TTC After A Loss... Race for the BFP! - 211 BFP's!!!

[ttcstill]

I do believe AF is on her way....... although I am slightly confused with the +hpts and the temp sike today on my chart...... hmmmmm

 

[Vickieh1981]

Not sure if it's stepping out of line but Amy updated on the spring babies thread.

 

[Mummytofour]

Thanks for leting us know Vickie. Just read it.

 

[Megg33k]

She told me I could update in here... but I wasn't home. For those who don't want to track it down, Amos' (Amy's) scan was moved up to this morning and there was no heartbeat. She was immediately taken for pre-op stuff. She's home now though.

I couldn't have posted earlier anyway, because I was too shocked to know what to say. That's why I removed the post about when her scan was supposed to be and stuff. Gutted isn't even the word...

 

[Vickieh1981]

She told me I could update in here... but I wasn't home. For those who don't want to track it down, Amos' (Amy's) scan was moved up to this morning and there was no heartbeat. She was immediately taken for pre-op stuff. She's home now though.

I couldn't have posted earlier anyway, because I was too shocked to know what to say. That's why I removed the post about when her scan was supposed to be and stuff. Gutted isn't even the word...

I know. I was so upset for her when I read it I actually felt sick. In fact I don't even think I am in the mood for internet chatting anymore. I think I will go to bed.

I wish there was something I could do for her.

 

[Megg33k]

She told me I could update in here... but I wasn't home. For those who don't want to track it down, Amos' (Amy's) scan was moved up to this morning and there was no heartbeat. She was immediately taken for pre-op stuff. She's home now though.

I couldn't have posted earlier anyway, because I was too shocked to know what to say. That's why I removed the post about when her scan was supposed to be and stuff. Gutted isn't even the word...

I know. I was so upset for her when I read it I actually felt sick. In fact I don't even think I am in the mood for internet chatting anymore. I think I will go to bed.

I wish there was something I could do for her.

I know. I just sat and stared into space when I saw her txt. At first, I was confused because it was so early. But, then after she said it had gotten moved up... my whole body went numb. I didn't even cry at first... I just sat. I couldn't talk, I felt like I was going to vomit, I could barely breathe. We txt'd back and forth a few times... but I felt like I was saying all the wrong things. She assured me I wasn't, and then I felt like a huge dick for her having to assure me of anything. Now, I've just been crying ever since. The last time I felt this way was our other Amy... and they both deserve so much better than what they've been dealt! I'm seriously sick over this... and I don't know what to do... because I feel like I should be offering support, and all I'm doing is crying.

Someone else got some not so fantastic news today too... and that's also broken my heart.

I feel sort of cold and dead inside... But I hope all my girls know I love them dearly!

 

[doddy0402]

So so sorry Amos...life just isn't fair... you are in my thoughts tonight.xx

 

[CJSG1977]

for AMOS!!!! Lost for words....

 

[Amos2009]

Thanks everyone...it's amazing how much love and support I have from you ladies. I am just numb...I really thought this was my forever baby. I feel like someone has pulled my heart out and ripped it into pieces. It's amazing how different it feels losing a baby when you've heard the heartbeat. Not that I didn't grieve over the ones I lost early, but it just feels so much worse now. I can't even describe it, but you ladies know exactly how I feel.

 

[sequeena]

Amos.... no... oh god I am so so sorry

 

[VGibs]

Megg - did they take her for surgery right away????? God no....are you guys sure??? Like 100% sure??? Could they have made a mistake????? God...Im not sad so much as incredibly angry!!!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????????????????? It's not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ttcstill]

Amos.... I do not know exactly how you feel because you will process things differently then I did..... I do know the confusion and anger though as I recently lost mine after hearing the heartbeat for a second time..... I am still trying to make sense of it all and yet somewhere deep inside I know I will never truly understand! I am here for you if you need to talk, PM me and I will give you my phone number.

 

[Amos2009]

Amos.... I do not know exactly how you feel because you will process things differently then I did..... I do know the confusion and anger though as I recently lost mine after hearing the heartbeat for a second time..... I am still trying to make sense of it all and yet somewhere deep inside I know I will never truly understand! I am here for you if you need to talk, PM me and I will give you my phone number.

Thanks. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wasn't even as far along as you, so I can't imagine what you went through

 

[Megg33k]

Amos, sweetie... I have no idea what you're feeling... but 'numb' was the only way to describe how I felt when I read it. So, maybe I have a 1% understanding of it. I wish more than anything in the world that I could at least give you a real hug right now. If you asked, I would leave now just to do it. Please know that I'm here for ANYTHING you could possibly need, Sis. I can't stop crying for you.

 

[Amos2009]

Megg - did they take her for surgery right away????? God no....are you guys sure??? Like 100% sure??? Could they have made a mistake????? God...Im not sad so much as incredibly angry!!!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????????????????? It's not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey V- no, I'm still here. The surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. And your last sentence spells it out.....WHY

 

[Amos2009]

Amos, sweetie... I have no idea what you're feeling... but 'numb' was the only way to describe how I felt when I read it. So, maybe I have a 1% understanding of it. I wish more than anything in the world that I could at least give you a real hug right now. If you asked, I would leave now just to do it. Please know that I'm here for ANYTHING you could possibly need, Sis. I can't stop crying for you.

Thanks Sis. Just when I think I am done crying I read a sweet post from you ladies.
And how's this for a kick in the balls? I am so nauseas right now....damn body.

 

[Megg33k]

Megg - did they take her for surgery right away????? God no....are you guys sure??? Like 100% sure??? Could they have made a mistake????? God...Im not sad so much as incredibly angry!!!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????????????????? It's not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey V- no, I'm still here. The surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. And your last sentence spells it out.....WHY

I guess I misread the txt about surgery. Sorry about the misunderstanding.

 

[puppymom32]

Amos Hun I am so so so sorry. I wish there was something i could say to make it all better. All I can offer is that I am here if you need anything. You are in my prayers and in my heart.

 

[ttcstill]

Amos.... I do not know exactly how you feel because you will process things differently then I did..... I do know the confusion and anger though as I recently lost mine after hearing the heartbeat for a second time..... I am still trying to make sense of it all and yet somewhere deep inside I know I will never truly understand! I am here for you if you need to talk, PM me and I will give you my phone number.

Thanks. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wasn't even as far along as you, so I can't imagine what you went through

It doesnt matter how far you were..... thank you for your concern. It just seems so pointless when you are that far along and then at the drop of a dime its all over. How are they going to proceed??? I had to be induced and had to deliver as they say it is less dangerous...... I dont know if you will know what the baby was or not but we did it was a little boy... we got to hold him and have him baptized which really did help. Like I said if you need anything I am here for you!

 

[ttcstill]

Amos, sweetie... I have no idea what you're feeling... but 'numb' was the only way to describe how I felt when I read it. So, maybe I have a 1% understanding of it. I wish more than anything in the world that I could at least give you a real hug right now. If you asked, I would leave now just to do it. Please know that I'm here for ANYTHING you could possibly need, Sis. I can't stop crying for you.

Thanks Sis. Just when I think I am done crying I read a sweet post from you ladies.
And how's this for a kick in the balls? I am so nauseas right now....damn body.

Our bodies dont realize we have suffered a loss sometimes even after its all over. For 10 days after I delivered I was secreting milk.