waiting at 16

[Strawberries]

Yeah I thought you meant it was just for fun, I think a lot of people thought you were taking it really seriously so that's why they reacted like that.

How long have you and your OH been together? =)

 

[xpatchx]

Well, I lost my daughter at 14, and I was MADLY distraught. Was a definately accident, as the guy was 3 years older, violent, and posessive, and I was on the pill, but it was one I was willing to work with and make great.
And ever since I was SOOOOOO broody. Looking in catalogues, talking to my older friends who were having babies, babysitting for everyone for FREE.
It's not wrong what you're feeling, at all. A great many more 16 year old girls will be thinking it too, without telling anyone.
And writing a plan, and deciding is great for your future, but don't buy things, for fun or not or do anything solid which will just make it take longer whilst you feel this way cause watching them sat there with no baby in them is heartbreaking.
Put your cash into a savings account for a flat or for baby when you have one!!
Talking about it with us lot on here will make it sooooo much easier for you, but on the other hand it may make it harder, with us that are pregnant, as it will seem like such a joyous thing for you that you may want it.
Well done on waiting, I'm very proud of you, and keep talking and dreaming, but make some lovely memories to share with your son/daughter when you are eventually a mummy, and get yourself a lovely house and a good job. Trust me, I have both and STILL worry it's not gonna be enough. and who knows, I'm only 19, so you MAY be ready sooner than you would expect.

Good luck honey x x

 

[FizzleBob]

Seriously, I hardly read 5 pages of a post - im lazy! So take this reply as something as a shock!

You need to think about it, and I see that you are. I was 14 when I had my first misscarriage and my did that send me broody. I then, got involved with a bloke who was 13 years my senior when I was 15, just. He took advantage of me, and talked me round to stopping my pill, I got pregnant by him another 2 times and MC on each occasion. I then met my OH, who im with now and he knew about the past and understood. For the first time in ages I felt alive and a 15year old - I fell pregnant again, over new year and I had another MC. I still 'didnt' understand what was happening. I then came off my pill, and asked OH what he thought - and we went ahead and got pregnant again. It was May 2007 when I found out - I sat my GCSEs that month - I was pregnant, 5th pregnancy at 15. I turned 16, had a H&H 9 months and gave birth to the best thing in the world - my own little MonsterBob. Me and OH went our seperate ways, because we couldnt cope with the stress. DS was 3 months old, I was 16, A single teen mum claiming benefits. A year before this I had college lined up to start a 2 year health social care childcare and physcology course to then progress onto Uni and get a recognised qualification in social care / midwifery. That went away! When I walked out of my home in September 2008, and went to the council desperate, they housed me in the sh!ttiest area in the world, grubby run down flat.. OH came back into my life then - and he moved in with me in a new home we got together. We are together now. Not going great, MonsterBob is 22 months now.

I've gone through sleepless nights, PND, teething, stomach aches/pains.. all the little illnesses that come with a baby. I was 16 - not quite 17, and was weaning a baby onto solids. I was 16 pushing a pram around town with people giving me ignorant, stares. I was 16, with a newborn and when people asked me how old I was their faces were a disgust... And do you know what, I do wish i'd have waited a couple of years.

Gone to college, saved up, passed my driving test, got a car, graduated uni, got my career kick started, got my own house and lived my life.. had a holiday or 2, had money...

I spent my 18th birthday nursing a sick toddler. This new years eve? I have a toddler to care for.

Tomorrow? I cant just 'nip out' ive got to get myself ready - and DS, put some nappys in my bag, wipes, a bottle of milk, a juicey cup oh and his dummys.. not to mention change his nappy 4 times before we've left the house cause hes insisting its 'MUCKY MUMMY' and the fact he also insists on walking everywhere so we take a normal 5 minute walk to a 20minute walk.

May seem cute but its far from it. I mean, if your local your welcome to watch a day in my house.. You know, its the hardest thing anyone can ever do. Its physically gut wrenching hard and im gonna struggle with a then 32 month toddler, taking him to nursery each day, going to college, picking him up, going home, cooking tea for us all, bathing him, putting him in bed, washing the pots, as well as the other everyday tasks, including seeing to him - helping his education come along by learning through play with each other.

Sit back, enjoy your life and read all the articles that you wish.. Join forums and chat.. but please, dont get pregnant, its something that you wont regret later in life but you'll come to realise you wish you'd waited. I can, 99% of the time, promise that.



And the only reason im up at this unsightly hour is because feeling crap - with a suspected pregnancy! Not something that we really want but will get through it if we have too!

 

[nightkd]

Okay, everyone's entitled to their own opinions; but this is the WTT section, people shouldn't be patronising maybebaby16 and telling her to wait until she's older - she has already made that decision herself and should be respected for it.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but some posts just come across to me as being a bit 'jumpy' - not just offering advice but assuming maybebaby16 is going to be TTC imminently and isn't living her life, just obsessing over TTC because she has bought a couple of things and written up a birth plan...

Yes, being a mum is hard. Yes 16 is early to TTC - precisely why maybebaby16 has decided to wait. And like all of us who have been in her position - waiting for a long or undetermined length of time, she's finding ways to offset her broodiness by making plans and preparing herself, there's nothing wrong with that!

