TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[Mommy's Angel]

Missyt- I'm glad all went well with the IUI, push away all the negative thoughts, just like I always say you can never really prepare yourself no matter how hard for a bfn. So lets not think that way yet.

MA- so glad everything went well with you and Amelia, we were all praying.

Lava- Way to go standing up for yourself. Those that have never been where we are have no idea what we are going thru.

Dwrgi- I totally agree that this is a rough journey and it can take a toll on a marriage. I find that I'm on the edge of crying most of the time so I completely understand.

Butterfly67- I don't think I have welcomed you here! You will love it

Skye- Your little one (s) is going to be just fine, I'm praying for you.

AFM- I went to the re for my scan this morning and have 3 follies on ea side, They still need to grow some more so I take injections tonight and tomorrow night and then go back on Wed. The RE thinks that they I will be ready the trigger by then. The size of them was 15x13 12x7, 13x9 and on the right ovary 13x12 10x8 12x9. I was concerned because my last injections cycle they I had some tht were bigger by this point but the RE was happy with the size and said that by Wed I should have more the same size as opposed to one dominate follicle and several smaller ones. I always leave there a little down, I guess becuase I've been going so long and I'm just tired of going and getting poked and proded. When I got back to the office I needed to order the trigger shot which I forgot to order last week and then another follistim cartridge just to be on the safe side when I called they informed me that my insurance was almost at the limit for fertility with is 5k for my lifetime. I could probably get a follistim cartridge and get the trigger but that would be it. Moving forward any meds would be all out of pocket. The cost of 3 follistim cartridge is $553.00! I called my dh and had a meltdown right on the phone. . We had been considering IVF as you know and I thought that my insurance would cover the meds but now on top of 11k-15k there will be another 2k in meds. My dh said that we would take care of it not to worry we aren't giving up now but it's so hard for me. Thats a lot of money and we may still end up with no baby. I don't know what to do! I'm really praying tht this last IUI will do the trick, I don't know if I will be able to go thru the IVF, emotionaly after 3.5 years I am spent.

Darlin girl, Low and Slow is the way to go! They are right. It would be nice for ALL of them to catch up in size than just one. You'll have MUCH better odds that way sweetie.

Lets not jump to another cycle until you know you NEED to. My hope for you is that you achieve that bfp and sticky bean THIS MONTH!

I can understand your concern...there are some tricks to getting meds at a discount...whether you file paperwork with the pharma companies of the meds you need, whether you sign up with a fertility site that will give you a card to buy discounted meds...Your husband is right. Don't you DARE give up hunny! You've come too far to give up. Take today to cry it out, then move on to more positive thinking for THIS cycle!

It's interesting how we're both on different sides of the spectrum now and yet the worry never seems to end. I think it's a part of trying to be a parent. I had my meltdown too and am taking today to cry everything out. Then it's time to move forward for Amelia's sake.

Just don't give up. It's not over and you've got 6 potential follies there.

 

[onmymind17]

I know how you feel, my dh and i have several outfits, one for the Chicago Bears, two for the Chicago White Sox, and little tiny Chicago Blackhawk socks, we have now decided to give them away to a friend that is expecting, i just feel like what is the point of hanging on to them you know. That was really rough, and not fair that we cannot use them!!

We have quite a few little outfits that we received as gifts during our first pregnancy, as well as my mobile and blankie from when I was a baby and some other things my mom had held onto for me... I have them all tucked into a drawer along with all the cards we received, both congratulatory and sympathy.... That drawer is like my own little memorial to our babies now. I know it's there and I can go through it when I want to, but I don't have to see it when I don't want to....

right back to you!!

 

[onmymind17]

Missy, My goodness you ARE on quite the "cocktail". Goodness that would make my hormones Your doing very well! Praying you get your sticky bean this month.

Twinkle, we all have had those days darlin. I pray you feel better soon. I know this is hard.

Love to you all.

AFM: Had another rough appointment. I won't go into it here as it's been a REALLY hard day. You can either check out my blog (broken heart mended fences) or see a short paragraph on my journal which you'll find both links to in my siggie. I just don't have the courage to talk about it anymore. At any rate, Amelia is moving and kicking and punching so that's the upside to my crappy day. This little brave girl makes me proud to be her mommy.

OK, honey right now i want you to stop and take a deep breath!!! Now i am not saying you have absolutly nothing to worry about, but considering that everything else is fine, and he himself said the rib could have been shadowing it, i am just sure that she is perfect. Man i so hate those ultrasound machines, they scare and worry so many women when they did not need to!!! Too many times i see someone being told that something is wrong, when in fact there was nothing wrong. You just take a deep breath, and you believe in God, he is making this baby absolutly PERFECT!!!!!!

 

[onmymind17]

Missyt- I'm glad all went well with the IUI, push away all the negative thoughts, just like I always say you can never really prepare yourself no matter how hard for a bfn. So lets not think that way yet.

