TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[purplelou]

welcome to Ksluice and Maddy! I hope your stays here are short and sweet

big loves to everyone else, I am on my half day at work today so I will write a proper post when I get home and settled - after I wash the dogs! the little one has rolled in something and is stinky!! (sorry TMI)

 

[Dwrgi]

I think this is it, in a nutshell. You always hope that things will fall into place and that you will never have to make the decision when 'enough is enough'. I know of others in the same boat as me. I know I said, from the outset, that I would do three IVFs and I WILL do that. I was heartbroken when I was told I had to do IVF in the first place-I never, for one minute, thought that I would never be a mother, but that is a possible reality that I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with. I can't believe that I am here at all-you always believe that having children is a God given right, and that, of course, you'll have babies and a family, but you learn, that this is not the case.

Thing is, my OH and I have a free 'go' where we'll only need to pay for the meds. I don't think I'll go for donor eggs if the IVF doesn't work, and, at the moment, I'm not even sure about adopting. I have been through such a lot, I just need a complete break from it, but you can't take a break, as a woman, because every month that biological clock works against you, mentally and physically. You have to keep on going, for as long as you are ovulating.

Dwrgi, I couldn't agree more with what you said.
When I started trying 2 years ago it never even crossed my mind that I might need medical help to conceive a baby. Then I accepted that I might need help but wouldn't go any further than clomid. When I started clomid, I said I would never even consider IVF. Now I will be on my second round of injections and the Doc has thrown the "IVF-word" out there in case the injections don't work form me either. Now I already changed my mind and would do IVF (at least once), so I can say that I've tried everything.
And even when I'm on a break from the medicine there is never a break from TTC because this little voice in my head always tells me that I shouldn't let a month go to waste. Will there ever be an end to this? It's exhausting.


drhouse, sorry for and bfn

Viccat and Owl-thank you so much for posting what you did, as I think that a lot of us can identify with your words. I don't think anybody thinks they will have trouble conceiving, and then you have to mentally adjust your thoughts as each month goes past, and clearly things just aren't happening. It's a horrible experience, but I suppose you have to go through it, and with each experience, your thoughts and opinions change, so it's a gradual realisation that the unpalatable becomes palatable, simply because there is no other choice! The one thing that keeps striking a chord with me, is that I read somewhere that fertility consultants are frustrated that they don't get women going to them any sooner. I certainly waited over a year before I first went to see my GP to lok at why I wasn't getting pregnant. Then I was put on a NHS waiting list for IVF. Then I got pregnant, and miscarried, and my NHS Fertility 'Specialist' (!) said that it could take two years to get pregnant naturally at my age (over 35). Thing is, if I knew then what I know now, I would have gone straight for IVF. Assisted conception clinics get far more success with younger women-why did I wait so long, wasting time, sitting on a blinking NHS waiting list. It's just stupid. I would have found the money somehow, and I'd have had a better chance of success. It's wasted time that you can't get back.

So, my message, if you can afford it, don't hang around. If you've tried for over 6 months and things aren't happening, go for IVF/ICSI/IMSI. We just haven't got time to waste.

Then you can say that you DID do everything you could, and you gave yourself the best chance possible.

Lecture of the Day over!!

 

[Dwrgi]

I think this is it, in a nutshell. You always hope that things will fall into place and that you will never have to make the decision when 'enough is enough'. I know of others in the same boat as me. I know I said, from the outset, that I would do three IVFs and I WILL do that. I was heartbroken when I was told I had to do IVF in the first place-I never, for one minute, thought that I would never be a mother, but that is a possible reality that I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with. I can't believe that I am here at all-you always believe that having children is a God given right, and that, of course, you'll have babies and a family, but you learn, that this is not the case.

Thing is, my OH and I have a free 'go' where we'll only need to pay for the meds. I don't think I'll go for donor eggs if the IVF doesn't work, and, at the moment, I'm not even sure about adopting. I have been through such a lot, I just need a complete break from it, but you can't take a break, as a woman, because every month that biological clock works against you, mentally and physically. You have to keep on going, for as long as you are ovulating.

