TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[HitTheJackpot]

Thanks for the love and support ladies. I know that you all know how I feel. Each and every one of you are heroines to me. Truly. I'm in a deep, dark funk over just my 3rd BFN in as many months... I wouldn't be strong enough to handle what so many of you have... I am just in awe of you!

Didn't feel like talking about it all morning, even with DP, though she kept checking on me to see if I was ok. I'm glad that she didn't take it as hard as I thought she would have. Me? I'm in a really dark place today and just can't seem to pull myself out. Went to church and it seems like everyone wants to stop and chat to see how "the girls" - meaning me and DP - are. I put in my *I'm so happy, everything is great! Oh, we're so happy to see you, too!* face, and I hated every minute of it, which sucks. I felt so fake, and I hate that, almost as much as I hate bfn. I normally love to see the people at church. Not today. I just wanted to cry.

I just want to go to bed and cry my eyes out.

This sucks.

I know there is still a chance until af, but I'm not holding my breath. I think we have to take a break for a while to recover financially, which sucks even more.

I really, really wish there was a way we could all know what is in the future for us.

Much love to you all, and I can't tell you how much the kind words and understanding that I find here mean to me. Poor DP doesn't know how to handle me like this, so it's nice to be able to come here and know that there truly are others who understand. *hugs all*

 

[Lady H]

 

[LilSluz]

HTJ - We are here for you anytime, honey. Please do something nice for yourself. If that means just chilling out, then by all means you deserve it. This is not an easy road & it just plain sucks. Sending big

 

[nessaw]

hi all.

chicken-sorry about ur eyes but the glasses sound v jackie o!

htj-so sorry the witch came x.

thanks dashka and lils.am thinking i might go for temping this time.last months cycle was short.i had the bloods day 22 on the thursand af showed on the sun.this time am on cd 15 and got 2 faint lines thurs and sat but have mucked up with testing times and forgotten so poas about 9 pm each time.so not even sure if a dark one was involved-fridays one got water on whilst i was in the shower!!doh!am going to have test on mon 11th as cd 21 is a sat.

is it wrong to feel torn between being upset that theres clearly a prob and relieved that theres something that we can do to try and sort things out.it felt so disheartening to keep thinking we were doing the roght thing every month but bfn everytime.sorry i know others would like answers too.

hope everyones having a great wkend.we has family over today for bbq in the rain and my niece and nephew are staying over.

love vx

 

[Butterfly67]

Htj just wanted to send you some

LilS and dwrgi (and maybe lady h) so looking forward to seeing you on Sunday

 

[chickenchaser]

Well I'm out for this month. The witch got me first thing this morning. But I'm OK it was only our first go and at least she had the decency to come 2 days early so I didn't have the chance to test.

My temp shot up this morning from 36.2 to 36.6 it has never been that high is that normal? I thought your temp was ment to go down when AF arrived.

Hope you are all OK.

 

[HitTheJackpot]

Oh Chicken! I'm sorry Not sure about the temp... wish I could give you more info on that. Hang in there!

 

[froliky2011]

Hi Ladies. I am not sure..but BnB gives my computer issues. I swear I get crap (viruses/cookies etc.) from this site. I have an awesome firewall at work and a good virus protector at home but not sure??

In any case. I am sad about all the BFNs. I am still holding out for Dashka though. I just really wanted to see some soo bad. I know there are still ladies out there too.. Butterfly..LadyH..Mirium..Hopefully you ladies can bring some news!!!!!

So..to Dwrgi - I hope you enjoyed cricket at least.

Dashka - I am so glad you MIL is away for 3 months. Yahoo!!

LilSluz - Enjoy the trip!! Enjoy the cool, fresh, brisk air on your face. You know when you return, it will be pretty hot here for the next few months or so.

HTJP - You horse is gorgeous. BTW - I mowed the lawn Saturday evening and it was fine. Just keep trying and don't give up. It took me almost 1 year and that was after having to get some other logistics into place which took about 3-4 years.

Grkprn -

Chicken - Enjoy the designer shades. & Mexico!! You'll look muy Bonita! Sorry about too.

