TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[Dwrgi]

Hello Girls!
I have been lurking mostly. I have to say...I love all the profile pics...you are all so beautiful. I will put one up of my dh and I...maybe tomorrow.

This will not be a very long message but I wanted to at least write a little one.

Skye.....so glad everything is okay!!!!!

Missy- GL on your IUI tomorrow. Praying that you get your bfp!

Lava- Good for standing up for yourself...some dr./nurses can be really inconsiderate sometimes....glad you gave her the big smile on your way out.

Mommysangel- Glad that everything is okay with you and your baby girl.

Dwrgi- You and your dh are so gorgeous! I love your pic. Glad to hear dh's improved greatly!

I also wanted to add in that I am on antidepressants and other meds b/c I am diagnosed Bipolar/Manic Depressive and have to be on them. I really wish, I didn't have to but it's my reality. My dr. says the same thing that HappyAuntie was talking about....I can basically pass on depression to the baby and am at a higher risk of post par. depression. I will not be able to breast feed. With being on antidepressants/other meds, I have put on some weight, so I'm struggling with that to. Hope I wasn't a downer but felt close enough to you girls to share.

Sorry, if I didn't mention everyone but I'm sending you all

Will write more tomorrow. night night

Hello Luv! I was wondering what had happened to you-really lovely to get your post. So glad that you felt able to share about your depression. Do the meds help you, do you think?? I am so glad that you have sought treatment for your problem, and that, hopefully, it helps you. I think gaining weight is quite common with some medications-it never rains, but it pours, does it? But, as long as you feel better in yourself, that's the main thing!

Our photo was taken at my friend's birthday party in January, when she announced she was expecting again (she's the one in the really dysfunctional relationship). I felt as fragile as glass all evening and my OH was keeping a close eye on me. As it goes, we eneded up having a really great night together-we can both be very silly, so we suit each other like that!!

Anyway, hope you're okay-where are you at in your cycle??

Have a great week and lots of love,
A
xxxx
And sticky

 

[Dwrgi]

I meant to put the babydust icon in but I'm an idiot and pressed the wrong button.
But here it is, for us all:

 

[missyt]

Skye, thanks for all the positive support. I am doing my IUI today so I guess my estrogen levels were where they wanted to be and they didn't want me to wait that extra day. I consumed tons of proteins yesterday so I hope that worked. I wish they could do a scan the day of IUI and tell you how big the follies are but that lube on the u/s wand probably interfers with sperm. Good luck on your scan today. Can't wait until you hear a heartbeat.

MA, I took 100mg clomid on days 3-7 and took one and a half vials of gonal f on the evening of day 7. I went for a scan on day 9 and that is when they gave me the bravelle to take because the follies weren't big enough. I think that was 150 mg. I'm doing the IUI today. I triggered on Saturday which was day 11. I'm going to take your advice and like Lava, stay on the table for longer.

Dwrgi, DH has to help me hold it together too. Last night we were talking about how much of a strain this has been on us. Sometimes its just too much. I have been through a lot in my life but this has been the hardest. Hang in there. I know how you feel.

Luvvie, thanks for sharing your story about antidepressents with us. It helps to know that others feel the same way eventhough I wish none of us had to go through this.

AFM, my IUI is today. I've already prepared myself mentally for disapointment. DH is going with me this time so I feel better about that. I pretty sure that after this one, I want to take a break for the rest of the summer and just enjoy myself. I missed out on doing the Warrior Dash (3 mile obstacle course race) with DH yesterday because back in Nov. when he signed up, I thought I'd be pregnant by now so I didn't sign up. I'm so tired of putting things on hold with the hope that I'll be pregnant. I don't feel like myself anymore. I've always been athletic and active and I feel like I'm letting life pass me by now.

 

[Dwrgi]

Skye, thanks for all the positive support. I am doing my IUI today so I guess my estrogen levels were where they wanted to be and they didn't want me to wait that extra day. I consumed tons of proteins yesterday so I hope that worked. I wish they could do a scan the day of IUI and tell you how big the follies are but that lube on the u/s wand probably interfers with sperm. Good luck on your scan today. Can't wait until you hear a heartbeat.

MA, I took 100mg clomid on days 3-7 and took one and a half vials of gonal f on the evening of day 7. I went for a scan on day 9 and that is when they gave me the bravelle to take because the follies weren't big enough. I think that was 150 mg. I'm doing the IUI today. I triggered on Saturday which was day 11. I'm going to take your advice and like Lava, stay on the table for longer.

