TTC #1, 35 year old, starting CD 1, 3rd cycle - Would love a buddy?

[ttc1st_at_40]

first of all I have to apologize for not being on here more... I have really had to stop being on-line so much it was starting to drive me crazy and drive my hubby crazy tooooooo....I have been working such long days and hubby keeps complaining that all I do is come home and get on the computer... But I dont want you to think I forgot about you I really dont..

that is sOOOOO awesome you will have your FS right close to you... I am sooooo jealous as mind is 50 mins away so round trip it is close to 2 hours drive ugggg!!! that realy really bites.... especially when I am doing these injections and have to go in every day for over a week for tests... bites big time

Thanks awesome you finally got "back up" by your SIL... about damn time huh!! haha!! and Ill tell ya what... boys with their Moms... think they can do or say NO wrong!!! I get the same thing... my MIL says some of the most off the wall negative crazy things and my hubby doesnt "blink and eye" thank god she has not asked anything about us having kids... to be honest I think she thinks I am too old and thinks we arent even going to try. She is old school and had all her kids in her 20s and I am sure she thinks it would be crazy to have a child in your 40s...

Wanted to ask.. how are your parents doing... any of those job interviews work out for your Dad ?

good hubby got that SA form ....ya ya... my hubby too didnt want me anywhere around him either haha!! but he was a little trooper did the deed and dropped it off at the lab...didnt take that much convincing either, that was a shocker.

so good luck with your appt on Monday....wondering if your Dr will discuss your CD3 tests with you.

As for me, my ultra sound went good, no left over follicales from last month... so nope no cycst... But Monique I did get some really really bad news... my FSH was really really high... highest yet it was a 17.4 which is really bad. I really dont get it, in June it was 8 which is considered average, then it went to 11.4 in October which is why I jumped at going to the FS cause that is getting to be borderline high...and the 3 months Ive been at the FS it then went to 15 then 15.4 now this month 17!!!! thats awful. when the nurse called me back she was really not to emphatic at all. I wanted to crawl through the phone and PUNCH HER!! all I said was OH NOOO how did it get so high so fast... and she said in a really mean negative voice... "UMMMM Renee Your over 40 what do you expect!!!" She also said the Dr does not like to "cycle" people with this high of and FSH, and this would be my last month with them. I am crushed. I dont know if I have a chance now Monique... I really just cant process the idea of not having kids at all I really cant!!! Oh she also did go on to say that she "has never seen anyone get pregnant with that high of an FSH" so I asked what do you mean that I should just give up and resign to the fact that I wont have kids, and she said really snippy... "WELLLL theres always miracles" honestly she is SOOOO FULL OF BULL SHIT... all over the web there are women who get pregnant with way high FSH values...Sure I get it having a high FSH is not a good sign...but it is also not the "end all be all" and she could have at least had a nicer tone with me. So I told her I did still want to cycle this month, since I have all these meds and she said well OK but this will be the last, I said we well still wanted to try the Post Colital test, and she said "oh theres no reason for that" and I was like ummmmm OK, so we will just plan for an IUI then .... she was like... "well if you want to pay for it.. but I dont think it will work!!! " I get it these people went to Medical school etc... but If I STILL HAVE OVARIES AND AM OVULATING!! that means that I do not have a ZERO percent chance... I am going to just keep trying and trying... and exhaust all my resources to try to have a child. I honestly cant wait to get away from this Dr, or should I say his nurse (who is also his wife!!!!! GOOD GREIF) ANYWAY... I have an appointment next week at another FS that does IVF and had made that appointment to just get a consult to try to see prices and procedures etc... but that is going to be very expensive and I already do know that they are going to strongly suggest me to use Donor Eggs, and I just really dont think my hubby will ever do that at all. I am also hoping that this next FS doesnt put a big degree of consideration to FSH, because they very well could tell me the same thing that having high FSH IS NOT GOOD...BUT to be honest... I AM CERTAIN... they would do it a more tactful way than this last BITCH!!!

Again I know that having high FSH means 2 things 1 that your probally a bad responder to fertility meds... but I think from what I have seen on so far, that I seem to respond pretty good... but maybe in the Medical world I should be responding better who knows? also it means that of the follicles I am producing there is a "chance" that they are not quality. So with knowing that already... I am guessing any FS is going to tell me my odds are slim, but I am hoping this next FS will actually take the time to talk to me and tell me about IVF and my chances and options.

I am trying not to let it bring me down, I talked to my friend in Boston (whos gone through a ton of fertility crap) and she made me feel better telling me "you WILL have a child , there is no doubt in my mind... your options are not exhausted... you can try a bunch of different drs and SOMEONE will work with you even if your FSH is high, even if you have to go out of state. there are so many different fertility med protocols they can try with you that your FSH is high, and will let me do IVFs if I have the money to spend and if that still doesnt work you still have options you can still have a child ...you may just have to do Donor Eggs, which gives you a 60-80% of sucess rate.. so dont ever let me hear you say you wont have a child...because you WILL !!! " SO that was the conversation I had with her... it did in deed make me feel better, obviously I dont have a money tree in the back yard... but to tell you the truth I would take $100 worth of loans out to try anything medically to help me have a child. I just really know that in the end if I dont have a child I truely will not feel like I have lived a fulfilled live. And that is the honest truth. I need my hubby to understand this, I get it if he doesnt feel the same way, and he would except the fact that perhaps we wont have kids... but I dont know if he will ever understand that I WILL NEVER EXCEPT THE FACT. NEVER. so I am hoping he lets me do what ever we have to do to get what ever funding we need to try...

I am sorry if I have brought you down or anything sharing this very sad news of mine...and I know I just have to try to stay positive BUT it is really really really hard. Perhaps there is a light at the end of this HIGH FSH tunnel!! Oh man Monique...Gosh I hope so. I am so anxiously awaiting my DR visit with this new FS next Thursday... !!!

oh p.s. Happy Valentines Day... hubby and I are going out to Dinner tonight... then on Monday I will make him a nice dinner at home..

 

[so_anxious]

Please don’t apologize, Renee, I always tell my hubby to get off the computer during the weekends and weeknights. I want him to spend more time with me, so I totally know what you mean. I usually get to work just before 7am, so that’s when I try to post, but if I don’t post at that time, I’d never find time. So, it’s totally understandable. Okie dokie

Ok, so what the hell is up with your FS or the nurse, I should say. I can’t believe how freaking rude and obnoxious she is. Like she needs to go back to some sensitivity training or something. I mean all the women that have to see a FS are going through a very stressful and emotional time in their lives. The last thing they need is to feel horrible and useless by some stupid nurse.
Listen Renee, I totally agree with your friend. You will have a child, it may take some time, but its going to happen. I have a friend as well, whose been trying since she was 35 and now she’s 38 and still no children. But she’s only done 2 IVF’s so far and she doesn’t really care for her FS. She found another FS that has a higher probability rate for unexplained fertility, which is what she has. She’s planning on going to this new FS and trying again. She’s very determined to have a child and I believe she will.

Did you tell your hubby what this nurse said? If so, what was his reaction? I really think the next step for you is IVF and I seriously think you need to go to that other FS and get a second opinion. What a bitch!!! Maybe your hubby just needs some time to understand how tormented you are about this. It's such a horrible feeling to have your mind set on something and not be able to get it. I know for sure that I wouldn’t be satisfied without children either. It’s just something that us women really need to have in our lives. No man would ever understand that. None!!!

From my research on the internet, there are tons of women with a high FSH, like 18 and had IVF and it was successful. I’m really shocked that they won’t even try to do the IVF. I wish I was close by so I could give you a huge hug, also I’d kick that bitches ass all over the place for making you feel like crap.

Well, I’m going to my dr tomorrow to get the test results from my day 3 blood test. I will also get a referral for a FS. I’m going to ask her if I can go to the one that’s close to my work. I also have seen the fees online and it looks pretty reasonable. Oh and another good thing is that I checked with my insurance company and fertility drugs are covered even injectables, so that will be a huge relief for me if I have to go that route cause I’d like to keep my savings so that I can buy a house next year.

