TTC After A Loss... Race for the BFP! - 211 BFP's!!!

[BizyBee]

Congrats on the bfp's!

So sorry to hear of more losses.

 

[Megg33k]

I finished the baby hat the other day. First charity preemie/baby hat since the miscarriage.

Here it is!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31690315&l=aedcfc4dd4&id=1183143687

then I made another one! If you go to the next picture in the album, it should show you the other hat.

My goodness, those are adorable! I them!!!

 

[Megg33k]

Congrats on the bfp's!

So sorry to hear of more losses.

Eek! Look at that ticker! 2 days!!! I'm a bit excited for you!

 

[Jamaicabride]

I got my 26th July 2010

Thank you!

 

[debgreasby]

Congrats x

 

[Megg33k]

Congrats!!!

 

[impatient1]

i got my last friday, i thought i would update you ladies now that my lines are sooooooo dark

:wave: hi Megg!

Spoiler

You can update me on the first page now!

Congratulations to both of you!

Girls I am putting a call out for some PMA and words of encouragement.

I started having a little bit of brown spotting yesterday (it looks kind of like the gunk you get towards the end of your period, sorry if TMI). Of course with my history of two losses I immediately felt freaked. I am having some achiness too but I can't really tell if it is any different than the achiness I have been having since I found out I was pregnant. Luckily for me, my doc is open on Sunday. So I called this morning and doc said to come in.

Here's the good news: We saw a strong heartbeat at exactly 6 weeks. Here's the not so good news: My hcg didn't double in 72 hours. My hcg was 7862 and my progesterone was 24 on Thursday July 22 and today (July 25) hcg was 13377 and progesterone was 23. It has been at least doubling every 48 hours and now it didn't double in 72 hours.

Doc said anytime there is spotting there is a risk of threatened miscarriage but he was hopeful about the heartbeat. I go back Thursday, unless the spotting gets worse. I want to be excited about seeing the heartbeat but the spotting combined with the lack of doubling makes me consumed with worry. I am sick with anxiety. I'm trying hard to relax and think positive because I know how bad stress is for the baby. I think anyone else would think I am a neurotic nut but I know that you gals with losses can probably understand my panic.

Fingers crossed for you.

I finished the baby hat the other day. First charity preemie/baby hat since the miscarriage.

Here it is!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31690315&l=aedcfc4dd4&id=1183143687

then I made another one! If you go to the next picture in the album, it should show you the other hat.

The hats you have made are so beautiful! You are doing something so wonderful, I think your doctor would feel privilidged that you would like her to go with you to drop them off.

I got my 26th July 2010

Thank you!

Congratulations!

Wishing everyone lots of

So sorry to any new losses.

 

[Vickieh1981]

Girls I am putting a call out for some PMA and words of encouragement.

I started having a little bit of brown spotting yesterday (it looks kind of like the gunk you get towards the end of your period, sorry if TMI). Of course with my history of two losses I immediately felt freaked. I am having some achiness too but I can't really tell if it is any different than the achiness I have been having since I found out I was pregnant. Luckily for me, my doc is open on Sunday. So I called this morning and doc said to come in.

Here's the good news: We saw a strong heartbeat at exactly 6 weeks. Here's the not so good news: My hcg didn't double in 72 hours. My hcg was 7862 and my progesterone was 24 on Thursday July 22 and today (July 25) hcg was 13377 and progesterone was 23. It has been at least doubling every 48 hours and now it didn't double in 72 hours.

Doc said anytime there is spotting there is a risk of threatened miscarriage but he was hopeful about the heartbeat. I go back Thursday, unless the spotting gets worse. I want to be excited about seeing the heartbeat but the spotting combined with the lack of doubling makes me consumed with worry. I am sick with anxiety. I'm trying hard to relax and think positive because I know how bad stress is for the baby. I think anyone else would think I am a neurotic nut but I know that you gals with losses can probably understand my panic.

Great news that there is a heartbeat. I know you are panicked but I was told that once a heartbeat is seen this is a much bigger indicator of a healthy pregnancy than bloods so most places won't do bloods then. Also after hcg gets to a certain level it starts to only double every week or so.

I think you are okay.

Hi girls,
i have been to the doctor and am starting clomid 100mg today. So hopefully i should ovulate in about 11 ro 14 days. I'm so excited i can't wait.

Congrats to the new BFP and to the new losses

Great news.