Dwrgi, DH has to help me hold it together too. Last night we were talking about how much of a strain this has been on us. Sometimes its just too much. I have been through a lot in my life but this has been the hardest. Hang in there. I know how you feel.

Luvvie, thanks for sharing your story about antidepressents with us. It helps to know that others feel the same way eventhough I wish none of us had to go through this.

AFM, my IUI is today. I've already prepared myself mentally for disapointment. DH is going with me this time so I feel better about that. I pretty sure that after this one, I want to take a break for the rest of the summer and just enjoy myself. I missed out on doing the Warrior Dash (3 mile obstacle course race) with DH yesterday because back in Nov. when he signed up, I thought I'd be pregnant by now so I didn't sign up. I'm so tired of putting things on hold with the hope that I'll be pregnant. I don't feel like myself anymore. I've always been athletic and active and I feel like I'm letting life pass me by now.

Lots and lots of good luck to you today MissyT-I shall be thinking of you! Brilliant that DH is with you, and I am sure he will help you relax. Stay on the bed as long as you can and visualise loads of exciting things going on in your womb!

If this doesn't work out (and I'm sure there is no reason for it not to) then having a break sounds like a very good idea, and just go back to enjoying your life for you, not for putting things on hold. I think we are all guilty of that.

Lots and lots of and HUGE
And, of course, finally, the stickiest of to you!
xxxx

 

[HappyAuntie]

I also wanted to add in that I am on antidepressants and other meds b/c I am diagnosed Bipolar/Manic Depressive and have to be on them. I really wish, I didn't have to but it's my reality. My dr. says the same thing that HappyAuntie was talking about....I can basically pass on depression to the baby and am at a higher risk of post par. depression. I will not be able to breast feed. With being on antidepressants/other meds, I have put on some weight, so I'm struggling with that to. Hope I wasn't a downer but felt close enough to you girls to share.

Thanks for sharing, Luvvie. I think the key thing for anyone concerned about their mental health is to just talk with your dr. There are lots of options that are completely safe for ttc, pregnancy and breastfeeding, and your dr knows more about that than ANYONE on here does, or on any other website. Drs have 10+ years of college education and residency training for a reason.

AFM, I am starting to tell that the drugs are making a difference. (I've been taking them for ~10 days now.) Over the weekend DH and I went to an art fair in town - it was a gorgeous day and of course there were pregnant women and babies everywhere. A little "why me" sadness entered my thoughts (which happens all the time, as you all know) and then the most amazing thing happened - IT WENT AWAY! For so long every time a thought like that has entered my mind, it has turned into a spiral of sadness and negative thinking that I can't control and I can't stop, and I feel my chest and shoulders get heavy and tired... but yesterday when it happened, I had a sad thought and then my mind just moved on to the next thought - it didn't ruin my day, my mind didn't get stuck in the downward spiral of sad and negative thoughts.... It made me think, huh, I guess the drugs are working.

Good luck today, Missy! We're all pulling for you!!

Dwrgi, your OH was lovely to look after you that night at the party. It's so nice when our men actually clue in to what is upsetting to us and try to protect us from it... if it happened more often, we might not be so surprised about it!

Happy Monday, everyone!! Hope you all have a good day today.

 

[lavalux]

Good luck Missyt! I'm thinking of you today! Sending you lots of baby dust!

Thanks for reposting that article, Skye!

I have suffered from depression for over 20 years and I've experienced the tragedy of untreated depression. My college boyfriend of almost 3 years killed himself and my dad made an unsuccessful attempt that landed him in the hospital on suicide watch before being transfered in a cop car to a mental health center for 2 weeks. Another friend died of an intentional drug overdose moments before I managed to get to his apartment and I held him in my arms but I was too late. My best friend had such bad post-partum depression with my godchild that she had to drop her off at a neighbors for an afternoon so she didn't harm her or the baby. I have taken first Paxil then Wellbutrin for many many years. I chose to go off my meds in December before TTCing, but my doctor and my therapist told me that I could stay on the Wellbutrin. I chose to not take the Wellbutrin right now, but I know that if I feel depression dogging me again, I will consult my doctor again and get back on the meds immediately. I just wanted to share my experience to those sharing theirs so you know that you are not alone. I think it is incredibly important, especially with all the stress and sometimes strife that long term TTCing causes, to monitor how you are feeling and get help (support group, therapist, anti-depressants) in whatever amount is needed to help us keep our head above water during this challenging time. We all need to take care of ourselves, emotionally & physically, before we can take care of our little ones that we will one day surely hold. Love to you all! L