Pad - I am also sending a Pink Flamingo! I got my toes painted pink and got some pink underwear. I know I am not a pink person, but WTH! We need pink energy~~~~

Butterfly - I am pulling for you lady!!!!!!!! PLEASE BFP!!

LadyH - Same with you!!! ~~~~~~ PLEASE!!!

Neesaw - I liked Lil's advice. My doctor told me it actually takes a while for the LH to show in the urine (so by the time we get the LH surge on our OPK, it's been in our blood longer). I usually checked mine 2-3 x a day so I could see when it started in my pea and always, always did one first thing in the morning. Good Luck with the remaining tests. I hope everything turns out well.

Bearlake - Awe! Enjoy Ireland and hopefully those green clovers and luck of the Irish bites you while your there and you come back with good news too!!

Tigerlilly - Belated Happy Birthday!!! Lucky girl with the long weekend - You deserved it!!

Arsy - Does the doppler work? I did not buy one.

DrS - Good Luck with the cycle. Man..you have had some challenges. Hopefully that is the end of them and you are on to brighter days which will boost your confidence and ease your concerns.

Mirium - Welcome & So sorry for your losses!! This is a great support thread. I am hoping good things to come after this TWW!!

Hi to the rest of the ladies...Agape, Coast, Honeybee, Purple (I hope your eye is better too..), Carol (Can't wait to hear from you!!!), Skipper, Grace, Madeline (How are you???), Nebulosa, Cellibelle, Nikki, Never, HA, Titi..and anyone else I missed. to you all!!!

AFM - My genetic tests came back normal, but I have the NT scan with blood tests on June 11th. If there are chromosomal issues, our parenting agreement says I have to abort. I am hoping/praying all is well with the beany. I am feeling better. I have yoga training again this weekend so I spent last weekend catching up on chores around the house.

 

[grkprn]

HTJ - I'm so sorry about the bfn . Sending you ! I wish that this wasn't so hard on us. The emotional ups and downs are really getting to me.

I haven't posted in awhile, because I've had a miserable weekend. Sorry to on this board, because I haven't ever done so, but having all of the support of the wonderful women on this board has been awesome.

Saturday morning, I woke up to a temp drop. Super sad, but I thought "it'll come back up tomorrow morning." Around noon, the came. I was SO despondent. So, so sad. I didn't know what to do. I cried to my husband and he tried to cheer me up. My parents were in town for the weekend and I was so glad they were, because I'm really close with my mother.

The stupid came and I was only 10DPO! My shortest luteal phase EVER. Then yesterday, I had massive left quadrant cramps (couldn't cough, sneeze, barely walk) most of the day. I thought, "awesome, now I have a cyst".

I called my RE's office this morning and I'm heading in for an US to see what's going on. I just had to come on here and vent a little bit. Thanks to all of you ladies. It's been a blessing to have this thread running.

I'll post the results after my appointment this morning.

 

[nessaw]

chicken-sorry about af x.

frolicky-thanks.i think i need to start doing opk more often to pin point it and see if it goes darker than the test line.

am feeling quite relaxed now cos not def sure whether i o'd so not sure about this cycle.am going to wait and see what this blood test and scan show and maybe invest in bbt and poss cbfm-what do people recommend?at risk of asking a silly question-where do i get the thermometer from and wheres the best place to get advice on using it?

thanks and hope everyones well vx

 

[Mirium]

Hi all,

I got a BFN again. I tested this morning - 13-14 dpo. It's getting difficult now since I have been trying for 12 months now. It's like something changed in my body and it's nerve racking. The two miscarriages - I got pregnant on 1st try - both times. I am only a year older. I know I need to stop and think positive but it's getting quite hard!!

HTJ - I am so sorry! I know how you feel.

Chicken Chaser - I am sorry! At least - it was your first try.

Dashka - thanks for the 'gluten free' diet info. I am giving it a try again. I have to give this my all especially since I was diagnosed with immune issues.

