What not to say:
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Serene123
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Me too!
stardust22
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I hate everyone and everything right now!
I wish I had the power to delete myself off facebook at times! the pregnancy announcements, bump photos etc etc. I work in a maternity ward and thats bad enough. Anyway.....I said something on my status that read "I am so sick of everyone saying on their status what a great life they have, mine is just a big pile of shit" ok it was asking for trouble really. I had a friend who knows what has happened to me reply with "just think how exciting February will be, you are going to be an aunt"
my sister is pregnant!!!!!!!!! like I needed to hear that. insensitive b*tch!!!
Sorry I am sooo angry
x
I wish I had the power to delete myself off facebook at times! the pregnancy announcements, bump photos etc etc. I work in a maternity ward and thats bad enough. Anyway.....I said something on my status that read "I am so sick of everyone saying on their status what a great life they have, mine is just a big pile of shit" ok it was asking for trouble really. I had a friend who knows what has happened to me reply with "just think how exciting February will be, you are going to be an aunt"
my sister is pregnant!!!!!!!!! like I needed to hear that. insensitive b*tch!!!Sorry I am sooo angry
x
stardust22
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Thanks Megg!
I cant believe you and me are still ttc. I remember you from Jan when I first had my loss and you said lovely things to me.
I hope we get our sticky beanie
I cant believe you and me are still ttc. I remember you from Jan when I first had my loss and you said lovely things to me.
I hope we get our sticky beanie
Megg33k
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Aww! I remember you too... but I would have thought you'd forgotten all about me by now! 
Thank you! That made me smile... and want to cry a little! My first loss was just a month before yours... and my 2nd was just a few months ago in May. But, I'm starting IUI, and I'd love if we could be bump buddies soon!!!
Thank you! That made me smile... and want to cry a little! My first loss was just a month before yours... and my 2nd was just a few months ago in May. But, I'm starting IUI, and I'd love if we could be bump buddies soon!!!
Megg33k
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A friend posted this and I had to share it in here!
So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?
1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!
2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralysed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralysed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralysed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk – everywhere I go!
9. But don’t you *want* to walk?
10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.
11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.
18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…
So here’s a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant and it’s taking longer than expected, DON’T tell her to just relax. Don’t tell her to adopt and then surely she’ll get pregnant with her own child. Don’t tell her that God has a plan for her. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!”
Scheduling sex with the person you love isn’t fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn’t fun. Finding out every single month that – yet again – it didn’t work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.
DO tell her that you’re sorry she’s going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you’re glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don’t bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.
And DON’T feel that because she told you that it’s okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever – unless she tells you that it’s okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity. The last thing your friend needs is to be at someone’s garage sale and get unsolicited advice from said secretary’s sister’s cousin’s dogwalker’s barista about how she and her husband just need to get really drunk one night and jump in the back seat of the car. Because she’s probably already tried that, too
So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?
1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!
2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralysed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralysed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralysed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk – everywhere I go!
9. But don’t you *want* to walk?
10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.
11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.
18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…
So here’s a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant and it’s taking longer than expected, DON’T tell her to just relax. Don’t tell her to adopt and then surely she’ll get pregnant with her own child. Don’t tell her that God has a plan for her. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!”
Scheduling sex with the person you love isn’t fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn’t fun. Finding out every single month that – yet again – it didn’t work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.
DO tell her that you’re sorry she’s going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you’re glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don’t bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.
And DON’T feel that because she told you that it’s okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever – unless she tells you that it’s okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity. The last thing your friend needs is to be at someone’s garage sale and get unsolicited advice from said secretary’s sister’s cousin’s dogwalker’s barista about how she and her husband just need to get really drunk one night and jump in the back seat of the car. Because she’s probably already tried that, too
sequeena
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Hugs for all the girlies that need them 
xxxx
Just found out one of my partners co-workers (an ex co worker of mine) daughter has given birth... she's 15.
It happens, I know but why why WHY is it so easy for someone who is still in SCHOOL to get pregnant and we can't?!
xxxxJust found out one of my partners co-workers (an ex co worker of mine) daughter has given birth... she's 15.
It happens, I know but why why WHY is it so easy for someone who is still in SCHOOL to get pregnant and we can't?!
stardust22
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Megg I remember you!!!!!! I often see your name and have been more of a lurker lately as I have been quite down. been a dark place for a while but I am now just hoping I can focus on other things and for the first time in 9 months I feel positive.