MA- so glad everything went well with you and Amelia, we were all praying.

Lava- Way to go standing up for yourself. Those that have never been where we are have no idea what we are going thru.

Dwrgi- I totally agree that this is a rough journey and it can take a toll on a marriage. I find that I'm on the edge of crying most of the time so I completely understand.

Butterfly67- I don't think I have welcomed you here! You will love it

Skye- Your little one (s) is going to be just fine, I'm praying for you.

AFM- I went to the re for my scan this morning and have 3 follies on ea side, They still need to grow some more so I take injections tonight and tomorrow night and then go back on Wed. The RE thinks that they I will be ready the trigger by then. The size of them was 15x13 12x7, 13x9 and on the right ovary 13x12 10x8 12x9. I was concerned because my last injections cycle they I had some tht were bigger by this point but the RE was happy with the size and said that by Wed I should have more the same size as opposed to one dominate follicle and several smaller ones. I always leave there a little down, I guess becuase I've been going so long and I'm just tired of going and getting poked and proded. When I got back to the office I needed to order the trigger shot which I forgot to order last week and then another follistim cartridge just to be on the safe side when I called they informed me that my insurance was almost at the limit for fertility with is 5k for my lifetime. I could probably get a follistim cartridge and get the trigger but that would be it. Moving forward any meds would be all out of pocket. The cost of 3 follistim cartridge is $553.00! I called my dh and had a meltdown right on the phone. . We had been considering IVF as you know and I thought that my insurance would cover the meds but now on top of 11k-15k there will be another 2k in meds. My dh said that we would take care of it not to worry we aren't giving up now but it's so hard for me. Thats a lot of money and we may still end up with no baby. I don't know what to do! I'm really praying tht this last IUI will do the trick, I don't know if I will be able to go thru the IVF, emotionaly after 3.5 years I am spent.

Honey i am in exactly the same spot as you are, i had 10K lifetime for meds, and i am out too. This is exactly the dilema we are faced with, do we save up all the money and try IVF, and possibly waste a lot of money, or do we just give up. I am so sorry, does your insurance cover more for the medical side, like me i have 10K for meds, and 10K for the medical end, maybe some will be covered with the medical end, also talk to your doctor maybe they can help, they get donated meds all the time, and there are lots of programs out there that will give you a huge discount if your paying cash. Dont give up hope, but right now what you need to do is think positive, you wont even need the IVF, this IUI is going to work, you have some great follies growing there, hmmmmmm i am thinking twins maybe!!

 

[missyt]

Missyt- I'm glad all went well with the IUI, push away all the negative thoughts, just like I always say you can never really prepare yourself no matter how hard for a bfn. So lets not think that way yet.

MA- so glad everything went well with you and Amelia, we were all praying.

Lava- Way to go standing up for yourself. Those that have never been where we are have no idea what we are going thru.

Dwrgi- I totally agree that this is a rough journey and it can take a toll on a marriage. I find that I'm on the edge of crying most of the time so I completely understand.

Butterfly67- I don't think I have welcomed you here! You will love it

Skye- Your little one (s) is going to be just fine, I'm praying for you.

AFM- I went to the re for my scan this morning and have 3 follies on ea side, They still need to grow some more so I take injections tonight and tomorrow night and then go back on Wed. The RE thinks that they I will be ready the trigger by then. The size of them was 15x13 12x7, 13x9 and on the right ovary 13x12 10x8 12x9. I was concerned because my last injections cycle they I had some tht were bigger by this point but the RE was happy with the size and said that by Wed I should have more the same size as opposed to one dominate follicle and several smaller ones. I always leave there a little down, I guess becuase I've been going so long and I'm just tired of going and getting poked and proded. When I got back to the office I needed to order the trigger shot which I forgot to order last week and then another follistim cartridge just to be on the safe side when I called they informed me that my insurance was almost at the limit for fertility with is 5k for my lifetime. I could probably get a follistim cartridge and get the trigger but that would be it. Moving forward any meds would be all out of pocket. The cost of 3 follistim cartridge is $553.00! I called my dh and had a meltdown right on the phone. . We had been considering IVF as you know and I thought that my insurance would cover the meds but now on top of 11k-15k there will be another 2k in meds. My dh said that we would take care of it not to worry we aren't giving up now but it's so hard for me. Thats a lot of money and we may still end up with no baby. I don't know what to do! I'm really praying tht this last IUI will do the trick, I don't know if I will be able to go thru the IVF, emotionaly after 3.5 years I am spent.

Oh FM, I feel like I'm reading something I would've wrote when you posted this. I feel the same exact way. I feel like everyday I'm not sure what we are going to do. One day I think more IUIs, the next IVF and then the next adoption. And I totally hear what you are saying with the expense of things. I make DH's head spin when I start talking about what insurance will cover and what my follie size is and etc. But you have a lot of follies at a good size. This one just may do the trick and end all your frustration. I really, truly hope so from the bottom of my heart. I got my fingers and toes crossed for you.

