TTC #1, 35 year old, starting CD 1, 3rd cycle - Would love a buddy?

[so_anxious]

Yes, I can definitely tell your DH is an Irishman…. He’s too cute. You look like you have a terrific family and now you just need that little baby for the added touch!! Right!

Do you work with younger people? Well, you’re in IT right, so you probably work with lots of men too. Does your DH ever complain about that? I work with a bunch of people that are all around 30 and we’re all getting married and having kids at the same time, so there are currently 3 women on maternity leave in a 20 person department. I know that I’m trying to have kids and another coworker is trying also, so the department is going to have to hire a lot of temporary people soon!! 

Didn’t sleep very well last night, had a horrible sharp pain in my right ovary area, I’m hoping its implantation or something. I guess we’ll find out on Friday if I’m knocked up or not. My temps went up some more this morning which is a positive sign cause last month it had started to drop at 9 dpo so I’m that’s a good thing, but AF did arrive late so who knows what the hell that means anymore.

I will definitely email and/or post you while your in Florida to keep you updated and not to worry I know you’re busy so I won’t expect a response everyday. Just make sure you have fun and hopefully by time you get back (when are you getting back) you’re telling me about your BFP…. This is all so exciting!! 

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

Ovary pain that's perfect!

Havin fun in Florida, bit chilly tho, but not even close to how cold it is at home.

My temps are weird? I have an iPhone app for ff so i can just plug them in and they sync to my web ff.

I'll check in later....

P's I'm Home Sunday evening but straight to sil party : (

 

[so_anxious]

Nah, I don't think it's good news anymore. I actually think I may have a cyst or fibroid or something. My mom had one of her ovaries removed because of a cyst and my sister had fibroids, so I think I probably may have one or both. I really think that may be the pain I'm feeling and it's not pregnancy symptoms at all. Remember last month, I had some serious groin pain, well, it's making more sense to me now why I had that.

Anyhow, I see what happens tomorrow and I'll let you know. I have an appointment with my family doctor on the 20th, so I'll tell her about the pain I'm experiencing.

So, you're in Florida now!!! Yippee... Well, have a fantastic time except when you're at your SIL.... Blah, who wants to go there????

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee,

Hope you're doing well... Just wanted to let you know that Af arrived today and I was pretty upset earlier today, but I'm ok now. I'm ready to start another cycle, but I'll have to tell my family doctor that I think I may have a cyst or fibroids cause I had such sharp pains this cycle, nothing like I've ever had before, so I think there may be something wrong.

Anyhow, hpeing you're doing well and are having fun in Florida.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

HEY there Stranger... im back!!!

so sorry Monique that AF gotcha... damn thing huh?

gosh and your pain... ahh I feel so bad for you.. now is it constant pain now ? you think you should wait until the 20th? or maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN a little sooner? this saline test they want to do on me next cycle is suppose to let me know if I have any fybroids or cysts. perhaps if you wait to see your regular doctor on the 20th she can prescribe that test to you? or maybe something similar to that perhaps huh? I know my FS does it in his office, but they also have hospitials that would just take scripts from other dr's and report the results back to the prescribing dr. Whats good with me getting it right at my FS office, is he can pretty much give me the results right away.

as for me, vacation was fun, visiting was fun, miss my friends and kids already!! did lots of christmas stuff down there... back to a very cold and busy work and personal schedule though. We have stuff going on every almost every night this week. Wed night dinner with friends, Thursday Party at hubbys Aunts, Friday another work Christmas Party for my Hubby, then Saturday a Party at my friends...Sunday we can rest... I hope....

I am not feeling much of anything in my TWW... so I am not very optimistic at all that anythings gonna happen. AF should arrive for me probally this Thursday.... but they say with the Clomid it could lengthen my LP phase a bit so I will hold off testing until Sunday.

had a talk with hubby (before leaving for Florida) more indepth about what the FS said etc... and I do not think he is really going to have us go the route of IUI if it comes to that. He said pretty point blank "I will really have to think about it, it is too unnatural, and I dont want a test tube baby" I tried to talk to him about it, and let him know that if that is the only way for us to conceive I think we should try it... but he closed up like a clam, and it was kind of end of discussion. I will not bring up the subject of IUI again for a while. I really think the FS opinion of my hubbys SA being low was not too big of an obstacle, is because he thought that we were going to go in the direction of IUI anyway. but that may not be the case. So basically for the next few cycles.. I will do the tests the FS want, take the Clomid and hope for the best that we conceive naturally, and if that doesnt work in a few cycles, I will then approach the subject of IUI again with him, as I tried to explain we dont have anytime to WASTE, but he thinks I am exaggeratting... which I am not... but he just doesnt see it that way...and I cant change his mind at this point. so I will drop it for now. and I have to really concentrate on not bringing up anything to do with TTC with him AT ALL... again not that he doesnt want children, but he thinks I am obsessed with it, and thinks that IUI is impratical.... gosh he aggrevated me that night.. I was so angry with him... but I just hide that I was angry with him... so that he perhaps will consider it further if need be ya know... ??

