TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[purplelou]

dearest Chris,

I don't really know what to say. I am so sorry about your news. I just want to send you all the love and that I can. you have always been so kind and know just what to say to brighten our hearts when anyone is having a down day, and now I am being completely crappy at finding the words,

I am thinking of you xxxxxx

 

[Macwooly]

OMM I am so sorry to hear your news

 

[padbrat]

Hey ladies!!

Sooo much going on... I don't know where to start!

First things first! THANKS ladies for all of your messages and support.... yes 2 days to go and Hubby is getting more and more excited.... which worries me in case it doesn't work.. and that is a lot of money to waste... still stress definately won't help so am tring not to stress...

Talking about not stressing... Missy as others have already said if they thought yours was a lost cause they never would have taken you onto the programme... so please try not to stress ........ easier said than done I know. Especially when you have illness in the family...

UK Ladies.... it is flipping freezing... and getting colder!! Brrrr

You sure you want to come back to this cold Butterfly???

MA Amelia is gorgoeus... what a lovely picture!

Lava Birthday celebrations sound lovely! Hope you have a great time!

Twinks love the group hug smilie... where do you find them?

Dwrgi hope you feel better soon... having said that a rest will probably do you a power of good! and I agree that sounds like a sales patter message... don't like it, pleased you reported it!

HA I bet you feel better already for just having made a decision.... and whatever happens you have FL to look forward to.... so win win win situation!! Cool have it all crossed for ya!

Crap that AF got ya Mac.... sorry chick

Purps that spotting should be stopping soon..... though it is a real drag isn't it?

Hello to everyone else!! xx

 

[padbrat]

OMM hun... so sorry our posts crossed... I am so sorry that you have had such a double does of crap news... I can completely understand your frustrations as despite losing 6 babies in the last 5 years (since I was 34) I have been told I am not allowed to have any of the free fertility treatment (IUI or IVF) on the NHS which everyone is entitled to cos I am now too old!!! Makes me so mad cos I wasn't too old when I had my first losses but then I was told that it was bad luck and to keep trying... now I am 39 and I am too old for the NHS to help, but they do admit it is not bad luck but my chromosomes...... ARGGGHHHHHHHHH ..... so I completely know where you are coming from!

It is no wonder you are feeling like hiding away a little at the moment... we underdstand and we will still be here when you feel OK about posting regularly again x

 

[lavalux]

OMM,

 

[HappyAuntie]

Chris, I really don't have the words to express how my heart is hurting for you. It seems so cruel that 99% of this process is out of our control. Please take all the time you need to grieve, and if it's too painful to be around us, we understand completely. I hope in time you can find some comfort in knowing you and your DH did everything you could do, and I hope time will dull the edges of the pain and sadness.

 

[HappyAuntie]

AFM, first follie check is tomorrow morning. And no, I'm not really feeling much better about this one. I know it sounds ridiculous, but to be perfectly honest, I kinda hope it doesn't work... I'm just tired, weary, battle-fatigued - I need a break. And the holidays are really causing me a LOT of anxiety for the first time in my life. Partly because January marks 3 years... partly because when we started IUIs at the start of the year, there was no way in hell I thought we'd STILL be in treatment at the holidays... partly because if this cycle works, we will be 6 weeks along at Thanksgiving and there's no way I'm traveling away from my dr at 6 weeks and the knowledge I can get checked at any time if I'm afraid something is wrong, but since my family have all decided they're not traveling this year, DH and I will be all alone... idk... I'm having a down day and I'm dealing with a lot of sh*t floating around in my brain.

I had counseling this morning and tried to describe it this way - when I went for the first check last week before starting the meds, as I drove to the clinic I felt like part of me was kicking and screaming and pitching a fit and being dragged to the clinic by the hair... and part of me was dragging the screaming part by the hair, telling that part to just suck it up, if you want a baby this is what you have to do, so SUCK IT UP. Quit your complaining and do what you know you have to do.

