TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

Padbrat /Deb...I really don't know what to say. I am sat here in shock and disbelief at how cruel life can be. I have just had to wipe the tears away and my heart hurts for you and your husband. One loss is too many. Please be kind to you and your husband, you have to continue a very hard and emotional journey.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow with a heavy heart.

:hugs::hugs:

A XxX
 
OMM and Baby4MJ,

I am also thinking of you ladies too.

OMM...you said about almost wishing you never got the BFP in the first place....strangely enough, I said this to my OH two days ago. He looked horrified until I explained that I feel like I have been teased, given a taster of what could be...only to have it snatched away and crushed. Why did I catch so quickly? WHy did I get emotionally battered so quickly? WHy is it taking so long to get that BFP again?

Sorry if this post upsets you, like I said to Padbrat...once is too often :hugs: I know you have said you have made your peace..I sincerely hope you have so that you can go forward down your path in life. :hugs:

My heart goes out to so many of you ladies, it really does. I am also truly thankful that I have such wonderful support on here.

XxX
 
Padbrad, Baby4MJ & OMM - :cry:

Ladies, my heart aches so badly right now - I'm sorry, I wish I had words to console you.:hugs::hugs: You might not see it now but you are an inspiration to us all here, your strength is amazing but you (as we all) are only human so take time for yourselves, rest up, do what you need....we will be here with love and support. :hugs::hugs:

I agree with bblve. With all 3 of you in such a bad place I just wish there was something I could do. :hugs: :hugs:

There is something you can do, be happy, and get a bfp!! LOL.

OMM -
Trying my best to get that BFP!! I'm 13dpo today & BFN. It's my first time charting so I'm not really sure what to make of anything. All I know is that I'm keeping positive until AF shows up. :hugs:

Good girl, you keep that positive attitude, and i will send you tons of baby dust!!!!!
 
OMM and Baby4MJ,

I am also thinking of you ladies too.

OMM...you said about almost wishing you never got the BFP in the first place....strangely enough, I said this to my OH two days ago. He looked horrified until I explained that I feel like I have been teased, given a taster of what could be...only to have it snatched away and crushed. Why did I catch so quickly? WHy did I get emotionally battered so quickly? WHy is it taking so long to get that BFP again?

Sorry if this post upsets you, like I said to Padbrat...once is too often :hugs: I know you have said you have made your peace..I sincerely hope you have so that you can go forward down your path in life. :hugs:

My heart goes out to so many of you ladies, it really does. I am also truly thankful that I have such wonderful support on here.

XxX

No you did not upset me at all honey, this is exactly how i feel. I know how horrible it is to not get that bfp month after month, but sadly i know its even worse when you see those two lines, and your heart explodes with joy, only to see it fade away, so you think ok, we did this once we will do it again, and the next time you see the two lines again your heart swells with joy, and again its gone, by the time i got to the 4th bfp, i saw the two lines and i though oh big deal, will this one stick, the joy was still there, but its so smashed under the worry its not really joy anymore. I think i decided to move on, when after our 5th IUI did not work, and i though i just cant do this anymore, i took a look around at what i had, and i thought you know what God has blessed me with all these wonderful things, and here i am just ignoring all of it trying to have a baby, and thats when i slowly started to let go of all of it. Dont get me wrong, its not like i am using protection to prevent pg now, its just that little flicker of hope is really small now. I am sorry ladies if i upset anybody with this, i hope you all understand, i have been told so many times what about adoption, or what about donor eggs, but in my heart, i just know it had to be dh and I, it has to be a part of him and me, and my dad. One day i pray that all of you either get your little ones to have and hold and love, or you find peace and happiness and let it all go like i did.
 
Thanks to all of you who were rooting for me this month, I tested and it's a BFN, I guess I'm not all that surprised but I think I'm actually a little angry! This was the worse cycle in the 3.5 years I've been trying! Since I'm on vacation I refuse to let it be ruined by this bad news but I'm really disappointed. I will pop in later.
 
