TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[missyt]

Chris, I love your pic! Too cute!

Padbrat, I'm praying for you! Lots of hugs!

HA, about DH telling his sis, she is very nosey and pushy and I think she dragged it out of him. I think he feels really guilty about it so he won't really talk about it. He just looks embarrassed when I bring it up. We had a doozy of a fight over it along with the fact that I got my BFN results that day and AF arrived the next day. I know what you mean about seeing your neice as bittersweet. I have a 4 month old neice and I've felt that way around her. I wanted to take her home with me so bad last time I saw her. Those feelings are normal.

Never, I'm sorry AF arrived. AF arrived for me yesterday.

Ginger, remember we are always here for you. I understand you needing some time to get your head around things.

Dwrgi, I'm right there with you with my feelings toward IVF. There is so much to think about and so much to weigh in on.

Lynnb, great news about your scan.

FM, we're going to miss you while you are on your vacation. Have a wonderful time! You deserve it, girl!

Carol, how are you feeling? So fx'd for you this round.

MJ, I had to save you for last because I know I was going to write a lot when I saw your post. What you are feeling now, I'm feeling too. I had a really bad Monday when I got my BFN results and have been extremely negative. I wonder what my purpose is as well. It so hard. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever been through and the most emotional. I wish I could do something to make you feel better because I understand the hopelessness you feel. Just please know that you are not alone and there is someone who feels exactly the same way you do right now. I wish I could give you a big hug right now, cry with you, and then have some drinks.

AFM, AF showed yesterday. I also spend the afternoon in the ER. I thought it was hyperstimulation. I've had this unbearable pain in my right rib. At first they thought it was my gall bladder but they ran all the tests and it came up clean. They think I have a chest wall injury but I don't know what I did to myself. The only thing I can think of is that DH and I were on the motorcycle for 6 hours total on Sunday and I was taking the bumps pretty bad. I was almost in tears by the time I got home.

 

[Dwrgi]

Morning Everybody!

Just thought I'd pop in to say that I have scheduled my IVF/ICSI treatment for August!!! AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! They offered a counsellor to help me 'get my head around it'-I think that may be a good idea as I can't procrastinate like this for ever.

Dear MissyT-so sorry that the evil vile hag arrived yesterday. For me too. Pants. I'm sorry that you had to go to A&E yesterday-it sounds as if you were in terrible pain. I really hope you feel better today-it must be connected to your Sunday ride, especially as you felt so awful when you gothome. Rest up hun, and be kind to yourself. Lots and lots of R&R!! An order!

And to everybody!!!

 

[lynnb]

Morning Everybody!

Just thought I'd pop in to say that I have scheduled my IVF/ICSI treatment for August!!! AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! They offered a counsellor to help me 'get my head around it'-I think that may be a good idea as I can't procrastinate like this for ever.

Dear MissyT-so sorry that the evil vile hag arrived yesterday. For me too. Pants. I'm sorry that you had to go to A&E yesterday-it sounds as if you were in terrible pain. I really hope you feel better today-it must be connected to your Sunday ride, especially as you felt so awful when you gothome. Rest up hun, and be kind to yourself. Lots and lots of R&R!! An order!

And to everybody!!!
P

That's great news, roll on August

 

[Macwooly]

Dwrgi - good luck for August

 

[lavalux]

Dwgri,
Awesome news about IVF in August. Our clinic requires seeing a counselor before IVF and I think it's such a good idea b/c they have probably heard it all and are specially trained to help you work out any concerns you have.

Missy,
Sorry to hear about AF and your pain near your rib! I really hope you are feeling better soon! Hope you can get some much needed rest this weekend. Come on Friday!

Any word from Padbrat?

 

[padbrat]

Ladies, I am sorry, but you will need to take down your banners.

My babys heart had stopped beating.

I think I am going to leave you all now, though I will probably sneak in every now and then to see you all.

My Husband has told me as we looked at our 6th Angel that he cannot do this anymore and the pain is too much.

I am in for surgery tomorrow.