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Girl,

Well, I’m glad you’re back now and that you had fun in Florida. Did you go to your SIL? How’s the weather in Pittsburg? I was telling my DH that you lived in Pittsburg and he asked me “is she a Steelers fan?” I’m like “big time!”… he got all happy that I’m talking to a women that knows something about football. Yeah, he’s a weirdo!! 

So, no symptoms yet, huh? Well, sometimes no symptoms is the symptom… ha ha…know what I mean???

Anyhow, does your hubby really think that IUI is unnatural?? That kinda sucks. I mean, yeah it sucks that some of us have to use that method, but what does that matter. Gosh… I’m sorry that conversation didn’t go too well. I know what you mean about your hubby thinking that your obsessed with TTC, but they really don’t understand it at all. My hubby was like that about a month ago and then I had to compare the amount of time he spends on his video games and computer to the amount of time that I spend on TTC. That ended the conversation real quick. 

Anyhow, I agree with you, if you can keep the TTC talk to a minimum maybe that may help. It’s hard to be angry with someone and to hide it from them. I do that sometimes too with my hubby. Do you think your DH would be embarrassed that he had to have a child by IUI? Maybe he feels like he’d be less of a man if you use that method. Hmm… it’s a tough call.

As for me, well, the pain comes and goes and I figured I can wait till I see my doctor on Monday. I’m still having pain on the sides of my boobs and my left armpit was killing me yesterday. So, not sure if that’s a lymph node problem or what the heck is going on now? Anyhow, I’m just going to go about my daily business and see what happens. I’ll make sure to tell my doctor about my mom’s cyst and removal of ovary and my sister’s fibroids, then maybe she’ll give me some tests now and I won’t have to wait till February. The crappy thing about this is that I have to arrange our BD sessions around Christmas now. I know for sure we won’t be able to BD on Christmas day and I’m hoping that we can BD on Christmas Eve, but not sure what time my DH will be home and we have to go over to his parent’s house for dinner. Blah… So, I’m suppose to ovulate sometime next weekend, I’m hoping it happens a little later this month cause the DH will be home for a couple of days.

Man, this TTC crap is annoying as hell, if only a stork would fly by a drop one off for me!! 

Oh BTW, I got sick again early this morning at around 2am. I woke up feeling really nauseous and then ran to the washroom and threw up a few times. After about 30 minutes I felt a bit better, cleaned up and then went back to bed. I woke up to get ready for work and my temp shot up, but not high enough for a fever. It was like post-ovulation high. Totally bizarre. Maybe I have a fever now… who knows. I feel sick right now so I’m eating some soda crackers, hoping that I don’t throw up again. I hope nothing serious is going on with my body. It’s kind of scary, but I’ll just wait to see what my doctor says on Monday. Unless I throw up again this week and then I may have to go to the walk-in clinic.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

WOW.. sick again.... do you really think being all that sick is perhaps the fybriods or something going on "down there" ? how ya feeling today ? any better at all. Im very worried bout ya.

and I will say again I HATE TEMPING... so your spike... gosh who the hell knows right? all I know is my temps seem to always be all over the place I dont even know if I want to do it any more... and since they are all over the place for me.. FF this month is showing that I ovulated according to my temps, which ends up being the first day of my +OPK which was Thursday..and I was still only on highs from my CBFM on that day, and was not even peak until Fri and Sat. So I dont know if I trust temping or FF now ??

oh ya this GIRL was raised on Football, every since I can remember we watched Steelers every week, it was a family tradition, and it carried on to my adulthood. I think I already told ya this but there is litterally not 1 person I know that does NOT watch the games every week. haha.. yep!! love our Steelers!!

As for me... still really no signs really... and like ya said ya I did hear something NO signs is a "sign" haha... weird cause BBs were not as sore this month either, didnt feel alot of twinges after O but starting today some AF pains have started slightly... so I really think shes on her way... oh and according to FF today is when it is predicting I should be getting AF. watch the damn thing be right !!!

bday for SIL was not so bad, hubby picked me up at airport at 5:30 and only went to the inlaws from 6-8 ... so not too bad at all... had a quick bowl of pasta some bday cake and we were out the door.