Anyhow, my sweet, you can vent to me whenever you like, I think you’re being a really strong woman through all of this and I’m always here to listen to you and try to support you. I won’t tell you to relax or be stress free and not to think about this. I hate it when people tell me that. Have you thought about accupunture? I’m not into all that kind of stuff, but my friend told me that it helps a lot with fertility issues. I just might try it sometime. Not sure though!!

Did you do anything for Valentine’s day? My hubby took me out to a fancy dinner and tomorrow we’re going to see a movie. I hope you had an enjoyable weekend.

Oh yeah, also my parents still aren’t working but they’ve been on a few more interviews. I’m hoping something happens soon. Like I’ve said before, I think this year will be a terrific year for both of us. We will both get pregnant this year and we will both be very happy!!!


I'm going to say a prayer for you.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

ok Monique!! what were your CD3 test results... gosh I hope they are good (unlike mine have seemed to be) but even though mine have been coming in progressively bad... I am still not giving up I really am not!! Hopefully you got the referral to see the FS right close to you... if so when is it for ? next month? or do you have to call yourself? And DAMN you lucky girl... getting those injectables covered is REAL nice, as those darn things are SOOOO expensive!!!!

Hope your Valentines Days was great... we went out to dinner on Friday then I made dinner at home on Monday.... and we exchanged gifts… I bought him a movie and some cologne, he got me roses (of course) candy and a gift certificate to my nail salon!!! I just really really am SOOO much in love with my husband that I actually LOVE Valentines Day... I know a lot of people dont care for the holiday... but I love it !! and I hope I always feel that way.

so I just checked your chart…..so your still on highs on the CBFM ? are ya bding yet though? I kinda miss my CBFM haha !! but really there is no reason at all to use it while doing these injectables, as these drugs are what are really controlling my hormones so it would just be a waste of sticks.

So yes I officially hate that damn nurse... bottom line is... is she is just negative and rude. I made an appointment with the Dr and spoke to him yesterday I told him the reason I made the appointment was to “discuss my last cycle and going forward with him and that his "nurse/wife" actually told me that there was no chance that I can conceive this month with such a high FSH and that I shouldn’t cycle with them at all, and if so this would be the last month they would see me and that I should immediately just go for an IVF else where but would have to do Donor Eggs not my own eggs” He shook his head and said... well me and my wife do not agree on all things. I would never tell you that you had a zero % chance to get pregnant. Also as for us cycling you here, I look at the big picture, and I see that yes your FSH is at its highest this month, and that certainly is not good, but you do appear to be responding well to the fertility drugs so far, so most certainly we would continue to cycle you this month. BUT we will take it one month at a time. I will be honest with you and tell you with your age and that FSH value, clinically your chances are low trying on “your own” . But they are not ZERO. And when cycling with injectable meds and if you continue to respond well to them, then doing either IUI or timed intercourse with those then… your chances increase a little and since we know that your chances are increasing and if you still want to cycle than I would not turn you away. BUT Come next month lets hope your FSH does not continue to rise, ultimately we would love to see it lower, but if it is High or the same, sure we would cycle you again (depending if you continue to respond well to the drugs this month) but if it is HIGHER then I will be honest with you and tell you that indeed your chances are getting even slimmer and I would recommend you to go to IVF (with another dr as he doesnt do them) so depending on how this cycle goes and what your FSH is next month, we will take it one month at a time." MUCH BETTER EXPLANATION THAT YOUR DAMN WIFE DOC!!!!

so needless to say he made me FEEL a whole hell of a lot better. I do know that with the high FSH that is not a good sign, means my Ovarian reserve is dwindling... I totally get that... but that damn nurse had no right to be so RUDE and negative to me, SHE is not the DOCTOR, and from here on out I am not going to listen to anything she has to say, I will go in, let her do the blood draws but will listen to NOTHING she has to offer as of advise. I do recall my very first appointment with the office and before the dr even looked at me or ran any tests,she said "honey at your age I wouldn’t mess around with any of this I would go straight to IVF" and I was like WOW... sure of course if I was made of money and my husband agreed to it and if it was my LAST resort then I wouldn’t have come HERE at all I would have went straight to a FS that does IVFs instead of coming here… then I came home very down thinking gosh this is my first appointment with a FS and they are telling me go straight to IVF. Of course by now I know that she is just a "debbie downer" and from here on out I will not listen to her. Of course again I know that my values are not great and my age is a huge factors so clinically my chances are low, but they are not ZERO so I will try everything I can.

ok so today was my mid cycle ultra sound... to see how many follicles I have and also to check my lining. They will call me later this after noon with the results. I am hoping for a nice thick lining and also a few follicles of some decent size... so cross your fingers for me... I am really afraid if I do not get good results that would ultimately mean that perhaps this month I did not respond well to the drugs…. THEN as the Dr said he very well may tell me next month if my FSH is still high that perhaps I should not cycle next month. I have a feeling I could talk him into it though ….hey cause like he said cycling with these meds are better than doing natural right now for me… and I will not let one month go by with better odds if I can help it.

And my visit with the new FS is tomorrow!! yeah… just to go for a consult on IVF etc… As I understand that when you want an IVF it takes a month or so to get all the testing prepping etc. So the way I looked at it, I will make the visit, get in to see the Dr’s see what they have to say see the prices and dates etc… (again hoping they don’t really frown upon that damn high FSH) so when/if hubby gives the green light… I already have a place lined up and have prices etc. Oh and PS… best news yet.. had a long talk with Hubby on all of this, and what the last Dr said, and how my values seem to be decreasing every month. And he said although I said I did NOT want to do this IVF, I will do it now, as I know it may be our only chance !!! ya ya ya ya !! now all we have to do is hit the lottery !!! haha !!

So now here is my 3 month plan… do an IUI this month, if no baby do 1 more IUI with this existing Dr (and mean nurse) then if we are still not preggers go to IVF in May at a new Dr’s place….and if we are still not preggers I have already laid the ground work for perhaps a Donor Egg, hubby was like ummmm No I don’t want to have a child with someone elses DNA… but I think with enough time and persuasion I just “may” be able to convince him if it is our last ditch effort at a child. The way I figured it, he was against IUI and also against IVF… but he has so far given in to both with in a matter of 1 month…so lets just hope we don’t have to go there (donor egg) but if we have to I think I may be able to convince him. As I know we can only afford maybe 1 IVF, and if that doesn’t work then I will have to do some major convincing on spending more $$ and also the specifics behind donors… yikes that scares me… but Monique I so want a child. OBVIOUSLY I want OUR child, but for some reason if my eggs really are that bad, we don’t have tons of cash to do numerous IVFs that we would have to just do 1 and then have to do Donor Eggs or just give up… I am not prepared to do that just yet!!

 

[so_anxious]

So, my dear Renee, yes, I did get my CD 3 test results and they are as follows:

TSH = 1.69 mIU/L
LH = 4 IU/L
FSH = 6 IU/L
Prolactin = 9 ug/L
Estradiol = 90 pmol/L

So, my doctor says that these are optimal results and I have nothing to worry about. I was looking online to check out the average and almost freaked out about my estradiol. I noticed that the range should be less than 80 pg/L, so when I convert my 90 pmol/L to pg/L it's 66. So, I feel better now.

I also did get a referral to the FS close to me and my dr sent the referral to the clinic that same day. So, apparently, I’m suppose to wait 1 week and if the clinic hasn’t called me yet, then I have to call them to see if they got the referral. Then I guess I book an appointment with them. Not sure how it works in the US, but here there are waiting lists for most FS. Not sure if I’ll have to wait a month or two to see them, but I don’t mind. I’m hoping I get knocked up before I even get to the appointment.

The hubby has to wait till March 4th to do his SA since the lab only does them on M-F from 12:30pm to 1pm. Talk about pressure for the hubby to perform. Anyhow, that’s probably the same day I may get AF, so he’s praying to every God he’s heard about that I get preggers this cycle. He’s hilarious.