 

[HappyAuntie]

Oh, and I forgot to add - my other interesting observation about starting antidepressants is that I snapped at DH on the phone the other day and immediately knew I was in the wrong... I apologized to him as soon as he got home from work and he said no worries - he had blown it off because he figured the drugs were probably affecting my behavior a little and he kind of knew to expect the unexpected for a little while until I get used to them - he even joked I had a free pass for a while, that I could p*ss him off and get away with it! He said it was like a "get out of jail free" card!! I should make the most of it while I can!!

 

[twinkle1975]

Hello ladies - I'm being very selfish but have just got to get this out & then will go back & see how you're all doing.

I'd been doing so well for months - not breaking down & crying all the time, being philosophical when AF arrived, trying to be upbeat, until yesterday when we were clearing out the big cupboard in the hallway. We have a 5 man tent that we use to get all our stuff in when we go to festivals where you can't park your car by the tent. It's one big space but it has a divider you can put down the middle to make it into 2 rooms so that a family can use it for the parents & kids. DH was chucking stuff out, found this divider (which we've never used) and said "Can I chuck this out, we're never going to use it are we?"
And I just fell apart, sobbed my heart out and couldn't stop. Poor DH felt really bad.
Sorry to be so pitiful.

 

[skye2010]

AAAwwww Twinkie hon, it's a good thing he chucked it if it's been there that long. I'm sure he didn't mean not needing it cause you wouldn't have kids. You wouldn't use a divider untill kids are 6-7 anyway which is a long time away and you might buy another tent by than. You have been so good and determined at losing the weight. You never know what could trigger the sorrow with this darn TTC If it's not seeing a complete stranger 9month old preggy woman it's gotta be sthg else. Sweety it's all normal to cry and be sad from time to time. Your dr appt is very soon which is very promising. You will have your baby in the end and you will look back at this time and smile at yourself when you haven't slept for 72 hrs after trying to feed, burp and clean your baby

Luvy nice to hear from you. Breast feeding is something some mothers don't even consider in case it sagged their boobs or don't bother which is really stupid and shallow. Yet the babies can be perfectly healthy. You have a health condition so you don't need to feel bad about giving your baby the bottle. Struggling with the weight gain might be a side effect of your medication or your illness. My cousin had to deal with a heavy depression since she was in high school. And the meds+illness made her baloon in size. She struggles to lose it. Being underweight isn't very good with TTC but as long us you have a healthy diet and consume enough nutrition daily than it should be ok. You can discuss the weight issue with the dr if it bothers you.

Dwrgi well done for DH for looking after you so well. The picture does show you had a great night

Missy, Biiig, biiiiig goood luck to you today. Hope it goes all well. Keep up the protein intake if you can cause it's still helpful.

Here's some smileys to coax your embies to stick and develop. Keep positive and try not to think that it may not work. There is no reason why it shouldn't.

HA, so now you have a free pass. That sounds good In fact I have a free pass too. After the hospital drama and Saturday's crying session DH takes the dog's out after being asked just once. (We used to have "Who takes the dogs out drama" on a daily basis and 9 out of 10 it was me) I'm really glad to hear the meds are working and you can push all the bad thoughts where they're suppose to sit "out of your head"

Lava I can't believe you had to witness so many sad incidences created by depression. Actually I knew this guy at college who comitted suicide too. It was so sad. The family had just been aware of his condition and they were trying to get him to start the medication. Hope all god ladies here including myself would have our babies soon and than we can finally have this TTC burden off our shoulder. Even if we try for another baby I guess it wouldn't be as bad as the first one cause we would be quite trained by than.

One thing I am really scared of is having the postnatal depression. I dunno if there's anything to be done to prevent it but I guess if I do experience it I would seek help immediately. You know there is this weird ghost legend in Turkey. It's said to haunt mothers who have just given birth and it takes the baby away or harms it. For this reason traditionally a mother is never left alone with their new born for 40 days in Turkey. I bet that is actually the postnatal depression and women just created it to help the baby and the mother. Weird how before medicine people found reasoning and ways of coping with illnesses.

LynB, Ginger, Jo, Nevernever and FM hope all is well

LynB did you start anouncing it yet?