Like I said, I'm just weary and I need a break. I will get through this cycle and I will be relieved when it ends. Whatever.

 

[constancev18]

OMM, I'm so sorry to read your news. I wish those who made decisions based on certain criteria realized that some criteria do not measure people's circumstances accurately. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

 

[constancev18]

Tues was 1 dpo (I think) and the 3rd dy of positive opks. We bd'd O day and 3 dys before so I'm hoping everything works out. I'll test around 11/1.

 

[Macwooly]

HA

 

[Dwrgi]

Hey Chris, how are you? I wondered where you were. I am so sorry to hear your news and sending you huge hugs and lots and lots of love. Purple is so right-you are always here with a positive word and know just how to lift our spirits, it doesn't seem fair that somebody with so much to give, just can't be given the help that she so deserves.

Bureaucracy and administrators-boo hiss hiss hiss. Like I said a while ago, this is essentially down to the haves and havenots, and if we are not millionaires, then doors are slammed in our faces. How is that right??

I am hoping that you can find some peace from all of this. I have read on another thread of the 'purgatory' of trying to conceive, and understand what they mean. It is a battle, and there are times when we just have to call it a day. I think that your niece will be very grateful of your baby box, and it shows you for who you are, somebody with so much to give. Spend time now focusing on you and your life and what you want to do next. But, be kind to yourself, you didn't do anything wrong, you tried your very hardest, you have nothing to regret.

I hope that you will not leave us, but I can understand if you need time away. We shall be here for you whenever.

Thank you so much for all the help that you have given me over the last few months, I have really appreciated your warmth and your calm.

Lots and lots of love to you,
Amanda
xxxxxxx

 

[Dwrgi]

AFM, first follie check is tomorrow morning. And no, I'm not really feeling much better about this one. I know it sounds ridiculous, but to be perfectly honest, I kinda hope it doesn't work... I'm just tired, weary, battle-fatigued - I need a break. And the holidays are really causing me a LOT of anxiety for the first time in my life. Partly because January marks 3 years... partly because when we started IUIs at the start of the year, there was no way in hell I thought we'd STILL be in treatment at the holidays... partly because if this cycle works, we will be 6 weeks along at Thanksgiving and there's no way I'm traveling away from my dr at 6 weeks and the knowledge I can get checked at any time if I'm afraid something is wrong, but since my family have all decided they're not traveling this year, DH and I will be all alone... idk... I'm having a down day and I'm dealing with a lot of sh*t floating around in my brain.

I had counseling this morning and tried to describe it this way - when I went for the first check last week before starting the meds, as I drove to the clinic I felt like part of me was kicking and screaming and pitching a fit and being dragged to the clinic by the hair... and part of me was dragging the screaming part by the hair, telling that part to just suck it up, if you want a baby this is what you have to do, so SUCK IT UP. Quit your complaining and do what you know you have to do.

Like I said, I'm just weary and I need a break. I will get through this cycle and I will be relieved when it ends. Whatever.

Hey You!

How are you today? Just thought I'd say, don't give up!!! Give this cycle your best shot! I understand exactly what you are saying and know how you feel, and it is completely natural to feel like this, after everything that you have been through. It is hard cranking yourself up again to do 'one more cycle' and I don't think that any one of us thought we would still be in this position when we started out. But, we are in a place where we know so much about our bodies, we can make informed decisions about what to do next, and, of course, we have the prospect that when our babies arrive, they will be so loved because we will have battled for them.

I can understand how you feel about the upcoming holiday season, but try not to get ahead of worry-focus on now, and developing fabulous follies that will develop into the strongest eggs. It is so important not to find things to worry about, especially whilst you're going through a treatment. So, hunny, whatever happens, happens! We can deal with that then, but for now, let's get you back on track to baking the loveliest follicles and think no more than that!

Huge hugs to you and that THIS cycle will be the for keeps cycle!!