Wow, it sounds like you had a really nice weekend with the hubby and you got some nice gifts. My hubby took me to dinner at a fancy place on Saturday night, where we actually had our Wedding Rehearsal dinner. Everyone in the restaurant was dressed up to really nicely. And then we all went to dinner and movie again on Monday. My hubby bought me some God-ugly Ralph Lauren slippers. It was such a thoughtful gift cause I really need some slippers, but these were just so ugly. Anyhow, I had actually sent him a gift basket at his workplace on Monday and guess what I added to the gift. I totally wanted to embarrass him so I sent him a balloon to that read “Red Hot Lover”. It was so freaking funny… I love it. Anyhow, I love Valentine’s day too cause my hubby tries to make it extra special for us. Not that every day isn’t special, but it’s just extra special now.

As for my chart, yep, I’m still on highs with my CBFM. We’ve been bding since Saturday. But 2 days on and 1 day off is our schedule. So, we’re hoping that catches the egg. I can see why you don’t need to use the CBFM, I mean if the injectables directly your cycle, then there really isn’t any need to use the CBFM. Can you BD anytime you want or do you have to wait for the LH surge?

So, I had thought that nurses were suppose to have a really nice bedside manner. What the hell is that about? Anyhow, I’m so freaking happy that the dr was nicer and explained the situation better. I totally agree with him, it has to be a month by month basis and that nurse being negative doesn’t help with your stress level. So, tell hell with her. Damn idiot!! What a weirdo?

Don’t ever listen to anything she has to say to you. I’m sure she’ll try to make you miserable the next time you’re there. Just ignore her if you can. I was thinking that you should tell her to fly a kite but knowing her she may inject you with something or screw you over somehow. She sounds vindictive. She is totally a “debbie downer” and who wants to hang out with someone like that. Gosh, I feel sorry for her husband…

I agree with you about going ahead with next cycle even if your results are bad. I do think that the drugs are helping you in some way and are still better than the natural way. So, if you can convince the dr, I say do it.

OMG, I’m totally excited for you and the hubby finally agreed to do the IVF. I knew he was going to do it anyhow. All you need to do is show your puppy dog eyes and he’ll just melt. Tee hee… That means that by June you should be knocked up, well, that’s according to my calculations. Mwah ha ha ha.

Your plan sounds good. Yo u know, I still think that doing the donor egg is still cheaper and better than adopting. Here’s my logic: first of all even though it may not be your egg, it still has some of your DNA and obviously your hubby’s DNA. Secondly, you’ll have the experience of having the baby inside you for nine months. Thirdly, you’ll be able to raise the child from birth. You can never do these things if the baby is adopted. Fourth, it costs so much less to use a donor egg than it costs to adopt. So, that’s my logic, I’m sure you’ve had the same thoughts, so I would use that on your hubby when you’re lobbying for the donor eggs. Tee hee.

I have to tell you, if I ever get to that, I’d use donor eggs too, but I definitely wouldn’t tell certain people, like my MIL. For donor eggs will you be able to choose an egg from a mother that looks like you. Is that even possible?

My sweet Renee, I am praying for us to get pregnant this year and for it to happen sooner rather than later. I want a child so badly too. I also just want to know if I can even get pregnant.

Please let me know how your tests went.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

MONIQUE!!! THOSE VALUES ARE FANTASTIC!!! YOU lucky lucky lucky girl!! such awesome news for you, if you dont know that all ready then YEP you are on to a great start and for sure a BFP!! I am positive of it!!! and awesome your getting to see the one close to you!! great news... as for here in the US not much of a wait at all really to get in to see a FS, just depends on the the popularity of the FS and also depending on your insurance actually most of us in US, can go just to straight to a FS dont need a referal at all.

As for your hubbys strick 30 min window for the SA, wow that is really really strange, may be worth a try to call around or ask your FS when you speak if there is other places he could perhaps go to get this done? I know here, they can be done at labs, or hospitals and drs offices also take them. That 30 min window sounds WICKED for poor guys... geeze

gosh you got 2 date nights for V-Day... sounds like you are the "Red Hot Lover" haha!!! let me just tell you ... now that CRACKED ME UP !! HAHA!! THATS Great!!!! as for the poo-poo slippers.... at least it isnt something you have to wear out of the house huh !! haha!

just checked your chart... and looks like you are in PEAK time!! perfect... do you not LOVE when your peak days fall on the Weekend?!?!?! So much more relaxed to BD anytime you want instead of weekdays and having to work etc.. awesome timing this month!!! yeah !!!

so yes I cant stand that nurse, and shes not only negative and rude shes really has no idea what she is talking about... and now it appears she is kissing my butt each day I come in... oh gosh hows the weather out today, hows your work week going... GAG!!!

As for the Donor route... yes most certainly you can pick everything about your donor, eyes, hair, skin tone, religion, talents,ETC ETC ETC the list goes on and on for some places. all places show you baby pictures of the donor, some show recent photos and some even videos!! so yes there is an opportunity to really pick exactly all the traits you want. oh and 100% agree with you. I WOULD NOT TELL MY INLAWS EVER!!!!! I am hoping we never tell them anything at all about anything we are going throught, I dont think Hubby has mentioned anything at all, and I have no intention on it either... GAG!!!

As for me this cycle... looks like Dr thinks I am responding pretty well to the meds... I will take a trigger shot tomorrow night, then Tuesday we go in for an IUI !!! I am sooooo excited...!! jumping out of my skin actually!! they say that because of my age/fsh etc.. that my chance on my own is 5% and with an IUI it raises my chances up 8% so I guess that means I have a %13 chance of it working...not ideal.... BUT hey I will take it ya know ? So yep super exicted for this month.

As for the IVF FS visit... not really good news there. dont know if I picked another bad FS but they also place alot of wait on that high FSH value I had... long story short she recommended me to go straight to IVF with Donor Eggs... her take on it is... she will let me do an IVF but said it is $12k and does not increase my chances much than trying on my own... I was heart broken to be honest. She said their Donor Eggs their sucess rate is %60. (on and costs $20K) so she would like to direct me in that route. Obviously she didnt take me totally by surprise, as I had a good idea that is the route everyone will prob suggest at this point. But she said that maybe if we arent exactely ready to go to donor yet. that we should do a few IUIs then if that doesnt work go to Donor IVF. I told her that even with a slim chance at using my own eggs that for piece of mind dispite the cost I would HAVE to really try with my own first, as I would not feel right going straight to Donor Eggs even if my husband agrees to it, which he has not. Oh and if I do go to IVF with my own eggs, I am not going to use this clinic as she told me they only had 5 women over 40 do IVF with them and not one was sucessful... so DAHHH I am not using them NOPE!!.. Unfortunately it appears that there is not one good IVF clinic in Pittsburgh, so if I am going to do this IVF it will prob be out of state and I am already looking into one clinic in NY. Only a 7 hour drive from my house, and I am planning on getting a phone consult with them. It is CHR in NY. They have GREAT sucess rate with Women over 40 like 28 % ISNT that fantastic !!! here is their website...https://www.centerforhumanreprod.com/index.php I can do all my monitoring and blood work at home then drive to NY for them to do an Egg Retrevial and then 3-5 days later for them to transfer the embroys back to me.

so I just have to be patient for this month, and do my research for going foward with IVF, and somewhere along the line perhaps I can find that bucket of Gold on St Pattys day to be able to afford all this !!! haha !!!

Well I hope you have a great weekend and are "getting busy" this weekend

oh almost forgot to mention.. for the IUI on Tuesday... Hubby doesnt have to go into the office, he can "produce" his sample at home and I can drive it up!!! ISNT THAT FANTASTIC!! OH he is so relieved... He isnt really happy about the whole thing anyway... but WAY relieved he doesnt have to go into the office to do it!!