YES YES YES to future bump buddies!
xxx
YES YES YES to future bump buddies!
xxx
stardust22
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I am back and raring to go and cant wait to see you and your 
x
x
stardust22
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one terrible thing my best friend said, and by no means did she mean it (she still says it makes her sick that she blurted it out and is still so sorry)
but we got together after a few months of not seeing each other for a weekend trip and we were talking about my history of "seconds"
I ended up graduating from my second high school, second college, marrying my second boyfriend, picking out the second wedding dress...
well she knew I just had a chemical like a month or two before that (broke me down)
and she said "well it seems the second thing always works out for you, maybe the second one will stick"
I started tearing up right then and there and she immediately apologized and didn't know why that sounded like a good thing to say at the time, but I think it's something that shouldn't be said shortly following a loss.
but we got together after a few months of not seeing each other for a weekend trip and we were talking about my history of "seconds"
I ended up graduating from my second high school, second college, marrying my second boyfriend, picking out the second wedding dress...
well she knew I just had a chemical like a month or two before that (broke me down)
and she said "well it seems the second thing always works out for you, maybe the second one will stick"
I started tearing up right then and there and she immediately apologized and didn't know why that sounded like a good thing to say at the time, but I think it's something that shouldn't be said shortly following a loss.
babysimpson
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I have to admit I've had a lot of support from my family and closest friends but from others I got "You're not ready, lose more weight first, you should be concentrating on your relationship, you should be out enjoying yourself not trying to get knocked up" etc.
I'm 29 and been with my partner whose 23 for 3 years. Getting married in 2013 and would love to have our little son and daughter to be there with us. We both know what we want and we do go out and enjoy ourselves but not in the way people think we should. They reckon we should be out drinking every weekend and taking holidays every year.
My mum has been fantastic and every time I update her of what's happening, she's straight on to the internet trying to find out stuff that may help me. My fiance is very protective of me and our close mates have been looking out for me and offering to help with everything. My fiance sees the physical pain I'm going through at the moment and does everything he can so I can rest. Mentally we share the grief and he keeps saying positive things to me like "we are not giving up darling and no matter happens, I will always be by your side and we'll get through this together".
I'm 29 and been with my partner whose 23 for 3 years. Getting married in 2013 and would love to have our little son and daughter to be there with us. We both know what we want and we do go out and enjoy ourselves but not in the way people think we should. They reckon we should be out drinking every weekend and taking holidays every year.
My mum has been fantastic and every time I update her of what's happening, she's straight on to the internet trying to find out stuff that may help me. My fiance is very protective of me and our close mates have been looking out for me and offering to help with everything. My fiance sees the physical pain I'm going through at the moment and does everything he can so I can rest. Mentally we share the grief and he keeps saying positive things to me like "we are not giving up darling and no matter happens, I will always be by your side and we'll get through this together".
Megg33k
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I am back and raring to go and cant wait to see you and your
x
Same to you, lovely!
Do you have a journal or anywhere I can stalk you? You're welcome to hang out in mine if you don't! 
I'd love to keep up with your progress!Oh... That made me a little sick just reading the lead up because I knew where it was going! I'm 100% certain that she meant it to be uplifting... but wow! FOOT IN MOUTH! That's so the wrong thing to say!!!
Aww! Most of that is the definition of "what TO say"... Your fiancée sounds delightful... as does your mum!
stardust22
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I am back and raring to go and cant wait to see you and your
x
Same to you, lovely!
I have a link in my siggy that is for TTC. I have to say due to my very dark times lately I havent been in it much but I think I need to start!!!
I love to stalk so I will check you out too!!!
Weird how the siggy doesnt show in this part of bnb? any particular reason?
Megg33k
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I am back and raring to go and cant wait to see you and your
x
Same to you, lovely!
I have a link in my siggy that is for TTC. I have to say due to my very dark times lately I havent been in it much but I think I need to start!!!
I love to stalk so I will check you out too!!!
Weird how the siggy doesnt show in this part of bnb? any particular reason?
Hmm... no clue... I shall seek it out!
babysimpson
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Thanks Megg I do have to say I'm very lucky in the support I have and it's helped me through it a lot quicker. I'm not over it emotionally but I feel that I can handle things more easily because I know I have them there.
croydongirl
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I think the hardest thing to hear is when someone tells you, "you can have another baby"
I don't know why it is so hard for people to grasp that you can't just replace one baby with another. No one would ever console a parent who had lost an older child by saying that, or by saying, "don't be sad, you have other children"
I am not just sad we have lost two pregnancies, I am sad that I won't get to hold, know and love those two specific children.
I pray that God continues to make me a more compassionate person who thinks before she speaks, because I want to be sure I am not caught being flippant about anothers sorrow - even with the best of intentions
I don't know why it is so hard for people to grasp that you can't just replace one baby with another. No one would ever console a parent who had lost an older child by saying that, or by saying, "don't be sad, you have other children"
I am not just sad we have lost two pregnancies, I am sad that I won't get to hold, know and love those two specific children.
I pray that God continues to make me a more compassionate person who thinks before she speaks, because I want to be sure I am not caught being flippant about anothers sorrow - even with the best of intentions
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