 

[so_anxious]

So, today I have a headache so I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but you know what I normally get sick around Christmas time anyhow, so maybe it’s all psychological. Who knows? I mean I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining the sharp pains in my ovary area or the armpit pain. I’m hoping it has nothing to do with fertility, but thanks for your concern. I’ll let you know what the dr says on Monday.

Yeah, I’m not too sure about FF either, and I only like the temping cause it tells me that I did ovulate by the rise and it also tells me when I’m going to get my period, but when I look at your chart, it seems a little whacky. Especially since usually your temp is suppose to drop when you get your period, but for you, it rises… that’s so bizarre. You know you can reset your chart in FF to use the result from your monitor instead of the temps! I think you have to go to “Analysis” and then click on “Tuning/Override”.

Anyhow, my DH and I booked a little 4 day trip to Miami in April. I’ve been there before but my DH hasn’t and let me tell you, this man loves to shop. He especially loves Polo (Ralph Lauren), we don’t have any Polo stores here in Canada, but there are sold in a department store here but the prices are insane. So, my DH said that while we’re in Miami, we’re going to go across town to the Polo outlet store to get some things. That should be interesting!!! :

So, did AF get you today? I noticed you’ve started a new chart. I’m so sorry my dear, but now that you’re on Clomid, things so start happening sooner right. Plus you have a few tests that you need to do right? I hate this waiting game. My DH was talking to a pregnant lady at work yesterday and she’s around 33-34 and she told him that it took her 1 year to get pregnant. That seems like such a long time… Yucky…. I’m not a patient person at all… blah.

Well, I’ve got my BD sessions planned for next week. I don’t think I’ll be able to stick to SMEP this time cause Christmas is smack in the middle of it. I predict I’ll get a +OPK right on Christmas day and I won’t be able to BD, so we’re going to BD right around it. So, Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Monday and we’ll see if the DH is up for Tuesday as well. I have a feeling he won’t be but he’s not going back to work till Wednesday so maybe I’ll get lucky (literally). Tee hee!

Anyhow my dear, I’m glad you didn’t have to spend much time with the SIL. My MIL called last night and I saw it on the call display and I didn’t answer the phone. Tee hee… I don’t care, she annoys me. She treats my DH like he can do so much better with is life and she compares my DH to his brother. I hate it and I refuse to put up with it. She keeps telling me, “Monique you must call me sometimes.” Yeah, right, why would I call you, you stupid cow!!! Sorry, I have a headache and just thinking of her makes it worse. So, I’ll stop now!!

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

ya for the FF thingy... I did see that setting... I very well may switch it to that!! One reason I really do like FF is the mobile version they have though, so I can plug in some stuff from my phone without having to get on my computer. The thing that confuses me is....My cycles seem pretty "regular" its just my temps that dont, ya know? also as a side note...when I went to see the FS he did ask me if I temp too...so it really is a technique they like to see used I guess... I am just not a good canidate I suppose

Yes AF got me Yesterday.. actually I started spotting Wed night... I was of course really upset... we were out with our friends for dinner having a good time, I went to use the bathroom... and BAM...!! uggh... even though I knew it was coming, it kinda ruined the night for me !! just really bad timing, then we had a family christmas party last night, and I had such bad AF cramps !!! ughhhh!! oh and this part of my hubbys family I ADORE... they are his aunts/uncles and cousins. They are the kindest nicest, funnest people, and all his cousins are around our age... so fun!! its just the immediate family (SIL and Mom) that are bitt of downers!! haha.... OH your MIL story !! FUN NY sTUFF!!! HAHA.. I also hate "chatting" with my MIL...I think...."whats the purpose" haha

so I am hoping your MOnday appointment goes really well, and the dr can let you know what the Hell is going on right!!! you have to keep me posted. and super ya!! for the Miami visit... I love Miami!! and perfect timing too... get to defrost from our winter with all the snow huh!!! yes definately you'll be able to find some Polo in Miami... enjoy!!!

your BD schedule sounds perfect...hope your able to stick to it... thank goodness ours BD time is not until the following week, cause hubby would really prob not stick to it... just so much going on over holidays...

as for me... gosh what a busy busy week... almost over though, tonight another party then tomorrow I acutally bailed on my friends party and am spending the entire day christmas shopping... I actually have to get CD3 blood work done at 11:30 am so will leave the house at 11 am and not come back to all my Christmas shopping is done!!! every last gift...(thats my goal anyway) Kinda looking forward to it really, it will be fun and I have ALL day so will try to relax with all the whackos out there shoping with me !! haha

and Monday the FS has my Saline ultrasound test scheulded... so hoping I dont get any weird unexpected news from that. Oh also for some reason my Progestrone from my last cycle was low (6) which actually from being on the Clomid it should have been quite High... so little concern there... ya know what Monique!! its like never ending... ya wonder how any damn person gets pregnant ya know!!! UGHHHHH

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee,

Sorry, I haven’t posted in a couple of days, but I’ve been so freaking busy and there’s been some drama with my family.