 

[luvmydoggies]

Thank you!!! all for your support. It's really nice to know that I can tell you girls anything and you open your hearts to me.

I didn't really get to explain my struggle with depression properly last night. I have been dealing with depression since I was 14. It got worse in my 20's. I was put on antidepressants at around 24 years old. I had been on and off meds till I was 30. From age 24-30 my weight just kept going up. And as silly as this sounds, I didn't see it. I made excuses why pants stopped fitting me...like they shrunk in the dryer, scale must be off etc. Met my dh when I was 27...was not on any meds at the time. We got married when I turned 30. In my first year of marriage, I was diagnosed with my mental illness. Bipolar/manic depressive. Before that, I had dealt with my Mom's bipolar. I almost lost her a few times...to attempted suicides. I, like Lava had to call the police and have my Mom taken by them to be evaluated at a mental hospital. I was only 22. Dealing with her illness, I never focused on myself. Little did my Mom and I know that this illness is hereditary. When I got diagnosed the roles reversed and she was taking care of me while my husband was shutting down, thinking he had lost his new wife to this beast of an illness. At that time, he contemplating leaving me. It took me two years to get the right medication combo correct. My Mom and I have been in remission for several years. As for hubby, he still shuts down sometimes but has come to terms with the illness. I suppose that's why we put of trying for a baby. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to do it back then, I was sooo sick.

Skye..thank you for being so supportive! You are so sweet and meant to tell you also..you and your hubby-gorgeous! I love what you said about the practices in Turkey. Pretty amazing. I also read posts from way back and saw that you can interpret dreams. Can you tell me about when and what you tell the running water? If you don't mind.

Dwrgi...You are so sweet and caring! Thank you for all your kind words.

Missy- I hope your IUI went well. I'm thinking really good thoughts for you.

FM-I also hope your IUI went well and you and Missy can get your bfp's.

Lava- I also hope your IUI went well and wish you a bfp.

Dwrgi- Sorry, I know your hubby's numbers were much better. Did you do an IUI as well, if so I wish you a bfp also.


Twinkle- You are NOT pitiful at ALL. I would have been balling my eyes out, if dh said that to me. I'm very sensitive. I like to think of my LO's in my future.

Hi Lava, Never,Lynnb,Ginger,MA, Happy Auntie, jocr,Onmymind17,baby4mj and anyone else I missed. Sending lot's of

Lastly, The biatch, I mean witch got me today! On to another cycle.

 

[HappyAuntie]

AFM- I went to the re for my scan this morning and have 3 follies on ea side, They still need to grow some more so I take injections tonight and tomorrow night and then go back on Wed. The RE thinks that they I will be ready the trigger by then. The size of them was 15x13 12x7, 13x9 and on the right ovary 13x12 10x8 12x9. I was concerned because my last injections cycle they I had some tht were bigger by this point but the RE was happy with the size and said that by Wed I should have more the same size as opposed to one dominate follicle and several smaller ones. I always leave there a little down, I guess becuase I've been going so long and I'm just tired of going and getting poked and proded. When I got back to the office I needed to order the trigger shot which I forgot to order last week and then another follistim cartridge just to be on the safe side when I called they informed me that my insurance was almost at the limit for fertility with is 5k for my lifetime. I could probably get a follistim cartridge and get the trigger but that would be it. Moving forward any meds would be all out of pocket. The cost of 3 follistim cartridge is $553.00! I called my dh and had a meltdown right on the phone. . We had been considering IVF as you know and I thought that my insurance would cover the meds but now on top of 11k-15k there will be another 2k in meds. My dh said that we would take care of it not to worry we aren't giving up now but it's so hard for me. Thats a lot of money and we may still end up with no baby. I don't know what to do! I'm really praying tht this last IUI will do the trick, I don't know if I will be able to go thru the IVF, emotionaly after 3.5 years I am spent.

Honey i am in exactly the same spot as you are, i had 10K lifetime for meds, and i am out too. This is exactly the dilema we are faced with, do we save up all the money and try IVF, and possibly waste a lot of money, or do we just give up. I am so sorry, does your insurance cover more for the medical side, like me i have 10K for meds, and 10K for the medical end, maybe some will be covered with the medical end, also talk to your doctor maybe they can help, they get donated meds all the time, and there are lots of programs out there that will give you a huge discount if your paying cash. Dont give up hope, but right now what you need to do is think positive, you wont even need the IVF, this IUI is going to work, you have some great follies growing there, hmmmmmm i am thinking twins maybe!!