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee, yeah the values are good, but I am a little scared though. I don’t want to be in a situation where I have that “unexplained fertility” problem. One of my closest friends has that issue and she’s been through the whole process already with the IUIs and 3 failed IVFs and they still can’t tell her why she’s infertile. Well, I guess I should stay positive. Anyhow, I have an appointment with the FS on March 10th, so the hubby and I are going together and I’m apparently suppose to have an ultrasound as well. I’m not entirely sure why, but the faster they can get me knocked up, the better!!  I didn’t realize in the US you didn’t need a referral. Over here in Canada you need a referral for any specialist, but I think sometimes it would be better if I didn’t have to get a referral especially for a service that I have to pay out of pocket for.

Yeah, my hubby wasn’t too happy about the 30 min window for the SA, but I’ve called several places around and there’s not may places that do it that are in the area and that we can get to within the hour. I guess that’s why FS clinics do it for you. Anyhow, I told him that he can wait till we get to the FS to do his SA, cause at least he’ll get a more detailed test there.

Yeah, I got my peak on the weekend, but we were only able to do it once. My hubby’s too tired to do it anymore, we’ve been doing it all through the week. I really need to find a routine that works for him. It’s driving me crazy. Anyhow, We did it about 5 times around the 7 fertile days, so we’ll see if that works. If not, I don’t think I’ll be too upset, since I’ll be see the FS.

Ok, so what’s up with that nurse. Her hubby must have told her that she needs to have better bed side manners. I mean, if they start getting bad reviews from angry patients then how will their business survive. What a bitch!!

I had no flipping idea that you can pick everything when it comes to donor eggs. That’s totally cool. Ah man, imagine if you told your inlaws. They would totally use that against you. It would be horrific. I have to visit my inlaws this weekend and I’m totally dreading it. There’s going to be lots of babies too, which will be fun to play with but depressing at the same time. Blah!

So, I’m writing this post on Tuesday, which means that your getting your IUI today. You have to tell me all about it. You know if or when I start doing the IUIs, I’m going to be totally excited too. I always want to know each cycle if my eggs are being fertilized and they’re just not implanting or is the sperm even getting to the eggs. I’m really concerned about my CM and think that may be the problem with us but really who knows.

I checked out that fertility site and it kicks ass. So, what’s the next step if this cycle doesn’t work? (But it will!!) Are you going to do anymore IUIs first before you do the IVF in New York with your own egg? I agree with you, go to a clinic that has a better success rate and I’m sure the places in New York are better. Would you be going to do this on your own or will the hubby go with you?

Oh, I know these costs are insane. I hate the fact that it costs so much to pregnant, when these little snotty teenage girls can just look at a guy and get pregnant. Its so annoying.

So, I hope your IUI goes well today and I’m glad that your hubby can stay home and produce the goods. I’m hoping my hubby can do the same cause it’s going to be torture trying to get him to produce the goods and then get ready to drop it off. He’s such a slow poke when it comes to getting ready.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

Hi there my friend...

I see your way of thinking on the "ok my numbers are good but perhaps unexplained infertility"...... but take it from me girl....I would rather I knew my numbers were low, as to not make me feel a little hopeless. Not sure if that helps ya at all... but I think with the numbers you have and now a FS appt you are well on your way to a big FAT bfp!!!

Yes you are right, I am super excited about the IUI this month, as you say... at least I KNOW that we got those guys up there exactly where they need to be. And also that the timing was exactly right since I used that trigger shot to make sure I ovulated. So Monique this is going to be the LONGEST TWW ever!!!


The IUI was seriously SOOOO simple, seriously all she did was put that little clamp in there, open me up... 2 seconds (literally) later, I felt nothing and she said ok your done!! oh and get this shit!!! it was the NURSE I hate that did the damn IUI.... Not even the nurse... All I kept thinking is I should try to "toot" on her!! haha!! woulnt that have been funny!! hehe!! ok a little gross but hey she deserves it!!!!!

Yes how bout that clinic in NY... they are a 7 hour drive, and they are "saying" their stats are 29% success for women in their 40s. Now that is UNHEARD OF!!!! I am still trying to figure out by checking other blogs if they are "legit" and not exagerrating their numbers. They have a link on their site that you can send an email and a physician will review your case and email you back. I did that but havent heard anything yet. I did call up and their consult fee (either 1st office visit or phone consult) is $450. I am hoping I get a response to my email. As I would hate to pay $450 only for them to tell me "ya we can take you" or "the wait to cycle with us is 8 months" so I am hoping to hear back from them. "

oh and listen to this... ok so the day of the IUI... we had a MAJOR snow storm and got 10 inches of snow over night. Hubby did his thing and normal driving time for me to get it to the clinic is 35-37 minutes. Well the roads were so bad I almost wrecked a zillion times and there were accidents EVERYWHERE and it took me 1 1/2 hours to get there. I was a NERVOUS wreck thinking the specimen would be bad and I was going to die on the way. But I stuck the little cup in my jacket to keep it "body temperature" and it appears that his little guys survived the trip haha!!

ok so yep in my TWW this is really really gonna be the worst one EVER!!! Oh and look!! we are only 2 days apart now !! haha I am 2dpo and you are 4dpo.... ok MONIQUE THIS IS OUR MONTH OK!!!

 

[so_anxious]

Dude, your temp is super high already… it’s looking good!!  I know this TWW is going to take forever, but I’m actually more excited to see the specialist and see what kind of plan they have for me.

I know, I’m being a little silly about the “unexplained fertility”. Sometimes, I can be a total pessimist. I should really be thankful that my values are good. Sorry to be a downer!!

So, we’re definitely not far apart with our DPO, are we? Are you going to test? I’m suppose to get AF next Saturday, which is the day of my nephew’s birthday party so hopefully if AF does show up she doesn’t show her ugly face during the party. I’m taking half a day off on Friday to make my nephew a birthday cake. He’s so excited, he’s only 5 and he keeps asking me “Yiyi (that’s Aunt in Chinese), are you going to make me a Wolverine cake”. He loves Wolverine from the X-Men. So, I’ve bought all the stuff to make and decorate the cake. I’m not a professional at all, but I like to try to make it look pretty like Cake Boss.

So, have you found any info on the clinic in NY? I hope that physician emails you back, cause that would totally be a waste of time to go all the way there and you have to wait forever. If they don’t email you back, perhaps you can call them??? Do you always have to pay a consult fee? My hubby was asking me last night if the FS is free. I started to laugh uncontrollably. I’m like, hello, have you not listened to anything I’ve been saying. We have money saved for this already. I swear sometimes I think he concentrates more on his video games. Then he was like “oh yeah”. What a weirdo!!

So, I was reading about your IUI experience with that damn nurse and as I started to read it, I thought to myself, man, Renee should fart in her face. And then I read the line where you said that you should toot in her face and I almost died of laughter again. My hubby was asking me what was so funny and I told him that if you and me were living closer, we’d be the best of friends cause you have the same sense of humour that I do. That was to freaking funny!

Anyhow, I’m glad that your hubby’s spermies made the trip to the clinic and I’m really glad that you weren’t injured in your drive in the snowy weather. My doctor had told me to keep the sperm under your armpit to keep them alive. I guess it works!!

So, I swear to all things that are holy, we need to get our BFPs this bloody cycle!!!! Yippee!!

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

hey there girlfriend...