Lil Sluz - Thank you. I am so sorry about your losses. Hopefully, you've been through the worst of it and you get your sticky baby soon. With regards to blood clotting factors - I was diagnosed with a borderline antiphospholipid antibody (P-ethanolamine) and a single MTHFR mutation (C677T).

Nessaw - It seems like my day 21 progesterone is usually low too - the times when I did not use progesterone from 3dpo. Seems like the docs don't always know and they pass it off as 'not too strong' ovulation in that month. There's also the belief that some women just naturally produce less progesterone. Who knows. Luckily, each month can be different and they can prescribe progesterone to support a pregnancy. I had read that some study suggests that 500-1000mg/d Vit.C throughout the cycle helps to boost natural progesterone.

Froliky - thank you and I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months!!

Drwgi, Lady H & Butterfly67 - have a great day!

Have a great day - to anyone I missed!

 

[Mirium]

Correction - 'I have been trying for 10 months now'

 

[Mirium]

grkprn - I just saw your post. I am so sorry!! I hope that in a few years we can have our babies and wish we had known not to worry!!

 

[nessaw]

grkprn-sorry about af x.

 

[nessaw]

mirium-sorry about af.

am half hoping its not low prog then it may be a case of waiting.maybd next month will show ov but if not at least i know whats wrong and can start getting help.bit mixed up as to feelings about it to be honest.

my bedt friend who wasnt going to try til xmas and got pg straight away, had her baby on thurs and now i need to pull myself together to visit.

vx

 

[HitTheJackpot]

Mirium - I wish there were words to help... hang in there sweets and be gentle on yourself for a few days.

Grkprn - So sorry sweets Please please keep us updated as to what the RE says. Want to be sure you are ok! And yes, the emotional roller coaster is getting old... REALLY quickly. We just have to all keep pushing each other up that hill, and waiting at the bottom on the other side..... just in case. 'Cause that's what we do here~ and I LOVE it! Please don't feel bad about here... we have all done it, and we'll all do it again! Again... that's what we do here

Nessaw - Honestly? With the little bit of research I did on BBT thermometers, I found that a store brand from a pharmacy chain (Walgreens) is good... I have used it for several months now with no problems, and it seems very accurate! Don't know about name brands though... so sorry!

Frol - Thanks so much for the kind words re: my horse. He is my P&J ... until I have a lo of my own... then the horse will take take 2nd fiddle Keeping you in my thoughts re: June 11 testing!

Lils - Have a WONDERFUL trip! Leave all of your worries behind you as you are able and just enjoy being you for a while, k? BIG HUGS AND SMOOCHIES!

Fingers are XXXXXed for those still in the TWW!

Sorry to those I didn't mention... @ work and duty calls. Will try to post again this afternoon and catch up with ya'll!

Oh... afm, feeling a bit less... dark today. Trying to force myself to look forward to trying again when we can rather than focusing so heavily on what wasn't meant to be. Couldn't do it without each and every one of you! LOVES!

 

[dashka]

Hi Ladies...

HTJ - So sorry again hun and glad you are feeling a bit better today Take it day by day....

It seems the WITCH was busy this weekend (including me)..

Chicken - Sorry AF got you.. My temp is always on the higher side...(infact my normal temp is 36.5 or 36.6) and even during the first couple of days of AF.

Grkprn - Sorry AF got you too..

Mirium - Sorry for your BFN.. I hope the gluten-free diet gets easier for you... I made gluten free pancakes yesterday and they were yummy.

Dr.S - hope your meds get sorted out! GL girl!

Lils - Wow still no results... That is taking a long time - Certain tests here can take weeks to get back depending on what they are. Have you tried calling already? Hope you can get them before your trip ... GL packing and Layers Layers Layers!!!!

Nessaw - I was a little confused by your post .... were you talking about OPK testing? If so I think the suggested time to test is 10AM -8PM... (earlier than that the LH hasn't elevated enough and you don't want to do after 8pm) Mind you that is on the instructions for mine -don't know if it differs. Also need to hold your urine for 3 hrs. prior. I test 1X /day starting from CD9 and then when I start to see a faint line - I do it 2X/day -once at about 11am and the other around 6:30/7:00pm. It has helped a lot to pinpoint it..
It's hard when a friend has a baby - you want to be happy for them but you are so sad inside that it isn't happening to you.... Hang in there - you will get there!