Dwrgi, I couldn't agree more with what you said.
When I started trying 2 years ago it never even crossed my mind that I might need medical help to conceive a baby. Then I accepted that I might need help but wouldn't go any further than clomid. When I started clomid, I said I would never even consider IVF. Now I will be on my second round of injections and the Doc has thrown the "IVF-word" out there in case the injections don't work form me either. Now I already changed my mind and would do IVF (at least once), so I can say that I've tried everything.
And even when I'm on a break from the medicine there is never a break from TTC because this little voice in my head always tells me that I shouldn't let a month go to waste. Will there ever be an end to this? It's exhausting.


drhouse, sorry for and bfn

Viccat and Owl-thank you so much for posting what you did, as I think that a lot of us can identify with your words. I don't think anybody thinks they will have trouble conceiving, and then you have to mentally adjust your thoughts as each month goes past, and clearly things just aren't happening. It's a horrible experience, but I suppose you have to go through it, and with each experience, your thoughts and opinions change, so it's a gradual realisation that the unpalatable becomes palatable, simply because there is no other choice! The one thing that keeps striking a chord with me, is that I read somewhere that fertility consultants are frustrated that they don't get women going to them any sooner. I certainly waited over a year before I first went to see my GP to lok at why I wasn't getting pregnant. Then I was put on a NHS waiting list for IVF. Then I got pregnant, and miscarried, and my NHS Fertility 'Specialist' (!) said that it could take two years to get pregnant naturally at my age (over 35). I waited some more, and then INSISTED on trying IUI-she certainly wasn't going to recommend it. Then that failed and she said 'IVF'-years later!

Thing is, if I knew then what I know now, I would have gone straight for IVF. Assisted conception clinics get far more success with younger women-why did I wait so long, wasting time, sitting on a blinking NHS waiting list. It's just stupid. I would have found the money somehow, and I'd have had a better chance of success. It's wasted time that you can't get back.

So, my message, if you can afford it, don't hang around. If you've tried for over 6 months and things aren't happening, go for IVF/ICSI/IMSI. We just haven't got time to waste.

Then you can say that you DID do everything you could, and you gave yourself the best chance possible.

Lecture of the Day over!!

 

[Dwrgi]

Stupid me, posting twice!! Grrrrrr!!!

Welcome to the newbies!! Lovely to have new people on board the Rollercoaster Express!!

Ksluice-thanks for your words!! We can be cycle buddies!! I'm just waiting for the evil hag to show before I start. Hope the Lupron works for you. Are you doing IVF/IUI??? Good luck anyway!!

Maddy-welcome to you too!! Really hope that things move along for you fast too. How long have you actively been trying to conceive?? Have you had the CD3 and CD21 tests (think it's day 3?) to see that you're ovulating? My advice-don't hang around. Look into what you can to get that BFP!!!

Purple-yeuk, our furbabies eh??? What are they like? Mine love rolling in stinky poo, it is completely revolting! There are cows the other side of the fence where we take our two and they can run off the lead (the only place we let them), and Ruby is fascinated by the cattle. I caught her sticking her tongue through the wire fence to lick one of the cows, the other day. Alas, the cows got into 'our' field and Gwydion and Ruby thought they were in seventh heaven-all that sh&t to roll in. Stupid farmer! Hope you have a nice afternoon off-any plans???

Frolicky-lovely to see your post. I think your story is such an inspiration! So happy that all is going well!

Dr S-that sounded painful! The little monkey!!

Dr H-hope the red wine has done its trick! How are you feeling hun??

Nessaw-so glad that you feel a little bit better. I love the idea of the cheesecake that just keeps on giving!! That made me laugh!! Did you say that your OH has had his SA tests done??? Five more wake ups and 'Schools Out'!! Not that I'm counting!!!

Honey-I hope that evap just showed that you're too early testing. Stick with it hun, Ax

Mirium-good idea to be 'doing' something, even if you're just going with the flow. I would certainly put myself down for a laparoscopy-just to see what you're actually dealing with. It's just a day's discomfort for a situation that might pose a question mark, if you see what I mean. Good luck!

HA-thinking of you today! HUGE fingers crossed all goes to plan!

Butterfly-what are you up to? Hope you get some success this weekend with your paintings! GL!!

Lils-I know you're out there! Hope it goes okay today. Thinking of you!