Lots of love,
A
xxxx

 

[skye2010]

Chris I'm so sorry and disappointed that the programme gave you a negative answer. I am sending you lot's and lot's of hugs. You really are a very giving and warm person. It is such a shame that these people are all about bureaucracy numbers and statistics and they don't realise they make decisions about people's hopes and dreams. Sweetie please don't leave us since I love reading your updates.

Debs I am sooo excited for you guys. It should work, and it will work. Please please please GOD help Debs with this treatment I am looking forward to cheering up for you in less than a month. Many kisses and sticky baby dust

Macwooly how's the muscle? I hate it when i get a stiff neck. It is absolutely agonising. You poor thing. Hope your dates hit the target xx

Butterfly I love your avatar. )) Little duckling off to open waters! Bit like you with all the overseas moving. )) Good luck hon.

Amanda That post is weird. I don't even get why she wrote it or what it means. There was a nasty post in the graduates recently as well. Lot's of trolls walking around BNB nowadays. I guess it's coming up to Christmass.

Purple sending you loads of hugs and Are you thinking of any tx by the way? I'm sorry I can't remember were you on an NHS list?

Twinks when is your next consultation? How's the weight loss? Are you near the target?

FM, Keeky, Laura NMG Northstar, all the girls who are lurking and I forgot to mention xxxxxxx

AFM me and Shirin's doing ok. She is doing cute wiggles We started doing the shopping now but the flat still isn't sorted. The bathroom was awaiting another quotation. Hopefully will get it today. DH became very annoying about this work. He is demanding many quotations to compare prices which is all well and good but it's now started to get cold and I don't want to be doing this work in -10 degrees. He is tired and busy and not willing to communicate during the day or the evenings. His priority seems to be playing computer games nowadays. Feel like breaking that game cd. I had a go at him this morning and he said he will talk about all that's needed tonight. I'm just worried if the baby comes early I won't be ready. I need someone to kick DH's ass please. Alternatively someone can slap me and say it's fine everything will be sorted.

 

[Dwrgi]

AFM me and Shirin's doing ok. She is doing cute wiggles We started doing the shopping now but the flat still isn't sorted. The bathroom was awaiting another quotation. Hopefully will get it today. DH became very annoying about this work. He is demanding many quotations to compare prices which is all well and good but it's now started to get cold and I don't want to be doing this work in -10 degrees. He is tired and busy and not willing to communicate during the day or the evenings. His priority seems to be playing computer games nowadays. Feel like breaking that game cd. I had a go at him this morning and he said he will talk about all that's needed tonight. I'm just worried if the baby comes early I won't be ready. I need someone to kick DH's ass please. Alternatively someone can slap me and say it's fine everything will be sorted.

Skye-everything will be fine, and sorted in no time. Getting quotations is a complete pain in the a£se but will be worth it when you choose your final builder/plumber. It might also be worth playing the 'I'm pregnant and due in no time' card, as that gets them shifting too (so I've been told, obviously!).

Men and their computer games. It's just nonsense really. They regress to childhood I think, when the going gets tough or they want to relax. Hmm, I have been known to place a stiletto-heeled foot on my OH's mobile phone when he was messing around with that!! Ha ha-that didn't go down very well, but point (ha ha) made!!

Glad that things are going well with Shirin, and so cute that she is turning into a little wriggler!! My ex BF told me that with her first baby, she was in the bath at around 8 months gone, and she SAW the baby's shape do a complete rotation as she lay there! So weird!

Anyway, lots of love to you and lots of relaxation and rest too!

 

[Butterfly67]

just a quick note to say Chris, sending you massive - I'm so sorry you did not get into the compassionate care programme

HA too

padbrat, I have everything crossed and am very excited for you

everyone else, still v busy with the move...

 

[skye2010]

Woops the beginning of my msg is lost?????? Need to write it again

Missy everyone's mentioned what I would say but I will write anway. AMH isn't used in every clinic. It's an indication for drs to decide how much meds they can use along with all the rest of the levels. Your drs clearly don'tx rely on it completely. Do you know what meds you are taking and how much to start with? Your body will show how it will respond very soon.

