Things I cannot say out loud....

[tanya]

I dunno, if I'm so happy not to be pregnant why can't I stop crying?

I've spent the last half hour like a supermodel with a mars bar.

 

[Lettuce]

I think that's natural Hun, you only wished you weren't cos of circumstances. I'm sorry you are upset. X

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

I'm sorry you're upset Tanya. It's understandable to be upset though.

 

[Emmy1987]

Tanya it's natural to feel disappointed

 

[rainbowbaby2]

Hugs tanya xx

hate to.say it but your a useless father

 

[Fergie]

@ Tanya

OH - I lied ... i don't actually have fajita cravings, i just really wanted them for tea , but thank you for going to tescos and getting me all the stuff for them .

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Please let this be the month! Please

 

[tanya]

Fergie- I used to do that all the time! I had pretty much the entire family out searching for a slushie once (I was just hot and fancied one lol)

I don't know why I can't seem to get over this I didn't want to be pregnant nd should be happy that I'm not but I can't stop crying poor Flynn was poking my eyes earlier trying to push the tears back in!
I think it's partly because of fil and it's an outlet to the grief that I've not expressed yet, I thought that if I was pg it wa a gift from him coz it would have been concieved right around when he died. partly because I've finally come to the realisation that I'll never have another baby, I'll never get to feel a new life grow and move inside me, I'll never get the mixture of fear and excitement before a scan again.
I'll never get to hold a beautiful baby for the first time and know that it's mine and feel my heart burst with love every time I see it's face.
I'll never have the baby girl who was always in my dreams dancing alongside my boy.
I have flynn, he is so perfect and beautiful and amazing and I still look at him and feel like the first time I saw him. I feel so ungrateful. I have so much already it's horrible and selfish to want more.

 

[Emmy1987]

If any ******* beats me to that place I will batter them! I will get a viewing a least!!!!!

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Oh tanya. Is not selfish at all to want those things. Big

 

[luci and bump]

Mil- today is about LO, OH and I. If you are late to your only grand child's christening I will kill you. I'm sure you could have gone one week without going to your cult church! And also, there will be people there who have never met LO before, because we live so far away, so don't you dare pull your "granzilla" routine. FIL may find it funny, but I really don't!! If you try and pull the "give her to me, I never see her" again, I will personally take LO from you. I will not have my family, who make a hell of an effort, be made to feel bad by you, who makes none!!
Also, your lack of organisation amazes me. You knew we were doing a buffet. Telling my mum not to worry about cakes, because you're bringing 60 doughnuts, and then changing your mind and bringing 12bags of tortilla chips is not cool!

And no, just because my mum and I have organised the entire christening, you cannot "shotgun" LOs first birthday! There is no way in hell I am letting anyone else organise my daughters first birthday!! And obviously it will be in Cardiff, that's where we live, and where all evies little friends will be!!

Tanya, it's not wrong to feel like that all all. I hope you're ok xxx

 

[Lettuce]

never say never Tanya, but it's normal to feel this way.

Enjoy the christening Luci! hope mil behaves.

Emmy, get the house!

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Enjoy the christening Luci slap your MIL if she misbehaves, the law is on your side

OH you are a big meanie!! Dr Martin boots are perfectly acceptable wedding shoes would you prefer I wore my New Rock boots? Meanie! Live a little, you only get married for the first time once. Don't be boring! (rather animated convo about weddings after watching This Is England '86. No black & no boots. Sad Broken ): )

 

[Emmy1987]

^^ I've already told OH I'm wearing my New Rocks and we haven't even set a date they're the comfiest shoes I have lol.

Work- do yourself! It's too hot on the ward today to do anything!

 

[Lettuce]

My aunt wore her Docs for her wedding!

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Oh I'm so showing OH this! Apparently docs are not smart wedding shoes. If he wants me to dance they I wanna wear comfy shoes to do it in!

 

[Lettuce]

They were a lovely oxblood pair...

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Sounds stunning.

Josh do you have any idea how much my heart melts when you come & stand next to me & lay your head on my knee. Love you so much wee man

 

[Lettuce]

Oh dear god, why did I drink so much last night?!

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Oh dear! Are you suffering?

Glass of water. Paracetamol & a doughnut. Or chocolate bar