Things I cannot say out loud....

[quaizer]

Thank you Lettuce, Cowboys angel and MrsPOP, I feel loads better now honeys xxx

 

[Lettuce]

Lettuce, Ill go halves on that island, but can i send SIL too??

No bother! free travel to island for all inlaws of bnb members, one way tickets only... xx

 

[MrsPOP]

I'm totes booking my entire in laws onto that flight!!!!!!!

Mum - I love you but you could have given me a bit of warning before you decided to kidnap me for 2 hours to go the bingo. I understand you did it to cheer me up but it was pretty upsetting leaving Alice without much warning.

 

[Babushka99]

Yep my mil can go to the island. First on the plane priority boarding.

 

[MrsPOP]

To be honest I don't think my in laws deserve seats on the plane. I'll just shove em in the sea and make em swim for shore

Dear House - why aren't you self cleaning???????

Dear in laws - your look of horror when you see my ethnic next door neighbours is no longer welcome in my home. Keep your racist attitudes away from my daughter. We will be raising her to accept and embrace all people and all cultures.

Oh and FIL - I'm sorry my daughter's nappy change disgusted you so much. I'm not sure what it was the appalled you so much? Baby urine, or poo? Or the fact she has a foof and I needed to expose and clean it so she wasn't sitting in her own waste? God you are an utter Neanderthal! FYI I'm planning to raise my daughter to be open and honest about the human body and bodily functions so less of the prudey prudey please.

Oh and insisting on being called 'Daddy Pa' because you think you are 'too young to be called Grandpa' is beyond a fricking joke. Not only are you 60 next year you ol' fart but my daughter only has ONE daddy and it isn't you, I find the name 'daddy pa' incredibly offensive.

Me no likey my FIL!

 

[Babushka99]

Yeah seats are too good for my mil too she can go in a cage in the luggage hold.

 

[MrsNovBaby]

Dear TV

You have lots of channels and they are all shite this evening - sort yourself out if you want our relationship to continue. Normally you do things on demand for me, but tonight it just is not happening.

Thank you

 

[msmissa]

Dear TV

You have lots of channels and they are all shite this evening - sort yourself out if you want our relationship to continue. Normally you do things on demand for me, but tonight it just is not happening.

Thank you

 

[cowboys angel]

OH- How dare you get home and when I ask you to simply feed the baby and keep her calm so I can take a shower say "No, you can stay as you are." ?? I understand you were joking, but I am so not in the mood for jokes. OUR daughter has been upset and crying and screaming all freaking day, and I was about "mommy'd out" when you walked in the door.

Thank you for finally doing it, but why'd you have to bring her into the bathroom to "talk to momma over the curtain"? I love our daughter dearly, but I needed a break to calm and collect myself!

It wouldn't have killed you to entertain her yourself!

I didn't mind washing her up real quick while I was in the shower, and thank you for drying and dressing her, but why'd you just leave her on the couch to cry after you were done?? It's just a damn game you freaking addict!

And then when I come down the hall you jump up and say "oh hey honey, I was just about to check on her."

Liar

 

[cowboys angel]

Oh and thanks a lot for thinking that maybe, I was too busy keeping our child from hyperventilating all day to wash dishes...

 

[Scarlett316]

Dear dh I love yo with all my heart but if you don't stop rolling your socks into a ball and then putting them in the laundry basket, then having the goddamn nerve to moan when they aren't properly washed I swear to god I'm going to kill you. Do you seriously think I don't have anything better to do?

Sometimes you are a selfish spoiled pig

 

[Ozzieshunni]

ARGH men just don't get it!!!! I this thread btw

 

[Emmy1987]

Dear OH -
Yes I understand you needed to dry your hair before heading off for your first day in your new job. What I don't understand is why you did it in the bedroom while our daughter was finally asleep (and so was I) after I'd spent four hours feeding her and desperately trying everything to get her to sleep some more and not disturb you in the process. You've left me incredibly pissed off with a very grumpy baby who is tired but now refuses to sleep. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night as as you may recall I sat up with you at silly am because you were nervous about your first day so I made you calm down and got you back to sleep, got half an hour kip myself before LO woke up for a feed. Way to thank me!