Wow how fun your a "Cake Boss" how nice of you to make a Wolverine cake for your nephew... you are soooo sweet... AND girl I would not know the first place to begin all that !! baking is not my "gig" thats for sure... but I can confess I sure like to eat it though !! hahaha ok so AF for you is due on this day of the party..damn I sure hope she doesnt decide to show up and ruin EVERYTHING.... SOOOO are you going to test before that ? as for me AF is due next Monday... and I think I will test on Monday as they want me to go for a blood pregnancy test on Tuesday... and if I get a negative on Monday I wont go for the blood test unless AF doesnt show for a couple days then I will go to for the Blood work... I am all about not setting my self up for disappointment.

oh and I am happy we have the same sence of humor so you "Get" me... haha!!


as expected this is the hardest TWW ever!!!! gosh when will it end... just constantly I am smpytom spotting like you wouldnt believe.. I am actually getting on my own nerves!! haha

oh let me say this ONCE AGAIN... I HATE FF... Today when I put my temp in, it changed my Ovulation date to like last thrsday instead of tuesday....UMMM DAHHHH I know exactly when I ovulated because I took a trigger shot. So maybe I shouldnt say I hate FF, I can just say I have weird temps.... yep they are really extremly high this cycle so far huh? hoping that is a good sign. and let me just tell you...ok my boobs usually start to hurt like a week before AF comes... but let me tell ya what... these babies started hurting like 2DPO which is soooooo odd for me... hopefully another good sign. I still dont actually get the concept of actually "why" womens breasts start to hurt? is it an abundance of a certain hormone that causes it I wonder.

ok so for the NY Clinic... well I researched it more and more and it sounds almost too good to be true to be honest. I am not saying I dont believe them at all but it seems to risky for now. SOOOO I found another clinic in Philadelphia. (now NY one is a 7 hour drive from me and Philadelphia is 6...so not major difference on transportation) BUT I liked this Philly FS and have made an appointment for March 25th. His name is Dr Check and Cooper Institute. ccivf.com and he is apparently one of the few clinics around that take on high FSH clinics and women in the 40s. Also his IVF rates arent that bad. Regular IVF $6500. So I talked to hubby... researched my butt off and so this is the one I am going to go to... made an appointment and booked a flight for a month from now. I am kinda excited... actually really excited. BUT you know what would make me even more excited?? that I have to cancel that appointment because I get preggers this month!!! OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee,

How’s it going? I feel like crap today. So freaking tired and there’s nobody here at work either. I wish I could just go home and sleep but my boss isn’t in today cause he’s sick so I’m in charge. Blah!! Also, we have this new guy that started in December and I hate him. He’s one of those people that thinks they know everything. Plus he’s always talking. I usually just grunt at him when he asks me a question. I’m not usually like that, but I don’t like him at all. Tee hee!!

Anyhow, what’s shakin? My hubby has designed the Wolverine cake for me and now all I have to do is make it. Hopefully it comes out nice. Like I said, I’m an amateur but I love to do it. I’ll take a picture of it and then send it to you. Okie dokie.

As for AF arriving at the party, that wouldn’t surprise me, she has a way of annoying me so I’ll just go prepared. I’ve decided to wait and see what my temp tells me before I test. My temps usually start dropping close to AF, so we’ll see what happens. I may test on Saturday morning, it depends. I agree with you to test yourself on Monday and don’t go in unless AF doesn’t show up. Sounds pretty logical to me!!

So, tell me what kind of symptoms you’re having. Guess what, I got that damn right ovary pain again. I can’t wait to see the FS and they start monitoring my cycles. That way, when I get the pain I can just pop in and they can see what the hell is going on with me. It’s not the worse pain or really that painful at all, it’s more of an annoying pain. You know what I mean.

So, FF isn’t your friend after all??? I know it’s been moving my dates around too and it’s finally decided that I did ovulate on CD 16. Yeah!! Anyhow, so you have boobie pain and your temps are high. Sounds like your preggers to me!!! My boobs have been hurting me off and on. One day I thought they were going to explode, there were so bad, but then the next day they were back to normal again. I think it’s the progesterone that makes them hurt. I have no idea really!

So, now you’re going to Philly, huh? Anyhow, checked out the site and it looks pretty good too. March 25th isn’t too far along? So, does that mean you’ll do another IUI if you’re not preggers this month (which you will be, but we should always have a plan B)? I have to see my FS next week Thursday and I was wondering if they’d allow me to do the HSG for myself and the SA for my hubby and if that goes ok, I wonder if they’ll let me do an unmedicated IUI. I seriously think I’m not preggers because of my cm. I keep checking almost everyday and I’ve rarely seen any EWCM. Is it possible for my cervix to be out of reach for me??? I have no idea, but it would be nice if I could do the IUI now. I’m going to Miami on April 4th and I wanted to be preggers before that, cause if not, then AF will be joining me on my trip. That would totally suck a$$!

Anyhow, how are your doggies doing and the inlaws?

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

Monique!!! I caught myself another nasty nasty cold... Yep I have been sick since like Tuesday... at first I though to my self great... they say some cold symptoms may also be a pregnancy symptom... well no such luck I got myself a full blown sinus infection and ear infection!!! I havent had an ear infection since I was like 4 I think. Its been a really really crappy week with me being sick, and hubby has gotten on my nerves as it appears he thinks that I have to do everything around the house as it is, and when I am sick he doesnt appear to help me out a lot. So I told him today we have to have a "sit-down" because I am not happy. Anyway my "cold" got so bad I went to the Drs on Thursday.. and today its been 3 days on antibiotics and I can still not hear out of my left ear!! it is seriously so irritating.

I guess alot of my moddiness also has to do with is I know my period is coming... no doubt about it.. .as much as FF is not m friend I know my temps have dropped drastically in the last 2 days so I am expecting AF tomorrow... oh and I did test yesterday am I knew it would be negative but I did it anyway just to check. First time I cried since all of TTC has been going on.

I am not sure what we will do this cycle. Maybe nothing ? and just go see the Specialist in Philly on the 25th and get his recommendations. Maybe I need a month of all these hormones. I was on Clomid for 2 months, now 2 months of injectables I think maybe a month off may do me good. Not to mention I have seriously gained 10 pounds. I dont know why, I have also been a little lazy as well. I need to get my butt on the eliptical we have upstairs.

OK looks like AF didnt get ya yesterday?? good news right!!! yippeeee... whatcha thinking... ok so FS on Thursday!! how exciting!!! as for unmedicated IUI... yep those can be done, well depending on your Drs preference. Remember I went to a new FS and they advised me to go straight to Donor, she did say that in the mean time they would off to do IUIs unmedicated. How it worked with them is the first month they want to be sure the timing is correct, then there on after you can do IUIs by just calling the office when you surge. So the first month I would monitor myself and call them when my what ever OPK I am using to monitor myself goes to peak then the next day they will do a sonogram to see if I am truely "surging" then I could get an IUI, then for the months after that I could just get the IUI with out the sonograms just call when I hit my peak and go in and for $275 they will do an IUI. The first month (sonogram) was just to see if I was really able to catch my surge at home with my home monitoring but then there on out I could just to in for IUIs without ultrasounds. Obviously I dont think I am going back to the FS to even do those, but perhaps my current FS I will call them when AF comes tomorrow or Tuesday, get my CD3 test done just for curiousity then ask for a just an IUI see if they will do it. If I go medicated this month (if they even let me if my FSH values are ok) with all the blood work now and ultrasounds I would have to pay for them out of my own pocket would cost us well over $2k I am hung up on should we save that to go towards our IVFing or perhaps spend it as if it works we may not have to do IVF at all if it works ya know... gosh I dont know !! that is another thing I want to talk to hubby about today.

ok so how excited are you to go to Florida!!! gosh less than a month away... so lucky get to see the SUNSHINE!!! I miss the sun!!! this am I woke up to a new fresh inch of snow on the ground... WTH !! It finally all melted and yep got snow this AM... boooo

thanks for asking bout the pups!! love those buggers!! they are doing well... and the In-laws.. I am so lucky I havent had to see them much at all.. obviously I saw they at Christmas then beginning of Jan was my neices Bday so saw them at party, then just one trip over to visit the inlaws for dinner first week of Feb and thats it!!! haha PERFECT. So I guess that means I have only seen them twice this year so far!! I am a happy girl !!! haha...

ok hope all is well with ya and you had a good week... .oh almost forgot the guy you work with... haha !! I think everyone has one of those guys..... I do...he is so irrating, a Mr Know it all... has ZERO personality...puts people down...yells at people... her is the kicker, you see him out a Happy Hour and he wants to be BFFs. I am like thinking to myself UMMMM get out of my face. Comes over hey hows it going. I think to myself... are your F&^%in kidding me. Of course I am not too rude, so I said Hey Whats up, and then excuse myself and go to the bathroom. And not talk to him the rest of the night. If I dont talk to you in the office I am definately not talking to you outside of the office either!! ok gotta run... gotta get ready for church!! hope all is well and AF stays away from ya!!!