You ladies have me wondering about my insurance coverage now.... All I know is that I have a lifetime limit of 6 IUIs (I know I have IVF coverage but don't know that limit.) But my follistim and ovidrel are covered under my medical coverage, not my prescription coverage, and it never occurred to me that I might have a lifetime $$ limit on my fertility drugs. I'm going to have to look that up so we can make better informed decisions from now on... I mean, if we're even open to the idea of IVF, we might need to move to it sooner rather than later to stay under that cap. Right now we're thinking we'll give IUI 4 tries (we've done two so far) and then reevaluate. There's just so much to consider....

Thank you!!! all for your support. It's really nice to know that I can tell you girls anything and you open your hearts to me.

I didn't really get to explain my struggle with depression properly last night. I have been dealing with depression since I was 14. It got worse in my 20's. I was put on antidepressants at around 24 years old. I had been on and off meds till I was 30. From age 24-30 my weight just kept going up. And as silly as this sounds, I didn't see it. I made excuses why pants stopped fitting me...like they shrunk in the dryer, scale must be off etc. Met my dh when I was 27...was not on any meds at the time. We got married when I turned 30. In my first year of marriage, I was diagnosed with my mental illness. Bipolar/manic depressive. Before that, I had dealt with my Mom's bipolar. I almost lost her a few times...to attempted suicides. I, like Lava had to call the police and have my Mom taken by them to be evaluated at a mental hospital. I was only 22. Dealing with her illness, I never focused on myself. Little did my Mom and I know that this illness is hereditary. When I got diagnosed the roles reversed and she was taking care of me while my husband was shutting down, thinking he had lost his new wife to this beast of an illness. At that time, he contemplating leaving me. It took me two years to get the right medication combo correct. My Mom and I have been in remission for several years. As for hubby, he still shuts down sometimes but has come to terms with the illness. I suppose that's why we put of trying for a baby. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to do it back then, I was sooo sick.

The good thing about bipolar, though, is that once you have your meds right (and as long as you stay on them), it's completely manageable. My uncle (by marriage) was diagnosed with bipolar when he was 40... it was really rough for a while, but that was over 20 years ago now and he hasn't had even a hint of relapse since. My SIL also has bipolar, and she's a whole different ball of wax - every two years or so she goes off her meds and usually winds up missing before someone is able to track her down, get her in the hospital and back on her meds again. It's really terrifying for everyone - definitely a disease that affects the entire family. So long story short, I am so sorry you had to go through that but SO glad you got a proper diagnosis and found meds that work. And the positive side of this is that IF your child starts to show symptoms at some point, you and your DH are well-equipped to spot them and get him/her treatment that can make all the difference.

 

[luvmydoggies]

Happy Auntie-
Thank you! You know exactly what I am going through. Yes, Thank God, I'm on a very good combo of meds, which I stay on all the time because I know how I feel when I'm not on them-horrible! I'm so glad that your uncle hasn't relapsed. My Mom and I have not relapsed for quite a while now and we see our psychiatrist every 6 weeks. I'm so sorry to hear about your SIL. My Mom used to get off her meds all the time because she didn't think she needed them. Those were the times I almost lost her.

After I was diagnosed, she got to see the illness from the other side. We had found a new understanding for each other.

I really appreciate your kindness and understanding. I agree with you, when we have children we will be able to spot it and get treatment.

 

[skye2010]

I have a baby gift and congratulations card from a friend from my first pregnancy...I even said to her when she gave it to me that it was much too early for gifts...it was only a matter of a few weeks later and the baby was gone. I stuffed the gift bag with contents untouched in the corner of my guest room behind a CD rack and haven't so much as looked at it since. Last summer my MIL held up and showed me a little baby dress she wanted to buy while she was here visiting during the summer and we were out shopping together, then she said "Well, I guess I shouldn't buy a dress since you may have a boy"...and I told her that I may not have any, so it would be best not to buy any gifts at all until I am holding a living breathing child of my own. That was only a few months after my 2nd m/c (and little did we know only one month before I found out I was pregnant again, only to have my 3rd m/c), so it was strange I thought that she was being so optimistic (and somewhat insensitive???). One year later with no grandchild yet and my MIL doesn't talk about buying baby gifts anymore. [/COLOR]

Girls we will all be holding our babies one day.

Rebekah, I'm sorry for what happened at the drs, left u a message on your journal. I hope all comes out well and this would be just a scare but not reality

FM Sorry for the insurance. I thought they had told you that you had some more money in there to cover for half the IVF? What a bad luck. Look don't get yourself worked up with that just yet cause your IUi seems to be coming along perfectly. This may be your month.

All IUI girls Lava, Missy FM hope this is your month I will prey for each of you. Please keep positive

Onmymind you can never know untill you try and if you don't try you feel bad afterwards. Many woman do get pregnant with their first IVF. The trick is to choose a good decent clinic that would do everything possible to get you pregnant. I know all girls here will get pregnant in the end. It's just a matter of not giving up really.