Well done for deciding to wait maybebaby16 - I was VERY broody at about age 17, but still living at home, didn't have an income I was happy with and my partner at the time was certainly not mature enough to have a child... I used to spend time looking on websites at baby stuff and deciding what sort of things I'd need, I started drawing up a list of stuff I'd need and talking to other girls in similar positions. I'm now 19, married to a wonderful guy and living in our own place, we have a decent income, two bedrooms (so we have a nursery to decorate!) and we're not in any way reliant on anyone else.

Although I was painfully broody a couple of years ago, those couple of years have given me time to mature, get myself into a better position and find someone who will love and support me and our baby. It's well worth the wait! I hope you can find something to distract you from the epicly long feeling stay in this section (I started making jewellery in my spare time...which I plan to sell to make more money to buy baby/extra stuff!) until you and your partner are ready and in the best position for you to start TTC Good luck! And remember, don't obsess over being broody (it makes it worse!)! Find ways to distract yourself, there's always time to obsess in TTC when you eventually get there!

xx

 

[halas]

i think its great you are waiting!! but i do have some advice dont go wishing your life away life goes to fast just cherish your life at this very moment appreciate ur freedom and youth bc once theres a baby in the picture 5 mins alone is a privlig, being a mum is a a wonderful thing its total unconditional love but u will always be selfless babys are cute cuddly but also hard work its a job that never ends dosnt matter how tired or sick you are goodluck

 

[Mervs Mum]

Okay, everyone's entitled to their own opinions; but this is the WTT section, people shouldn't be patronising maybebaby16 and telling her to wait until she's older - she has already made that decision herself and should be respected for it.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but some posts just come across to me as being a bit 'jumpy' - not just offering advice but assuming maybebaby16 is going to be TTC imminently and isn't living her life, just obsessing over TTC because she has bought a couple of things and written up a birth plan...

Yes, being a mum is hard. Yes 16 is early to TTC - precisely why maybebaby16 has decided to wait. And like all of us who have been in her position - waiting for a long or undetermined length of time, she's finding ways to offset her broodiness by making plans and preparing herself, there's nothing wrong with that!

Well done for deciding to wait maybebaby16 - I was VERY broody at about age 17, but still living at home, didn't have an income I was happy with and my partner at the time was certainly not mature enough to have a child... I used to spend time looking on websites at baby stuff and deciding what sort of things I'd need, I started drawing up a list of stuff I'd need and talking to other girls in similar positions. I'm now 19, married to a wonderful guy and living in our own place, we have a decent income, two bedrooms (so we have a nursery to decorate!) and we're not in any way reliant on anyone else.

Although I was painfully broody a couple of years ago, those couple of years have given me time to mature, get myself into a better position and find someone who will love and support me and our baby. It's well worth the wait! I hope you can find something to distract you from the epicly long feeling stay in this section (I started making jewellery in my spare time...which I plan to sell to make more money to buy baby/extra stuff!) until you and your partner are ready and in the best position for you to start TTC Good luck! And remember, don't obsess over being broody (it makes it worse!)! Find ways to distract yourself, there's always time to obsess in TTC when you eventually get there!

xx

I dont think anyone is out to patronise her. I think people are genuinely trying to help her see how it is in reality - even at 19 yrs old - like I was. At this point you are going to be able to see it from her point of view of course. As regular members on here know, you have wanted a baby for quite some time too - way before you even met your husband and now you are pregnant and happy - great of course BUT I, and others can give our experiences of how the rest of the story MAY pan out....because with all due respect some of the posters have been there too AND we are living with how that pans out NOW....you can only hope IYSWIM.....

I think most of the posts are constructive and well meaning. People just wouldnt want her to let her broodiness take over and for her to just try to find anyone willing to help her fulfil her dream of being a mother, no matter how soon.

It's great she's in the WTT section and as maybebaby16 pointed out there is no maximum time limit on WTT so hopefully she'll find this a helpful place where others can continue to share their experiences and she can also find people who feel the same, while at the same time not rushing desperately in to becoming a mum.

 

[MrHenry]

The problem is that people are telling her she's to young...................she is IN WTT! She isn't having a baby now, she is WTT! It's an oxymoron! Just take a look at ashleysalazar's post!

 

[Mervs Mum]

The problem is that people are telling her she's to young...................she is IN WTT! She isn't having a baby now, she is WTT! It's an oxymoron! Just take a look at ashleysalazar's post!

ashleysalazar talks from bitter experience......


EDIT: and TBH in most peoples eyes she is too young to be WTT....that's why they are trying to make sure she stays WTT for as long as possible....we've seen members 'graduate' from WTT to TTC to PG in a VERY short time because they are young and extremely broody and just looking for the right person to make it happen with.

