TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[Baby4MJ]

Hi, ladies -

I'm sorry but this is going to be an entirely selfish post. If you're in a good mood, you may stop reading here so that I don't bring you down.

Yesterday June 6th marked the 3-year anniversary of my dad's death, which is always so hard for me, and today I don't feel much better-almost worse, actually. I miss him with every ounce of my soul.

Also, today is 9dpo and I'm still spotting. Temp also dropped this morning. There isn't a chance I'm pregnant, not a chance. I really thought this was going to be my month, hope against hope I truly did. I did everything I could this cycle, pulled out all the stops (soft cups, preseed) and BD'd more this one month than I think I have since DH and I first got married. I'm in the 4th and final month of my fertility acupuncture protocol, and I just don't know where to go or what to do next. The thought of starting the fertility treatment meds again terrifies me...remembering how physically and emotionally terrible the drugs made me feel, and all the RE appointments week after week and month after month with no success. Failed with the drugs, failed IUI, failed on my own, now what? IVF? The cost of IVF is staggering and like Dwrgi, I can't get my head wrapped around launching myself into that. It terrifies me. Also, DH and I thought we could earmark some money from the sale of our house for IVF, but my realtor just flaked on us as of Friday, so we have to postpone putting the house up for sale and begin all over again with a new realtor.

I feel desperate about running out of time. I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself (out loud, mind you) that I will never ever have a baby of my own. I tried to tell myself I'm OK with that, but I'm really not. I'm just not. I can see it in my DH's eyes, too, how much he wants this, and it is killing me that I can't manage to do this. Why can't I do this? Why won't my body cooperate? What is wrong with me?!? Is this really it for me? Childless and stuck in a horrible low-paying soul-crushing dead-end job for the rest of my life?...is this really it? I was hoping I had a greater purpose than this. I'm so very sad. This week is always hard for me, but I was hoping for that silver lining at the end of the week. Instead, the week's end will bring me AF and another BFN. I'm so sorry to whine on and on, Debbie Downer style, but I feel like I have no one else who truly understands what this is like, month after month, the way you all do. I haven't felt this low in awhile. I just feel so sad and a failure.

Thanks for listening (reading). xox

 

[onmymind17]

Hi, ladies -

I'm sorry but this is going to be an entirely selfish post. If you're in a good mood, you may stop reading here so that I don't bring you down.

Yesterday June 6th marked the 3-year anniversary of my dad's death, which is always so hard for me, and today I don't feel much better-almost worse, actually. I miss him with every ounce of my soul.

Also, today is 9dpo and I'm still spotting. Temp also dropped this morning. There isn't a chance I'm pregnant, not a chance. I really thought this was going to be my month, hope against hope I truly did. I did everything I could this cycle, pulled out all the stops (soft cups, preseed) and BD'd more this one month than I think I have since DH and I first got married. I'm in the 4th and final month of my fertility acupuncture protocol, and I just don't know where to go or what to do next. The thought of starting the fertility treatment meds again terrifies me...remembering how physically and emotionally terrible the drugs made me feel, and all the RE appointments week after week and month after month with no success. Failed with the drugs, failed IUI, failed on my own, now what? IVF? The cost of IVF is staggering and like Dwrgi, I can't get my head wrapped around launching myself into that. It terrifies me. Also, DH and I thought we could earmark some money from the sale of our house for IVF, but my realtor just flaked on us as of Friday, so we have to postpone putting the house up for sale and begin all over again with a new realtor.

I feel desperate about running out of time. I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself (out loud, mind you) that I will never ever have a baby of my own. I tried to tell myself I'm OK with that, but I'm really not. I'm just not. I can see it in my DH's eyes, too, how much he wants this, and it is killing me that I can't manage to do this. Why can't I do this? Why won't my body cooperate? What is wrong with me?!? Is this really it for me? Childless and stuck in a horrible low-paying soul-crushing dead-end job for the rest of my life?...is this really it? I was hoping I had a greater purpose than this. I'm so very sad. This week is always hard for me, but I was hoping for that silver lining at the end of the week. Instead, the week's end will bring me AF and another BFN. I'm so sorry to whine on and on, Debbie Downer style, but I feel like I have no one else who truly understands what this is like, month after month, the way you all do. I haven't felt this low in awhile. I just feel so sad and a failure.

Thanks for listening (reading). xox

Oh sweetheart i am so sorry!!!!! You do have a greater purpose, it just has not been shown to you. There are times that i could have wrote this myself, but i just try and think of all the wonderful things i do have. I know how hard it is to do all the meds, and all the freaking appts, and the poking and prodding, but what about this, what if you went to a different RE, sometimes like the one i was at, they go through the motions but never really pay attention. Maybe you need a fresh pair of eyes to see you!! Please dont give up hope honey, and never ever apoligize for being down, you are not a failure, and we are all here to support and love you.