Luvy, Aww sweety you have gone through so much. Mental illnesses are in a way harder than to deal with physical conditions cause it effects your dearest and nearest as well so deeply. I'm really great that you finally found the best med combo which is the trick. My cousin had to search for it for years and still sometimes her illness surface. We all get very sad for her. She was such a sweet bubbly girl. And she still is when the medication works for her but her illness kind of restrains her from grasping hard facts of reality sometimes or deal with daily conditions and people other than her close family. So she can never get married or get a job. She just lives in a sheltered life with her dad and her mum. And yet she is so sweet to have around. All this is something I'm sensitive to because of her condition.

I think both you and your DH is so lucky that you found each other and learned to deal with it.

As for dreams, when you see a good dream that gives you hope and happiness, you tell it to a running water and wish it to come true. I hope you had a nice dream last night )) It could even be a running tap, or be river etc whatever you have near by. Could also be big water like lake or sea

 

[lynnb]

Ma - So glad you've had your cerclage at last, why the hell can't Drs listen to their patients!! Sending positive thoughts to you & Amelia

Caroleb73 - Hope the stimming goes well & you have good size eggs

Baby4MJ - Sorry AF arrived, have a margarita for me.

Missyt - Fx'd this IUI works

Gingerbread - Sorry AF showed, but I'm sure your time will come

Prayingtogod - So glad your back

Onmymind17 - How is your shoulder?

FM - Good luck this cycle. Sounds like your DH is such as caring man, so glad he's not giving up so don't you give up.

Deb - How was your appointment? I was thinking of you

Skye - No I haven't announced it yet, only my mum, dh's mum & my sister know & it's going to stay that way until after I come back from my holiday, I'll be 14 weeks then. How are you feeling, how did the scan go yesterday & have you told anyone yet?

Jocr - Glad your feeling better after lap, hoping that you get BFP in the next 4 months & wont need IVF.

mpepe32 - Welcome back.

mjbutterflies - Hi & welcome.

Lava - Fx'd crossed for you this cycle.

Nikki - Did you get +OPK?

Luvmydoggies - So sorry the witch got you

Dwrgi - Good luck with

Neversaynever - So glad you got smiley face, now get on with

HA -Sorry AF showed but so glad you meds are working & that you're feeling better So with you on cleaning to mums standards, hope you have a good time with your parents, how long are they visiting for?

Twinkle -

Sorry if I missed anyone.

AFM - I had a great long weekend away the DH in Devon, it was so relaxing & just what I needed. No more spotting & have gotten further with this pregnancy than I did with the last one so just need to get past 9+4 which is when I mc'd the first time & I'll feel much better.

Sending you all & , & hoping for more BFPs soon

 

[skye2010]

Lynbb I'm keeping it all under wraps as well except a few close friends. Sounds great you had a nice looong weekend in Devon. I still haven't seen Devon which is silly cause I heard they have wicked scones. And fish and chips also is nice no? Although all the English Cod seems an endangered species now with over fishing so I decided to keep away from that for a while.

Ginger I'm sorry somehow I missed that you had your AF. I'm so sorry. It must be when I was going all loopy. How are you hon? What did you decide to do now? Are you on a mini break?

Luvy can you have bipolar at a young age as well if it is inherited? I heard that some kids may have bipolar but I don't know if that is the inherited one. When did you find out about yours? Luckily Bipolar is a well researched and well known illness that is managable.

(sorry when I posted earlier on I realised I didn't read half the posts than I added some more there and cross posted with LynB and Luvy which all went a bit weird.)

 

[lynnb]

Lynbb I'm keeping it all under wraps as well except a few close friends. Sounds great you had a nice looong weekend in Devon. I still haven't seen Devon which is silly cause I heard they have wicked scones. And fish and chips also is nice no? Although all the English Cod seems an endangered species now with over fishing so I decided to keep away from that for a while.

No sure about the scones, have been to Devon a few times now & still haven't managed to have a cream tea, but the fish & chip are fab. The fresh seafood is wonderful too depending on where you eat, it's so nice to know that what you're eating was caught that day.

 

[Dwrgi]

Missyt- I'm glad all went well with the IUI, push away all the negative thoughts, just like I always say you can never really prepare yourself no matter how hard for a bfn. So lets not think that way yet.

MA- so glad everything went well with you and Amelia, we were all praying.

Lava- Way to go standing up for yourself. Those that have never been where we are have no idea what we are going thru.

Dwrgi- I totally agree that this is a rough journey and it can take a toll on a marriage. I find that I'm on the edge of crying most of the time so I completely understand.

Butterfly67- I don't think I have welcomed you here! You will love it

Skye- Your little one (s) is going to be just fine, I'm praying for you.