I finished the baby hat the other day. First charity preemie/baby hat since the miscarriage.

Here it is!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31690315&l=aedcfc4dd4&id=1183143687

then I made another one! If you go to the next picture in the album, it should show you the other hat.

They are really cute - you did a great job. We were given ones that someone had made for our two.

I got my 26th July 2010

Thank you!

Congratulations!!!!

 

[dawny690]

Congrats girls xxxx

 

[svetayasofiya]

Congratulations to all the new BFP's!!!!!

Love the hats Heather, so sweet and completely selfless of you.

My thoughts go out to all of you worried mommies... just stay positive. It's all we can do.

I got AF today. I am pretty stoked, because it's 28 days exactly from my MC so my body is pretty friggin on time. (also exactly 20 days no bleeding... I am like a statistic). lol Anyway.......... excited, confused, aprehensive. Still totally not over the MC. Not that that makes me crazy, but I just want to get on with things already. My friend who announced she was pregnant a week after my MC will be at the same stage I was by the end of this week. Going through the usual why me's . I'd be 12 wks 3 days today... Oh boy gotta stop thinking like that.

I think we are going to TTC this month. My only aprehension is we just booked a weeks vacation to Paris in early September. I love love love a good glass of vino and it is Paris... but there is no guarantee it will happen our first try and I kind of don't want to waste time. So... do we wait? or do we just let fate guide us and see what mother nature does? Is this something we should even try to time? I suppose I would have no problem waiting another month, but a part of me feels like all these people at work (who had no clue I was pg and miscarried) all look at me like the poor girl who can't conceive. It's stupid I know. I figured if anyone could understand these feelings it would be you guys. Not that baby making is a competition, but I feel pressure.

 

[Megg33k]

If you feel mentally ready, don't wait! Just maybe don't stress about whether or not it happens this cycle. Relax this month and see what happens. If nothing, so be it. If you're preggo at the end of it, I'm sure you'd be happier being preggo in Paris than drinking vino in Paris! LOL So, win/win!

 

[fish girl]

HI, I just had a miscarriage on sunday...Its baby no four so I am lucky that I have 3 fab Girls but really want one more bubba...I saw the Heartbeat last week so feel knid of cheated...I am going striaght to trying and wont stop till I am pregnant again..Only postitve thoughts..!!!Any way fingers crossed for us all...x

 

[cla]

Iam so sorry Hun good luck with ttc xxx

 

[svetayasofiya]

If you feel mentally ready, don't wait! Just maybe don't stress about whether or not it happens this cycle. Relax this month and see what happens. If nothing, so be it. If you're preggo at the end of it, I'm sure you'd be happier being preggo in Paris than drinking vino in Paris! LOL So, win/win!

That's just it... I don't know if I am ready. If I were really ready, would I be even questioning timing? I think part of my delay is all in my mind as I have psyched myself up to thinking it will happen first try (which I know is so unrealistic). Then when it doesn't am I prepared for the emotional tail spin? Who knew having a mc would be so hard. I just don't know what to do. What has your experience been?
(Oh, and the wine was sort of a joke... I am more worried about being sick. IF I were to get pregnant this cycle it would put me at 6 1/2-7 wks while in Paris... I could have real bad morning sickness... I am more worried about that.)

HI, I just had a miscarriage on sunday...Its baby no four so I am lucky that I have 3 fab Girls but really want one more bubba...I saw the Heartbeat last week so feel knid of cheated...I am going striaght to trying and wont stop till I am pregnant again..Only postitve thoughts..!!!Any way fingers crossed for us all...x

I am so sorry. I love your positive attitude.

 

[Megg33k]

HI, I just had a miscarriage on sunday...Its baby no four so I am lucky that I have 3 fab Girls but really want one more bubba...I saw the Heartbeat last week so feel knid of cheated...I am going striaght to trying and wont stop till I am pregnant again..Only postitve thoughts..!!!Any way fingers crossed for us all...x

Sorry for your loss, sweetie! I'll add you!

If you feel mentally ready, don't wait! Just maybe don't stress about whether or not it happens this cycle. Relax this month and see what happens. If nothing, so be it. If you're preggo at the end of it, I'm sure you'd be happier being preggo in Paris than drinking vino in Paris! LOL So, win/win!

