AFM, first follie check is tomorrow morning. And no, I'm not really feeling much better about this one. I know it sounds ridiculous, but to be perfectly honest, I kinda hope it doesn't work... I'm just tired, weary, battle-fatigued - I need a break. And the holidays are really causing me a LOT of anxiety for the first time in my life. Partly because January marks 3 years... partly because when we started IUIs at the start of the year, there was no way in hell I thought we'd STILL be in treatment at the holidays... partly because if this cycle works, we will be 6 weeks along at Thanksgiving and there's no way I'm traveling away from my dr at 6 weeks and the knowledge I can get checked at any time if I'm afraid something is wrong, but since my family have all decided they're not traveling this year, DH and I will be all alone... idk... I'm having a down day and I'm dealing with a lot of sh*t floating around in my brain.
I had counseling this morning and tried to describe it this way - when I went for the first check last week before starting the meds, as I drove to the clinic I felt like part of me was kicking and screaming and pitching a fit and being dragged to the clinic by the hair... and part of me was dragging the screaming part by the hair, telling that part to just suck it up, if you want a baby this is what you have to do, so SUCK IT UP. Quit your complaining and do what you know you have to do.
Like I said, I'm just weary and I need a break. I will get through this cycle and I will be relieved when it ends. Whatever.