Manuiti-where are you sweet pea? Don't be a stranger!! xxxx

Lady H-any plans for the weekend? Hope you're okay?

Dashka-loved the photos of AD on FB-she is soooo gorgeous. Hope you're having a fab time. Why did you need the wine? Hope all is okay? xxx

Love to everybody I haven't mentioned!! Oh yes, wanted to say to Twinks, hope you haven't been washed away in that tent!! ''Did the earth move for you darling?"

It's the weekend girls, and hope you all have something nice to look forward to!! Love to you all, Axxxxx

My intention this weekend, is to work on my mental approach to this cycle-so am going to get all the PMA books out of my OH's self help library (I kid you not!) and get PMAing!!!!!

 

[purplelou]

dwrgi - my two are fascinated by horses! Pickle loves to get a horse to sniff her face - because they do those big ole breaths out onto her.... very strange.
brody was trying to snuggle dh this morning after our walk and dh was almost gagging into his rice Krispies so a bath is in order!

as for PMA - you go!! Ill help...

go dwrgi go dwrgi go dwrgi go dwrgi

 

[HappyAuntie]

My intention this weekend, is to work on my mental approach to this cycle-so am going to get all the PMA books out of my OH's self help library (I kid you not!) and get PMAing!!!!!

As a woman with a pretty substantial self help library myself, including one whole shelf devoted to mc and infertility (no kidding!), I have to share this article with you: https://www.empowher.com/infertility-fertility/content/failed-ivf-attempt-tied-depression-anxiety

It mostly falls under the "no shit, Sherlock!" category , but the upshot is it's further proof that stress levels do not negatively impact IVF outcomes - IVF patients can stop worrying about worrying. So if it makes you feel better, by all means do it, but you needn't worry that your cycle will fail if you don't have perfect PMA all the time....

And thank you thank you thank you to you and Owl and Vic... I'm right there with you... the unpalatable becomes palatable... I don't want to do IVF, but I want a baby more than I don't want IVF....



And thanks to all of you for your well-wishes - FET in t-minus 4 hours!!

 

[Dwrgi]

My intention this weekend, is to work on my mental approach to this cycle-so am going to get all the PMA books out of my OH's self help library (I kid you not!) and get PMAing!!!!!

As a woman with a pretty substantial self help library myself, including one whole shelf devoted to mc and infertility (no kidding!), I have to share this article with you: https://www.empowher.com/infertility-fertility/content/failed-ivf-attempt-tied-depression-anxiety

It mostly falls under the "no shit, Sherlock!" category , but the upshot is it's further proof that stress levels do not negatively impact IVF outcomes - IVF patients can stop worrying about worrying. So if it makes you feel better, by all means do it, but you needn't worry that your cycle will fail if you don't have perfect PMA all the time....

And thank you thank you thank you to you and Owl and Vic... I'm right there with you... the unpalatable becomes palatable... I don't want to do IVF, but I want a baby more than I don't want IVF....



And thanks to all of you for your well-wishes - FET in t-minus 4 hours!!

Thank you Happy-lovely to read your post!! And HUGE good luck to you!!!

Yes, there are several of us in the same boat re. what is palatable and what is not! All power to us girls, we're not in this alone!!!

 

[tigerlily1975]

Hi everyone

I hope you're all well and looking forward to groovy weekends!

It always feels a bit strange for me to post in here as I can't join in or help with temp dips and rises, OPKs, charts and those (horrid) monthly TWWs

Thank you dwrgi, owl, HA and viccat for posting what you did. I start my Buserelin injections next week for my first IVF/ICSI cycle and I have no expectations of this working at all. We're basically limited to three chances (money permitting) to try and have a child, so I just can't bring myself to having any hope that this will work, as I know I'll be crushed when/if it doesn't.

I think you hit the nail on the head, Dwrgi, when you said it's a case of looking back and being able to say that you did everything you could. When you're 21 and paranoid about FALLING pregnant, you'd never think in a million years that you'd be one of 'those' couples who can't concieve naturally. When you get to this stage, you are so used to everything going wrong, you can't imagine something actually going right.

Ah, I'm going to shut-up now before you ALL start reaching for the red/white wine!!

Big and loves to all,

C xx

 

[Dwrgi]

Hi everyone

I hope you're all well and looking forward to groovy weekends!