That's just it... I don't know if I am ready. If I were really ready, would I be even questioning timing? I think part of my delay is all in my mind as I have psyched myself up to thinking it will happen first try (which I know is so unrealistic). Then when it doesn't am I prepared for the emotional tail spin? Who knew having a mc would be so hard. I just don't know what to do. What has your experience been?
(Oh, and the wine was sort of a joke... I am more worried about being sick. IF I were to get pregnant this cycle it would put me at 6 1/2-7 wks while in Paris... I could have real bad morning sickness... I am more worried about that.)

I don't know if questioning the timing is a sign of not being ready or a sign of fear in general. If you feel it may mean you aren't ready, then you know best... 100%! If you think its a fear of not succeeding on the first try... That will never really go away. Either you will or you won't... and it will be hard regardless of which way it goes. Yes, its definitely hard to get AF when you want to be pregnant so badly... but its also hard to throw yourself back in to the fear of another new pregnancy.

Having of a MC is one of the hardest things that anyone can face, tbh. There's this overwhelming feeling of helplessness... and what if... and why... and how do I stop it from happening again. And, the truth is... sometimes we never get an answer to any of that. Most of us never get an answer to any of that. I've lost 2 and have zero answers.

In my experience... I've never considered waiting... not even for a single cycle. But, that's me. I've already lost my dream of having my 2 kids before I turn 30. I can't even give birth to 1 child before 30 now. That breaks my heart every day. I mourn the loss of that dream more than anything, because the circumstances of my losses made the pregnancies themselves very difficult for me to mourn. However, I can't bear the thought of voluntarily waiting any longer. I always think to myself... "But, what if this is the cycle that would result in a healthy pregnancy? What if I miss it? What if its my only chance?" I'm crying just typing it out... because I truly feel that way... every single time. I remember almost ditching the cycle when I got pregnant last time because of bad timing... but I couldn't because I thought "what if this is the one"... and it was... sort of. I've had all the joys of early pregnancy ripped away from me. I'll never be able to enjoy a BFP. I'm constantly just trying my damnedest to put myself even a millimeter closer to an ultrasound with a heartbeat! And, I know it can still go wrong... but I've never even gotten that far. My losses have sort of traumatized me. I can't even get to the table for my ultrasound without sobbing uncontrollably. But, I refuse to give up... I refuse to give in. Being a complete control freak... I can't let a single opportunity pass me by.

So, that's MY experience! But everyone is different! You have to do what is right for you! And, it would be a total downer to miss Paris because you were head first in the loo puking your guts up. I think it would be worth it to me in the end... but a baby is all I want in life right now. I can't see past it. If you think you can wait... then wait! I'm sorry that was so long... I tend to ramble when I cry!

 

[Megg33k]

As I mentioned before that there were some people who disappeared from BnB after adding themselves to the thread, I went through and had a stalk to see who they were and how long it had been. This is the list of girls that I think it would be acceptable to delete from the first page, as we will likely never know if they get a BFP. Obviously, its nothing against them... but it really brings our #'s down... and, for all I know, they could have BFP's by now! So, please tell me if you think any of these are incorrect. The date in parentheses is the last date they even LOGGED IN to the site... let alone posted.

WntAnthrBBad (April 29)
4everhopefull (Feb 14)
Teddysbaby84 (Mar 23)
Adelaide (Mar 17)
ecco16 (Apr 11)
lilly77 (Mar 31)

And, CONGRATS to Chimpette... She was our only unknown BFP!

 

[svetayasofiya]

wow Megg, thanks. I really appreciate the long post. Sorry if it made you cry. I guess right now I just don't know. My husband and I just talked about it and to me, I seem to have all these reasons not to conceive temporarily. I think I am just totally afraid of failing. I know most MC's are unexplained and have nothing to do with anything we did wrong, but it's really hard not to feel like if I didn't do something wrong my body did. Up until the MC all I wanted more than anything was to have a baby. It still is, but it's just clouded or blurred by my fear now that TTC is around the corner. I suppose I need to feel in control because when you are pregnant nothing that happens is in your control and choosing not to get pregnant is a choice, and therefore- control. Wow, holy psycho-analyzing myself. I think if my head were stuck in the loo while in Paris I'd be grateful for the opportunity to have my head stuck in a loo (and to do it in Paris no doubt!) We don't have a ton of money so this trip is a big deal and marks a sort of milestone of lasts if you know what I mean. One of the last big trips we'll be able to hopefully go on for awhile, so what's one more month? But there is no guarantee in life so waiting a month could mean adding on a month to many more. We were lucky and conceived after the 3rd cycle.... who's to say it would happen that fast again? AND if it didn't I'd feel like a failure, because so many people around me right now just got pregnant after not trying, or only trying one time. Now who's babbling and crying?
I am so glad I found this board.
I really truly don't know what to do. Bought tampons today, lol. That's as much as I know right now.
Thanks for your support. xo

