TTC after loss - over 40 - any takers? Our lucky thread - 9 rainbows and 1 BFP

[Creative]

That is just sooo sad. I'm crying for you.

 

[Creative]

Just come back to give you another hug. I just don't know what to say. Having been in the same situation, I know that words can't make things better, so I'll just sit here quietly and hold your hand and wipe your tears

 

[Xanth]

Sorry I wasn't here yesterday so I've only just read your sad news.

I'm so sorry.

This is all just so hard

 

[Creative]

I know today is going to be really hard, but we are all here thinking of you and holding you to our hearts!

 

[dancareoi]

I know today is going to be really hard, but we are all here thinking of you and holding you to our hearts!

I just want it over and done with, that may sound a bit clinical, but once it's done we can move on and hopefully start to try again ASAP.

I have booked some accupuncture sessions, so am really hoping that will help.

I am trying to be strong, but inside my heart is breaking

 

[Creative]

I am trying to be strong, but inside my heart is breaking

I know

 

[Xanth]

 

[dancareoi]

All over, I am no longer pregnant.

Doesn't seem real, this time last week all was good, then wham, it's all taken from you.

I just can't believe it happened again.

Need to move on. Have to be strong because we don't want kids to know.

I need to try again ASAP but not sure what DH thinks, so once again, as before, I am in limbo. That makes it so much worse.

 

[Creative]

My OH was reluctant at first because he saw how the MC affected me and because he loved me, he didn't want to put me through it again. He changed his mond because he saw how determind I was to try again.

 

[dancareoi]

My OH was reluctant at first because he saw how the MC affected me and because he loved me, he didn't want to put me through it again. He changed his mond because he saw how determind I was to try again.

That is how my DH feels, he doesn't want to keep putting us through this.

He doesn't understand that the thought of another loss tears me apart, but the thought of never trying will finish me.

When I lost my first 3 years ago, we agreed on the day we would try again straight away, but after our loss in jan it took him 4 months to agree. Then it took 4 months to get pregnant.

I can't wait I need to do this now. I want to leave 1 period and try again. If I bring it up now he will tell me it's to soon. Once again this is not helping me.

 

[Angelsmommie]

@ dancareoi my heart and sympathies go out to you and your DH. I have never miscarried but have lost our DD at almost 28 weeks gestation. She was in fetal distress and had to be taken out immediately. I gave birth to her on June 26th and we sadly lost her 2 days later on June 28th. Somewhere between 20 and 28 weeks my placenta stopped giving her what she needed which caused her development to be almost 5 weeks behind. The entire experience tore me up inside. Thank God for my DH for being there when I needed his strength. We decided to start trying again immediately after my first AF and still no luck 3 months later. We initially got pregnant with our angel Ariana 8 months after trying so lets hope it happens a little quicker this time around considering I'm at the young tender age of 41! His sperm count is a little below average and sluggish and unfortunately both times he got tested we were under great stress. The first time his dad was near death and the second time was 2 weeks after we lost our DD. I'm sure the stress affected the results in one way or another. Regarless of his initial results we managed to get pregnant with Ariana. I'm praying to the good Lord that after this TWW something happens because I get so frustrated and disappointed when that God aweful AF comes. I feel so pressured for time and desperately want that feeling if being pregnant back! I'm desperate and determined to get the family I have always dreamed of having. My fingers and toes are crossed for all the dear ladies that are in our shoes wanting to conceive after experiencing such tragedy. to you all! xo

 

[dancareoi]

@ dancareoi my heart and sympathies go out to you and your DH. I have never miscarried but have lost our DD at almost 28 weeks gestation. She was in fetal distress and had to be taken out immediately. I gave birth to her on June 26th and we sadly lost her 2 days later on June 28th. Somewhere between 20 and 28 weeks my placenta stopped giving her what she needed which caused her development to be almost 5 weeks behind. The entire experience tore me up inside. Thank God for my DH for being there when I needed his strength. We decided to start trying again immediately after my first AF and still no luck 3 months later. We initially got pregnant with our angel Ariana 8 months after trying so lets hope it happens a little quicker this time around considering I'm at the young tender age of 41! His sperm count is a little below average and sluggish and unfortunately both times he got tested we were under great stress. The first time his dad was near death and the second time was 2 weeks after we lost our DD. I'm sure the stress affected the results in one way or another. Regarless of his initial results we managed to get pregnant with Ariana. I'm praying to the good Lord that after this TWW something happens because I get so frustrated and disappointed when that God aweful AF comes. I feel so pressured for time and desperately want that feeling if being pregnant back! I'm desperate and determined to get the family I have always dreamed of having. My fingers and toes are crossed for all the dear ladies that are in our shoes wanting to conceive after experiencing such tragedy. to you all! xo

Thank you for your kind words and i am so sorry for your loss too.

Unless someone has experienced this, they have no idea how it feels.

I feel fustrated and angry, i want to shout at someone or blame someone and i want someone to tell me why.

I am at that stage again, that i am terrified this is never going to happen now, it is tearing me apart, i just cant live the rest of my life feeling how i do right now.

 

[Angelsmommie]

Thank you for your kind words and i am so sorry for your loss too.

Unless someone has experienced this, they have no idea how it feels.