 

[maybebaby16]

thanks to everyone who understands that i am waiting! jst because other young ppl have gone from waiting to trying really quick doesnt mean that i am going to. feel like i am being judged a bit. i have been with my boyfriend for 6 months i know that doesnt seem long but we are in love. he knows i want a baby he does too when the time is right. he knows i am going on the pill next week and said he would like to come with me to the doctors. i have been lookin up contraceptin an i might even b able to getr an implant then it lasts for a long time. i am not having a baby i really dnt need ppl lecturing me about having a baby young because i am noit having a baby a young i am waiting to try. i know ppl are doing it to put me off but as ive said before i am waiting til i am ready. thanks everyone

 

[lozzy21]

The problem is that people are telling her she's to young...................she is IN WTT! She isn't having a baby now, she is WTT! It's an oxymoron! Just take a look at ashleysalazar's post!

We are not telling her she is to young to be broody, We are telling her to go out and enjoy her youth, instead of wasting it because she is fixed on the future instead of the now.

 

[HippyMumma23]

Ok heres my two cents.

Fact- shes not TTC.

Fact- dont we ALL waste time on here??? I know that I do! That doesnt mean Im missing out on life, it simply means Im looking forward to the future aswell as enjoynig life, and wasting a bit of time on here ;-)

Leave her be, shes broody, shes not TTC. So she buys a few bits, shes written a birth plan and shes posted on here, an actual baby would take up a LOT more of her youth then that. So in my opinion, leave her be.

 

[Mervs Mum]

thanks to everyone who understands that i am waiting! jst because other young ppl have gone from waiting to trying really quick doesnt mean that i am going to. feel like i am being judged a bit. i have been with my boyfriend for 6 months i know that doesnt seem long but we are in love. he knows i want a baby he does too when the time is right. he knows i am going on the pill next week and said he would like to come with me to the doctors. i have been lookin up contraceptin an i might even b able to getr an implant then it lasts for a long time. i am not having a baby i really dnt need ppl lecturing me about having a baby young because i am noit having a baby a young i am waiting to try. i know ppl are doing it to put me off but as ive said before i am waiting til i am ready. thanks everyone

EVERYONE understands that you are waiting and I promise you I for one am not judging you and I dont get the impression that people are judging you.

I'm trying to think of a good example to explain why people are reacting like they are.....

OK this isnt great but it's almost like someone saying they really want to get a tattoo but are waiting till they have the money and know what they want. People who already have tattoos are going to come and offer their thoughts and experiences. Some of those people will say 'dont do it, you'll regret it, it's a big decision to make when you are so young' etc etc. Some will say 'I did it and I regret it so here's my experience' some might say 'oh I feel EXACTLY like you do but I'm waiting too'. They are all just offering their view point. At no time does this person have to say 'I'm off NOW to get a tattoo' they have said they are considering it because they think it's something they want to do and so people are going to give their view point - we are a forum - we all contribute or experiences and opinions....

I think what may clouding this is that maybebaby16 started off by saying she was wanting to TTC in the teen section then appeared to have a sudden change of heart when her post was removed because BnB dont support 16 yr olds TTC. Perhaps some of the replies are from people concerned that maybe in her heart she still wants to TTC....

 

[Mervs Mum]

https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/209261-want-baby.html

 

[HippyMumma23]

Oh dear, not using protection, this is not good. But honestly? I dont think she will listen to complete strangers on a forum telling her not to do it, I think if she's determined to get pregnant then she probably will. How very sad.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Do you listen to members advice on here? Some of it will resonate and some you'll discard.....surely the same applies to us all HippyMumma?

Maybe, just maybe, something will stick.

 

[lozzy21]

Hopefully something will stick, god if i were 16 again i would do some things so differently. God have you heard me, im only 22 and sound like an 80 year old

 

[HippyMumma23]

Yes I agree.... however, we all know that broody feeling is ridiculously strong. At any age, can anyone beat away that feeling? I know that I cant.

 

[maybebaby16]

yes i have changed my mind. i was feeling very broody when i wrote that. i didnt really want it brouyght up again. i am not ttrying to concieve. ive moved on from that. the reason i wtt now is because my mum had a very long conversation wih me about this she was broody at my age to but didnt have my siser til she was in mid 20s. plz dont come down on me about my other posts i wanna forget about it. im a happy 16 yr old in love with mybf wtt thats all.

 

[HippyMumma23]

Good for you honey!! Mervs mum you were right

Enjoy your teens honey. By the way 17 is by far the best age and its not that far away for you. I loved being 17.

xxxx

 

[Mervs Mum]

yes i have changed my mind. i was feeling very broody when i wrote that. i didnt really want it brouyght up again. i am not ttrying to concieve. ive moved on from that. the reason i wtt now is because my mum had a very long conversation wih me about this she was broody at my age to but didnt have my siser til she was in mid 20s. plz dont come down on me about my other posts i wanna forget about it. im a happy 16 yr old in love with mybf wtt thats all.

You wrote that less than 3 days ago hun......you say you cant help being broody but you're saying you've switched those strong feelings off less than 72 hours later....

Please understand that people will give you their opinions on a big forum like this. You cant tell them to forget what you said. No one is coming down on you. This is how discussions go on a public forum. If someone were to be rude to you then fair enough you can report their post to admin but you cant stop people politely sharing their experiences with you just as much as we cant stop you feeling like you do