So, let me begin my story telling…. So my dad lost his job about 6 years ago, he was a Plant Manager for an automotive company and I was still living with my parents at that time. So, I had to help them pay their mortgage and help out with the finances. Anyhow, he decided to open up a business but the business failed miserably and he lost a ton of money. Like a ton, so much, that he had to take money out of his pension and they had to sell the house to pay off debt. Anyhow, during this time, my mom was working as an Admin Assistant and she still did up till about 2 months ago. Anyhow, after my parents sold their house, I decided to buy a house and let them live with me till I got married and then they would have to pay me rent. So, last year my dad went back to school and graduated this year as a Paralegal, so he’s been looking for work now. My mom was working for a horrible company that was very mean to her, so she got a new job at a bank call centre. So, my dad is still without a job cause no one wants to hire a Paralegal with no experience, plus he’s legally deaf, so he can’t just get any job either. And now, my mom told me on Friday that she hates her job at the bank cause it’s too difficult and stressful. She’s 58 years old, so I kinda had a feeling that the call centre job wouldn’t work out.

Anyhow, my issue is that I’m still paying for the mortgage and some bills at my house where my parents live and I’m now living with my DH at his condo that he owns, but we want to buy another house in early 2012 and we need to save the rent money that I’m suppose to get from my parents to put a downpayment on a house. But since my dad isn’t working, I’m not getting any rent, cause the money that my mom makes is for the rest of the bills, car insurance, gas, groceries, utilities, etc… and she really doesn’t make enough money to pay for anything else. On top of that, my mom is a diabetic and has arthritis, so the more she gets stressed out with this new job the more sick she gets. So, now not only do I have to help my dad get a job, but now I have to find another job for my mom so that she doesn’t get too sick. It’s soooo much drama.

I also asked my DH if we can just buy a house and let them live with us, but he flatly refuses, which makes me really upset cause I don’t want to see my parents struggle. I’m almost wishing that I get pregnant really fast and have twins cause that’s probably the only way my DH will let them live with us. It’s so sad.

So, that’s my horrible dramatic story and there’s still more. My DH went to the dr last week and found out that he has a yeast infection. I was shocked and didn’t even know how to respond cause I told him how come you have one and I don’t. He said that the dr said that since we’re BDing a lot, it’s bound to happen and that I probably have one and don’t know about it. Anyhow, that was last week and today I started to have the itchy symptom. So, now I don’t know what to do, should I treat it now or wait till after I ovulate which may be anytime between Saturday and Monday. I have to see my dr today about my ovary and armpit pain, so I’ll ask her, but I’ve been doing some research and they say that those creams will make it harder for the sperm to swim. I’m so freaking confused and annoyed right now.

How are you doing? You’re going for your test today, right? Did you have a nice weekend with all the parties and shopping?

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

HOLY SMOKES!!! so much going on... have to admit I was a little worried bout ya... thinking your armpit pain had something to do with your blood condition and you were out of comission... and in the hospital or something... well at least thats not the case... but GOLLY so much goin on with your family, this stupid economy huh!!! gosh looks like you really took on a lot there Monique!!! I guess all I can really say is good luck on the job hunting huh!! gosh!!

and hubbys yeast infection... hmmm never heard of a guy with one... I am assuming he is on meds to fix him up ? and if you have one, there has got to be something safe to use while TTC right ? did ya google it ? I know my friend had some yeast infections while pregnant and she was ok to use the typical over the counter monistat stuff? ahhh girl!!!!

so what did your doctor say yesterday?? are they thinking fybroids??

so as for me... I have had a killer cold for 2 days now... really bad sinus infection, cant breath ughhh!!! been staying in bed a lot. See I am like you... always trying to catch a cold for Christmas...

as for my Drs appointment yesterday, got a A+, no fybriods, no cycsts, tubes seemed opened, ovaries right where they should be. Next up is next wednesday when I do my Postcotial test... thats the text where me and hubby have sex then 2-4 hours later I have to go get the quality of my CM tested to see if the spermies are able to swim through it etc. My FS highered my dosage of Clomid from 50 to 100 this month, because last month my progestrone level was rather low. So at this appointment next Wednesday he will also do an ultra sound to check if I have any folicles!! how exciting is that ? and he will also look at my uterine lining to make sure it is the right thickness for implatation. I guess these are the typical scanns they do while on Clomid... they want to see if you are producing folicles on this medicine , and also that it is not thickening your wall too much for implanataion.