Lava, Skye, MA, HA, Missy, FM, Oven, Never, Ginger, Twinkle, Lynn, Butterfly, carole and all you other lovely ladies thank you for your never ending support. Your courage is inspirational and I wish I had more of it myself, but I cannot and will not make my Husband change his mind over this. He is not a quitter and neither am I, so I know when he holds me tight and says this is enough and no more he means it for the best for both of us.

May you all catch the luck I never had xx

 

[twinkle1975]

Oh Padbrat, I'm so sorry I wish I could come & give you a big cuddle.

 

[Butterfly67]

Padbrat, I don't know what to say, I am sitting here in tears. I so wish that could have been a pink one for you. It must be so heartbreaking for both of you and whether this is a break or you are done I wish you lots of and hope that you both manage to get through it.

 

[Macwooly]

Padbrat - so sorry Really don't know what else to say

 

[Dwrgi]

Ladies, I am sorry, but you will need to take down your banners.

My babys heart had stopped beating.

I think I am going to leave you all now, though I will probably sneak in every now and then to see you all.

My Husband has told me as we looked at our 6th Angel that he cannot do this anymore and the pain is too much.

I am in for surgery tomorrow.

Lava, Skye, MA, HA, Missy, FM, Oven, Never, Ginger, Twinkle, Lynn, Butterfly, carole and all you other lovely ladies thank you for your never ending support. Your courage is inspirational and I wish I had more of it myself, but I cannot and will not make my Husband change his mind over this. He is not a quitter and neither am I, so I know when he holds me tight and says this is enough and no more he means it for the best for both of us.

May you all catch the luck I never had xx

Oh Pad-I am soooooo very very sorry! I am upset just reading your post-I can't imagine how you are feeling. We are here for you whenever you need us.

Stay safe and all my love-life is so very unfair.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[padbrat]

Butterfly, we are done. We can't take anymore of it. I had always been told I couldn't have kids cos of my genetics... and then the first time I fell pregnant it was like a miracle... a whole new world had suddenly shown itself to us...

We did come so close to stepping through that door to that new world, but someone or something stopped us from going through everytime. No matter how much we wished, prayed, hoped, dreamed he wasn't listening.... or maybe he was and he just ignored us. Who knows, but that door is now shut for us and the light has been turned off.

I hope your wishes or prayers are answered x

 

[lynnb]

Ladies, I am sorry, but you will need to take down your banners.

My babys heart had stopped beating.

I think I am going to leave you all now, though I will probably sneak in every now and then to see you all.

My Husband has told me as we looked at our 6th Angel that he cannot do this anymore and the pain is too much.

I am in for surgery tomorrow.

Lava, Skye, MA, HA, Missy, FM, Oven, Never, Ginger, Twinkle, Lynn, Butterfly, carole and all you other lovely ladies thank you for your never ending support. Your courage is inspirational and I wish I had more of it myself, but I cannot and will not make my Husband change his mind over this. He is not a quitter and neither am I, so I know when he holds me tight and says this is enough and no more he means it for the best for both of us.

May you all catch the luck I never had xx

Oh Deb, that's the worse news. I hope you & DH find peace in each other & with your decision. You'll always be in my thoughts.

&

 

[padbrat]

I don't think I will ever have peace with the decision Lynn... but I can't change things, I wish I could and I really tried too.... but this is something beyond me. I know you mean your words kindly and I thank you for them x

I feel there can never be peace with this situation... just a lessening of the pain that never leaves you.

I have a lovely Husband and that is more than some have... and less then others.

I can have no children and that is my cross to bear.

 

[skye2010]

Debs, i just logged in to see your posts. i am lost for words. I can't tell you how sad I am for you and your DH. 6 angels is so sad, must be so painful. I really hope you two can heal in time and find a way to move on. I also wish to God that he would bless you with a little one, one day. This life has it's own magical mysterious ways. Somehow I find it hard to believe that this is it for you cause you have wanted this baby so much and was prepared to bare so much. I am sending you many many hugs...