Froliky - nice to hear from you - sorry to hear you're getting viruses -that's strange hasn't happened to me yet... Glad your genetic tests are normal! and Everything crossed that the NT scan goes well...

Dwrgi and Purple - how are you today huns???

Pad - hope you are having a great time in FL!!!

Carole - hope you and Zara are doing well....

AFM - well the arrived "fashionably late" (by over 2 days) yesterday afternoon - so I'm on CD2 already. I didn't take it too hard because I had a lot of lead time with temp going down and waiting and wondering. Not sure what happened this month but I guess good in a way that LP was longer. I need to start exercising again.
Went shopping yesterday and made me feel better - used the mall gift certificate that my DH gave me for my birthday - got some clothes and a new watch....It was like my b-day again. Onwards and upwards.

Good luck everyone still in!

 

[grkprn]

Thanks for all your sweet words!

Mirium - so sorry about your BFN I'm trying not to stress and to relax, but it can be SO hard...

I forgot to mention - my DH is leaving for Europe on business for 17 days, so he'll be back on CD24. Ugh!!!! I think that is what makes me so sad. One lost month. Unless I O later than expected. I wish I could freeze his spermies We'll be getting alot of done before he leaves and when he comes back on CD24, he better watch out!!!

Just had the US done and the nurse will be calling me back later on this afternoon. I was trying to look at the screen to see the images and the left ovary looked like it had a few follicles/cysts hanging on it. I've seen enough US scans in my lifetime, so much that I seem to have become a professional!

I certainly hope everyone else is doing well!

 

[nessaw]

dashka-yup meant opks.fri one was def after 8.kept forgetting to do it when i got in at 5ish and then left it for a few hours.seem to find that the months where i dont know where i am in a cycle i seemto have less 2ww symptoms as not thinking about it as much. also the cramps that i've had pre af arent as bad in these months. not sure how pycholohical my pre af symptoms are as the 2 other times i came off the contraceptive injection i wasnt trying for a baby so didnt pay much attention to cycle and af symptoms.

sorry i cant remember who said it was like a roller coaster but secong that def.every time i get my af i think i cant do it another month but then i climb back on again.am weirdly enjoying not knowing quite where i'm at at the mo but am sure once it gets closer to af time ish i'll be back in full force. have been getting cramps about 7-10 days before af since coming off this time so know its coming.

any way fingers crossed for everyone wherever you are in ur cycle xx

 

[LilSluz]

Gosh, what is up with this past wknd, I am so sad to see that nasty b made her rounds!!! I’m so sorry everyone who got visited, I was so hoping to see some BFP’s after this weekend.

Dashka – I saw your chart yesterday, sh**! I was hoping that delay was something else… I’m so sorry honey . Like you said tho, and what I was thinking too, is that you had a very long LP this time?!?! Perhaps the diet & supps are working?!!!

HTJ - Glad you are starting to feel a little better, honey. BFN’s are so hard & so unfair & I don’t think it gets better w/time. Some women complain about PMS every month – if they only knew what AF meant to those of us TTC & LTTC – it is 10x worse .

Fro - Soooo glad that the tests came back perfect!!!! I know you still have one more hurdle, but gosh you are so close AND only a few more days until that magic #12! Aw, honey, I am so, so happy for you. It really sucks that we have to hold our breath until 12 weeks, but that’s what seems to come w/the territory for a lot of us. I wish I had made it w/you . So glad you are enjoying yoga training, just be careful lil mama! (PS - great post, I think you got everyone!)

Asry – still so wonderful about the Doppler! “If I ever get that far”, I’d prob buy one too bc its gotta be so cool, (but also bc w/my issues I’d be so freaked out I’d be checking it 3x a day. ) I’m keeping everything crossed for your upcoming appt too!!! How's your weather there?