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

ahhh crap I am sorry I just refreshed my screen and it is showing your ticker as different... so you did get AF I am sorry Monique!!! Right on Saturday like you though? oh darn I am sorry. Well on to next month for the both of us. One day this will all end huh?

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee,

Gosh, girl, I'm so sorry you've been sick all week. I've never had a sinus infection but I have a chronic ear infection inmy left ear, so I totally know how horrible that feels. The combination of the two, sounds absolutely horrific. Gosh, I hope you're feeling a little better. That has to suck big time.

So, the hubby isn't helping, huh? My hubby can be like that sometimes and you just want to smack them. Wait till he gets sick and he'll be like a little child asking you to get him everything. If that's any indication of how he'll be when you have a baby, then for sure, you need to have a chat with him.

Well, as for me, yesterday was a very emotional day for me as well. On Friday, I felt like AF was coming and yesterday morning, I woke up and took my temp and it was super high, so I was so excited. Then I went to the washroom and noticed some spotting, well that bummed me out, but it was super light and it didn't start the way I normally get AF so then I got excited again. Anyhow, throughout the day I kept checking and it was still super light. So, I told myself that if I woke up this morning with a high temp still that I would test and maybe the bleeding may stop. But last night the bleeding got heavier and I figured that was it, it's AF. I'm not sure why I convinced myself that it was something other than AF, but whatever.

I woke up this morning and took my temp and it dropped big time. So, I'm off to my FS on Thursday and I will definitely see if I can get the unmedicated IUI. I'm hoping I can get a bunch of tests done before I ovulate for this new cycle. I'd like to get the HSG, definitely a SA test for the hubby and that other test that you had that checks your hubby's sperm with your CM, I forgot what it's called. I'm not sure I can get that all done before I ovulate thought since I'm going to see the FS on CD 6.

I'm sorry that this IUI didn't work either, so does that mean that you will do the IUI till you get to the Philly FS? I think you if you can afford it, do another final IUI and then get yourself to the Philly FS and go straight to IVF. That's my advice. I tell you, I'd go straight to IVF too, if I could. I'm seriously tired of waiting and I can only imagine how you feel too. And that 10 pounds you've gained, I've also gained the same amount maybe even more, I can feel my clothes getting tighter even thought I've been eating pretty decent and exercising. What the hell!!! I swear stress does horrible things to your body.

Dude, I'm super excited about Miami, we also woke up to snow. When is the snow going to stop for the love of God!!! Anyhow, now I have to check my summer clothes and make sure they fit me, cause that would suck going to Miami and not being able to fit into them would really make me upset. Also, since AF will be travelling with me, I won't be going into the water or wearing any bikinis.

Well, today I have a massive headache and I think my MIL and FIL are coming over to help my hubby put in a closet organizer. Hell no. I don't want his MIL anywhere near me while I feel like crap. Let's hope they don't come over. I do have to see them in a couple of weeks though cause it's my FIL's birthday. blah.

Oh btw, here's a picture of the cake I made my nephew. it's not the greatest looking but he liked it.

My niece is in one of the pictures.


Anyhow, I gotta go lie down now... this headache is killing me. I agree with you about that guy, why the hell would I want to hang out with him after work if I don't want to hang out with him during work. What a loser!!

Hope you feel better my dear! I'll let you know what happens on Thursday at the FS.

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

WOW Love the Cake!!!! awesome job by you and your hubby!!!

Ok so today was the FS visit right ? so excited to see what they have to say to you. Hoping they give ya the HSG test, cause I heard that thing actually also helps boost fertility, by potentially clearing out some minor blockages, and apparently your tubes like the ink they use, that it helps the eggies to move along... well thats what I heard

so I went up to my FS today, to talk about last months cycle, he was happy with the way I responded to the injections and wants me to continue BUT if I do EVERYTHING is out of pocket for me going foward. Last month the way it worked is IUI was not officially "in my plan" meaning they coded it that I was just being monitored and last minuite I then switched to IUI cause everything looked good and all I had to pay out of pocket was $550 ($250 for a cycle fee and $300 for the IUI itself) the $1500 in blood work and ultrasounds was covered because it was all done before my IUI. BUT Since I had an IUI now my insurance considers anything I do after it (ultrasounds/bloodwork) to be "testing on top of my fertility treatments", and they will only cover "testing to diagnosis infertility".

So if we do the injectables this month with IUI I have to have the blood work and ultrasounds for the whole week, so my total will be over $2K. Hubby and I talked about it and we are just going to save that $$ to go towards the IVF, but I talked my FS into letting me do just an IUI once I detech my surge myself. He was not happy about it, but he did agree to it. Says without injections he feels it only boosts my chances up 3%, but he agree to let me detech my surge at home, come in the next day for an ultrasound and blood work to verify my surge then the following day do an IUI. That all should run me close to $600. Which is fine. I just hope I can do the timing right, I wish he would just let me catch my surge, and do the IUI the very next day, instead he wants me to do the ultrasound the very next day then the following do the IUI. Oh I dont know, but it will still make me feel like I am at least doing "something" to help boost my chances ya know. And I can betcha I will be constantly peeing on sticks trying to catch my surge. I will have to get more digitals and also some of those cheapy ones too huh?


Have to tell ya this was the worst AF yet... super super heavy and a ton of cramping!!! and I have been really depressed too Monique... this all is really hitting me hard... I dont feel like socializing or going out of the house. This weekend is St Pattys day and we have a big parade in town, and a bunch of parties to go to. Also a friends surprise 40th on Saturday, and no of it even sounds romotely exciting to me. I just "dont feel like it" ya know? I just feel BLAH!! I try so hard to stay positive, SOOOO hard, but sometimes I just can help to let the thought slip into my head that I may never have a child, and it overwhelms me. Not to mention I got on the scale today and I actually have gained 12 LBS!!!!!!!!! I am sure that has something to do with my depression to huh !! BLAH !!

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Sweetheart,

Listen, you have every right to feel the way you do and if you need to cry all day long or shout it out, do it. Sometimes, it helps to just scream. You do sound like you're depressed, are you talking to anyone about this. And I don't mean your husband, cause you need a unbiased person. Husbands will never ever know what a woman has to go through or how a woman feels. I'll tell you when i'm depressed, I'll eat everything to make me feel better so it's no surprise that you've gained some weight but I bet you, it still looks lovely on you.

So, I think that doing a natural cycle with IUI is a very good plan as well. I would suggest you do get those cheapie OPKs since you'll have to probably test twice a day. Will you get them in time? It's also a very good idea to save your money for the IVF since you may have to do it a couple of times, but I'm pretty sure that it'll work on the first try. You should totally try for multiples as well, cause a lot of the times one 1 egg will survive and implant.

As for me, well I just got back from my FS and talk about an emotional journey. Sheesh, I feel so badly for women who are infertile, I pray to God that I'm not infertile, but here's what happened.

So, my hubby and I got there at 1:20pm, our appt was at 1:30pm. We waited about 15 minutes and then they called me to do an ultrasound, including internal ultrasound. Then, when I finally got out about 20 minutes later, the dr called both of us in. So, then he took a complete history, I mean it took about 30 minutes to get our history.

Then he told us that from both of our histories, he wants to do a number of tests to rule out low quality eggs. I already did the day 3 test, but he wanted to do another test called AMH and with the day 3 test and the AMH that will be a complete diagnosis for ovarian reserve. Then he also wanted to rule out PCOS with a hormone test and then he wanted to do a CA125 test to rule out ovarian cancer or endometriosis.

Also, I have to do the HSG test on Tuesday to see if my tubes are blocked.

As for my hubby, he has to do a SA and my doctor did have some concerns with him because my hubby had a hernia and he also has kidney stones. Together it makes a deadly combination for low sperm count or just being sterile. So, my hubby is doing that test on Saturday.

While we were there we did a bunch of blood tests. It was insane, she took 20 viles of blood from me and 10 viles from my hubby. It was funny cause my hubby almost fainted and the lady was making fun of him, she said "your wife had more blood drawn and she's ok". That was kinda funny. She gave him some apple juice.