 

[twinkle1975]

Hi, ladies -

I'm sorry but this is going to be an entirely selfish post. If you're in a good mood, you may stop reading here so that I don't bring you down.

Yesterday June 6th marked the 3-year anniversary of my dad's death, which is always so hard for me, and today I don't feel much better-almost worse, actually. I miss him with every ounce of my soul.

Also, today is 9dpo and I'm still spotting. Temp also dropped this morning. There isn't a chance I'm pregnant, not a chance. I really thought this was going to be my month, hope against hope I truly did. I did everything I could this cycle, pulled out all the stops (soft cups, preseed) and BD'd more this one month than I think I have since DH and I first got married. I'm in the 4th and final month of my fertility acupuncture protocol, and I just don't know where to go or what to do next. The thought of starting the fertility treatment meds again terrifies me...remembering how physically and emotionally terrible the drugs made me feel, and all the RE appointments week after week and month after month with no success. Failed with the drugs, failed IUI, failed on my own, now what? IVF? The cost of IVF is staggering and like Dwrgi, I can't get my head wrapped around launching myself into that. It terrifies me. Also, DH and I thought we could earmark some money from the sale of our house for IVF, but my realtor just flaked on us as of Friday, so we have to postpone putting the house up for sale and begin all over again with a new realtor.

I feel desperate about running out of time. I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself (out loud, mind you) that I will never ever have a baby of my own. I tried to tell myself I'm OK with that, but I'm really not. I'm just not. I can see it in my DH's eyes, too, how much he wants this, and it is killing me that I can't manage to do this. Why can't I do this? Why won't my body cooperate? What is wrong with me?!? Is this really it for me? Childless and stuck in a horrible low-paying soul-crushing dead-end job for the rest of my life?...is this really it? I was hoping I had a greater purpose than this. I'm so very sad. This week is always hard for me, but I was hoping for that silver lining at the end of the week. Instead, the week's end will bring me AF and another BFN. I'm so sorry to whine on and on, Debbie Downer style, but I feel like I have no one else who truly understands what this is like, month after month, the way you all do. I haven't felt this low in awhile. I just feel so sad and a failure.

Thanks for listening (reading). xox

Don't apologise - we've all felt like this at some point or another. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad

 

[Dwrgi]

Hi, ladies -

I'm sorry but this is going to be an entirely selfish post. If you're in a good mood, you may stop reading here so that I don't bring you down.

Yesterday June 6th marked the 3-year anniversary of my dad's death, which is always so hard for me, and today I don't feel much better-almost worse, actually. I miss him with every ounce of my soul.

Also, today is 9dpo and I'm still spotting. Temp also dropped this morning. There isn't a chance I'm pregnant, not a chance. I really thought this was going to be my month, hope against hope I truly did. I did everything I could this cycle, pulled out all the stops (soft cups, preseed) and BD'd more this one month than I think I have since DH and I first got married. I'm in the 4th and final month of my fertility acupuncture protocol, and I just don't know where to go or what to do next. The thought of starting the fertility treatment meds again terrifies me...remembering how physically and emotionally terrible the drugs made me feel, and all the RE appointments week after week and month after month with no success. Failed with the drugs, failed IUI, failed on my own, now what? IVF? The cost of IVF is staggering and like Dwrgi, I can't get my head wrapped around launching myself into that. It terrifies me. Also, DH and I thought we could earmark some money from the sale of our house for IVF, but my realtor just flaked on us as of Friday, so we have to postpone putting the house up for sale and begin all over again with a new realtor.

I feel desperate about running out of time. I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself (out loud, mind you) that I will never ever have a baby of my own. I tried to tell myself I'm OK with that, but I'm really not. I'm just not. I can see it in my DH's eyes, too, how much he wants this, and it is killing me that I can't manage to do this. Why can't I do this? Why won't my body cooperate? What is wrong with me?!? Is this really it for me? Childless and stuck in a horrible low-paying soul-crushing dead-end job for the rest of my life?...is this really it? I was hoping I had a greater purpose than this. I'm so very sad. This week is always hard for me, but I was hoping for that silver lining at the end of the week. Instead, the week's end will bring me AF and another BFN. I'm so sorry to whine on and on, Debbie Downer style, but I feel like I have no one else who truly understands what this is like, month after month, the way you all do. I haven't felt this low in awhile. I just feel so sad and a failure.