I feel fustrated and angry, i want to shout at someone or blame someone and i want someone to tell me why.

I am at that stage again, that i am terrified this is never going to happen now, it is tearing me apart, i just cant live the rest of my life feeling how i do right now.

I know how your feeling. We are petrified to try again. I don't want to live to experience buring my child again. Life shouldn't happen this way but unfortnately we have no say in the matter. When we first lost our daughter I was torn up. I still ask myself why? Why us, why did my placenta stop nourishing her, why was she the chosen one, why does this happen to an innocent child when there are pedophiles alive and well preying on their next innocent victim???? Unfortunatley these are questions we may never find answers to. And for our own sanity and will to try again we need to keep our chin up no matter how hard it may be. That's what our babies would have wanted for us. Big hugs to you and I hope for brighter days to you.

 

[Creative]

To look on a positive angle, as you said, unless you have been through it, you don't know.
I think that makes a very special group of ladies with the compassion and insight to help other women who go through it.
The best person who spoke to me afterwards was a lady who phoned me and said I have to come and see you. it was a time that I wanted to see no one, but she was so insistent and when she arrived it helped me to open up, to cry and to feel that someone was thinking "pull yourself together" "life goes on" etc.

 

[dancareoi]

Thank you for your kind words and i am so sorry for your loss too.

Unless someone has experienced this, they have no idea how it feels.

I feel fustrated and angry, i want to shout at someone or blame someone and i want someone to tell me why.

I am at that stage again, that i am terrified this is never going to happen now, it is tearing me apart, i just cant live the rest of my life feeling how i do right now.

I know how your feeling. We are petrified to try again. I don't want to live to experience buring my child again. Life shouldn't happen this way but unfortnately we have no say in the matter. When we first lost our daughter I was torn up. I still ask myself why? Why us, why did my placenta stop nourishing her, why was she the chosen one, why does this happen to an innocent child when there are pedophiles alive and well preying on their next innocent victim???? Unfortunatley these are questions we may never find answers to. And for our own sanity and will to try again we need to keep our chin up no matter how hard it may be. That's what our babies would have wanted for us. Big hugs to you and I hope for brighter days to you.

Life is so unfair. I am petrified we will lose another, but as I say, I have to try.

I found this poem last time, I have been reading it again the last few days, it makes me cry each time I read it, but also gives comfort, that one day, we will see our angels and be able to give them all the love they have lost.

An Angel Never Dies

Don't let them say I wasn't born
That something stopped my heart.
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone.
This world was worthy not of me,
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word, I'll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes,
But that won't soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,
Another child you'll bare.
Believe me when I say to you
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand.
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
and then you'll understand.

Although I've never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes,
That doesn't mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.

 

[Angelsmommie]

I found this poem last time, I have been reading it again the last few days, it makes me cry each time I read it, but also gives comfort, that one day, we will see our angels and be able to give them all the love they have lost.

An Angel Never Dies

Don't let them say I wasn't born
That something stopped my heart.
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone.
This world was worthy not of me,
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word, I'll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes,
But that won't soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,
Another child you'll bare.
Believe me when I say to you
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand.
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
and then you'll understand.

Although I've never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes,
That doesn't mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.

OMG this is absolutely beautiful! It tugged at my heartstrings. Thank you so much for sharing. Please please please be strong and whatever you do do not give up hope!

 

[Xanth]

to all of the lovely ladies on this thread.

 

[Creative]

to all of the lovely ladies on this thread.

have some yourself!!

 

[dancareoi]

I should have been 10 weeks today, but instead it is 1 week since my baby died.

why, why, why.

Back at miscarraige clinic next week, they have fitted me in at 8.15am to see Professor Quemby again. i was booked for 2 nov and we are away, next time then was 14 dec as she is only there once a month, so they squeezed me in next friday.

i am hoping she can work her magic on me and get me my longed for rainbow.

Exactly 1 week since it happened. no more looking back and thinking `this time last week all was good` . hopefully that will help make things easier.

Problem is i am doing what I did last time and googling everything, not really sure if it helps, I think maybe it makes things worse.

 

[crazymam]

I have been reading through this thread with tears in my eyes.
I can relate to so many of you.
I am 42, 43 next year.
I have been blessed with four beautiful daughters, and hadnt planned to have any more.
Then my marriage broke down, I met a wonderful man , and now we are trying for a baby, his first.
He is 42 also.

I always fell first cycle with my others so guess I didnt know what it was liek to have that wait.
I had an early miscarriage in may , i was 6 weeks, after trying for 4 months.
I then fell pregnant my second cycle after MC only to lose it 13 days ago at 10 weeks.
Its hit me really hard and like many I feel time isnt on my side.
The whole expereince has really knocked me for six.
They scanned me last wed and said there was only 9mm left, and they referred to it as product!!
I stopped bleeding on the thursday night, but had slight spotting sun through to mon and I mean slight, but no pains.,
They made me do a pregnancy test today to check hormones were back to normal and it came back positive which has just upset me all over again. They are saying there must still be some 'product' left.
They arent scanning me until monday now and they will decide what to do with me then. So i now feel in limbo as I know I am not going to ovulate until this is all over.
My whole experience with the local hospital has left me with no faith in them whatsoever either.

But maybe third time lucky