to Jacob. I do have a problem with the fact that you keep putting m and n the wrong way round. Seriously. Also embarrassing.
To my fil-

When Jacob is having a whinge and I say I'm putting him on eBay IM JOKING!!!! You moron!!!!! You don't have to look at me and say " I don't think so" in that supercilious voice. And besides, you have fuck all say anyway!!!!

To my husband-

The doctor has to look at my episiotomy to see if it's healed. He's a doctor!!! He's seen a million of them. I don't think he just fancies a look at my foof! Get over it. Now.

Mizze x

 

[elephant29]

FIL;

Please please stop shouting at LO eveytime she makes a noise. For example. She shouts, it's her way of communicating and it's cute but if everytime she does it you yell 'hey you, what have I told you about making that noise' then she is going to get confused. It doesnt matter if your joking or not.

Also stop saying she is moan! She hardly cries, leave her alone!

She feeds herself. Why would you then use a big metal spoon to try and feed her jelly? One bit on that and her only 2 wee teeth will be shattered!

To mil & fil;

You have loads of toys at your house. LO loves one of them but yet you wouldnt offer us it?!? She is in your house once a fortnight if that so I'm sure she'd get more use if she had it in her house. It's nto about giving it to us, it's about giving it to her! (this one might be more me. They probably didnt even think. It just bugs me. We have a bugaboo but already it's getting a bit heavy for me as I have stairs leading to my house. MIL was given a buggy and no matter many times I mentioned the pram situation she never once offered me it and instead keeps in in her car! I find that oddly selfish. She can only use it when she has LO therefore when I have LO it;s sitting there unused! Finally bought a buggy but with number 2 on the way that £50 could have been so better spent!)

xxx

 

[Babushka99]

To my mil (who I usually adore) -

You do not know the songs from jungle junction and Mickey mouse' clubhouse so please stop trying to sing along. It's embarrassing.

I have no problem if you want to sing the alphabet to Jacob. I do have a problem with the fact that you keep putting m and n the wrong way round. Seriously. Also embarrassing.

To my fil-

When Jacob is having a whinge and I say I'm putting him on eBay IM JOKING!!!! You moron!!!!! You don't have to look at me and say " I don't think so" in that supercilious voice. And besides, you have fuck all say anyway!!!!

To my husband-

The doctor has to look at my episiotomy to see if it's healed. He's a doctor!!! He's seen a million of them. I don't think he just fancies a look at my foof! Get over it. Now.

That made me laugh so much

 

[lynys]

I have no problem if you want to sing the alphabet to Jacob. I do have a problem with the fact that you keep putting m and n the wrong way round. Seriously. Also embarrassing.

My MIL does this but to Alouette, which is hilarious because she is French. Everytime I hear her sing it, I want to yell at her to learn the damn song and stop teaching LO the wrong words.

 

[T-Bex]

To my husband-

The doctor has to look at my episiotomy to see if it's healed. He's a doctor!!! He's seen a million of them. I don't think he just fancies a look at my foof! Get over it. Now.

 

[shambaby]

to mil:

yes, i know he is 9 1/2 months now. i know that is almost 10 months. and i know that is pretty close to a year old. but he is still a BABY! no matter how many times you say he's not a baby any more, he still is. and even if he wasn't that doesn't mean he likes ' a bit of rough' (seriously, her actual words!) and it doesn't mean it's ok to throw him around and not have a good hold of him when he is on your knee. he is seriously wriggly, especially when he is trying to get away form you being rough with him, and he will hurt himself if he falls on the floor. and it is not ok to ignore your son and tell him you will do as you like when he tells you to stop being rough with him. i will have my BABY back now, thank you very much

 

[Brieanna]

Such a brilliant thread - haven't read all of it yet but have to dash - but wanted to add mine before i forget - to my mum;-

1. The cat is NOT the enemy - he is scared stiff of Charlie, and avoids her like the plague - he will not scratch her or smother her ... she is more likely to do damage to him. You have told me enough times over the last 11 years you hate the cat, but hey get the message 11 years - he is here to stay, we love him and he lives with us not you.