Thanks for listening (reading). xox

Don't apologise - we've all felt like this at some point or another. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad

Dear Baby4MJ-reading your post made me feel so emapthetic as this is exactly how I have felt for so long now-What am I for? What is the purpose of me, when it was always about being a mother and having a family? This situation really makes you reevaluate your life and think about what you want and what is important.

I think that Onmymind is so right-we have so much going for us and the most important thing is that we will achieve our dream. It may not be as easy for us as it is for some people (grrrrrrrr), but with perserverance, hope, doing the right things and perhaps a bit of scientific help to aid us, WE WILL GET THERE!

I know that it must be awful to consider the anniversary of your beloved father's death-there is a saying, 'it never rains but it pours.' Sometimes I just think that all this is just so unfair, but somehow or other we find the will to pick ourselves up and carry on as what we want is truly so important to us. That is worth holding on to. You will do whatever it takes to get your baby, and that is a natural instinct, even if the thought of these treatments aren't always attractive.

Don't give up hope, hun, be good to yourself, allow yourself time to grieve, but know that tomorrow is another day and you will find the strength to fight it.

I'm sending big your way and know that everybody else on here will be doing the same. You are not alone.

Take it easy-lots and lots of love.
Axxxxxxx

 

[Dwrgi]

Spelling-I do know how to spell EMPATHETIC! These blinking scripts are making my head spin.xxx

 

[bblve]

Hello Ladies! -

Baby4MJ - I'm SO sorry you're feeling so despaired but OMM is right. You must not give up - DO NOT give in, you are a beautiful person who is blessed with soooo much. Think of all the wonderful blessings in your life. You WILL have your LO. I don't know when or how but you will - you don't want to hear this I'm sure but it really is true that things happen for a reason one day very soon you will look back on this time in your life and it will all make sense. My thoughts and prayers are with you

HA - My goodness! You ARE the hotess with the mostest! Wow, I hope you enjoy the visit and hopefully it won't be too tough on you.

LynnB - What beautiful images! My eyes teared with happiness for you.

Ladies - I'm sorry to make this one short but have to get back to work just wanted to pop in briefly to catch up a little. I will be back a bit later on. I hope everyone is doing good. Ciao for now!

 

[Neversaynever]

Baby4mj...massive

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at a particularly difficult time of the year too.

I just want to give you some hope...spotting and temp dip COULD be implantation, it's the right time in your cycle so please don't give up now. I know how hard the last stretch of TWW is, it always seems never-ending and our positivity goes down the pan

Big hugs and we are all here for you

XxX

 

[padbrat]

Oooo heaven ladies... I have done so much reading and I hope I can remember all I wanted to say...

MA... Lets get you passed that 22 weeks so you can relax... if prayers and wishes could make reality then we are all certain that Jackson is looking after his Sister and Amelia will be still with you at 39 weeks and not have come early.

Carol... fantastic news on the 12 eggies... so good that you went and got all assertive with your Doc!

Missy... oooo heavens huni... just so sorry chick (hugs)

Baby, Dwg, Oven and everyone else that the bloomin witch has got I have one thing to say to Flo.... BUGGER OFF!!!! Lets see if that works lol!

Lynn what amazing scan piccys chick... iri looks amazing! And an active baby as well that is so good! Well done you!

FM pleased you are feeling better... relax and have a lovely vacation and then hopefully a lovely BFP to come back to!

Good levels Lava! All looking good! xx

Skye chick, how are you? When is your scan huni?

HA you sound like you are having loads of fun messing around with your house.... NOT! Hope it all goes smoothly!

hey Bby!

Welcome Newlymarried!

Twinkle ... hello ... stop hiding babes.. we miss ya!

AFM... well I went for my scan... spotting had come back on Sunday, but gone by the time I was scanned... so was expecting the worst as I waiting in the EPU. Couldn't even open my eyes to see the scan screen cos I was that convinced it was all over... and then the sonographer said ... there's your baby Mrs Hall...!!!!!!

and there it was... a lil blob with a flickering HB, all looking perfect!

Sonographer said she thought the bleeding could have been implantation and she has put me back a few days, but I don't care.

My Cons sent my orginal results from my bloods 13 days ago and they were...

thyroid... bad... tooo high so have reduced my meds. T4 35 (normal range 9-24) and T3 14 (normal range 3.5-6.5)....

and then she says..

"reassuringly your progesterone level was 81 and your Beta hCG was 3940"

I like the "reassuringly" bit lol

so those were my levels 13 days ago and I am 6w 4 now... so must have been 4.5 weeks ish then. Next scan is the 16th June.

