TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[grkprn]

I just got off the phone with the nurse and she told me that they thought it was an ovarian cyst and hopefully within the cycle, it should disappear.

Funny thing is....I work in the same healthcare system where I see my MD and we are allowed to look at our own medical records (which can be a bad thing!). The note from the ultrasound today the US tech said that my cyst was on my right ovary, not my left!! And this isn't the first time that this has happened!

I called the nurse back and told her of the error (the tech barely looked at my right ovary) and they said that they will notify the physician to make the change. Are you for real? Don't you understand that most physicians like to track where you are getting a majority of your cysts....anyhow....

Thanks for listening to my ramblings....I'm off to work again

 

[HitTheJackpot]

OK, I need to vent. Big time...

When we started this ttc process, I had to tell my boss what was going on so that I could make arrangements to be off for all of my appointments without seeming unreliable. While I was talking to him about it, he let me know that he and his ex wife had fertility issues when they were married and finally conceived via IVF, and a second lo later with a frozen embryo... so he was understanding about me needing some time off here and there.

He also suggested that I talk with another lady that we work with because she had had fertility trouble too and might be a good resource. I have never met her in person, but we talk on the phone often...she's in a different city and has always been very nice, so I called her. I filled her in on everything and she was super talkative and helpful, and talked about much of what she went through - multiple iui, treatments, tests, IVF and finally about her adopted daughter.

So the first month she asked if my husband's sperm count was low... I had told her previously that the "baby would have two mommies" but apparently she didn't pick up on that, so I explained to her again that there is NO husband, no boyfriend, no "willing donor" ... just a bank, a stainless steel shipping cylinder, an ice cube at the bottom of a tube, and a doctor with a speculum. Not to mention my amazing wife who wants this as much as I do. Her attitude seemed to change and she kept telling me that adoption was best... since then, she goes out of her way ASK how "things are going" when she figures I should have tested. Because of her change in demeanor I'm aloof as possible but always tell her that things didn't work out this month.

The only response she has had all three months is "Well, maybe it's for the best. I know that it's not what you want but, there are plenty of babies out there to be adopted, ya know."

Really?? SERIOUSLY?? You have been through this same crap and you have felt the way I have about wanting this more than anything... and you can tell me that "Maybe it's for the best??" and "How about you just give up trying for what you want most in this world and go for adoption"??? REALLY??

GAH! Ohhhhh I'm getting far more worked up about this than I should... it isn't worth it. I need to go take a walk before my night job. Ohhh I'm fired UP!

Maybe it's for the best that I haven't conceived the child that my wife and I so desperately want. Are you for REAL??

Oh I want to pull all of her hair out!

 

[Honeybee73]

OK, I need to vent. Big time...

When we started this ttc process, I had to tell my boss what was going on so that I could make arrangements to be off for all of my appointments without seeming unreliable. While I was talking to him about it, he let me know that he and his ex wife had fertility issues when they were married and finally conceived via IVF, and a second lo later with a frozen embryo... so he was understanding about me needing some time off here and there.

He also suggested that I talk with another lady that we work with because she had had fertility trouble too and might be a good resource. I have never met her in person, but we talk on the phone often...she's in a different city and has always been very nice, so I called her. I filled her in on everything and she was super talkative and helpful, and talked about much of what she went through - multiple iui, treatments, tests, IVF and finally about her adopted daughter.

So the first month she asked if my husband's sperm count was low... I had told her previously that the "baby would have two mommies" but apparently she didn't pick up on that, so I explained to her again that there is NO husband, no boyfriend, no "willing donor" ... just a bank, a stainless steel shipping cylinder, an ice cube at the bottom of a tube, and a doctor with a speculum. Not to mention my amazing wife who wants this as much as I do. Her attitude seemed to change and she kept telling me that adoption was best... since then, she goes out of her way ASK how "things are going" when she figures I should have tested. Because of her change in demeanor I'm aloof as possible but always tell her that things didn't work out this month.

The only response she has had all three months is "Well, maybe it's for the best. I know that it's not what you want but, there are plenty of babies out there to be adopted, ya know."