AFM- I went to the re for my scan this morning and have 3 follies on ea side, They still need to grow some more so I take injections tonight and tomorrow night and then go back on Wed. The RE thinks that they I will be ready the trigger by then. The size of them was 15x13 12x7, 13x9 and on the right ovary 13x12 10x8 12x9. I was concerned because my last injections cycle they I had some tht were bigger by this point but the RE was happy with the size and said that by Wed I should have more the same size as opposed to one dominate follicle and several smaller ones. I always leave there a little down, I guess becuase I've been going so long and I'm just tired of going and getting poked and proded. When I got back to the office I needed to order the trigger shot which I forgot to order last week and then another follistim cartridge just to be on the safe side when I called they informed me that my insurance was almost at the limit for fertility with is 5k for my lifetime. I could probably get a follistim cartridge and get the trigger but that would be it. Moving forward any meds would be all out of pocket. The cost of 3 follistim cartridge is $553.00! I called my dh and had a meltdown right on the phone. . We had been considering IVF as you know and I thought that my insurance would cover the meds but now on top of 11k-15k there will be another 2k in meds. My dh said that we would take care of it not to worry we aren't giving up now but it's so hard for me. Thats a lot of money and we may still end up with no baby. I don't know what to do! I'm really praying tht this last IUI will do the trick, I don't know if I will be able to go thru the IVF, emotionaly after 3.5 years I am spent.

Hello FM! So glad to read your post-I wondered how you were! Big to you!

Reading your post made me feel such empathy for you, as that is exactly how I feel. The longer the time goes, the harder it becomes, and I am so tearful, and so fractious all the time. It really doesn't help I know, but I can't help it. I spoke to my mother on the phone last night (you wouldn't put 'tact' and 'my mother' in the same sentence) and she was going on about my cousin's beautiful baby, and comparing it to next door's equally beautiful baby and I wanted to scream. I thought she was being so insensitive, as she knows what I'm going through, but she has no awareness, whatsoever. In the end, I just thought about what I'd have for my tea and let her ramble on, but it was so hard to bite my tongue. People have no idea how hard this experience is, and I'm sure that you are like me, in that you have really good days (positive thinking-it WILL happen) and really bad days (it'll never happen, it's all hopeless). It is a complete rollercoaster.

I think it is brilliant that you have so many follicles, and, of course, they will continue to grow by tomorrow, so things are pretty hopeful, surely?? I am thinking of you, and keeping all fingers and toes crossed that this will be YOUR month!!

I couldn't get my head around IVF-it is exactly as you say, I am 'spent' from all this business, so I think a break to recover oneself is a good idea-but I'm certain that this won't be needed, as this will be your month hunny!!

Good luck and let's hope for lots of sticky !
x

 

[Dwrgi]

Thank you!!! all for your support. It's really nice to know that I can tell you girls anything and you open your hearts to me.

I didn't really get to explain my struggle with depression properly last night. I have been dealing with depression since I was 14. It got worse in my 20's. I was put on antidepressants at around 24 years old. I had been on and off meds till I was 30. From age 24-30 my weight just kept going up. And as silly as this sounds, I didn't see it. I made excuses why pants stopped fitting me...like they shrunk in the dryer, scale must be off etc. Met my dh when I was 27...was not on any meds at the time. We got married when I turned 30. In my first year of marriage, I was diagnosed with my mental illness. Bipolar/manic depressive. Before that, I had dealt with my Mom's bipolar. I almost lost her a few times...to attempted suicides. I, like Lava had to call the police and have my Mom taken by them to be evaluated at a mental hospital. I was only 22. Dealing with her illness, I never focused on myself. Little did my Mom and I know that this illness is hereditary. When I got diagnosed the roles reversed and she was taking care of me while my husband was shutting down, thinking he had lost his new wife to this beast of an illness. At that time, he contemplating leaving me. It took me two years to get the right medication combo correct. My Mom and I have been in remission for several years. As for hubby, he still shuts down sometimes but has come to terms with the illness. I suppose that's why we put of trying for a baby. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to do it back then, I was sooo sick.

Skye..thank you for being so supportive! You are so sweet and meant to tell you also..you and your hubby-gorgeous! I love what you said about the practices in Turkey. Pretty amazing. I also read posts from way back and saw that you can interpret dreams. Can you tell me about when and what you tell the running water? If you don't mind.

Dwrgi...You are so sweet and caring! Thank you for all your kind words.

Missy- I hope your IUI went well. I'm thinking really good thoughts for you.

FM-I also hope your IUI went well and you and Missy can get your bfp's.

Lava- I also hope your IUI went well and wish you a bfp.

Dwrgi- Sorry, I know your hubby's numbers were much better. Did you do an IUI as well, if so I wish you a bfp also.


Twinkle- You are NOT pitiful at ALL. I would have been balling my eyes out, if dh said that to me. I'm very sensitive. I like to think of my LO's in my future.

Hi Lava, Never,Lynnb,Ginger,MA, Happy Auntie, jocr,Onmymind17,baby4mj and anyone else I missed. Sending lot's of

Lastly, The biatch, I mean witch got me today! On to another cycle.

Hello Luv!