I am also craving jam doughnuts and am off all things savoury.... old wives tales say that this means that all your pink vibes could be working.... *closes eyes and begs God!!!! LOL

 

[Macwooly]

Hello ladies I'm not sure if I have posted on this thread before so please forgive me as I have been lurking for a while

Sending loads of to anyone needing one but especially Baby4mj

 

[FutureMommie]

Baby4mj- you have your moment whenever you need to you aren't being selfish, that is what we are here to do for each other, listen and encourage

Padrat Glad you had a great scan!!!

 

[FutureMommie]

Hello ladies I'm not sure if I have posted on this thread before so please forgive me as I have been lurking for a while

Sending loads of to anyone needing one but especially Baby4mj

you should join in more often We ROCK here! LOL

 

[Butterfly67]

Hey Baby4MJ, just wanted to send you

It is weird but up until recently I had put the idea of having a baby right at the back of my mind and hidden it there just because I thought it would never happen. So now that I am actually trying the thought of it not happening is not something that I want to entertain. But I guess we just all have to believe that it will and that we have some kind of purpose out there. I too wondered if this was it, if I would just keep going with my life as it was and if so what was the point in that? But I guess there is a plan and it will be revealed to us eventually, albeit the journey might be tough. Yes today will be a really tough day for you but I'm sure your dad will be looking out for you up there and hoping that you won't be too down for long.
Really hoping that things will work out for you and you get that BFP, whenever that might happen



padbrat - good to hear the scan went well

Hello Macwooly, thought you were on this thread but I think I was thinking of another one :wave:

 

[Macwooly]

How do I get the think pink for Padbrat banner? I would love to show my support as I have been keeping Padbrat in my prayers.

 

[onmymind17]

Ladies, I would like to point something out, so many of you have written that you dont know what your reason for being here is, if you can have a baby then what are you doing here. Did any of you ever think that right now your purpose here is to help women just like us? So many times you pick each other up and hug each other and that is how we all keep carrying on. Without the love and support that YOU ladies provide each and every day, a lot of us would have thrown in the towel on TTC and would have missed out on our dream. I just thought i would let you all know, you do have a purpose your all my friends!!!! And without all of you I would have lost my head a long time ago!!

 

[onmymind17]

Hello ladies I'm not sure if I have posted on this thread before so please forgive me as I have been lurking for a while

Sending loads of to anyone needing one but especially Baby4mj

Welcome honey!!! good to see you over here!!

 

[twinkle1975]

How do I get the think pink for Padbrat banner? I would love to show my support as I have been keeping Padbrat in my prayers.

Go to page 490 of this thread & there's a post with the instructions xx

 

[gingerbread]

Hi girls! I hope everyone had a great weekend.

I just wanted to pop in and say I'm going into lurking for awhile. I've noticed not wanting to write much lately and realized it's not because I don't want to keep updated with you all but that my mind set just isn't in the right place and hasn't been for awhile now. I think I'm a little burnt out and just need a break from the daily thoughts of babies. I know I need to really get back on track for IVF in august so I just want to really focus on other things in the mean time.

I will definatley be looking in to keep updated on skye, padbrat, lynn & lava during their new pregnancies & still sending lots of sticky dust for those precious little beans!!

And the rest I will be sending all the baby dust in the world hoping that when I come back there will be loads of new beans!!!

Love to all you lovely ladies & baby4mj don't ever feel bad for a selfish post..we all need it from time to time.

 

[lynnb]

Ladies

Just a short one today as really busy at work

Deb - Wonderful news about your scan, hope old wives tale is right. Can't wait until the 16th to hear more good news from you

MA - Wishing & hoping that fridays scan show no sign of a Ventricular Septal Defect

Baby4MJ - I have no idea what to say so just going to send you loads of

Dwrgi - So glad you made a decision, good luck hun

Skye - Take it easy & have plenty of rest

Newmarriedgal - Fx'd for BFP this month

Ginger - Lurk away for as long as you need hun, we'll be here when & if you need us

Macwooly - & welcome

Carole, Lava, Missy, Never, HA, Twinkle, Bblve, Luv, Chris, FM, Butterfly & anyone else I've missed, sending you all &

 

[padbrat]

Thanks McWoolley for adding the banner!

Take as much time away as you need Ginger, we will all be here for you when you get back x

Just a lil update ladies..

Had a big red bleed this morning, no pain as yet. Am back for another scan tomorrow.... this is not looking good..

 

[Macwooly]

So sorry to hear about your bleed Padbrat Keeping you in my prayers