 

[onmymind17]

Hi everyone! So sorry I didn't get a chance to post here. I tried to get to all the threads before they started to FINALLY discharge me.

Just wanted to say thank you for all the prayers. I'll update and Hide for those who wish to know so I may be sensitive to those who aren't interested:

Spoiler

Hi there ladies!

Thank you for the kind prayers dear friend.

Not sure if I mentioned it but my roomate the first moment I got there just had her cerclage surgery. After an hour, they tried to get the heartbeat and her baby had died. She started to cry and I then I started to cry in my own area without making her feel worse. The nurses, having known I lost my son and now will be going in for the same surgery she went for, ran for my stuff and transferred me to a private room. Doug came back to find I was missing and started to panic. He got to the new room where I was bawling. I felt so terrible for my roomate and became terrified to have the surgery so I didn't get any sleep that night.

Went in for the cerclage around 1. I was doing well until the anesthesiologist mentioned there was a woman whose sac was buldging the following days surgery. The Dr. Hollard at her to STOP. Knowing that had been my roomate and that with Jackson my own sac was found buldging. After that, I hadn't heard any of them and started to worry as they were working behind the scenes. That moment I felt I was going to be sick and they gave me anti nausea meds through the IV and I tried to keep myself calm. The Dr. shortly said she was almost done and that everything looked just fine and went as planned. She said cervix was STILL closed and I believe she mentioned the closed length was 2cm's.

They mentioned modified bedrest for home. We all know I'll be on bedrest.

I was surprised to find that I was barely bleeding at all, had "slight" cramping but nothing too bad and the worst was a headache and slight stinging when I pee. Other than that, I seem to be doing well and have a more positive attitude about our future. Amelia seems to be doing fine with a heart rate in the 150's. She did almost give me a heart attack when we couldn't find her heartbeat. After what happened with my roomate, I was on the verge of tears when they finally found her beautiful beating heart.

So all is well. My heart still aches for my roomate though. I know so well what it's like to lose a child and it just breaks my heart to think about her.

I made plenty of new friends with the nursing staff. They were all AWESOME! One whom I found out has had 4 miscarriages in the first trimester. I asked if she was tested for MTHFR and she has a form of it. She spend quite awhile talking with me and I saw the pain on her face. Can you imagine working with pregnant women and women who just delivered their babies only to have lost 4 of your own with fertility issues? She left early this morning and we cried, I gave her a hug and told her that eventually through all this heartache, she will get past those milestones with the new therapy shes' going through and when she finally holds that baby in her arms as I will come fall, it will be the most precious day of her life.

The Aide even asked I stay the year here. The recovery nurse asked Doug to email her when we finally have Amelia and all the nursing staff on the 7th floor have known me since Jackson so they are all so sweet and kind. I'm going to have to bring a HUGE cake when Amelia is delivered. We're going to have so many people waiting to see this little girl whom we've waited 10 years for.

I'll be back on next week to chat with you all as I have another scan to make sure everything looks good and Dr. appointment. My favorite Perinatologist did the surgery and she was happy that all went well and it looks excellent for Amelia to come "hopefully" on target.

Saw the perinatologist I argued with for an hour to get the cerclage at 14wks and he looked like "oh no, not this one again" and I had a look like "told ya so" I kept hearing the old time western showdown theme in my head and giggled after he left.

My first time with an epidural type anesthesia. I told the med staff in surgery it felt like I was walking naked in the snow and had them all laughing.

So, that's it for today! All is well! Now I'm looking forward to making it and holding my little Amelia come October.

Keep you posted as things progress!

It's taken me a bit to catch up with everyone.

Lava, glad you stuck to your guns. Of course I'm praying this is your sticky cycle but remember to do that EVERY time you need to. NEVER let them rush you.

Skye, how many weeks are you hunny?? If your before 6 weeks I don't want you worrying if they don't see the baby or fetal heartbeat. A baby and fetal heartbeat can be seen usually between 6 and 8 weeks. The numbers can sometimes very too so there is a possibility all is well. These numbers made me a wreck too. Goodness, we all freak about the fertility process and then it just keeps getting stressful with numbers, sticking, etc. The neverending process of trying to be a parent!

There are some Dr's that tend to have scans too early and end up freaking the patients out. Sometimes but RARELY do you find anything other than a sac and even that can be hiding. So try and stay calm sweetheart! Keep us updated, I'm praying.