 

[svetayasofiya]

...
In my experience... I've never considered waiting... not even for a single cycle. But, that's me. I've already lost my dream of having my 2 kids before I turn 30. I can't even give birth to 1 child before 30 now. That breaks my heart every day. I mourn the loss of that dream more than anything, because the circumstances of my losses made the pregnancies themselves very difficult for me to mourn. However, I can't bear the thought of voluntarily waiting any longer. I always think to myself... "But, what if this is the cycle that would result in a healthy pregnancy? What if I miss it? What if its my only chance?" I'm crying just typing it out... because I truly feel that way... every single time. I remember almost ditching the cycle when I got pregnant last time because of bad timing... but I couldn't because I thought "what if this is the one"... and it was... sort of. I've had all the joys of early pregnancy ripped away from me. I'll never be able to enjoy a BFP. I'm constantly just trying my damnedest to put myself even a millimeter closer to an ultrasound with a heartbeat! And, I know it can still go wrong... but I've never even gotten that far. My losses have sort of traumatized me. I can't even get to the table for my ultrasound without sobbing uncontrollably. But, I refuse to give up... I refuse to give in. Being a complete control freak... I can't let a single opportunity pass me by.

Isn't all of what you said there the truth. If only we could see into a crystal ball, or if someone could give us all the answers. I was talking to my mom this week (she was in town visiting) and I said exactly what you just did- all the joys of early pregnancy have been ripped away from me. She disagrees and has suffered a MC herself. But she was much younger, and the pregnancy was not wanted at the time.
If it makes you feel any better I am 35. My dreams of having a kid by 35 are gone... 36 anyone?

oh life..........................

*totally addicted to the smilies btw.

 

[EpdTTC]

Congrats to the new BFPs!

Thank you everyone for your encouraging responses! I will let you know how Thursday goes. The spotting has gotten better and I have just been taking it easy. I'm hoping it was just some old junk that needed to come out like one of the gals said. I also read somewhere that once hcg gets to about 6000 that it can take four days to double rather than the usual 2-3. I'm hoping that's the case and trying to think positive.

Megg-you are so right-so many women don't even have their hcg checked and I've heard that ultrasound results are usually more important at this stage than blood work. I'm thinking of asking my doc to quit with the blood work as long as things look as they should on the ultrasound. All of the numbers and specifics just leave me feeling worried, sometimes unnecessarily I'm sure.

Beautiful hats Heather. You are quite talented. I've always wanted to learn to knit.

Fishgirl-I am so sorry for your loss. That is my biggest fear-I just saw my baby's heart beat on Sunday and want to believe that means things will be ok but then I hear stories like yours and it just breaks my heart. I can only imagine what this has been like for you. Hugs. Glad to hear you are going to keep trying-it's all we can do! Hugs to all of the other recent losses.

 

[EpdTTC]

"I'll never be able to enjoy a BFP. I'm constantly just trying my damnedest to put myself even a millimeter closer to an ultrasound with a heartbeat! And, I know it can still go wrong... but I've never even gotten that far. My losses have sort of traumatized me. I can't even get to the table for my ultrasound without sobbing uncontrollably. But, I refuse to give up... I refuse to give in. Being a complete control freak... I can't let a single opportunity pass me by"

Megg-I really feel you on this one. It is so hard to enjoy early pregnancy because of the fear. I am happy to have gotten to see the heartbeat on the ultrasound, I never got that far with the first two losses either. But you're right, it is traumatic every time I get on the table for the ultrasound. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I'm so afraid that when I go on Thursday that the heartbeat will be gone. That is my biggest fear. I have to tell myself that it's just my fear talking and it doesn't mean that is what is going to happen. I try to visualize seeing a big strong heartbeat. If it's going to go wrong, there is nothing I can do about it. All of this really does resemble PTSD in many ways.

I do hope that you get your BFP soon. You are such a beautiful and compassionate person and I'm really grateful for all of your (and all of the other fabulous ladies') support.