so busy busy week and I am having Christmas Eve at my place!~!! I am soooooo exicted... this is the first year I get to have a Holiday!!! and all I wanted was just 1 Holiday... every single Holiday for the past 9 years we go to my hubbys parents... occasionally one of the sisters will host...BUT I LOVE to cookd and entertain... so I told hubby can we just have Christmas Eve!!! and we are I am sooooo excited... Hopefully that will be "our holiday" now !! then Christmas Day we will go to his parents... which is fine... its all about the kids on christmas eve (he has 2 neices and 2 newphews) my siblings dont have any kids.... So what about you, what are your Holiday Plans ?? I think you already said you were done shopping huh? I just got the last of my presents wrapped and under the tree tonight... so crossed that chore off my check list hahaha!!

hey betcha your hubby will be watching the Steelers on Thursday huh? I know we will be~!~ well actually my hubby will be going to the Game, I will be watching it from the comfort of my couch!! haha

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Girl,

So, I'm super happy for you that your test came back all clear, just means you have a better chance of getting preggers and you can put your mind at ease now. Just have to check out your cm now. I've been wondering about my cm too. I think i may have a very acidic body to begin with so my cm may be harmful to sperm. not too sure, but would love to get that checked out as well.

Went to the dr's and she kind of poked me a few times in my abdomin and there was a specific spot that hurt more so she said that it can either be my ovary or appendicitis. So I have to go get an internal vaginal ultrasound in mid January and then go back for the results. As for the yeast infection, it looks like I got one too and took some oral meds and now I'm good and so is the husband. I did some research, looks like it's possible to give it to your partner and then for him to pass it back to you. Happens a lot when you BD alot for concieving purposes and probably doesn't help that we're using Pre-seed either. I think we're pretty good now so we can get to BDing again.

A little concerned with this cycle though, my CBFM hasn't registered a high yet and I usually get 4 highs starting on the Tuesday before ovulation. Today is Wednesday and still no high. I'm hoping I get a high tomorrow otherwise I think this cycle will be either really late or I may not ovulate at all.

On top of that, I just received a call on my cell phone like 2 minutes ago to call my doctor back. I think it's about my blood test, which kinda scares me cause usually the doctor never calls unless there's something wrong. Yikes. Wish me luck.

So, you have Christmas Eve at your place huh... that's exciting. I'm like you love to host a nice big dinner for the family. You should totally make it an annual Christmas Eve tradition. Unfortunately, for me I'm going over to the in-laws to be bored out of my mind and fed with disgusting food. But the good part is that after I spend a few hours with them, I get to go over to my sister's place and then wake up there for Christmas Day. Plus, we're going to sleep over there on christmas day and all go boxing day shopping. Our Boxing day shopping is like the Thanksgiving shopping in the US. It's going to be crazy, but I'm going to go really early. I need to get a nice suit for work.

This is the first year that I'm not making dinner, so it should be interesting cause my sister isn't the greatest cook. In fact, she needs to make sure she makes vegetarian food for my dad and my DH. I'll have to pray to God to make sure she does a good job!!

So, is the football game in the evening, if it is then the hubby will definitely watch it, but if its during the day, he'll be at work, although he'll probably find it on the internet and watch it at work. tee hee...

Well, my dear, I hope you're feeling a little better now. I don't think I've ever had any sinus problems, but I would imagine that to hurt a lot. Try not to do too much cause you need to get well and stay well.

Again, I'm really happy for you that they're doing all these tests. Go Team!!

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

OH GOSH Monique I got some bad news bout my blood levels, I just cried and cried... my FSH this cycle was 15.3 which means I have depleted ovarian reserve. The Dr said it can fluctuate from cycle to cycle (which it has... this is the highest for me yet) but he also said you are only as good as your worse score. So meaning althought it was an 8 in June, now that it is a 15.3 I am now considered to have depleted eggs... So I dont know what we do from here. I asked the nurse who called me with the results, and I said how can it be that high and her answer was "honey your 40" ... I dont even know if being on the Clomid this month will help anything at all, and not so sure he will continue me on Clomid any further either. I am just numb... and cant help but to think I will never ever have a child...with all these blood values definately against my odds...I am super sad.

 

[so_anxious]

Honey, I don't even know what to say to you to make you feel better. I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how horrible you must feel right now. Does this mean that you can't do IVF either? If not, then I think you should sit your hubby down and tell him we need to go for this now, there's no other option, it has to be now. This is crazy. I feel for you honey. I think you should still do the whole ttcing and don't give up. I think that the Clomid will help for sure to stimulate some eggs. Please, please, please don't let this put a damper on your Christmas.