Love to you all and praying for more bfp's ladies. You've all been on my heart.

Oh hon, i am so sorry you had to go through that, your poor thing, i am glad that all is well. I have a friend in the same situation, she got her cerclage about 3 weeks ago, her and her son are doing well, and she is almost at 28 weeks now. You just keep it in your head that everything is going to be fine, and you will be holding your little girl in your arms!!

 

[onmymind17]

Girls just a quick update, than I will catch up when I have more time.
Basically the dr saw a sac in the scan with a placenta around it. I'm only 5,5 weeks gone so he didn't see any baby which was expected. He said it was in the right place. And sometimes the numbers don't rise as much as expected. He said he can't tell if the pregnancy is good yet but I am still pregnant. I started crying before the scan so I think he got a bit shocked and was carefull not to scare me anymore. Everone says the clinic has high standards and they are very strict with doubling numbers. There was another girl a few weeks ago whose numbers were slow and she was really worried quite a while but she is still pregnant with a heartbeat. I'm not totally relieved but much better now cry: all night). Thanx so much to all of you. I love u all girls. xxxx

I am very happy to hear this, and yes at 5.5 weeks its highly unlikley you would see a baby, when do you go back for your next scan? Still sending prayers for a great outcome!!!

 

[onmymind17]

Skye, thanks for all the positive support. I am doing my IUI today so I guess my estrogen levels were where they wanted to be and they didn't want me to wait that extra day. I consumed tons of proteins yesterday so I hope that worked. I wish they could do a scan the day of IUI and tell you how big the follies are but that lube on the u/s wand probably interfers with sperm. Good luck on your scan today. Can't wait until you hear a heartbeat.

MA, I took 100mg clomid on days 3-7 and took one and a half vials of gonal f on the evening of day 7. I went for a scan on day 9 and that is when they gave me the bravelle to take because the follies weren't big enough. I think that was 150 mg. I'm doing the IUI today. I triggered on Saturday which was day 11. I'm going to take your advice and like Lava, stay on the table for longer.

Dwrgi, DH has to help me hold it together too. Last night we were talking about how much of a strain this has been on us. Sometimes its just too much. I have been through a lot in my life but this has been the hardest. Hang in there. I know how you feel.

Luvvie, thanks for sharing your story about antidepressents with us. It helps to know that others feel the same way eventhough I wish none of us had to go through this.

AFM, my IUI is today. I've already prepared myself mentally for disapointment. DH is going with me this time so I feel better about that. I pretty sure that after this one, I want to take a break for the rest of the summer and just enjoy myself. I missed out on doing the Warrior Dash (3 mile obstacle course race) with DH yesterday because back in Nov. when he signed up, I thought I'd be pregnant by now so I didn't sign up. I'm so tired of putting things on hold with the hope that I'll be pregnant. I don't feel like myself anymore. I've always been athletic and active and I feel like I'm letting life pass me by now.

I am sending you all kinds of try not to stress out, i have found that all the IUI's that you think suck are the ones that work, remember it only takes one of each. Just try and stay relaxed and have fun, i know exactly what you mean about life passing your by, i feel the same way, so for now, i am living life and having fun, and not worrying about any TTC stuff. You go and have fun, and i bet your bfp will be here real soon!!

 

[onmymind17]

Hello ladies - I'm being very selfish but have just got to get this out & then will go back & see how you're all doing.

I'd been doing so well for months - not breaking down & crying all the time, being philosophical when AF arrived, trying to be upbeat, until yesterday when we were clearing out the big cupboard in the hallway. We have a 5 man tent that we use to get all our stuff in when we go to festivals where you can't park your car by the tent. It's one big space but it has a divider you can put down the middle to make it into 2 rooms so that a family can use it for the parents & kids. DH was chucking stuff out, found this divider (which we've never used) and said "Can I chuck this out, we're never going to use it are we?"
And I just fell apart, sobbed my heart out and couldn't stop. Poor DH felt really bad.
Sorry to be so pitiful.

Oh honey your not pitiful, those kinds of things hurt, your poor thing. I really wish i could give every one of you ladies a sticky bean!! Some people wish for Peace, me i wish for BFP's with sticky healthy beans for everybody on here!! I know how you feel, my dh and i have several outfits, one for the Chicago Bears, two for the Chicago White Sox, and little tiny Chicago Blackhawk socks, we have now decided to give them away to a friend that is expecting, i just feel like what is the point of hanging on to them you know. That was really rough, and not fair that we cannot use them!!

