Things I cannot say out loud....

[tanya]

DHs appeal failed, he's officially dismissed. The job offer fell through and apart from the one interview last week at where his sister works he's heard nothing else, despite tonnes of cvs and applications he's heard nothing else. The money thing is getting a bit desperate now. Sil has given us a month off paying rent, so that means we have a bit of leeway paying rent, gas, elec etc etc which means we cn eat for a while longer, dh is calling benefits tomorrow to tell them what's happened so we don't get I to trouble for claiming working tax credits and he's going to ask if there's any money we can claim till he can get a job.
I have more qualifications than him and could probably go out and get a job in care tomorrow but he won't let me, we're very old fashioned, and both believe that the best place for a wife and mother is at home, I know it's not pc but its how we are. (Google "taken in hand marriage" and that's pretty much us except I still argue back!)

I'm freaking out about my blood tests too, i called for the results today to be told that only the liver and pancreas tests were back and that I needed to have more bloods taken to test them again and I'd recieve a letter explaining why. Closest appt for bloods is next Thursday! Now I'm really upset as my mum and nan died of pancreatic cancer

 

[Natsku]

Sorry your DH's appeal failed that really sucks.

Hope your blood results come back ok and its not anything bad why they need to take the tests again. Can't believe you have to wait til next thursday to get them done!

 

[tanya]

I know! Dh told me off when I came off the phone coz I apparently was overly harsh with the receptionist. I'm sorry? Overly harsh? She's just told me that I could have cancer (that's how my brain sees it) and then said but you've got to wait over a week for another test then a week after that for results. Harsh? I think I was pretty fucking restrained! I live across from the surgery and she was lucky I didn't pop round to show her where she could shove her "I can't possibly squeeze you in"
If I die I'm haunting that bitch forever!

 

[tanya]

That's the thing I've not been able to say out loud, everyone would think I'm just being over dramatic.
I might have cancer

 

[Natsku]

I'm sure if they had any concern that you had cancer a doctor would have been calling you and you would have a blood test done much sooner.

Really am surprised you have to wait so long though, don't have to get appointments here, just go to the lab whenever you want.

 

[Fergie]

@Tanya

Don't panic. I have chronic pancreatitis and my amylase, LFT's never come back normal. Plus i have a fatty liver. I'm at high risk too of developing pancreatic cancer, although my risk has dropped drastically since i stopped smoking. If you can, try and speak to a specialist, although there is no standard test you might, due to your family history, be able to get an ERCP. I hope all goes okay for you

 

[Fergie]

Had the consultant today with Haribo and a change of casts. All is going really well . I'm so chuffed. His consult says he has "characteristics" of having A-typical talipes but in his opinion he doesn't have the full range of issues to say he does . Relief . His treatment is going to take longer as he has tiny wee feet and fat legs, so the casts are more likely to slip but the consultant has never a patient thats failed treatment yet and he has no intention of Haribo being the first .

Roll on next Wednesday for another set of casts

 

[Natsku]

Thats positive

 

[luci and bump]

Bitch of a housemate- how fucking dar you tell me my dishes best be done before this evening?! You're not even supposed to be living in this country, we let you move in with your husband to do you both a favour, and you are not in the least bit grateful. You knew you were moving in with a baby, so to complain about mess and noise is ridiculous.
I'll tidy my dishes, I'll tidy them out of the kitchen. You seem more than happy to use everything of mine, my dishes, my pans, my washing liquid etc. Well if you're going to make me feel uncomfortable in my own house, you can fuck off! The sooner you move out the better. The day I never have to see you again can't come soon enough!

 

[Fergie]

I'm viewing a flat on Wednesday. OH and i aren't getting on at all and he isn't prepared to do anything about it. I've sat for 2 days in tears and i can't do it anymore. Everyone thinks i'm a bitch but i told him how i felt and got nothing.

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

fergie. It's about what's best for you & your babies. You're the important ones

 

[Natsku]

fergie, sorry you're not getting on

 

[tanya]

Still no job for Dh, the money is getting a bit desperate now. We are living on the child tax credits which isn't much and we have 1 month free rent from sil but its getting a struggle now, the emergency stockpile in my cupboards is nearly gone, my freezer is mostly ice cubes and veggies now.
We have had to take Dhs car off the road for a while as it was petrol or nappies yesterday but it means he can't get out and about to interviews and to hand out his cv as easy. We have a bit of money set aside for a shop bu it's going to have to be a tight one. I he doesn't get a job soon we will have to cancel our holiday as we can't even afford enough petrol to get to Skegness. Mil wants to give us money that she basically doesn't have and it's getting harder to say no. It's just over five weeks till ds turns two and at the moment I can't even see how we can get him a little present. The holiday was his main present, it'll be his first ever and we're booked to go the day after his birthday.
I'm breaking under the pressure and I don't know how Dh is holding up. I've gone behind his back and applied for some jobs even though we both decided to try our hardest to keep me at home with ds.
Then in the middle of all this sil drops it on us yesterday that they are moving out next year and leavin us the whole house which will instantly double our bills etc. the extra space would be cool and having our own house for the first time as a family would be awesome but I can't see how we will survive even if Dh is working.
Dh is going to see about job seekers etc but he's not entitled to much because he was sacked.

