Things I cannot say out loud....

[BabySeal]

This I actually did bitch aloud about.. didn't get anywhere but...

It has been 6 days since you have held your kid, you lousy piece of $HIT and excuse for a father.

that is all.

 

[adamskatie]

Oh I hate "oh is it a little boy or girl??"

....She's wearing a pink dress you moron....

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Oh I hate "oh is it a little boy or girl??"

....She's wearing a pink dress you moron....

Before Queen Victoria, boys wore pink and girls wore blue. It was because her granddaughter was expecting a boy and had a girl that the colors changed. Still, that's no excuse, lol! Silly people

 

[x__amour]

To my DH:

Why the hell is it when you get a call from work that you LEAP out of bed but when your DAUGHTER is SCREAMING, I've JUST fallen asleep, that you are "sleeping" and "didn't hear anything"?

Next, as stated before, don't try to do the "but I am more tired than you" game. You may be at work during the day but you fail to remember that I work ALL DAY. So you will lose time and time again.

When I beg you to get up during the night, don't whine and bitch at me. And ESPECIALLY don't complain, "Oh well I got up ALONE with her for the first 2 weeks of her life!" Oh, I'm sorry dear. I forgot. MY STOMACH WAS RIPPED OPEN. Also remember during those first 2 weeks where you would bitch and moan, "Oh I can't wait to take turns." GUESS WHAT HONEY. ALMOST 34 WEEKS LATER, OH I WISH WE COULD TAKE TURNS.

To my sister:

I'm already pissed off at you for the shit you pulled when I had you watch Tori. (Brought her boyfriend, who I'm never met, over. When I came back they were... Upstairs and LO was downstairs on her own, screaming.) You're DAMN LUCKY I even LET you SEE HER. So when I ask you to carry her to the car because my back is killing me, YOU DON'T FUCKING WALK PAST MY CAR, TO YOUR DISGUSTING AWAITING BOYFRIEND WHO YOU DIDN'T TELL ME WOULD BE THERE AND PUT MY FUCKING CHILD IN HIS LAP AND TELL HIM TO CUDDLE HER. FUCK. YOU.

And to all the random strangers out there:

What do you mean, "boy or girl?" ... She's sitting there... In a dress... Usually pink... With a BOW in her hair...?!

Also, please stop touching my child. I know she's so cute but you don't need to stroke her face and hold her hands when I don't even know who you are.

And lastly, stopstopstop saying my child is "huge". She's not. When I tell you she's 8 months and you go, "OMG! SHE'S HUGE!" She's not actually, she's really petite and only in the 60% percentile for weight. Not sure where you're getting "huge" from. SO FUCK OFF.

Oh that was so, so therapeutic.

 

[ClaireMuir123]

I love my in laws (although my sister in law is a bit of a funny one) but PLEASE stop saying 'you're bad' to my son. Yes he can push boundaries as all children and the behaviour is naughty, not my son! I have never said to my son 'you're a bad boy!' and I hate hearing other people saying it to their kids! Most kids aren't bad, their behaviour is! I haven't said anything to them as I don't want to rock the boat but if I hear them saying it again I'm gonna need to say something, I'll blame it on the hormones

To my Dad - why shouldn't I be driving?! I'm pregnant, not ill!

To my Mum - I can eat mayo if I want

To my sister - I don't want your kids at the hospital after I have my baby. They are loud and destructive and have a general lack of respect for everything and anything. Especially my nephew. If you do feel the need to bring them I will not stand for any crap and will ask you to leave if they start any nonsense.

I really should say these outloud!! xxx

 

[cowboys angel]

Oh I hate "oh is it a little boy or girl??"

....She's wearing a pink dress you moron....

Before Queen Victoria, boys wore pink and girls wore blue. It was because her granddaughter was expecting a boy and had a girl that the colors changed. Still, that's no excuse, lol! Silly people

Really?? Thanks for the random bit of trivia!

 

[Scarlett316]

To my best friend- your daughter chanting "sheep sheep shagger shagger" at your sisters welsh husband is NOT FUNNY!!! She's only 3 and you've turned her into a prissy little princess who thinks she can get away with anything because you let her. She's spoiled and selfish and god help you when you have another child cos oh are you going to need it!

 

[Experiment13]

To everyone (and particularly my mother):
please, stop coming to my house every day. stop following me and my cranky/sleepy/hungry baby around constantly. stop organizing daily parties we need to attend. stop inviting people over. i need a break. my baby needs a break. he is just three weeks old and all everyone does is mess up our routine and stress me out. stop having me waste my evenings and weekends showing the baby off to hundreds of people. all i want is to relax at my own house. everyone just please go home and go on with your lives.

monday, when everyone is gone, can't come soon enough.

signed: your tired, hormonal, 4th degree tear daughter

 

[Babushka99]

To everyone my daughter is tall I get it... Is she good?... yes she is perfect what a stupid question.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

To my DH:

Why the hell is it when you get a call from work that you LEAP out of bed but when your DAUGHTER is SCREAMING, I've JUST fallen asleep, that you are "sleeping" and "didn't hear anything"?

Next, as stated before, don't try to do the "but I am more tired than you" game. You may be at work during the day but you fail to remember that I work ALL DAY. So you will lose time and time again.