2. I have three buggys GET OVER IT - I spent less on the two I bought (hum cause you paid for the urban I bought of ebay) than most people spend on a car seat. The Zia was a luxury but it makes my life so much easier that It was worth every penny.

3. You do not need to constantly send me clippings from the daily mail. Much as I know you are caring for our health it drives me insane.

4. You CONSTANTLY moaned at my OH when he was overweight - now he has lost 7 stone and has a within range BMI you moan that he is too thin - he can't win.

5. LO does NOT need water - don't care what babies in your day needed, I know you were a nursery nurse but things change!

6. If you utter the phrase 'I find that hard to belive' one more time I will not be responsible for my actions.

I should put I love my mum dearly and know the above is all out of concern but it drive me round the bend.

7 - to my friend STOP STOP STOP sticking your dirty fingers in LO mouth - you work in a hospital and should know better.

Your mom must know some of my relatives, hahaha!

We have cats too and some of my family act like we might as well be living with a congregation of alligators! The cats don't do anything and even if they thought bout it we don't allow them in the nursery and we watch them closely any way!

My grandmother thinks i am abusing my baby because I don't give her water (I exclusively breastfeed) I know she means well and things used to be different, but I think she will be fine without water!


(yes, a group of alligators is called a congregation, I looked it up, hehe)

 

[Lettuce]

To oh, see when I ask you to wind our daughter while wash my hands after I've fed and changed her during the night - do not lay her on her back you lazy sod! It means it makes my job harder as she's started to cry, her wind is trapped and now she'll take twice as long to wind after I've fed her again! Great. Bloody waste of space.
Oh yeah and if you EVER sneak off to have a nap in the afternoon again, without at least telling me (for over 3hours) I will divorce you. I thought you were working in your office. I had to cluster feed our daughter the whole time. I don't know why I thought you being a dad would make you less selfish, just gives you more opportunities to be selfish.
Anymore of this behaviour and I'm telling your mother.
Ah, that feels better.
Lol at the alligators... x

 

[Mya209]

To DH - get off your computer and look at your baby daughter. What could be more important! When she's doing something funny, look at her! You're missing everything! You can't spend your life behind a screen.

Everyone - You can't spoil a baby!!!!!! She's only 8 weeks old, she needs her mum! She's happy, sleeping through the night and feeding well. I must be doing something right!

No I won't express just so you can babysit

she's not crying because she's in a new place, she just cries. It's normal!

I know you think I'm strange for this but, no, she's not having Macdonalds or Cola! EVER!

 

[BubbaG]

To my mum - you are not there for me, you never have been despite the fact you live 3 miles away! So when people comment on how amazing it must be to have a lovely grandson living so close don't pretend you care. If you did you wouldn't leave him in hos carseat on the floor everytime I drop him off to go feed my horses for all of 10 minutes! Trust me if my horses weren't at yours you would not have seen LO so much! He is not a dog, try interaction!

 

[ablacketer]

to hubby:
after not having to wake up at night for the first 6 months of your son's life, asking your wife "how many times did you get up" at 5am when she just fussed at you for getting the baby and bringing him (wide awake) into our bed and when the whole purpose of you getting up was so she could sleep a little longer, is definitely a suicidal move...

if you huff at me asking you do something and say "Im JUST breathing" one more damn time, I will NOT be responsible for my actions.

letting me have a nice peaceful hour long bath is totally negated when you come into the bathroom multiple times to ask this or that or go pee or to bring the baby in for his bath.

letting me have a nap is wonderful, but it does no good to let me sleep when you cant settle the baby. take him for a walk, give him a bath, let him play in his pool.


ahhh. thats a LITTLE better.

 

[Lettuce]

Update on mine this morning...
DH if you DARE repeat to me that you are tired this morning, I will not be responsible or my actions. Just you thank your lucky stars that I'm nursing our daughter. I have been up since 3.30am as she didn't go back to sleep! You sleep thro except those 5mins when I went to the toilet and you failed to wind her.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

^^^THIS!!!!!! You have NO idea what tired is!!! Perhaps I'll express an entire night's feed and let you give it to him. Then you'll know the meaning of the word