To my aunt - 1. Yes you are Nanny Bess to Daisy. But NO will my mother be referred to as Nanny Sue! Even though she is no longer with us she will ALWAYS be her Nanny and that's what she will call her when we talk about her. YOU get called Nanny Bess because I want her to know you are NOT her real Nanny. No way after everything you have done to me will you ever ever be put on the same level as my mother. And STOP referring to me as your daughter!!! YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER! It's not my fault your son is a douche and won't respond to you in anything other than a grunt, perhaps you shouldn't have opted to work every single Christmas day for the money because you hate Christmas so why should he enjoy it? We all know you wanted a daughter really but I am not it.
2. You fell off a horse and broke your back, it was worse than they thought and now you have screws and bolts holding it together, you're lucky to not be paralysed. So STOP bloody pushing your luck! Don't put the washing on yourself or hang it on the line because you don't want to bother your fucking bone idle husband. He needs to get off his fat arse and help you!! Same goes for your son and his skank of a girlfriend. If they want to live there and get cheap rent they should help out!! You WILL end up in a wheelchair at this rate.

To MIL she is still not your baby now fuck off you crazy woman!

To FIL if I want to call her my munchkin or any other nickname I will. She is my baby!

To my dad, you have not spoken to me since the day after your first grandchild was born. For this, you can go and royally screw yourself. I no longer consider you my father, you lost me for 18 years, got me back and you don't bother with me. You still don't even know her name. Nor will you ever. You will not see her. You will not hear from me again. I have deleted your number. We have moved house. Good bye.

To my cat, happy 2nd birthday baby girl xxxx

I feel the need to cry now

Oh last one, to OH, you had better be thankful for what I have done for you. I have left everything and everyone for you. I have nobody here, this little town is a shithole, I know we've only been here two weeks but I am already lonely beyond belief it had better be worth it.

 

[mightyspu]

Emmy sounds like you need to get that off your chest. Have you found any mum and baby groups to stave off the boredom?

 

[minkymoo]

To my darling Niamhy - taking out the fact that you currently have a stinking cough and cold, could you please start STTN sometime soon as mummy was old enough as it was when she had you but is now starting to resemble the poor woman me and the other kids used to call a witch when we were younger. Thanks, love you xx

 

[Emmy1987]

Emmy sounds like you need to get that off your chest. Have you found any mum and baby groups to stave off the boredom?

Not any that aren't term time only

 

[mightyspu]

Emmy sounds like you need to get that off your chest. Have you found any mum and baby groups to stave off the boredom?

Not any that aren't term time only

How frustrating! No sure start centre? I don't know what I would've done without mine. I mean term time only? How rediculous is that, babies don't do 'terms'!

 

[xvmomovx]

To my brother: you are a terrible brother, a horrible son, not a very good father and you have never seen my son who is almost a year old now and have shown no interest... you are a complete effing douche and I hate myself for still wanting a relationship with you

 

[Scarlett316]

To my darling Niamhy - taking out the fact that you currently have a stinking cough and cold, could you please start STTN sometime soon as mummy was old enough as it was when she had you but is now starting to resemble the poor woman me and the other kids used to call a witch when we were younger. Thanks, love you xx

Hee hee, I looked in the mirror for mOre than the cursory "have I got sick or poop on me?" glance the other day and all I could think was where the he'll has this old woman come from????? Please god let it be temporary!!

 

[BabyBoo36]

To OH,

I'm sorry I ended up having a section because it was the only way our beautiful daughter was coming into this world. I'm sorry that I then had the audacity to get my wound infected from doing too much. I'm sorry that yesterday I fed, changed, rocked, winded, played with and rubbed your little girl's sore tummy all day, while managing to do 2 lots of washing and the dishes. But most of all, I'm sorry for interrupting your frigging facebook session to ask you (for the fourth day running) to do the hoovering because I CAN'T BLOODY DO IT. I won't bother asking again, I'll get my mate to do it as she comes round twice weekly to see how I am. I don't care if you think it makes you look like a selfish t**t - that's because you are.

To SIL.

I believe I've already told you once on here to f off. Why are you still contacting OH and whinging that you have no money. I don't care.

To Little Pud,

I love you dearly, but for the love of god, stop making me make bottles of which you will only drink 1oz every hour, and go to sleep! I know you are having a growth spurt, or a wonder week or something, but Mummy's bloody knackered sweetie x

OH, due to the above, the maid is on strike, and the kitchen is closed. You can make your own tea...