Ah Mrs Pop,
looks like you needed that!
xx
Haha, I certainly did and believe me that was a restrained rant!!!! I'm normally much rantier
Nan in Law - I know because you're 87 you think you should be allowed to say what you please (she told my MIL she deserved cancer for eating too many cream cakes!!!!) but if you say ONE WORD wrong about my daughter, DH or me on Sunday...please don't be surprised if I punch you in your miserable ol' trout face
My Aunt - whilst I think it's lovely you've offered to mind Alice already, don't expect me to take you up on it as you stink of ciggie smoke and you'd prob smoke in front of my daughter. After all, you repeatedly smoked in front of me whilst pregnant!
Next door (again) - jeebus do you have to be do fucking LOUD???? Slamming doors, bouncing up stairs, screaming conversations at each other. I no longer care if we disturbed you whilst we had fun TTCing and I hope when Alice screams for her bottle in the middle of the night it wakes you up and you can't go back to sleep. HAHA! Oh and whilst you're at it, take down your bloody antiquated net curtains and put up some blinds. You live in a new build house FFS, it looks ridiculous!
Alice's heart murmur - kindly fuck off and not be anything serious kthnxbai.
SIL - stop demanding my old maternity clothes. I still need them you selfish cow. If you're so skint why are you buying brand new £40 mothercare jeans when the £16 ones from ASDA do just fine? Oh and stop having a tantrum because noone will buy you a new pram, the top of the range one bought for you 4 years ago is just fine. Oh and stop moaning because your bump is 'too big'...it's not 'too big' there is a baby in there you moron! And don't get all offended because you're getting tested for GD because your BMI is high and I never got tested (I have a high BMI but it fell below the cut off point). If you'd bothered to lose the baby weight from 4 years ago properly Instead of joining weght watchers about 76546 times, you wouldn't need to be tested. And don't moan because I've lost a fair bit of my baby weight already. It's because I'm eating healthy because I want to recover and be healthy for my daughter. Put down the pies you lazy cow!
MIL - you have 2 grandchildren now. One of whom you've helped bring up for 4 years. I'm not expecting miracles but if you could acknowledge childcare is going to be a struggle for us as my mother is dying of cancer and perhaps offer to help us out, even for 1 day a week perhaps that would be amazing. I dont expect you to raise my child like you stupid daughter does with my niece and the LO on the way but it would be super awesome if you could consider helping us out until I qualify and can go part time. Asking me about childcare and walking silently away when I mention how stressed we are about it isn't helping.
FIL - don't be making disparaging comments about children who have to go to nursery. If you were bothered so much, perhaps you or your wife could offer to help us out when I have to go back to work like you helped put your daughter.
In laws - you have a son as well as a daughter. It might be nice if you acknowledged that fact and treated him the same. Hearing him say that he's realised you don't take him seriously last week was heartbreaking. I hate being right but I knew you were going to break his heart one day over the way you treat him and now how you treat his daughter.
My overhang - piss off. You look like a diseased scrotum.
Alice - I love you more than words can say. Please don't vomit much tonight my precious bear xxxxxx
My body - hurry up and heal. I'm surprisingly horny and want to jump my husband's bones!!!!
I could get used to this thread very easily!!
I second this! 
Wouldn't that give people a shock! 