Please find out if IVF is still an option and then please go for it right away. Ok, I'm praying for you and I think next year will be a better year for both of us. Ok my dear!

Please continue to post or email me if you want to talk some more. I'm here for you.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

Thanks Monique for the quick response... I am just sooooo blue. Trying my damnest to not have it consume every second of my thoughts. I just feel there is no hope at the end of the tunnel.. ya know what I mean?

then I cant help but to have this awful thought in my head, that if hubby wouldnt have drug his feet and dated me for 9 years,(9 YEARS!!!) before he asked me to marry him then we would already have a baby by now!! I know awful right!! but I cant help it!!! dahhh.. Im 40 now.. WHAT WAS I thinking..

so yes these are all the things going through my head... then I TRY to stop and concentrate that I am in a happy marriage, and we are newylweds and try to concentrate on my upcoming Christmas Eve party... but it is not working so good... I really am trying though, but the thoughts of me perhaps never ever having a baby just keeps coming back.

I am not letting hubby see me get so terribly upset right now, since 2 weeks ago he told me I was getting over board.. (sure I get it...he sees me temping every am and sticking my feet up in the air after we BD and making him jump in bed 5 out of 7 nights, the week I am fertilie, I see how he thinks I am letting it consume me.. (but gosh he doesnt know the 1/2 of it really haha!! what about my hours and hours of non-stop research, and the vitamins, asprin, robitussin I am taking and the CBFM..and OPKs... I just cant tell him everything then he would really think I am INSANE.. but honestly I just want a child THAT BAD. I did tell him about the test results from today, but I just dont want him to see how upset I REALLY am right now, and he knows I am upset but I held back when talking to him, and he said "well we will still try right" I said "sure". At this point I dont think it would be smart for me to let him know that I am gutted...and I cant think of anything else right now. I know in my heart that IUI or IVF would be our smartest option right now.. BUT I am not even quite sure IUI or IVF is even a possiblity. Now my FSH is pretty high, but not off the charts. But at my age I really dont think they suggest IUI/IVF with that high of a FSH, just kinda a waste of money, said you should use donor eggs, and thats something hubby would never ever agree to. But with my age and the high FSH value I think we have a maybe a 1-5% chance of getting pregnant on our own.

And I really think if I would tell my husband hey I dont think we can have kids, I think he would be perfectly ok with it to be honest. Sure he'd "like" to have children, but I know he wouldnt be heart broken like me for the rest of my life, if we didnt.

Well I will just wait and see what the FS has to say next week, maybe something surprising and promising right?

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee,

I know exactly what you mean about the "9 year" wait. Sometimes I think about my previous engagement and I get so upset that I could have been married and have tried to have kids when I was 5 years younger, but then if you think about it, I would have been miserable with a cheating husband. So, I'm so happy that I'm with my husband and that he's so very different from the last guy and he makes me happy. He's also very supportive and would do anything for me. I know it's hard not to think those bad thoughts, I have some similiar thoughts all the time.

I also understand how us women hide all the different things that we use to TTC. I hide my CBFM from my dh for over a month cause I didn't want him to know that I spent a bunch of money on it, but once he saw it and all the other things I use, he's been pretty good with me. He asks me every morning, how's your temperature? I don't think he has a clue what he's talking about but I think it's kind of cute. My DH did annoy me once cause he told me that I'm obsessed with TTCing, but I told him that I don't have precious time on my hands to get pregnant and if he loved me, he'd understand why I'm doing all this.

Anyhow, my dear, I do understand your issue and concern about telling your hubby how upset you are and I hope that he'd be willing to try all options before throwing in the towel. I agree with you, the FS could have some better options or news for you, so lets wait and see what he says next week.

I've got a couple of issues now, my CBFM should have read a "high" 2 days ago and it's still on "low", which is unusual. I did have ovulation spotting and cramps today, so hopefully I get a high tomorrow. Anyhow, the DH and I will continue with my BD plan and see what happens.

Other issue, is that I have an interview for a PMO manager job next year on the 5th. I'm scared cause I really really want the job, but if I get pregnant within the next 3-6 months, I think it'll look really bad on my part and kinda unprofessional. What are your thoughts? It's with a government agency so it's not like a transfer to another department, it's like a whole new company. It's such a good job and I applied for it thinking they wouldn't call me, but they did and I had the phone interview the the HR like a day after I applied for the job and then the next day they called me up for an interview. Yikes.