Really?? SERIOUSLY?? You have been through this same crap and you have felt the way I have about wanting this more than anything... and you can tell me that "Maybe it's for the best??" and "How about you just give up trying for what you want most in this world and go for adoption"??? REALLY??

GAH! Ohhhhh I'm getting far more worked up about this than I should... it isn't worth it. I need to go take a walk before my night job. Ohhh I'm fired UP!

Maybe it's for the best that I haven't conceived the child that my wife and I so desperately want. Are you for REAL??

Oh I want to pull all of her hair out!

Sorry to hear what is happening, try not to let her get to you . Some people just can't seem to see beyond the end of their own noses and think being judgemental is ok! My neighbours got married last year and are about to go through the same process as you and I couldnt be more supportive but they have Family who aren't and dont agree.

Concentrate on those who do approve and support you xx

 

[LilSluz]

OK, so I'm googling British sayings as far as what NOT to say so I don't cause too much of a raucus bc I tend to do that just in America by opening my big mouth "at times".

Here is an example of what this site says, written from a Brit to an American: "Excuse me" - This is a great one! It's what kids are taught to say when they belch in public. We are also taught to say "pardon me" if we fart out loud. Unfortunately in American "excuse me" means you are encroaching in someone's personal space and you say "pardon me" when you don't hear someone properly. Imagine our surprise when we discovered that actually Americans are not belching and farting all the time.
[U]https://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml[/U]

I think I say those 2 phrases at least 5x/day (we really say it for just about everything) so that's going to be a really tough one! I suppose that if I see people constantly keeping their distance, that will give me a clue that I'm unknowingly saying it What else does one say to ask someone to get out of their way???

(Or perhaps I shall purposely say it when with Dwrgi & Butterfly to get miles of embarassment out of them! That will be on top of the winter clothing of course! ) I have a feeling I may get stood up, now...

 

[Lady H]

HTJ....Some people judge on their own sets of beliefs and values, they just can't help it. You will make wonderful parents and look at how many conventional couples out there do not look after their kids. Hope you feel better for the vent, she is clearly shallow minded and you're right to be keeping distance from her if that's her attitude xxxx

 

[Lady H]

OK, so I'm googling British sayings as far as what NOT to say so I don't cause too much of a raucus bc I tend to do that just in America by opening my big mouth "at times".

Here is an example of what this site says, written from a Brit to an American: "Excuse me" - This is a great one! It's what kids are taught to say when they belch in public. We are also taught to say "pardon me" if we fart out loud. Unfortunately in American "excuse me" means you are encroaching in someone's personal space and you say "pardon me" when you don't hear someone properly. Imagine our surprise when we discovered that actually Americans are not belching and farting all the time.
[U]https://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml[/U]

I think I say those 2 phrases at least 5x/day (we really say it for just about everything) so that's going to be a really tough one! I suppose that if I see people constantly keeping their distance, that will give me a clue that I'm unknowingly saying it What else does one say to ask someone to get out of their way???

(Or perhaps I shall purposely say it when with Dwrgi & Butterfly to get miles of embarassment out of them! That will be on top of the winter clothing of course! ) I have a feeling I may get stood up, now...

Lol so,funny, of course there is a tone that goes with excuse me to make it polite or facetious! Maybe avoid saying Fanny too loud in public here as it means vaginia not butt! Also a lot of people's British manners are lacking so you may find we seem a little rude at times compared with my experience of the US. I thought being asked if I wanted help in a shop was too in my face, and I wanted to,scream back off I'll shout if I need help, stop following me! You may find you feel ignored!!

 

[LilSluz]

I'm so sorry HTJ, I cross-posted with both you & Bumble! (I would never post something funny after someone else's tormented post!!! )

I am so sorry that lady had to be like that. Perhaps she is just dissatisfied with her outcome & hence, she is just recommending what worked for her. We can sometimes unknowingly do that. You are only at the very beginning of TTC & you still don't know about this month, honey. And if you do end up being out, well, that's only "this month". You can consider your options then, but I can tell that you aren't even close to giving up on that bio-child yet as you shouldn't be!