When I beg you to get up during the night, don't whine and bitch at me. And ESPECIALLY don't complain, "Oh well I got up ALONE with her for the first 2 weeks of her life!" Oh, I'm sorry dear. I forgot. MY STOMACH WAS RIPPED OPEN. Also remember during those first 2 weeks where you would bitch and moan, "Oh I can't wait to take turns." GUESS WHAT HONEY. ALMOST 34 WEEKS LATER, OH I WISH WE COULD TAKE TURNS. .

^^this times 1000000000000000000000000000!

 

[Tiffa130]

To people at the mall - yes she is a girl. She is sitting in her bright pink carseat

to my MIL - you haven't met Ella yet because you are taking care of your sick daughter, I understand that but when I finally bring her to you to meet her don't spend 30 min oooohing & awwing saying your going to kidnap her when I'm no longer needed & then spend the next 2 1/2 hours ignoring us. You knew I was coming do you really need to fold laundry RIGHT now? Then get sad & upset when I say I'm leaving.

Also WTF is with trying to compete with me? I had morning sickness until the day before I had my daughter, she had it til the very day. Ella had jaundice & had to stay an extra day. Her daughter had jaundice & had to stay 2 1/2 weeks. They didn't put Ella under the lights because they didn't want her loosing weight. They put her daughter under & she went from 5lb 5oz to 2lb 6oz (really!?!?)

I just want to scream at her that it's not a competition & if it was I'd win because her son loves me more.

To my friend's sister - a routine may work for you but you FF. I breastfeed & on demand works for me. Again I breastfeed & don't need to sign up for free samples & coupons Of formula "just in case". Putting your baby in just a onesie and not pants & shirt over is not "welfare", I think you over dress your baby.

To everyone - I can carry her from the house to the car, she's all of 8 lbs.

 

[Tiffa130]

Oh & why does everyone think every facial expression means poop?
Just because she smiled/laughed/blinked/twitched her nose or grunted does not mean she's messing her pants for mommy. In fact she hasn't pooped since monday so my guess is she is not pooping.

 

[Lettuce]

Oh & why does everyone think every facial expression means poop?
Just because she smiled/laughed/blinked/twitched her nose or grunted does not mean she's messing her pants for mommy. In fact she hasn't pooped since monday so my guess is she is not pooping.

 

[15.11.10]

To MIL- you are very close to losing babysitting rights, even visiting rights and if u ever doing the following again, thats it....

1. change my babys nappy, an hour after i did it cause you think he did a wee, especially when im there with him! it makes me feel like you are questioning my parenting and showing me up in front of the rest of the family!

2. say hes thirsty again... NO HES NOT!!!!!! this one reaaaaly annoys me

3.feed him anything i have not approved

4. give him a box of pins to hold or a screwdriver to play with

5. pass him to your new boyfriend to hold while you make him a cup of tea... IM RIGHT THERE!!!

6.interfere with mine and OHs money situauton

and finally, the worst and the one thats put her babysitting rights under review;

7. DO NOT leave put my baby in the back of the car ON HIS OWN, with a baby biscuit, then get in the front and drive off!!!!! he is 8 months old and barely coping with baby biscuits while sat up in his high chair, with me supervising and ready to fish any bits that are too big out!!

8. Yes your daughters little girl doesnt sleep through and winges a bit, please do not make out she is the devil.. shes just a 1 year old, william has his moments too1
9. Leave my dad alone, he is 100000000000 leagues above you and he has just lost his wife.

Thanks girlies! xxxxxxxxx

 

[humblebum]

Dear FIL

While it is lovely that you have come to visit your grandsons and are very good at entertaining DS1 I do not appreciate the parenting tips! My son is well rounded and well behaved (most of the time!)

I do not need to be told we should always make him tidy up... as it happens we usually do but this one occasion it was a very late night and frankly not worth the grief that would have followed.

Also, it is fine for him to have toys in his bedroom and no we don't expect him to go straight to sleep once we've closed the door. If he is reading or playing quietly for a little while then what is the problem!! He has a big bedroom and we wanted him to have a few toys up there.

Finally... no I should not leave my 4 week old to cry as he is learning how to "play me"

Ooooh I feel much better now!

 

[Natsku]

To the two very loud girls in the shop:

Do you really have to shout to each other when you're standing right next to each other and I'm walking past with my sleeping baby? Who coincedently is no longer sleeping and I have to spend another hour walking to get her back to sleep. Never heard of using your indoor voice? Idiots!

 

[Ozzieshunni]

A new one that's been getting to me: I WILL NOT BE PUTTING BABY CEREAL IN A BOTTLE AND GIVING IT TO HIM! I'm all he needs right now so shove it up your ass

Another: No, I'm not giving him water to get him to sleep through the night. This is an old fashioned idea! Nor will I be expressing yet. Thank you and goodbye!

 

[Babushka99]

Dear woman.... mummy is not so so so so mean & cruel (said in stupid baby voice to my daughter) because I am taking her dummy away gradually & just because your talking in a baby voice doesn't make what you are saying ok.

 

[Cupkake.Luver]

To OH:

Seriously? My only day off, its 5pm, and you haven't been home since 6 this morning. Are you even coming home today?
Jerkface.

 

[Tiffa130]

A new one that's been getting to me: I WILL NOT BE PUTTING BABY CEREAL IN A BOTTLE!

I can't believe how many people suggest this. My LO is growing fine on breastmilk, why would I need to add anything? My sisters friend suggested feeding it to her at 2 months.