I don't want to worry about it too much cause I may not get the job, but if I do, then what do I do? It could take me a year to get pregnant and I would have missed this opportunity. Yikes!

Anyhow, my dear, are you starting to prepare for xmas eve? I hope you're feeling a little bit better today.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

merry Merry MERRY Christmas to my friend Monique!!!

gosh I just checked your chart...and looks like you finally got your high today !!! geeze that was alittle delayed right ? I am sure you already know this but your O day can flucate each month but your LP phase should stay pretty constant. Well that is not "always" the case for me but just thought I'd share that with you. And another BIG thing they say can delay O is STRESS!! and I think you got a little of that going on !!! haha! actually you got a ton. None the less so happy you finally got it right!! geeze.

ok as for the job thing.... I dont think I agree with you. You becoming preganant at any time even if you've only been on the job 2 days... SHOULD NOT take away anything from you. And I feel very strongly about that. Your a woman, there is always a chance you can become pregant, that is why we have maternity leave. People dont just have children so they can have time off work ya know... it just so happens if they are going to hire a women, there is always a great chance she may have some maternity leave. see what I mean ? Sooo my suggestion is DONT YOU DARE put of TTC. really

As for me I have been doing alot of mind blocking the last few days. What I mean by that is I have this think I do, if something really upsets me, as soon as I think of that unpleasant thing I make my self think of something positive and upbeat instead. So that I am not down ya know. Pretty much there is nothing I can do right now about my TTC situation, I am 40 I do have High FSH, there is litterally nothing I can actually do to change these things, so I have to try to stay positive, so that is my plan.

Yes it is natural to be upset or worried etc, and not always good to hold in all your feelings so sure using the mind blocking thing should not be used ALL the time, but I use it just when I need to !! haha.

oh PS today my first day POS for CBFM, and it gave me a high already... knew that would happen this Clomid raises your estrogen...so that is why I got a High Already...

Gonna run for now... wanted to pop on and say Merry Christmas.... I asked hubby for a Dyson vacumn cleaner....hope I get it!! what about you ?

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee!!

Merry Christmas to you too. Thank you so much for the advice. I don't think I'd stop ttcing, but I was just a little concerned that if I did take a new job and got pregnant right away, I just don't want them to fire me or something you know, but you do make a lot of sense. It should be expected that women get pregnant all the time and a company has to realize that if they hire a women for a job, right? I remember one of my old bosses said in a meeting once that he wouldn't hire another woman again cause they'd get pregnant. That has always stuck in my mind. I couldn't believe he said that out loud. ah well!!

So, I'm very happy that you're got a positive attitude and that you're just going with the flow, right!! That's really all you could do! It's all mind over matter. I should listen to my own advice.

So, I did get my first high today, which is late for me but I'm actually hoping I get another high tomorrow and then a peak on Sunday, cause I won't be able to BD tomorrow but I can go full force from Sunday onwards... tee hee... I gotta do an OPK later on today as well and we'll see if I get a smiley face.

Good luck today with the Chistmas eve dinner. I hope everything turns out really well, I'm sure it will. About the Dyson vacuum, I almost died of laughter cause my DH wanted one so badly for our wedding. He even put it on the wedding registry. I told him who is going to buy us a $500 vacuum, anyhow, no one bought it for us and he's all sad now. I should have bought him that for xmas instead of clothes...

Anyhow, my DH went all insane and bought me like 20 gifts, not sure what he was thinking about cause I'd be ok with 2 gifts, but he loves to shop so I'm ok with that!

Good luck and Merry Christmas again!!

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

Good Morning Monique!!! sounds like ya had a great Christmas!! 20 gifts from hubby !! thats awesome... how was your Boxing Day shopping... ya get any good deals?

Well I am happy to report that my hubby DID get me the Dyson I wanted !!! yippeee!! I have already used it 3 times to vacumn the whole house!!! yes he called me a dork, as soon as I opened the box I put it together and vacumned the living room floor hahah

was a great christmas... very very busy the last few days... finally yesterday afternoon was relax time... we both took a 3 hour nap, then just laid around last night and watched movies... much needed break... we have been going non stop since Thursday... but back to work this AM for the both of us.... Still no big New Years Eve plans.... different groups of friends are having some parties but we havent decided what/if we feel like going to any of them as of yet... we still got some time to decide though... what about you guys...doing anything fun?

so did ya get your peak yet? I checked your FF right before I started typing and didnt see ya put in todays yet? remember if O is a little delayed this month dont be worried, it happens!! so as for your arm pit pain... forgot to ask... is that still going on ? and you able to keep to your BD plan over the last few days?

as for us... we were "suppose" to BD last night, but hubby was a little under the weather... so we did not...hopefully we really need to tonight...then we have to wait until Wednesday AM (thats the day for the postcoital test) so have to BD by 8am and I go in at 10:30 for them to take a specimen to see how the little guys and my CM are mixing... really nervous for this appt...I want to ask him what he thinks about our future TTC plans with now the FSH being so high.. ya know...fingers crossed I come away from that appointment with a positive attitude!!!

