What not to say:

[LoveAmorAi]

However the worst comment I have gotten is:
'Stop being pregnant...Oh you already have!'

Are you serious? Omg...I am so sorry that anybody would be so cruel to say that to you.

I know that pangs of jealousy. My friend ended up pregnant about a month after I did. She didn't want it so she TRIED to miscarry, telling me that if all her friends were then it couldn't be that hard.

She drank and smoked and did everything and that baby lasted until 17 weeks in all of that. I took her to the hospital and held her sleeping angel.

I was jealous she was pregnant and pissed that she was trying to kill it.

 

[LoveAmorAi]

Has anyone been told by the doctor that "1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage", like that is supposed to make it better?

"Oh, well at least I'm normal..."

No!

 

[louley]

im glad ive found this thread, i know people just dont know what to say really, but it hurts none the less eh, i have so many of the previously mentiones comments, seems like theres a secret book that they've all read, a book of kick ya in the teeth phrases that makes them feel better for trying but n you supposedly better for hearing....

i dont want to be told everything happens for a reason and at least i can fall pregnant..... i want to know the reason why i cant stay pregnant!!!

im going to hospital tomoro, pretty sure im losing this one too

 

[JASMAK]

Has anyone been told by the doctor that "1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage", like that is supposed to make it better?

"Oh, well at least I'm normal..."

No!

Yes, I was told this with my first m/c ( I had three). Well, what they don't tell you, is that maybe it is because there is something wrong. Like with us, it took three miscarriages and four years of infertility for them to FINALLY test hubby (they didn't want to because I was getting pregnant...so it COULDN'T be him) and it turned out hubby only had 3% normal sperm (so 97% ABNORMAL) and that causes infertility and recurrent miscarriage. The fertility clinic was really nice and we managed to get pregnant and keep the pregnancy this time (she was born 9 weeks ago). But, that heartache never goes away....my angel babies will always be with me until the day I die. I still weep for them.

 

[LoveAmorAi]

Has anyone been told by the doctor that "1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage", like that is supposed to make it better?

"Oh, well at least I'm normal..."

No!

Yes, I was told this with my first m/c ( I had three). Well, what they don't tell you, is that maybe it is because there is something wrong. Like with us, it took three miscarriages and four years of infertility for them to FINALLY test hubby (they didn't want to because I was getting pregnant...so it COULDN'T be him) and it turned out hubby only had 3% normal sperm (so 97% ABNORMAL) and that causes infertility and recurrent miscarriage. The fertility clinic was really nice and we managed to get pregnant and keep the pregnancy this time (she was born 9 weeks ago). But, that heartache never goes away....my angel babies will always be with me until the day I die. I still weep for them.

Congrats on the new baby! I love hearing about safe arrivals on this board.

And, Aynalynn was my first pregnancy so I am hoping me and my bf can have children later, after marriage, but he is a cancer survivor so maybe all that treatment affected his ability to have kids.

I suppose if he can't have children we can always get help. Your child is proof enough that there are always ways.

My mom has a miscarriage so hopefully I will have one and never have to have another.

I'm kind of scared now.

 

[Faith2781]

After what my Dad said to me this morning on the way back from my blood test (day 7 after methotrexate treatment) and the fact that I am going back to work on Tuesday - I have decided to copy these down put them on an A4 page and stick them by my desk!!

Sick of hearing 'it's natures way' or 'at least you know you can conceive'!!!

 

[icantdecide]

oh god those comments people just love to say!
I wonder what goes through their minds when they say them

My nan said to me after i cam out of hospital "well it was a stupid time to get pregnant anyway"

the reason being i start a new job in a few weeks! its like really are you trying to hurt me.

 

[wannababybump]

i suffered a miscarriage last week and was told by the doctor in the A&E dept,
'Once these things start there is nothing we can do to stop it, just go home stay in bed and come back tomorrow for an ultrasound to confirm the miscarriage. You know 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage and you're young you have plenty of time to try for another'
I didn't want to try again i just wanted this baby!!
This is my 3rd m/c the first 2 were 8 years ago and it has took both of us all this time to get the courage up to try again and now i just feel lost! i just want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be ok

 

[Megg33k]

I wish I could hug you and tell you everything will be okay... I can and type that I truly hope you realize your dream of a sticky bean very, very soon!

 

[Benim]

- it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby.
- You're young. You'll get pregnant again.
Seriously my husband told me "it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby" Make me so upset. And then 2-3 people said "You're young. You'll get pregnant again" I'm 31.
Time will fly I know time will fly.And I agree with Aidedhoney " Sometimes no words or needed just a hug or a touch can say a thousand words."

 

[Beanwood]

Hi all

Had to comment. I found out on the 18th October 2010 at 13 weeks that I had a blighted ovum. My friend said to me that same day. "It wasn't actually a baby, it wasn't actually baby, try and remember that".

I have also had "atleast you already have children" (true i do but it still hurts for the life that we had potentially created)

When I went back to work yesterday my boss (a woman) asked me had it all started to come away in bits. I was in shock but managed to answer that i had a d & c.