 

[twinkle1975]

Hello ladies - I'm being very selfish but have just got to get this out & then will go back & see how you're all doing.

I'd been doing so well for months - not breaking down & crying all the time, being philosophical when AF arrived, trying to be upbeat, until yesterday when we were clearing out the big cupboard in the hallway. We have a 5 man tent that we use to get all our stuff in when we go to festivals where you can't park your car by the tent. It's one big space but it has a divider you can put down the middle to make it into 2 rooms so that a family can use it for the parents & kids. DH was chucking stuff out, found this divider (which we've never used) and said "Can I chuck this out, we're never going to use it are we?"
And I just fell apart, sobbed my heart out and couldn't stop. Poor DH felt really bad.
Sorry to be so pitiful.

Oh honey your not pitiful, those kinds of things hurt, your poor thing. I really wish i could give every one of you ladies a sticky bean!! Some people wish for Peace, me i wish for BFP's with sticky healthy beans for everybody on here!! I know how you feel, my dh and i have several outfits, one for the Chicago Bears, two for the Chicago White Sox, and little tiny Chicago Blackhawk socks, we have now decided to give them away to a friend that is expecting, i just feel like what is the point of hanging on to them you know. That was really rough, and not fair that we cannot use them!!

 

[HappyAuntie]

Hello ladies - I'm being very selfish but have just got to get this out & then will go back & see how you're all doing.

I'd been doing so well for months - not breaking down & crying all the time, being philosophical when AF arrived, trying to be upbeat, until yesterday when we were clearing out the big cupboard in the hallway. We have a 5 man tent that we use to get all our stuff in when we go to festivals where you can't park your car by the tent. It's one big space but it has a divider you can put down the middle to make it into 2 rooms so that a family can use it for the parents & kids. DH was chucking stuff out, found this divider (which we've never used) and said "Can I chuck this out, we're never going to use it are we?"
And I just fell apart, sobbed my heart out and couldn't stop. Poor DH felt really bad.
Sorry to be so pitiful.

Oh honey, you're not being pitiful at all!! You're just being human! I completely understand how something like that can catch you off guard and throw you for a loop. It's the unexpected moments that are always hardest to bear. I hope a good cry helped you feel better. (and just as an aside, our tent has one of those dividers, too, and chucking it was the first thing we did - camping w/ kids or w/o, I just imagined it would be in the way.)

One thing I am really scared of is having the postnatal depression. I dunno if there's anything to be done to prevent it but I guess if I do experience it I would seek help immediately. You know there is this weird ghost legend in Turkey. It's said to haunt mothers who have just given birth and it takes the baby away or harms it. For this reason traditionally a mother is never left alone with their new born for 40 days in Turkey. I bet that is actually the postnatal depression and women just created it to help the baby and the mother. Weird how before medicine people found reasoning and ways of coping with illnesses.

That is SO interesting! Is the 40 days thing still widely practiced? Amazing. That's one thing I really hate about how far we live from all our family - they can come for a short visit when (FX'd) we have a baby to help for a little while, but certainly not the same extended support Turkish women get. Very cool.

 

[HappyAuntie]

I know how you feel, my dh and i have several outfits, one for the Chicago Bears, two for the Chicago White Sox, and little tiny Chicago Blackhawk socks, we have now decided to give them away to a friend that is expecting, i just feel like what is the point of hanging on to them you know. That was really rough, and not fair that we cannot use them!!

We have quite a few little outfits that we received as gifts during our first pregnancy, as well as my mobile and blankie from when I was a baby and some other things my mom had held onto for me... I have them all tucked into a drawer along with all the cards we received, both congratulatory and sympathy.... That drawer is like my own little memorial to our babies now. I know it's there and I can go through it when I want to, but I don't have to see it when I don't want to....

 

[skye2010]

Ha, Onmymind and Twinkie sure you will reach out into your saved things soon enough, otherwise you will just have to buy new things.

Ha, 40 day thing is still practiced as much as people can fit their lives. First week there is so many celebratory traditions that bb and the mother is almost always accompanied. Than you would always have the neighbours checking on them a few times a day to bring food, sweets help out with housework, etc. Also when the baby first arrives the mother gets to be dolled up in bed with red ribbon, nice nighties so she feels pretty and good about herself. Than apart from the clothes etc the relatives and close friends bring small gold coins for the baby. So it kind of takes the financial worry away a bit. All is just distraction for the mother and makes her feel supported.