People seem to like to tell me that too - including DH, so I don't think its a same-sex thing it just seems to be their natural response to people having a little/lot of difficulty TTC. I dunno where she got hers from, but you can't just run out to the baby store & buy one half-off! It takes a lot of time, effort and money as Dashka will attest to, so I don't know if she just had some exceptional circumstance where she was the lucky 1%? & got a baby right away, or what the deal was with her advice. But, perhaps you shouldn't take it or just throw it over your shoulder like a grain of salt! She obviously doesn't listen well, anyway...

Aw, honey to you!!!

 

[Lady H]

Wise words Lil as always.

Compiling some UK terms for you that differ from US...


Silverware is cutlery
Restroom is bathroom, toilets, or ladies
Faucet is a tap
Pants are men's underwear, we say trousers*
fag is a cigarette
Gas is petrol
Fanny is a bum, butt or arse!
trunk is known as the boot (car)

Will add if I think of more!

 

[Lady H]

Grkprn...that is scary, I do wonder if they mess things up and we never know about it. Lucky you are able to have a look yourself. Big hugs I hope it clears up soon for you. Xxx

 

[LilSluz]

Lol so,funny, of course there is a tone that goes with excuse me to make it polite or facetious! Maybe avoid saying Fanny too loud in public here as it means vaginia not butt! Also a lot of people's British manners are lacking so you may find we seem a little rude at times compared with my experience of the US. I thought being asked if I wanted help in a shop was too in my face, and I wanted to,scream back off I'll shout if I need help, stop following me! You may find you feel ignored!!

Thanks for the Fanny tip! OK, I'll make sure to do the right tone for Excuse Me (hey, I'm getting this off a website here!) And being ignored in a shop will be a welcome experience bc I hate when sales people follow me after declining help the first time, as well! Thanks LadyH

 

[LilSluz]

GreekPorn - glad it was an ovarian cyst that will go away! How could they possibly get the side wrong tho - argh! Glad you caught that!

 

[Mirium]

Hi all,

HTJ - Sorry you had to hear this from that woman - how could this 'be for the better'? Anyone whose been through this knows how difficult it is and she knows.

Lil Sluz - you made me laugh when you said 'the worst that can happen is I can bleed like crazy - so what?'. My test results after 2nd miscarriage found elevated natural killer cells -CD56 cells, elevated CD3 cells, elevated CD19+ cells and CD5+ cells. I am not sure if it's all really true since the tests were run in NY City a few days after the D&E. I had tried to miscarry naturally and was scheduled to go to NY to see a Dr. Jonathan Scher. He wrote a book on miscarriages. However a few days before the trip - I developed a bad infection and had emergency D&E. Because of the infection my body could have been fighting harder and returned more elevated natural killer cell results. However, I went ahead and kept my appointment and ran the tests anyway. But, in a sense - I don't mind because that doc would prescribe steroids for me during pregnancy which I probably need anyway. I need to carry to term.

He also advised intralipids a week before ovulation and 10 days after. That would have worked if I was getting pregnant quickly still but still no pregnancy. As a matter of fact, so far I have not found an RE or anyplace to get the intralipids yet. I think Walgreens can send a nurse to do it but its quite expensive. I am still looking into that because I want to give a pregnancy my best shot.

If anyone has advice - I will appreciate it. The follistim I used for 2 cycles was very expensive and not covered by my insurance. It's considered more potent than Clomid or Femara. However, I don't think I can afford it this cycle. I asked my RE if I could do a natural cycle and come to do an IUI (I have done 2 IUI's so far). His nurse advised that it has to be a medicated cycle to do IUI. IUI's is service too and my insurance pays for that so I feel there's something off about denying IUI unless you do medicated. I may do Femara because my insurance pays for that but I am also wondering if all this meds is not a waste of time. Out of the 10 cycles - 6 were medicated and I am still not pregnant. Are you guys doing medicated cycles too?

Thank you guys. This journey is getting rough but I have to be super strong! Take care guys.