Oh and the other "I am glad you are ok now that you have had the d & c". Oh yeah cause now I can just forget that i thought i was haveing a baby for weeks and planning it all in my head.

So sorry to rant - goodness i needed to do that. Thank you so much and I am sorry that you have all had to experience such insensitive comments.

 

[grandbleu]

- it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby.
- You're young. You'll get pregnant again.
Seriously my husband told me "it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby" Make me so upset. And then 2-3 people said "You're young. You'll get pregnant again" I'm 31.

I can totally relate to the "you're still young"- my husband says that celebrities are having babies in their 40's - um I want one now and I'm not getting any younger (33 here) - I actually don't feel like I have "plenty of time" as people seem to suggest.

Or the "at least you weren't further along" GRRRR - it hurts no matter when you have your miscarriage...I fell in love the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test.

 

[Megg33k]

- it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby.
- You're young. You'll get pregnant again.
Seriously my husband told me "it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby" Make me so upset. And then 2-3 people said "You're young. You'll get pregnant again" I'm 31.

I can totally relate to the "you're still young"- my husband says that celebrities are having babies in their 40's - um I want one now and I'm not getting any younger (33 here) - I actually don't feel like I have "plenty of time" as people seem to suggest.

Or the "at least you weren't further along" GRRRR - it hurts no matter when you have your miscarriage...I fell in love the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test.

Oh, god... I HATE when people tell me how young I am! I'll be 30 in Feb, and I intended to have ALL (2-3) of my kids before I turned 30. I wasn't supposed to be struggling to effing IVF for #1 at 29 years and 8 months... after 2 blight ovums! I don't care if I still have 10-15 years, I wanted my kids years and years ago!

 

[Megg33k]

Hi all

Had to comment. I found out on the 18th October 2010 at 13 weeks that I had a blighted ovum. My friend said to me that same day. "It wasn't actually a baby, it wasn't actually baby, try and remember that".

I have also had "atleast you already have children" (true i do but it still hurts for the life that we had potentially created)

When I went back to work yesterday my boss (a woman) asked me had it all started to come away in bits. I was in shock but managed to answer that i had a d & c.

Oh and the other "I am glad you are ok now that you have had the d & c". Oh yeah cause now I can just forget that i thought i was haveing a baby for weeks and planning it all in my head.

So sorry to rant - goodness i needed to do that. Thank you so much and I am sorry that you have all had to experience such insensitive comments.

That's really angering how insensitive people have been toward you... especially your boss and your friend saying it wasn't really a baby! I've had 2 blighted ovum... So, I understand. Mine were found at 10 weeks and 11 weeks. I felt so cheated and lied to and jerked around by my body.

 

[Beanwood]

Mine were found at 10 weeks and 11 weeks. I felt so cheated and lied to and jerked around by my body. [/QUOTE]

I can totally relate to that. I felt like my body had tricked me. Very weird and upsetting to get your head round.

I am sorry for your losses. Once was bad enough - my heart really goes out to you. I see that it is ivf next for you. I was on clomid when i had blighted ovum. Not sure at mo what our bext step will be.

 

[Megg33k]

Mine were found at 10 weeks and 11 weeks. I felt so cheated and lied to and jerked around by my body.

I can totally relate to that. I felt like my body had tricked me. Very weird and upsetting to get your head round.

I am sorry for your losses. Once was bad enough - my heart really goes out to you. I see that it is ivf next for you. I was on clomid when i had blighted ovum. Not sure at mo what our bext step will be.

Thanks, honey! I'm sorry for yours as well! Oddly, I handled it well the first time. I felt like it was almost "normal" for some people to lose their first. I knew loads of people who had been through that. But, I just had a terrible feeling about the second time and everyone said "it won't happen twice"... but it did. I fell completely apart. I'm still not quite past it... I found out 2 days before Mother's Day. Awful timing! I was on Soy Isoflavones both times. IVF is next for me... soon. I just had surgery about a week and a half ago to remove some polyps and other "bad tissue"... ended up with a full D&C/ERPC. So, I should already be in the middle of my IVF cycle, but I got pushed back a few weeks to heal. I'll have confirmation of IVF success or failure within a few days before Christmas. I worry about what bad news will do to me given the timing... but hoping for good news so that it won't matter.

Didn't mean to derail. I'm hoping you have a journal so I can follow your journey?

 

[Beanwood]

I don't have a journal at the mo. Must start one.

I really hope all goes well for you. Will be watching your journal if thats ok. XX

 

[Megg33k]

I don't have a journal at the mo. Must start one.

I really hope all goes well for you. Will be watching your journal if thats ok. XX

Of course! I found a thread you'd posted called "My Story"... but it didn't say much. LOL

 

[Beanwood]

I did start a thread but i deleted it. Ughhh need to start a journal. Get out some of my aggghhhhhhhhhh. Hope you are ok. XXXX

 

[Megg33k]

I did start a thread but i deleted it. Ughhh need to start a journal. Get out some of my aggghhhhhhhhhh. Hope you are ok. XXXX

I am! Better than before! I've been green-lighted for my Dec IVF cycle! You definitely need to start a journal! How are you doing?