It always feels a bit strange for me to post in here as I can't join in or help with temp dips and rises, OPKs, charts and those (horrid) monthly TWWs

Thank you dwrgi, owl, HA and viccat for posting what you did. I start my Buserelin injections next week for my first IVF/ICSI cycle and I have no expectations of this working at all. We're basically limited to three chances (money permitting) to try and have a child, so I just can't bring myself to having any hope that this will work, as I know I'll be crushed when/if it doesn't.

I think you hit the nail on the head, Dwrgi, when you said it's a case of looking back and being able to say that you did everything you could. When you're 21 and paranoid about FALLING pregnant, you'd never think in a million years that you'd be one of 'those' couples who can't concieve naturally. When you get to this stage, you are so used to everything going wrong, you can't imagine something actually going right.

Ah, I'm going to shut-up now before you ALL start reaching for the red/white wine!!

Big and loves to all,

C xx

Well said that woman!!!!!! Oh, how life turns out!! At least the vineyards and ferility clinics are making a fortune out of us!

 

[tigerlily1975]

Well said that woman!!!!!! Oh, how life turns out!! At least the vineyards and ferility clinics are making a fortune out of us!

Does anyone fancy teaming up with me and buyind a vineyard in Italy?

C xx

 

[Dwrgi]

I'm in Tiger!!!

Anybody here heard about the 'hidden C' test? To test for chlamydia through menstrual blood? If you're tested positive then it can cause implantation failure:

https://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=242395.msg3904717#msg3904717

Fascinating!

Also this test-
https://www.beachcenter.com/medical/u-urealyticum.shtml

 

[froliky2011]

I just wanted to add something too. Even when you do fall pregnant after being through a rough TTC journey, I will say, it's challenging to keep fears at bay. I struggle a lot with wondering if something terrible is going to happen because of that "nothing has gone right, so I am sure something will go wrong" feeling. It's always lurking in the back of your head. I am hoping/praying all of you get your BFPs but we have to continue to support each other through it because the fears don't really stop, they are just different. I dont' want to sound ungrateful because I am not, but I have struggled with nightmares etc. Sometimes I feel like I should not get overly excited or else...some stupid shit will happen! I know it's completely not logical, but I think the desire to have the experience is so strong, it's hard to let go of that attachment when we are bombarded with it in our socieites etc.

 

[froliky2011]

I'm in Tiger!!!

Anybody here heard about the 'hidden C' test? To test for chlamydia through menstrual blood? If you're tested positive then it can cause implantation failure:

https://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=242395.msg3904717#msg3904717

Fascinating!

Also this test-
https://www.beachcenter.com/medical/u-urealyticum.shtml

Good information Dwrgi. Thanks.

 

[tigerlily1975]

I just wanted to add something too. Even when you do fall pregnant after being through a rough TTC journey, I will say, it's challenging to keep fears at bay. I struggle a lot with wondering if something terrible is going to happen because of that "nothing has gone right, so I am sure something will go wrong" feeling. It's always lurking in the back of your head. I am hoping/praying all of you get your BFPs but we have to continue to support each other through it because the fears don't really stop, they are just different. I dont' want to sound ungrateful because I am not, but I have struggled with nightmares etc. Sometimes I feel like I should not get overly excited or else...some stupid shit will happen! I know it's completely not logical, but I think the desire to have the experience is so strong, it's hard to let go of that attachment when we are bombarded with it in our socieites etc.

I think that's absolutely normal. When you've fought so hard for something you've wanted to much, you're always going to be waiting for it to be taken away. Something stopping you from finally finding that happiness. I think it's the nature of the beast which is infertility. This thread is full of the most loving, strong and supportive women, who'll cheer on all ladies from newbies to graduates. You're doing fantastic, frolicky, remember: keep going, one day at a time

C xx

 

[owl35]