HA Lot's of good luck and many I know you want it to happen but you are scared and exhausted. Sweetie Lot's of hugs xxx

I'm sorry i had written a much nicer msg before but I'm late and can't remember now after 20 people called in between.
xxxx

 

[skye2010]

OMG Amanda you gave me a agood full laugh. I'm literally tearing up )))) I need to dig into my wardrobe and find all the stillettos to see which one would do a more dramatic entrance. Hahaahahahahah!!!!!

 

[onmymind17]

AFM, first follie check is tomorrow morning. And no, I'm not really feeling much better about this one. I know it sounds ridiculous, but to be perfectly honest, I kinda hope it doesn't work... I'm just tired, weary, battle-fatigued - I need a break. And the holidays are really causing me a LOT of anxiety for the first time in my life. Partly because January marks 3 years... partly because when we started IUIs at the start of the year, there was no way in hell I thought we'd STILL be in treatment at the holidays... partly because if this cycle works, we will be 6 weeks along at Thanksgiving and there's no way I'm traveling away from my dr at 6 weeks and the knowledge I can get checked at any time if I'm afraid something is wrong, but since my family have all decided they're not traveling this year, DH and I will be all alone... idk... I'm having a down day and I'm dealing with a lot of sh*t floating around in my brain.

I had counseling this morning and tried to describe it this way - when I went for the first check last week before starting the meds, as I drove to the clinic I felt like part of me was kicking and screaming and pitching a fit and being dragged to the clinic by the hair... and part of me was dragging the screaming part by the hair, telling that part to just suck it up, if you want a baby this is what you have to do, so SUCK IT UP. Quit your complaining and do what you know you have to do.

Like I said, I'm just weary and I need a break. I will get through this cycle and I will be relieved when it ends. Whatever.

Oh honey, i so know exactly what your feeling, i had to come out of lurking just to post for you!! I dont know why we have to struggle with this, and all i can offer you is tons of . The reason your one half is kicking and screaming is because of what happend before, while your excited that your could get pregnant with this IUI, your so very scared that you will and will have a m/c again. I know, i did that with every IUI, and by the time i got to the last m/c, when we got the positive results, dh and i both went yeah but it wont stick. As for the holidays, honey thats far enough away that you dont need to worry about it now, all i can tell you is what Amanda said to me, take it one day at a time, if you think too far ahead, its overwhelming. I love you honey, and my prayers are with you that you get through this and have a very happy ever after. See for me a big part just sighed with relief that this is all over that i dont have to wonder and stress and worry about it. Its not too late though, honey if you really dont want to do this now dont, a couple of months are not going to make that much of a difference, and you will be in a much better frame of mind.

 

[purplelou]

Dear HA, everyone has already said it above, but you are tired out, and so looking ahead at the possibilites if this treatment works, and then looking behind to see how far you have travelled on this journey is just overwhelming. I think your mind is just trying to protect your heart right now, so Ill be hopeful and positive for you. Please take time to rest and look after yourself, and Ill send you for now xx

 

[twinkle1975]

Argh - BnB hates me today - ok third attempt at a reply!!

OMM - Grrr - I literally stamped my feet when I read your post - it's so unfair!! I know what you mean - we struggle to get by on what we earn but we make too much to be eligible for help with anything. I am SO sorry petal. I'm glad you're still able to talk to us, we're always here for you

Padbrat - Tomorrow, tomorrow, we love you tomorrow!! - https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/orange.gif

HA - keep going honey - I know it's really hard. We're all here rooting for you https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/cheerleader.gif

Constance - keeping fingers crossed for you https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/crossfingers.gif

Skye - really glad you & Shirin are doing ok. I've not got a date for another appt atm & the weight loss has ground to a halt - trying to get back on track asap!

Butterfly hope the move is going ok.

Purple - thank you for being so lovely and positive for us all!

The smilies are from here https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/

Love and hugs all round https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/grouphug.gif