Chicken – yeah, a lot of people’s temps drop before but some temps can stay up 1-2 days & then drop. I’m so sorry got you.

Dwrgi – you play cricket or watch it? Hope you are having fun on your 4-day weekend & can’t wait to meet you!

Butterfly – Keeping FX for you my dear & hoping you’ll have good news on the 10th! Can’t wait to meet you too!!!

Purple – What’s a “div”? Need to know all the British-speak I can before jumping across the pond! I am sure you are also enjoying the 4-day weekend, cleaning out more stuff (although that’s probably classified as “torture” vs fun, but..) have a nice holiday.

Bear – If you find any leprechauns, please remember what they taught us in kindergarten: SHARE YOUR TOYS PLEASE! (we don’t need the gold, just a little for the the rainbow baby would be fine!)

LadyH – keeping FX for you too & hoping mum’s Spain trip ends on a diff day!

GreekPorn- Oh honey, I’m so sorry came for you, too – and at 10DPO?! You can anytime you want – real or virtual, as this is a tough road to go down. Keeping FX that is just a luteal cyst & keeping FX that the pain was it rupturing, as that would mean you are about rid of it. But I hope you get answers & it goes away soon, so keep us updated!

Miriam – wow, sorry you have the clotting too . You mentioned you have Immunes issues, so do you just have the clotting issues & NK cells too? Or? (Sorry if you said it already – hard to keep everyone straight!). I also got pregs 1st try & thought this was gonna be so easy. It was another 1yr 4mos until I got a BFP & now I find out about Immunes issues. It ain’t easy, sister, so I hope you get all of the Immunes issues sorted & just throw everything you can at it! I am telling this new Dr he better put me on some heavy anti-clotting meds & I don’t care- the worst that can happen is I can bleed like crazy, so what? I’ll keep extra pressure on it for extra long if I cut myself – even with my clumsy shaving habits, I think I can survive that one over another mc!

Nessaw – You can get BBT anywhere (drug store/pharmacy/amazon.com), really, it doesn’t need to be fancy. Just some BBT's “remember” your temps & others don’t so it’s what you prefer. Yeah, I would defin chart & I would defin want to know if I wasn’t ovulating &/or if I had a prog issue. After TTC 1.5 yrs, and I know other LTTC ladies will agree, it is much better to know the issue so you can deal with it than not to know. I wish I knew last year what I know now, without a doubt! I think we all agree it’s a rollercoaster (& not the fun kind). It’s a rollercoaster just being a woman in general – then add TTC & all the fun stuff that goes with that? Argh…

Pad – hope you are having fun & surviving Orlando temps! How’s Tink?

Hi to DrS, Agape, Coast, Honeybee, Carol, Madeline, Nikki, Never & HA..and anyone else I missed. !!!

Can’t wait to get to UK & yes, those temps are cold for me but I’m not complaining at all, I’m looking fwd to it! (I just wanna make sure I pack properly!). The summer is starting here, so soon it will be very hot & muggy (blah). Its kinda like our “winter”, as we mainly either stay indoors or be sure to be around a pool/ocean/water about 2.5 mos., from July – mid-Sept. Tonight’s task: figure out the British railway & bus systems. Perhaps I may need a for that one?

I just called Dr’s office (3rd time) so he will (hopefully) get back to me this afternoon, re: Level 2’s. AND, even tho I just retested this morning for one of them, since they screwed it up I will have an answer on that one this afternoon as well, as they did a “Stat” on it (5-hour turnaround). So I feel better about that. But I am not so confident in this Dr anymore as he stated that heparin works the same as aspirin, but he clearly did not do his research or even read my (emailed) article properly as it only said there was no diff for people who had APA’s or something like that. I am not mad really, as he has been a doll with testing, its just he's clearly never dealt w/RMC. So I am afraid that is as far as our relationship shall go & thus, I must break up with him (AFTER he gives me my test results!). I need a seasoned professional at this point. Give me drugs or give me death! (hand on head; dramatically faint&#8230

to all of you & espec those with &/or BFN’s…