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee, how’s it going? I had a terrific Christmas, yes the hubby spent a lot of money buying me clothes and accessories. He spoils me rotten. I must have spent a lot of money on some Polo clothes and do you know his favourite gift that I bought him was a $20 Green Lantern T-shirt that glows in the dark. Ah well, he’s a funny little guy.

That’s hilarious that you vacuumed the living room floor, but hey, you had to test it out, right? Tee hee. Our Christmas was really busy too, we were over at my sister’s house for a few days and she did a terrific job hosting. I wasn’t too sure she would, but she did. Even dinner was really good, I was shocked cause she can’t cook very well, but it was actually quite good and different.

Christmas eve at the in-laws was boring as usual. My SIL bought everyone a book filled with pictures of her daughter to everyone. Who the hell does that? I mean I can understand her giving that kind of gift to the grandparents and aunts but why the hell would I want a picture book of her daughter. Guess what the first picture was.... it was a sonogram picture of her daughter at like 30 weeks or something like that. (this is the section where I motion that I’d like to throw up now). What a joke!!! Whatever.

Anyhow, so I’m walking around in my MIL’s house and I notice some of my wedding pictures in a frame in the kitchen. There were 3 pictures and I looked at all of them and guess what, I wasn’t in any of them. Everyone else was, my DH, his brother, the SIL, the grandchild, the father, and my MIL, but I wasn’t in the picture. Isn’t that insane! That’s my freaking wedding and I’m not in any of the pictures. I told my DH that his mother obviously has an issue with me, but he thinks I’m over analyzing or something. I also told him that everytime we go over there, she sits right in between us on the couch. Every time.... it’s so obvious too. Whatever, she needs to get a life.

Anyhow enough about that, for New Year’s Eve, I’m not a fan of going out cause it’s always so busy and loud and I hate driving on the street with the crazy people. When I was growing up I knew about 4 people whose mother’s died on New Year’s Eve from a drunk driver. Isn’t that insane? I’ve never forgotten that and I’m now scared of driving around after midnight. Yeah, it’s weird, and I’m a chicken, but that’s me. Anyhow, one of my friend’s who is have fertility problems (she’s 37 and has been trying for 3 years to get pregnant, naturally and with IVF), she’s been really down lately, so we’re going to go to dinner with her, and her husband and then go back home to chill out and watch movies. She usually asks me to hang out every year but I always come up with some excuse not to, but this time I think she needs me.

So, I never got my peak yet! I had to post a thread yesterday cause I needed some quick advice, but no one ever replied. Anyhow, I used my 10th test stick yesterday and it was a “dud”. I peed on it as I normally do and the blue dye never crossed over the screen. I waited for like 5 minutes and still nothing. Usually it crosses over in like 20 seconds and you see the line(s), right? Remember I had a similar incidence last cycle or the cycle before, I can’t remember if it was with this batch of test sticks. Anyhow, I still stuck it into the monitor and well, only got a high, but it really should have been a peak cause I got a positive OPK on Saturday night and I did the OPK again yesterday morning and yesterday evening and still got the smiley face. So, I figured the CBFM would ask me to test again this morning and I didn’t have anymore test sticks so I went out to 2 stores to buy them and they both didn’t have any. So, I decided not to test this morning on the CBFM. It did ask me to test, but I just ignored it. I took another OPK this morning as well and got a negative so, I figured I’m going to ovulate either today or tomorrow. I’m kinda annoyed but I’m glad I use OPKs too. I had arm pit pain last week, but nothing since. I did have some sharp pains again in my right ovary area, so not sure really what that is.

We didn’t BD on Thursday cause my DH was sick and tired, so we did manage to do it on the Friday, Saturday (we left my sister’s house and went to my house and got it on), and yesterday as well. I’m going to see if my DH wants to do it tonight and tomorrow since we’re both at home. He goes back to work on Wednesday and I don’t go back till the 4th, so I have time to just relax.

So the test on Wednesday is an important one, cause if you find out that your CM is good and works well with your hubby’s sperm then I still think you’re chances of conceiving are good. I'm sure the FSH issue can be managed somehow, right? I can’t wait for you to tell me how it went. I guess you’re about to ovulate sometime soon, right? We may be on the same schedule this cycle.