Sweety if you happen to change your mind by any chance and decide to go for further treatment (IVF+ DNA screening) pls give me a line. I would be more than happy if there is any experience I can share. Many many hugs, tears and kisses....

 

[onmymind17]

Morning Everybody!

Just thought I'd pop in to say that I have scheduled my IVF/ICSI treatment for August!!! AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! They offered a counsellor to help me 'get my head around it'-I think that may be a good idea as I can't procrastinate like this for ever.

Dear MissyT-so sorry that the evil vile hag arrived yesterday. For me too. Pants. I'm sorry that you had to go to A&E yesterday-it sounds as if you were in terrible pain. I really hope you feel better today-it must be connected to your Sunday ride, especially as you felt so awful when you gothome. Rest up hun, and be kind to yourself. Lots and lots of R&R!! An order!

And to everybody!!!

Yea thats great news!!!! Just think this is the first step to you having your little one, and when you go through the IVF, each shot is a little piece to making your perfect baby!!

 

[onmymind17]

Ladies, I am sorry, but you will need to take down your banners.

My babys heart had stopped beating.

I think I am going to leave you all now, though I will probably sneak in every now and then to see you all.

My Husband has told me as we looked at our 6th Angel that he cannot do this anymore and the pain is too much.

I am in for surgery tomorrow.

Lava, Skye, MA, HA, Missy, FM, Oven, Never, Ginger, Twinkle, Lynn, Butterfly, carole and all you other lovely ladies thank you for your never ending support. Your courage is inspirational and I wish I had more of it myself, but I cannot and will not make my Husband change his mind over this. He is not a quitter and neither am I, so I know when he holds me tight and says this is enough and no more he means it for the best for both of us.

May you all catch the luck I never had xx

Oh sweetheart, i am so very sorry! I know your pain, all i can do is send you love and prayers for you and your DH.

 

[TiggerToo]

I don't think I will ever have peace with the decision Lynn... but I can't change things, I wish I could and I really tried too.... but this is something beyond me. I know you mean your words kindly and I thank you for them x

I feel there can never be peace with this situation... just a lessening of the pain that never leaves you.

I have a lovely Husband and that is more than some have... and less then others.

I can have no children and that is my cross to bear.

I haven't been here long, and therefore can't say I know you, but I'm so sorry.

Wishing your and your DH much love through this time. Sending hugs and caring because that's all I can do.

 

[TiggerToo]

Hi, ladies -

I'm sorry but this is going to be an entirely selfish post. If you're in a good mood, you may stop reading here so that I don't bring you down.

Yesterday June 6th marked the 3-year anniversary of my dad's death, which is always so hard for me, and today I don't feel much better-almost worse, actually. I miss him with every ounce of my soul.

Also, today is 9dpo and I'm still spotting. Temp also dropped this morning. There isn't a chance I'm pregnant, not a chance. I really thought this was going to be my month, hope against hope I truly did. I did everything I could this cycle, pulled out all the stops (soft cups, preseed) and BD'd more this one month than I think I have since DH and I first got married. I'm in the 4th and final month of my fertility acupuncture protocol, and I just don't know where to go or what to do next. The thought of starting the fertility treatment meds again terrifies me...remembering how physically and emotionally terrible the drugs made me feel, and all the RE appointments week after week and month after month with no success. Failed with the drugs, failed IUI, failed on my own, now what? IVF? The cost of IVF is staggering and like Dwrgi, I can't get my head wrapped around launching myself into that. It terrifies me. Also, DH and I thought we could earmark some money from the sale of our house for IVF, but my realtor just flaked on us as of Friday, so we have to postpone putting the house up for sale and begin all over again with a new realtor.