 

[HitTheJackpot]

Ok, sorry for the rant earlier ladies. I was truly hot... just "tad bit" sensitive at the time, I guess

I got some much needed perspective from all of you, which I greatly appreciate. Sometimes we need loved ones to bring us back down to earth and show us a different side of a situation... thank you!!!

 

[chickenchaser]

HTJ - I also don't think it is a same sex thing. A few years ago one of my closest friends lost her husband in a car accident. They were at times trying for a baby and she was devastated, no only did she loose her husband but also her chance to have a child, she was 38 at the time. Anyway a couple of years later she decided that she didn't want another husband/partner but still wanted a baby. So she underwent IVF with a donor and now has a very beautiful baby boy and is considering another. My mum in particular was outraged saying it wasn't right and every child should have a mum and dad. My mums Dad died before she was born and back then she had a lot of trouble coming from a single parent family and she wont listen that it is different now. But when it comes down to it it isn't my my mum decision and if god forbid I was in the same position I also think I would consider it. My friend now lives in-between her husbands brother, SIL and children and his parents. They all see each other everyday and they all help out with the children. Her little boy calls her husbands parent grandma and grandpa and they refer to him as theirs. He left her very financially secure and as far as I can see it he needs for nothing, financially or emotionally. Of cause I'm sure if she could change the situation and have her husband here she would in the blink of an eye but if you can provide for and love a child you go for it. This world is made wonderful by the variety of people and families that are in it.

Yes there are children out there at need adopting, it is something that me and DH looked at a long time ago but if it isn't right for you right now, you follow your dream of having your own child and stay strong hun, I know it will be worth it. XXX

On the other side she knows what you are going through and maybe just trying to save you some heartache. Perhaps give her a chance.

 

[Ella_E]

Hi ladies,

I just joined this group and am about to turn 35 later this month. Is it okay that I join this 35+ forum? My hubby is 40 and I'm almost 35. I hope to get to know some of you better. Baby dust to us all

 

[Lady H]

Welcome Ella, hope your stay is short! X

 

[Honeybee73]

deleted post

 

[chickenchaser]

grkprn - you put them right honey and don't stand for it. This is not right to be messing you around so much.

Lady H - Hang in there girl, I'm Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Lils - You make me laugh so much. Don't worry about it, you will be fine.

Mirium - Sorry I don't have any advice for you (I'm very new at all this and still hoping for the old fashioned way to my BFP) I just didn't want to read and run, Hugs to you and I'm usually about if you you need to off load, or need and e-hug. XXX

HTJ - You have your very own post, but hugs to you anyway. XXX

Ella_E - Welcome, I hope your stay here is short. I love your avatar, really beautiful is you and your DH.

Honeybee - Hi and hope you are doing OK honey.

Hi to all, Hope you are doing well and hugs for those that need it. XXX

As for me I spend my morning in fits of giggles after my DH trapped his testicle while putting his socks on. I know I really shouldn't have laughed and yes I know the possible consequences but it was so funny. Just the thought of it now has made me laugh and DH wants to know why I'm Laughing, I can't tell him I'm telling a group of ladies that are spaced all over the world about his little accident. Thankfully he is now fully recovered.

 

[Mirium]

Hi all,

Thank you Chicken Chaser!

Welcome Ella_E. All the best!

Have a great day all!

 

[grkprn]

HTJ - sending you !! I think that she might not have known what to say, but regardless, she needs some sensitivity training! And...what has been going on these last few days! A few of us have had a rough few days....

Mirium - I was on my first medicated cycle this month with Clomid. I wanted to do an IUI on a non-medicated cycle, but my RE refused also. What I'm trying this month (even though the DH is gone for 2 weeks) is vitamin B complex 100 mg daily. I've read that it can extend your luteal phase and may have an effect on your progesterone level. Any input? I also bought a Clear Blue Fertility Monitor -- I can't believe how much $$ those things are!

I'm feeling much better this morning, not too much cramping, so hopefully, that cyst just burst and that was the pain that I felt.