Anyhow, so after the result of the blood tests, HSG and SA, he will determine what the next steps are. I should know all of it by Wednesday.

The great thing is that he gave me 4 options or steps that he'd like to me to get going with already.

First step: Natural Cycle with a test of CM and sperm together, even if it's good, he said that I can do an IUI. So either way, I'll probably do an IUI by next weekend.

Second step: if the natural cycle doesn't work then they put me on drugs and injections for superovulation with IUI.

Third step: Laparoscopy to determine if there are any uterine issues and then fix them.

Fourth step: IVF - the FS told me that he doesn't even consider this because I'm still young. Imagine I'm young at 36.

He said that the average age of women there was 39 years old, so I'm considered young. that made me laugh.

Anyhow, so I did have to pay for one of the blood test which was $175 and then for my hubby the SA test includes a DNA fragmentation test which we have to pay $185 for, but the rest of the tests are paid for by our government insurance, which is helpful.

Wow, this is a long email, but I just wanted to let you know what happened. I'm glad that we're doing all these tests and that I should know something by Wednesday.

Anyhow, I have to go do another blood test tomorrow morning and then I have to drop off the semen on Saturday and then another blood test and ultrasound on Monday and then the HSG on Tuesday. If everything looks ok, then I'll be going back probably on Friday for the sperm/cm test and then an IUI on Saturday or Sunday. Gosh, I'm going to be busy next week.

I'm going to talk to my boss tomorrow morning and let him know that I have some health issues and that I'll be going for tests throughout the week. I hope he understands. I don't know if he'll make an issue out of it, but it's gotta be done.

So, let's see, is there anything that makes you happy like playing with your doggies or going out with the hubby? I'm actually really busy at work so it's helping a lot to keep my mind off of stuff but I don't have anything to do after work. I'm thinking of taking a cake decorating class, is there a hobby that you can start? I'm just thinking of something to help you with the depression. I don't want you to be depressed, I want you to be happy. I know that having a baby will make you happy so I'll have to pray a little harder to God!

Please, please, please post or even email me if you need to talk. Okie dokie, I will definitely try to respond right away. ok!!

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

Good Morning Monique...

wow sounds like you got a lot covered at your first FS visit, you got all kinds of tests lined up already... wow looks like they are wasting no time with ya. That is awesome. Wondering how hubby was with the SA on Saturday ? gosh I hope it wasnt to much of a drag for him. My FS has never asked me to go get the AMH test run, I kind of wonder why as I have heard it is a good test to see Ovarian Reserve, I betcha this new FS I go see will want that run. Ok so an ultrasound for ya today, hoping that all looks good... and your HSG tomorrow. please keep me posted!!!

I started with my CBFM again and it asked for my first stick today, of course it is a low. I was a little concerned that my cycles would go back to normal, since I have been on fertility meds for the last 4 months (2 months on Clomid and 2 month on these injections) so I guess we shall see how this cycle goes I guess. I didnt have time to order the cheapie OPKs so I bought 2 boxes of the digital smileys to use. I plan on doing the CBFM in the AM and like 3 smilies through out the day to try to catch the surge.

I am concerned though that my damn surge will run into the weekend though and my Dr is not open on Sunday... I guess we will just have to see. What I am hoping is I surge maybe Fri AM they get me in that AM for a ultrasound, then I can do an IUI on Saturday. But that is just an ideal schedule, dont know if it will work out that way. Usually my LH surges in the afternoon, and My Dr only does ultrasounds in the AM. So if that happens then I wont get in until the next day for the ultrasound/blood, then he wants to wait on those results before doing an IUI, which wouldnt be until the NEXT day...but to me that seems just too long between surging and an IUI. See what I mean ? oh well I hope my body cooperates with me so I can confidently get an IUI in this month. That will make me feel a lot better.

I want to thank you or the very nice response, I appreciate your kind thoughts.. I really do... I am trying to stay positive but gosh it is just so hard. Everything brings me to tears it really doesnt matter what it is to be honest. I watch a movie about old people with their grand children and I cry thinking I may never have grandchildren, I watch commercial with a girl at prom I cry thinking I will never have a child go to prom.... honestly it doesnt matter what it is. Its getting to be too much for me. I mostly am trying to hide alot of this from my hubby, because I dont want him to think I am totally loosing it, and make him think perhaps 2nd guess the IVF incase it doesnt work he knows I will be upset all over again, see what I mean?

I know I am doing everything I can at this point. I got that FS visit set up for the 25th, I also set up another appointment for April 7th at a Clinic that is closer. It is actually in Cleveland Oh which is only 2 hours from us. Which means we could go up and back in the same day for the IVF procedures. The one in Philly is 6 hour drive, so we would have to stay over night each time we go there for the IVF procedures. The one in Cleveland is a lot more expensive for IVF but they are closer and they are actually ranked like 6th in the US for IVF sucsess for my age bracket. So I think maybe we will try 1 IVF in Philly then maybe 1 in Cleveland. Then that will be all my hubby will probablly want to do. He is concerned about the cost, as this all will be VERY VERY expensive. I dont want to "push" it and insist we keep doing IVFs over and over again, because in the end if they do not work, I will really want to try to convince him to go to the Doner Egg Program, I know if he gets over his issue with the Doner Egg, and if we spend too much money on IVFs then he will definately say NO because we had already spent thousands on treatments, ya know what I mean ? thinking that we have exhausted all our funds so will not think about doing any more at all. So that is also in the back of my mind.

I am really wishing you luck this week, on some great results from your tests. Please keep me posted!~!

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Girl,

How’s it going? How are you doing? So, I’m really happy with this FS although they do go very fast there, it’s like a production line. I went on Monday and Tuesday for more bloodwork and ultrasounds. It turns out that I’m ovulating early this cycle so it was too close to ovulation to do the HSG test so I have to wait now. They only do it from cycle 5 to 10 and only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. These tests are all covered by our public health insurance. Anyhow, I can’t even do it next cycle cause that’s when I’m going to Miami. Ah well, my dr didn’t seem too concerned, he said that I’m one of the younger people at the clinic, and that I’ve only been trying for 6 months now, so I could get knocked up at any minute. The crappy thing is that if I knew I wasn’t going for the HSG test, then I would have DTD with the hubby since Monday. Anyhow, the dr said that he wanted me to BD on Tuesday and Wednesday and then go back to see him on Thursday for more bloodwork and u/s to see if I did ovulate. The weird thing is that every time I get the u/s, its with a new person and they always ask me if I’m on meds. I’m wondering if I’m going to release more than 1 egg this cycle. Hmm… I guess I’ll ask next time. Apparently, they’re not suppose to tell me.

Also, my dear, your FS should totally do the AMH test, ask them and see what they say.

So, if your cycle does go back to normal is that not good? Hey, remember some women get preggers after they’re off all the meds so I think you still have a good chance. I’ve gotten a peak today so I guess my dr was right…. I’ve been testing twice a day as well. Yesterday, I tested with the CBFM in the morning and it looked like I was going to get my lh surge in the afternoon. So, I did a smiley face OPK in the afternoon and low and behold, a smiley face appeared. So, this morning I did both the CBFM and the OPK cause sometimes they don’t match up and I want to be sure that I’m still on the surge or over the surge. I think you checking often will be very helpful.

It’s totally bizarre how every clinic works so differently. Gosh I hope you get your surge even before Friday, that way you don’t have to worry about the IUI. At my clinic they do the bloodwork and u/s and by time I see my doctor he has the results right there, so then he would tell me to do the IUI at that moment. I won’t be able to do the IUIs until I get that HSG test, so I’m going to patiently wait.