Ok, I had an interesting day yesterday. I had to switch doctors within my clinic because my RE retired. We haven't met with the new RE yet, but because I had my cd3 u/s and bw yesterday and he doesn't want to waste this cycle he said he will start me on the meds. What surprised me is that he has a totally different approach.
I already had a cycle on injections because 4 rounds of clomid with TI weren't successful. But he wants me to go back to clomid with additional meds for a better lining, trigger, IUI and then progesterone. My previous RE never even considered giving me meds for better lining or progesterone and he said IUI weren't necessary because DH sperm is fine. I always had a short lp (max 11 days) and thin lining and I always wondered if I should get a second opinion on his approach. Well, now I have it and I'm very excited.
I do understand that this new approach is not a guarantee for success, but my new Dr. is trying exactly what I always hoped for in the past. It just makes me feel better when I look back on this journey someday and can say that I have tried everything.
I feel like I'm in better hands now and I haven't even met the guy yet. But I'm very happy
Thought I put a "happy" post out there so you guys don't think that I'm crabby ALL THE TIME
Have a great weekend everybody! It's going to be another hot one in the US!

 

[dashka]

Hi Ladies!
I’m on a half day today and will be leaving work in an hour! Yay and 2 week vacation! Leaving Sunday for PA (but staying in NJ) – to take AD to Sesame Place (all things Sesame Street) for a few days and return late night on Thursday. We are driving down – supposed to be 9 hrs (but I know it will take us 12 hrs).

Just in case I don’t get a chance to come on here tomorrow – just wanted to say:

Ksluice – welcome and GL on your IVF!

Maddy – welcome and GL to you!

Froliky – hi!!! So glad you had a good time in Cape Breton…. I know I need to get myself there too oneday it looks gorgeous! Glad you are doing well!

Dwrgi – Glad you are pulling out those PMA books… if anything it just makes you FEEL better right?? I am praying that all goes well next week for you!! You are in my prayers hun. (oh re: the wine – just had a bad day at work is all –thanks for asking)

Lils – sending you

Tigerlily – GL with IVF this month too!!

HA – Hope all went well this morning with the ET!!

How exciting that there are so many IVF’s going on !

Hello and big hugs to everyone I didn’t mention!! (sorry I didn't mention all)

AFM – had acupuncture last night but the room was freezing (she had a/c up to high) so not as comfortable and I couldn’t relax as I normally do. I don’t know if I’m CD 4 or 7… because I don’t think FF is correct….. Showed my chart to ND and she thought FF was wrong too…but even when I discard one of the temps it still says I ov. On CD9….. oh who am I kidding….. I’m not going to be temping when I’m away anyway…. But would just like to know when I should be expecting AF (probably next weekend). My RE app’t is a week from Monday….. wow that came up fast!

 

[dashka]

Froliky - just read your last post - It's so true - I think those fears never go away when it is so hard to get something you want so bad. I really hope your nightmares stop and you are doing great!

Owl - sounds very promising with the new RE! FX for you!

 

[purplelou]

Dashka I am definitely not an expert...but I would wonder if you ov'd on cd 12???? Have a fab Holiday, sesame place sounds like so much fun! I wanna go!!

 

[dashka]

Dashka I am definitely not an expert...but I would wonder if you ov'd on cd 12???? Have a fab Holiday, sesame place sounds like so much fun! I wanna go!!

thanks Purps - that is when I think (and ND thinks) that I ovulated - CD12... it doesn't make sense with the +opks and EWCM after CD9 which is when FF says I ov... I also had like 5 days of cramping this month CD 9-13 ... so don't know what that is about... Maybe the royal jelly I started last month or maybe I have a cyst? Anyway having an u/s when I see the RE....

 

[ksluice]

As a woman with a pretty substantial self help library myself, including one whole shelf devoted to mc and infertility (no kidding!), I have to share this article with you: https://www.empowher.com/infertility-fertility/content/failed-ivf-attempt-tied-depression-anxiety

It mostly falls under the "no shit, Sherlock!" category , but the upshot is it's further proof that stress levels do not negatively impact IVF outcomes - IVF patients can stop worrying about worrying. So if it makes you feel better, by all means do it, but you needn't worry that your cycle will fail if you don't have perfect PMA all the time....

And thanks to all of you for your well-wishes - FET in t-minus 4 hours!!

Love love love this. If I hear one more time that I can get pregnant by thinking positively about it, I might slap someone! Like if we all just had the right attitude we'd all be preggers. Purleeze.

Sending you the biggest I can!!!! GO GO GO GO