I am far away from all that too. Maybe my mum would come but all neighbours, friends etc support would definitely be much missed. That's moving from your hometown for u!!!!

 

[Baby4MJ]

I know how you feel, my dh and i have several outfits, one for the Chicago Bears, two for the Chicago White Sox, and little tiny Chicago Blackhawk socks, we have now decided to give them away to a friend that is expecting, i just feel like what is the point of hanging on to them you know. That was really rough, and not fair that we cannot use them!!

We have quite a few little outfits that we received as gifts during our first pregnancy, as well as my mobile and blankie from when I was a baby and some other things my mom had held onto for me... I have them all tucked into a drawer along with all the cards we received, both congratulatory and sympathy.... That drawer is like my own little memorial to our babies now. I know it's there and I can go through it when I want to, but I don't have to see it when I don't want to....

I have a baby gift and congratulations card from a friend from my first pregnancy...I even said to her when she gave it to me that it was much too early for gifts...it was only a matter of a few weeks later and the baby was gone. I stuffed the gift bag with contents untouched in the corner of my guest room behind a CD rack and haven't so much as looked at it since. Last summer my MIL held up and showed me a little baby dress she wanted to buy while she was here visiting during the summer and we were out shopping together, then she said "Well, I guess I shouldn't buy a dress since you may have a boy"...and I told her that I may not have any, so it would be best not to buy any gifts at all until I am holding a living breathing child of my own. That was only a few months after my 2nd m/c (and little did we know only one month before I found out I was pregnant again, only to have my 3rd m/c), so it was strange I thought that she was being so optimistic (and somewhat insensitive???). One year later with no grandchild yet and my MIL doesn't talk about buying baby gifts anymore.

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Missy, My goodness you ARE on quite the "cocktail". Goodness that would make my hormones Your doing very well! Praying you get your sticky bean this month.

Twinkle, we all have had those days darlin. I pray you feel better soon. I know this is hard.

Love to you all.

AFM: Had another rough appointment. I won't go into it here as it's been a REALLY hard day. You can either check out my blog (broken heart mended fences) or see a short paragraph on my journal which you'll find both links to in my siggie. I just don't have the courage to talk about it anymore. At any rate, Amelia is moving and kicking and punching so that's the upside to my crappy day. This little brave girl makes me proud to be her mommy.

 

[FutureMommie]

Missyt- I'm glad all went well with the IUI, push away all the negative thoughts, just like I always say you can never really prepare yourself no matter how hard for a bfn. So lets not think that way yet.

MA- so glad everything went well with you and Amelia, we were all praying.

Lava- Way to go standing up for yourself. Those that have never been where we are have no idea what we are going thru.

Dwrgi- I totally agree that this is a rough journey and it can take a toll on a marriage. I find that I'm on the edge of crying most of the time so I completely understand.

Butterfly67- I don't think I have welcomed you here! You will love it

Skye- Your little one (s) is going to be just fine, I'm praying for you.

AFM- I went to the re for my scan this morning and have 3 follies on ea side, They still need to grow some more so I take injections tonight and tomorrow night and then go back on Wed. The RE thinks that they I will be ready the trigger by then. The size of them was 15x13 12x7, 13x9 and on the right ovary 13x12 10x8 12x9. I was concerned because my last injections cycle they I had some tht were bigger by this point but the RE was happy with the size and said that by Wed I should have more the same size as opposed to one dominate follicle and several smaller ones. I always leave there a little down, I guess becuase I've been going so long and I'm just tired of going and getting poked and proded. When I got back to the office I needed to order the trigger shot which I forgot to order last week and then another follistim cartridge just to be on the safe side when I called they informed me that my insurance was almost at the limit for fertility with is 5k for my lifetime. I could probably get a follistim cartridge and get the trigger but that would be it. Moving forward any meds would be all out of pocket. The cost of 3 follistim cartridge is $553.00! I called my dh and had a meltdown right on the phone. . We had been considering IVF as you know and I thought that my insurance would cover the meds but now on top of 11k-15k there will be another 2k in meds. My dh said that we would take care of it not to worry we aren't giving up now but it's so hard for me. Thats a lot of money and we may still end up with no baby. I don't know what to do! I'm really praying tht this last IUI will do the trick, I don't know if I will be able to go thru the IVF, emotionaly after 3.5 years I am spent.