I feel desperate about running out of time. I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself (out loud, mind you) that I will never ever have a baby of my own. I tried to tell myself I'm OK with that, but I'm really not. I'm just not. I can see it in my DH's eyes, too, how much he wants this, and it is killing me that I can't manage to do this. Why can't I do this? Why won't my body cooperate? What is wrong with me?!? Is this really it for me? Childless and stuck in a horrible low-paying soul-crushing dead-end job for the rest of my life?...is this really it? I was hoping I had a greater purpose than this. I'm so very sad. This week is always hard for me, but I was hoping for that silver lining at the end of the week. Instead, the week's end will bring me AF and another BFN. I'm so sorry to whine on and on, Debbie Downer style, but I feel like I have no one else who truly understands what this is like, month after month, the way you all do. I haven't felt this low in awhile. I just feel so sad and a failure.

Thanks for listening (reading). xox

We hear you.

My own Daddy passed away in April 2005 and I'm always useless two days out of the year: April 20 and May 23 (he was buried in Arlington and so we had to wait our turn - it was like living it twice). I thought about him a lot this year and how much he loved children. I know how you feel.

I'm due for AF too, I think - I got some cramps yesterday and am having a few more today. So I'll be with you, it looks like.

I'm so sorry you're so down. You're not a failure. YOU ARE NEVER A FAILURE, no matter what happens. And you're not whining. You want support, you want a friend to hear you. That's not whining.

You're okay, you hear me? No matter what, you're okay. We're all okay and it's okay to feel crappy and it's normal.

 

[babetteq]

I just joined this group this morning.

I just want to say that the news of your loss is heartbreaking, even for me, someone who doesn't know you. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Baby4MJ]

Hello, everyone -

I'm here for a quick pop-in first off to say to padbrat...my heart is shattered for you. Absolutely shattered. I understand your and DH's decision, absolutely. After 3 miscarriages, I feel beaten, and you've suffered 6. It's so heartbreaking. If I could I would hug you and cry through that heartbreak with you, I would be right there with you doing so. Sometimes life is just too damn hard and just too damn unfair. This is a blistering example of that. I am so, so, so sorry. I hope someway, somehow you can find peace...and maybe find the strength to seek additional help, or find other ways for life to bring you joy. Love Love Love coming your way...

To the rest of you wonderful ladies, both veterans and newcomers - and please forgive me for not naming you each individually (know, however, that I have read all of your comments and hold each of you in my heart)...your sentiments and kind words and encouragement and understanding brought me to tears. June is such a dreadful month for me anyway, plus AF arrived today, which has not helped my emotions any. My dad died on June 6, 2008 and was buried June 13, 2008...DH and I had to travel 3 hours with his cremated remains to the burial in New York...my dad had given me a letter in Feb. 2008 with all instructions of what to do after his death, what he wanted to be buried with...and I was the one who stood at the edge of his open grave to place his remains and cherished items and pictures into that gaping hole...how he knew in February that he didn't have much time left, I haven't a clue. I never opened that letter until the day he died in the hospital, and it broke my heart into a thousand pieces. It was the night of my dad's funeral, June 13th, that my DH told me he wanted children with me. The emotion of this is too much to bear, but I thought that was the gift my dad was giving to me in his death...the turnaround of my DH, who previously didn't think he wanted children. It has been what I have been clinging onto, but 3 years later I think I have just been kidding myself all this time. I didn't want to accept the sheer devastation of my dad's leaving me, and focused on the joy a baby would bring. But I still don't have my dad and I still don't have my baby. And that is too much pain for me. I feel like I am wrapped and enclosed in this grief that I can't break free from. I think padbrat said it perfectly...I know I should be more grateful, because I know I am so very lucky to have my DH, which is more than a lot have....but also less than others.

So anyway, I didn't want you all to think your beauty inside and out has gone unnoticed by me. Big virtual arms are shooting out of this computer to wrap around each and every one of you. Thank you Thank you Thank you all. I will be gone for a little while, to get my head wrapped around what to do next. I've had a very hard life, from childhood, but I've always been a fighter, so deep in me somewhere I know I'll keep fighting. But I may just sit a few rounds out. I am praying for all your BFPs, FM I'm hoping you'll bring that BFP news back from San Fran...and Dwrgi, I hope I can find the same strength you have to move forward and fight.

I'll check back with you all soon...XOXOXOXO