So, my dear, I wish I could be there physically to hug you up. I’m starting to feel the pressure too, I mean, I felt it before, but now it’s getting more and more intense. I know that you have to hide it from your hubby and that’s really hard to do. It can be a lot to deal with on your own. Have you considered the adoption route yet? At the clinic yesterday, I met a woman that has been doing this stuff for a while now and she told me that I should start looking into adoption right now cause the process is very lengthy. She said that the waiting list is insane so I should start now if I really want children. I mean I could get pregnant in the meantime and just stop the process or I could never end up pregnant and at least I’m on the waiting list for a child. I’m going to seriously talk to my hubby about this as I’d like to have a child either way. I think I still may even adopt a child if I do get pregnant.

So, the two clinics, one in Philly and one in Cleveland, have you figured out if traveling to the on in Philly offsets the costs of the clinic in Cleveland. So, what I mean is, that the Cleveland clinic sounds way better for many reasons except for the expense, but if you have to pay a lot to travel to Philly does it work out to be the same costs. If so, then I say only go to the Cleveland one, cause that will help reduce stress if it’s closer to home. But it all depends on the costs.

Are you still going to try to do IVF with your own egg first and then IVF with a donor? How many IVF’s will you try?

Gosh, girl, I just hope the first IVF works. The same girl at the clinic yesterday told me that she’s going through her first IVF and the costs are approximately $14K. It’s like over $6000 for meds and $7000 for the IVF procedure. Everything else is paid by the public health insurance. So, even the IUI except you still need to get it washed so that costs money. Also any fertility costs that are incurred during the year are tax deductible, so I have to keep all my bills!! :

Well, my dear. I hope you’re doing well, and I’m praying that you get your surge either today or tomorrow or even on Monday would be better right???

 

[ttc1st_at_40]

ok HSG on hold...thats ok... heard that is an awesome test, I am really hoping to get it done as well, Ya I also "get it" if you knew you werent getting it you would have BD more, darn!! were you able to get enough in though ya think ?

how awesome you must feel to be considered the "young one" haha !! awesome, ya and those ultrasound techs, apparently some of them dont like to say anything... I have like 3 different girls too that do mine, one is "tight lipped" and says NOTHING, the other girl told me straight up "well it depends on who you get, I'll tell ya what ever I see, just as long as you know that the Dr is the one that makes decisions based on what I find, but if you want to know what your lining is or how many follicles you have I will tell you" so she does, the other 2 tell me NOTHING. So when I get one of the 2 techs that tell me nothing during the scan, I then have to wait for the Nurse to call me back (the one I hate) and then have to almost beg her to tell me... and she only answers exactly what I ask... cant wait to never have to deal with her again!!! BUT....each time I go in I am soooo happy when I see the friendly Ultrasound tech haha

so I am thinking my cycle may be normal this month... so far started back with the CBFM, and it was low for 4 days, now have gotten two days of highs so far... so sounds on track so far... I am keeping my fingers crossed, I was soooo worried that I wouldnt get a "normal" cycle back, I have heard a lot of stories when girls go on these fertility meds, that it messes up their cycles permanently... so I am hoping I contiune on and get my +opk... thinking that will either come tonight or tomorrow. I did call the office and ask them if I get my surge on the weekend (they are closed on Sundays) that if I can just come in first time Monday, and they said "sure". So I dont think they will waste a day for the ultrasound and blood work and wait for me to do an IUI the next day, hopefully I will surge tomorrow and get the IUI Monday. I hate the idea that they suggested to wait a day between, seems like too long after my surge, but to be honestly I dont think my Dr normally does "unmedicated cycles" but was just making an exception for me. Oh well we'll see I guess.

I am super excited for the FS (phily visit) this Friday. Philly guy is way cheaper and does not batt an eye at 40 year old women with high FSH. Cleveland I am not so sure what their take on 40 yo with high FSH, hoping for them to call me before I go for my visit there, as I dont want to waste my time if they really want to turn me down,and why waste a day off work and a 4 hour round trip drive only for them to tell me to use Donor Eggs or that they dont want to take me, as I have heard it certainly does happen, because clinics like to take on "sure thing" patients in order to keep their stat's up... very sad but also very true.

Also I did weight the costs and the Phily guy is way cheaper even with having to spend more on gas money and hotels, than the Cleveland guys. So my idea is maybe one (or two) IVFs in Philly and then if that doesnt work try the Cleveland Clinic, that is if I can keep my hubby on board, as I think this traveling around and long hours driving may "get on his nerves" VERY fast. So I will get a lot of things answered once I go to this visit on Friday. And YES I want to try with my own eggs, Hubby has not agreed to using donors, and there is a good chance he will never agree to that. Donor Eggs in my eyes is our LAST resort, and I dont even know if that is an option, because he very well may NEVER agree to Donors. And he also is not willing to adopt. I would in a minute!!! I love my husband and all, and he does want children, but he wants HIS children, he does not have a big enough heart to adopt someone elses child, same hang up he has on using Donor Eggs, he said he wouldnt feel like it would be "our" child. I feel 100% opposite than him though.

That is soooo awesome you have a lot of fertilty coverage, very very nice. and yep it does sound like your IVF are expensive too... guess they are no matter what country ya live in huh?

sooooo have you started packing for Miami yet!!! how exicted are you getting... gosh I would love a vacation right about now!!! but the weather is getting nicer so that is a bonus, it was 70 degrees here yesterday, it was heaven!!!!

 

[so_anxious]

OMG, girl, I totally thought you had an HSG done already. Ok, so now I’m kinda upset with your FS. Ok, so my dr doesn’t want to do IUI yet until I do the HSG cause if my tubes are blocked than I’m wasting my money doing the sperm wash for IUI. I’m not sure why I had thought that you had the HSG done. OK, so my dear, what happens if your tubes are blocked right now. I seriously think you need to ask your FS to do that test now. Imagine that your tubes are blocked and you’re just doing the IUI after IUI. Oh man, that would suck a$$. I’m sure your tubes aren’t blocked but I seriously think your FS needs to check that out now. Hmm… that’s so bizarre.

Well, I may be a “young one” at the clinic, but I seriously feel old at work sometimes. Especially with all these 30 year olds keep getting pregnant within 3 months of trying. Kinda pisses me off. So, let me tell you about this 30 year old at work, I may have mentioned her before but here’s some more.

This 30 year old, lives in a very small 1 bedroom apartment. She has tons of student debt. Her husband is trying to get his PhD and is now going into more student debt. Her job is only temporary and her husband makes a very low salary as well. Yet, she wants to have kids now. And you know what, she’ll probably get pregnant right away. Man, it sucks to be me!!! Whatever!

Dude, so it looks like you got a high on Sunday, so you’re in really good shape still to go get your IUI this week. I think that if I’m not knocked up by May then I’m doing the HSG and then an unmedicated IUI. But I’m hoping that the dr gets all the results back and lets me know if there’s some problem. I’m hoping and praying to God that I’m not an unexplained infertility like my friend. I think I’d just go into a depressed state or something.

So, you still haven’t heard from Cleveland yet, huh? Can you call them up? I agree with you, you should totally know before you go cause that would be like a waste of time if they said we don’t bother with high FSH clients.

I’m not sure why I asked you about cost comparison, of course you would have done that, you’re an analyst!! Anyhow, that’s good to know that you have choices as well. I’m sorry to hear that he probably won’t agree to donor eggs or adoption. But, it’s probably good that you know about his issues with that before you actually have an adopted child come live with you and him not be full engaged. At least he’s honest with you.

Ah man, are fertility expenses tax deductible in the US? I just found out the other day that it is in Canada, so I have to save all my receipts to claim next year. Hopefully, I won’t have too many receipts!!

Yes, I have started to pack for Miami. I had to bust out the summer clothes that still fit. Man, my a$$ is huge!! Anyhow, I’m very excited. My hubby hasn’t done anything yet. He still hasn’t even purchased the basketball tickets for Miami. He said he’s going to wait till the last minute. Typical man!! Anyhow, the weather is getting much nicer. It’s quite warm today, but it’s raining, blah. I’m super tired today and it’s 4 dpo. Man, if AF arrives, then I’m totally getting wasted in Miami. Tee hee.

 

[so_anxious]

Hey Renee,

Did you ever consider accupuncture?

Check out this lady's chart: https://www.tcoyf.com/media/p/1370605.aspx