So glad that you felt able to write about your struggle with depression-it sounds really awful, and I am sending you huge hugs (not that they will make you feel better, but you never know!). It is such a pity that the medical experts didn't monitor you more closely, considering your mother's illness, but that is all hindsight. At least you are now on the right meds that suit you, and can keep control of the bipolar.

You sooooooo deserve your -what a vile hag the evil bitch witch is. Positive thinking for this cycle though Luv-it WILL happen and I am certain it will be sooner rather than later!
Lots of to you!
A
P.S. No IUI, they were just checking the OH's SA to see if there had been any improvements. We did the deed last night, as I think I'm ovulating today, and actually enjoyed it as I was 'in the moment' rather than thinking of the little sods spermy swimming towards my egg! Sorry, TMI!!
xxxx

 

[lavalux]

I'm so sorry to post about just myself right now, especially since we've been talking about heavier, more serious issues on the board over the last couple days, but I've been temping & my temperature just dropped below the baseline again this cycle. It went up a day after my IUI, but now has fallen. I know temps stay elevated b/c of progesterone when you are pregnant so this must mean my IUI was a bust. I have an appt to check my progesterone on Fri, but won't that be too late? I just feel gutted this morning. This TTC rollercoaster is so cruel. After I ovulate I only have a few precious days when I feel hopeful & then I come crashing down while I wait for my period. I have no insurance, can't afford IVF, & a diagnosis of deceased ovarian reserve so not much time left. I am surrounded by mothers walking around with their baby strollers in my neighborhood. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this!

 

[Dwrgi]

I'm so sorry to post about just myself right now, especially since we've been talking about heavier, more serious issues on the board over the last couple days, but I've been temping & my temperature just dropped below the baseline again this cycle. It went up a day after my IUI, but now has fallen. I know temps stay elevated b/c of progesterone when you are pregnant so this must mean my IUI was a bust. I have an appt to check my progesterone on Fri, but won't that be too late? I just feel gutted this morning. This TTC rollercoaster is so cruel. After I ovulate I only have a few precious days when I feel hopeful & then I come crashing down while I wait for my period. I have no insurance, can't afford IVF, & a diagnosis of deceased ovarian reserve so not much time left. I am surrounded by mothers walking around with their baby strollers in my neighborhood. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this!

Hello Lava, just thought I'd send you a !
I'm sorry to hear this-I can't answer scientifically on this, but is it worth giving your fertility nurse a ring and seeing if they can check the progesterone before Friday? At least then your mind will be at rest.

Try not to get too despondent hun, it will happen to you, I am sure of it. Everybody's body is different and I always have the view that, until the evil hag arrives, I'm still in it, so try and stay positive. Yes, you are right, there are pregnant babies and strollers everywhere-they have been sent to test us, and we will come out of this stronger! I am sure you will be holding your own bundle of joy before very long. Have hope and try not to worry too much until you have a definite BFN.

Thinking of you, and lots of
A
xxx

 

[Dwrgi]

I'm so sorry to post about just myself right now, especially since we've been talking about heavier, more serious issues on the board over the last couple days, but I've been temping & my temperature just dropped below the baseline again this cycle. It went up a day after my IUI, but now has fallen. I know temps stay elevated b/c of progesterone when you are pregnant so this must mean my IUI was a bust. I have an appt to check my progesterone on Fri, but won't that be too late? I just feel gutted this morning. This TTC rollercoaster is so cruel. After I ovulate I only have a few precious days when I feel hopeful & then I come crashing down while I wait for my period. I have no insurance, can't afford IVF, & a diagnosis of deceased ovarian reserve so not much time left. I am surrounded by mothers walking around with their baby strollers in my neighborhood. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this!

Hello Lava, just thought I'd send you a !
I'm sorry to hear this-I can't answer scientifically on this, but is it worth giving your fertility nurse a ring and seeing if they can check the progesterone before Friday? At least then your mind will be at rest.

Try not to get too despondent hun, it will happen to you, I am sure of it. Everybody's body is different and I always have the view that, until the evil hag arrives, I'm still in it, so try and stay positive. Yes, you are right, there are pregnant babies and strollers everywhere-they have been sent to test us, and we will come out of this stronger! I am sure you will be holding your own bundle of joy before very long. Have hope and try not to worry too much until you have a definite BFN.

Thinking of you, and lots of
A
xxx

Pregnant bellies and babies everywhere I meant to write. Doh!

 

[lynnb]

I'm so sorry to post about just myself right now, especially since we've been talking about heavier, more serious issues on the board over the last couple days, but I've been temping & my temperature just dropped below the baseline again this cycle. It went up a day after my IUI, but now has fallen. I know temps stay elevated b/c of progesterone when you are pregnant so this must mean my IUI was a bust. I have an appt to check my progesterone on Fri, but won't that be too late? I just feel gutted this morning. This TTC rollercoaster is so cruel. After I ovulate I only have a few precious days when I feel hopeful & then I come crashing down while I wait for my period. I have no insurance, can't afford IVF, & a diagnosis of deceased ovarian reserve so not much time left. I am surrounded by mothers walking around with their baby strollers in my neighborhood. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this!