A few weeks ago things were going great, I was creeping back out of depression, Dh had a job he loved and was a shoe in for promotion we didn't have a lot of money but it was enough to be able to plan a holiday and big party for ds. Now it's all gone to shit and everything's gone wrong. It makes me feel sick coz its for absolutely no reason he didn't steal anything!

I finally got the letter from the dr to say why I have to repeat the blood tests, I've been waiting over a week for this letter that supposedly explains all my results and what's happening.
It literally says you need to repeat the blood tests because upon getting the results the doctor has requested it

Wtf?? I'm going to have a rant to the nurse when I go for the bloods tomorrow, I'm going to have to take ds with me too as I literally can't find a babysitter at all and Dh has an interview.

 

[tanya]

My ca-125 was within satisfactory boundaries meaning I don't have ovarian cancer at the moment, my liver and pancreas threw up some results they didn't like so they're testing again to see what it is and if it needs looking at deeper. All the other results were good.

 

[Fergie]

My ca-125 was within satisfactory boundaries meaning I don't have ovarian cancer at the moment, my liver and pancreas threw up some results they didn't like so they're testing again to see what it is and if it needs looking at deeper. All the other results were good.

 

[luci and bump]

Hugs for you tanya.
Hope the flat hunting is going ok fergie.

I'm also looking for somewhere to live. I did something a few months ago that I deeply regret. I cheated on my OH. He found out, and was understandably devastated. I'm heartbroken and have wished many times that none of this had ever happened.
I've been seeking help for some issues I have, and my counsellor thinks that due to abuse in my past, my approach to sex is squewy.
I have begged and begged for a secon chance, but he won't even be in the same room as me. So now I need to find somewhere to live with LO. He keeps threatening to fight me for custody. He says because I have debts, and because I have mental health problems, that there isn't a court in the world that would chose me to parent my daughter.
The thing I can't say out loud is, today I actually thought my daughter might be better off without me. I seriously planned all of the chemists that are open, to go buy as many pills as possible. I don't have anyone I can turn to, and that scares me

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Oh Luci, Your wee girl will not be better off without her mummy at all. Please don't think that

 

[Fergie]

OH and i are working it out atm . I know i have mood swings but it turns out my mum has been seriously shitstirring and playing us off against each other !. With family like that who needs enemies.

Luci, your little girl would never be better off without you. Any court in the land can see how much you adore her and vice versa. She's much better off being brought up by someone who understands forgiveness. You did something wrong, which you regret dearly and i don't get why your OH won't even attempt to work through it, especially with the wee lass. It is you and her who are better off without him.

Xx

 

[CazM 2011]

Luci your LO needs you , you are her mommy and debt or MH problems are no reason for you not to bring her up thats bollocks!! Xxxx

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

Now I feel pathetic and thought these problems wouldn't happen once I left school but it looks like I'm as shit at keeping friends now as then. I took the big step in September last year to start going to mom & baby groups, loved going as did LO. Then made a few friends there we started meeting every week, stopped going to the baby groups as much and now I appear to have been ditched. I know I've been Ill but I've missed a few weeks now I don't get invited to anything, they all go without me then post how amazing it was on Facebook. I was in tears this afternoon as I just don't know what I have done?!?! I wonder if its cause I am pregnant again. Just feel like I've gotta start again with groups and making friends, so in the morning I start again 9 months wasted and almost time for the baby groups to stop for the summer, so no contact unless I can find some new friends to talk to and meet up with. Friends freaking suck!!! Xx

 

[tanya]

I know how you feel caz I really struggle to make friends and its lonely, it's a shame you don't live closer.

I don't know what to do, I was on another forum and had a rant at a woman who's husband had lost some money on the stock market and she didn't have the money to pay school fees until her Dh got paid, I got a bit ranty and told her that she doesn't know shit about being skint and explained about my Dh losing his job and we are struggling to buy food and can't afford to get ds a birthday present and will prob have to cancel holiday.
I then got an inbox which made me cry, a member I've not seen before wanted my address to send ds a present, she sent a link to an amazon page of what she wants to send, it's a ride on swing car which Ds would adore but it's £25 and I don't feel like I should accept, it would be a massive weight off my mind to have something I could give him but I'm not sure, and then I got another message from someone else offering to send him a present.
I'm completely floored.
Wwyd?