Thanks to all of you who were rooting for me this month, I tested and it's a BFN, I guess I'm not all that surprised but I think I'm actually a little angry! This was the worse cycle in the 3.5 years I've been trying! Since I'm on vacation I refuse to let it be ruined by this bad news but I'm really disappointed. I will pop in later.

FutureMommie, hang in there, have the wonderful vacation you deserve and you are in our prayers!
 
I'm SO sorry hunny! :hugs:

Hearing all the latest news I'm frustrated! I just keep asking why? Today. There are so many crappy parents out there who don't take care of their kids that I see all around and then there's all you beautiful women. This bothers me to the point I just keep asking as those of the Bible did...Why God?! I know He has answers and for some it's not the end of the road, but my journey was a 10 year journey and watching you all go through this REALLY SUCKS!

I'm sorry I haven't the answers for you girls today. The ones you REALLY need. But I do hope in all sincerity you all know your deeply loved and I wish you weren't hurting right now. This has been a sisterhood to me of sorts and it's hard to watch the uphill battles but it makes the Victories that much more exciting when they come.

Love and :hug: to you all!
 
To Padbrat and MJ :hugs: I'm so very sorry. I wish there were some magic words I could say to make it better.

To OMM, your words are inspirational. I've really only just begun this TTC journey but I hope I can find the strength in me that you have if my journey doesn't end the way I'd like it to. You're so right and I appreciate the reminder, it's good to remember the things we do have and appreciate them. :hugs:
 
Thanks to all of you who were rooting for me this month, I tested and it's a BFN, I guess I'm not all that surprised but I think I'm actually a little angry! This was the worse cycle in the 3.5 years I've been trying! Since I'm on vacation I refuse to let it be ruined by this bad news but I'm really disappointed. I will pop in later.

Hi FM! So sorry to hear your news-and you're right, you had a really bad time of it this month, it's just not right. I hope that you can put it to one side so that you can enjoy your vacation, and relax after the stressful time you've had of it of late. Be kind to yourself and pamper yourself.

I'm thinking of you and sending you big hugs! You WILL get your little baby-and when you do, it will be worth all this anxiety and upset.

Lots of love hun,
A
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::flower::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
 
So sorry, FM. Try to focus on enjoying your trip & your husband. You need some rest. I know the hormones really messed with your body this cycle. You can have a good cry then recoup when you get home. You have my support. God has plans to prosper you with a baby. Our timing just isn't his. and it's so hard, I know.
 
:hugs:Future Mommie, sorry to hear of your BFN, I hope that you have a lovely vacation and come back refreshed
 
Ladies, I am so sorry I missed the last few days... Padbrat and MJ, I love you both and my heart is breaking for you. I wish there was something, anything I could say or do to make it better, and there's just not.

MJ, I do want to reiterate what others have said, though - you are not a failure. None of us here are. It's not that YOU can't manage to do this - this is a team sport - you are not alone in this. Do not try to take on responsibility for things over which you have no control. There is no fault and no blame - taking it all on yourself is just as damaging as putting it all on your DH would be. Your body has let you down, but that does not mean that you are a failure. :hugs:

Deb and OMM, choosing to live child-free is not quitting. It is making an active decision to take care of yourself by moving on when you recognize that you have done everything you are willing to do, instead of continuing to torture yourself with heartache and disappointment. I feel I am very close to that point myself, and I think it's something a lot of folks here on BnB aren't willing to talk about, which is unfortunate. (I think it's a scary notion to those in the thick of the ttc fight.) But it is not a bad thing. It is a transition, but in terms of a resolution to infertility, it is just as valid a pathway as is IVF or adoption or donor eggs. OMM I know you are at peace with your decision, and Deb, my sincerest wish for you and your DH is that you find peace as well. You have been through more than anyone should ever have to go through, and you are still together to help each other through it. You deserve peace and happiness. I know it must feel like an impossible goal right now, but I pray that one day you will find it. :hugs:

Welcome to the new ladies - I'm glad you found us. Thanks for jumping in to support our ladies who needed a shoulder this week. I hope you'll find the same comfort and support here that we all enjoy. :flower:

Ladies, I would like to point something out, so many of you have written that you dont know what your reason for being here is, if you can have a baby then what are you doing here. Did any of you ever think that right now your purpose here is to help women just like us? So many times you pick each other up and hug each other and that is how we all keep carrying on. Without the love and support that YOU ladies provide each and every day, a lot of us would have thrown in the towel on TTC and would have missed out on our dream. I just thought i would let you all know, you do have a purpose your all my friends!!!! And without all of you I would have lost my head a long time ago!! :hugs:

OMM, I LOVE THIS. :kiss::kiss::kiss: Thank you for that. We are all so focused on the end game that it's easy to lose sight of the good things going on in the midst of that. Thank you for reminding us. :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

Hi girls! I hope everyone had a great weekend.

I just wanted to pop in and say I'm going into lurking for awhile. I've noticed not wanting to write much lately and realized it's not because I don't want to keep updated with you all but that my mind set just isn't in the right place and hasn't been for awhile now. I think I'm a little burnt out and just need a break from the daily thoughts of babies. I know I need to really get back on track for IVF in august so I just want to really focus on other things in the mean time.

Ginger, take as much time as you need, and know that we'll all be right here for you whenever you are ready. IVF is a big step and you owe it to yourself to be in the right frame of mind before you start. You deserve that. :hugs:



Morning Everybody!

Just thought I'd pop in to say that I have scheduled my IVF/ICSI treatment for August!!! AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! They offered a counsellor to help me 'get my head around it'-I think that may be a good idea as I can't procrastinate like this for ever.

Dwrgi, I am so proud of you for taking that step!!! :flower::thumbup::flower: As a fellow procrastinator, I know how hard that must have been to do, when it's the source of so much anxiety. I would definitely recommend taking advantage of the counselor.:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: My clinic offers it to all IVF patients as well. I think it can really help - I know it's helped me. Roll on August!! :happydance:

FM, I just posted in your journal a few minutes ago, but here's another :hugs::hugs: for good measure. xoxo Enjoy your vacation - don't let the old hag ruin it for you. My favorite place to find peace in SF is the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park - I could spend all day there - it's a place where I can really slow down and be in the moment. :flower:

MA, I'll be watching your journal and the graduates thread for a post-scan update later today. I said a little prayer for all four of you yesterday and I hope you had some peace in the day. :hugs:
 
Padbrat, I don't know what to say. I am in tears. I constantly ask, why? I just don't understand. I get so angry when things like this happen. I just can't grasph it. You are in my prayers, sweet lady, for all its worth.:hugs::hugs::hugs:

OMM, I understand that there is a certain point we are need to get to to make the decision your have. Although we are all going through similar situations, we only live our day to day lives. My prayers are with you.:hugs:

MJ, I've been thinking of you. :hugs:I understand this is a hard time for you.

FM, big hugs, girl. :hugs:I understand why you feel angry. I had a fight with DH the night I found out of my BFP. I know it was brought on by my anger over the test result. I think the best we can all do now is recognize what we are feeling now and try to push on when we are ready.

AFM, my parents are here and I'm taking my mom shopping with me to buy gifts for my two neighbors that had babies this week. I'm crushed. I think if I went shopping alone, I'd have a breakdown. DH is at work and normally I'd take him with me but I'm glad I have my mom there for support. I don't know why this is so hard for me to go shopping for baby gifts but somehow I know you all understand. I'm just so crushed so many of us are going through such trying and emotional times right now. I don't understand why things are this way.
 
I'm on my phone so I can't quote each of your individual comments but you have no idea how much your support means to me I wrote in my journal that one of the hardest things is not being ableto give my dh a child, or my Mom a grandchild. I won't give up I'm going to take a little time to rest my body from the meds and go from there! I'm nit going to stop TTC but I need this cycle off and maybe the next one!
 
Take the time you need to recover from this disappointment and be kind to yourself :hugs:
 

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