You're not out yet & as Dwrgi suggested it's worth call to see if they can check your progestertone earlier. Also have you thought of trying DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), I think it's available in health food stores in the US, it's supposed to help with decreased ovarian reserve. The trial report I've read is about DHEA & women doing IVF but maybe it's worth a try, have attached the link so you can have a read yourselfhttps://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2006/09/22/humrep.del254.full.pdf

Keep positive hun, your time will come & when it does you'll make a wonderful mother.

 

[FutureMommie]

MA- Thank you for that reminder that I should focus on this cycle. This cycle I am taking the follistim injections and ganarellix injection. You are right they are trying to keep one or two follicles from maturing before the others, I guess I didn't look at this as a positive, I thought I wasn't having good response, thanks to you all I know that this is a good thing. I just had a melt down about the insurance yesterday, I feel like I'm on the edge of tears most of the time. I guess it's all the meds. My mom once told me that once you become pg with your child you never stop praying for them again. I guess she's right, keep praying for your little one. I know it's hard not to worry, we are all praying for you too.

Onmymind- Thank you so much for rooting for me, I have good days and bad days of course. Twins would be great as I would be totally done. Of course I will be thrilled with one happy and healthy little one.

Missyt- Hun don't you give up on your IUI, I know your thinking "weren't you just freaking out yesterday?" and yes I was but now I'm in a better place. Your time is coming too and I'm rooting for you like crazy!!!!!

HA- 5k is my max for anything fertility related. It never covered any of the procedures anyway. Had I know then I probably would have considered moving to IVF sooner just to make sure the meds were covered but I know this must be happening for a reason. My insurance doens't cover any IUI's or IVF so that will all be out of pocket for us. Make sure you double check with your insurance so that you won't be suprised.

Dwrgi- I'm sorry your Mom was a little insensetive but I'll bet she didn't even realize that's what she was doing, if people have never been thru it they have no clue that talking about babies and asking when you are going to have one is like stabbing us in the stomach. I know I've learned that I will never ask anyone when they are planning on having kids. Now when someone ask me I just say when it's my time it will happen.

Lavalux- I wish I know what to say, but I do agree that you should call you dr. Don't give up!!!

AFM- I'm in a better place today, I had my cry and now I'm ready for this cycle. Thank you all for your words of encouragement, it helped more that you will know. One more day of injections and then back for another scan. I hope these follies are all nice and plum and ready for release. Maybe not all 6 of them but enought to give me a baby or two!

 

[missyt]

Luvvie, thanks for sharing your story with us. I think a lot more people than we know suffer from depression. No on can truly understand how someone feels unless you are living their life. Although, the best thing about this site is that so many of us share the same struggle. When I hear many of the stories on here I cry because I know the gut wrenching feeling you all feel. It is good you waited to TTC because you want to be mentally healthy when you have your baby. Don't feel guilty about that. I wish there was some way we could change biology and science where us women would be in our prime fertile time in our 30's. People are living longer so why can't we just evolve? I love that you were open and trust us with your story. I also love that no one judges here. What wonderful mothers we will all be.

Twinkle, I would feel the same way. I have noticed that I read into so much now that I never did before. It seems like everything revolves around having a baby. Don't be hard on DH because men don't think like us. It sounds like he was really sorry and I'm sure he felt so bad.

Lava, you have been through so much. Please hang in there and don't get too discouraged by the temperature drop. It could be nothing. I know how you feel about not being able to take it anymore. There are days where I just don't want to get out of bed because of all the disapointment. The only thing that makes me feel better is doing something I enjoy to take my mind off of things. If you don't distract yourself, you will drive yourself crazy. I think its a good idea to see if you can get in before Friday for the proestrogen check but please go easy on yourself.

Dwrgi, I really don't get friends and family sometimes. I think its the people that had children so easily that make the stupid comments. Luckily I haven't heard a dumb comment in a few weeks but next time I think I'm just going to blow up on someone. I just don't talk about it with hardly anyone anymore. The only people I talk to about TTC is the people that have struggled themselves. I could just kick people sometimes.

AFM, I had my IUI yesterday. The good news is that DH's postwash count went from 3 mill to 12 mill. That is such an improvement. The doc had a hard time finding the right spot in my cervix so it took a while and it was the most uncomfortable IUI I had by far. I was crampy after and I'm still pretty crampy today. I'm got getting my hopes up though. DH and I decided to take a break the rest of the summer if this one doesn't work. I think the plan is to BD every other day but no OPK, no temping and no HPT for the rest of the summer. We are going to have fun, go on vacation, and do other exciting things.