What not to say:

[misscs]

Wrong person to say the wrong thing - doctors! Going for post EPRC check."Hello, hows everything going with the pregnancy coming along?"......grrr stupid hospital not sending on my notes to say Id had a mmc and EPRC

Definately agree there are no 'right words'.....a hug, some comfort, just being there...if only people understood x

 

[sequeena]

I am proud.... I congratulated a friend on her pregnancy today

Up util she said 'Aren't you and Sean trying?'
'Well yes, we have. 20 months and 2 losses'
'OMG! I never knew I'm sorry, wow I'm lucky I've caught so quick!!'
'Yes, yes you are'

I wanted to cry I know she meant nothing bad by it but I felt she was rubbing her pregnancy in my face.

 

[Megg33k]

OMG! What a horrible thing for her to say!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Please dont assume by a name the gender of an angel baby- at least ask.

 

[Megg33k]

Aww! Your avatar is adorable. Its a lovely name!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

We all have different loss experiences- please have respect for others losses and dont say anything you wouldnt want someone to say to you. You may be in shock and say something not realizing how deep you hurt someone who went through the same thing.

 

[gimgams]

OMG, this rings true i think to all women who have suffered a mc and then suffered the inconsiderate individuals around us afterwards. I suffered my 3rd mc last month and was admitted to hospital the next day for a erpc, whilst in hospital my niece text me to ask me if i could call my mum (her nana) and ask if she would mind changing the date of her 21st birthday party my mum was organising, i obviously didnt and ignored the text. Ten days later at her 21st party at my mums she turned around to me discreetly in the kitchen and said ' i know exactly what your going through, dont worry you'll get over it soon, it is your 3rd time' how i didnt punch her i dont know, funny thing is she doesnt know how i feel, she is comparing my mc to the abortion she chose to have 4 months ago! was gutted and still am in a way, why do people say such stupid things, sorry, a hug, anything is better than trying to some how make light of the situation.

 

[Megg33k]

OH EM GEE! The people in some of our lives SUCK!

 

[lilwelsh1]

gimgams that is shocking. I know sometimes people just want to say something to magic it all better and others just speak without thinking, a hug would be best. admitting u have no words would do also. to you, sorry for your loss.

 

[franks17]

i lost a baby not so long ago and doctors think im gonna lose this baby too im am totally gutted yet people basically say get over it yet if it was someone living in this world died they'd say im sooo sorry for your lose yet a misscarriage isnt really classed as a life lost just a baby not developed properly!! i think a person and a unborn child are both the same both a life and should be treated and grieved for the same way yet peple can be soo insensitive !!

 

[lilwelsh1]

so true franks, just because nobody got to meet our angel babies doesn't mean they meant any less to us. so sorry for your loss and for the possibility of going thru that again xx

 

[hopes-up-sd]

While I was put on bed rest, with my third miscarriage, to prevent the already lost pregnancy from leaving my body until I could get my D&C so they could test my deceased baby to determine why I'd lost it, my mother said, "At least you get to lie around and read and watch tv; I never get any downtime- you won't either if you have any kids. Try to enjoy it."

 

[Megg33k]

While I was put on bed rest, with my third miscarriage, to prevent the already lost pregnancy from leaving my body until I could get my D&C so they could test my deceased baby to determine why I'd lost it, my mother said, "At least you get to lie around and read and watch tv; I never get any downtime- you won't either if you have any kids. Try to enjoy it."

Holy crap! That's the pinnacle of WHAT NOT TO SAY!

 

[baker]

I went for my 12 week scan on 30th October to find that I had a missed miscarriage and my baby had died at 7 weeks. Just coming to the end of my natural miscarriage at the moment. This morning, the midwife for my GP phoned up in a cheerful voice asking "Did you have your scan...?" I had to explain that we had lost our baby, then she said, "Oh, it has happened to a lot of people!" Came off the phone and cried. So upset that I had to explain that I'd lost the baby and that she said it had happened to a lot of people.

 

[monkeybear79]

The day I found out I had a blighted ovum my mum turned round and said 'well, at least you'll be able to help with the boxes when you move house...oh, is that the wrong thing to say?'....erm, yes!!

 

[hopes-up-sd]

How can people suck so much?!? I read this thread and just want to scream at people's insensitivity! How hard is is to say: "I'm sorry for your loss. Please let me know if you need anything?" I wouldn't wish this nightmare experience on my worst enemy, but what sort of life lessons do the people who've said these hurtful things need to learn to make them understand how to treat someone who is in profound pain? My heart goes out to us all!

 

[LoveAmorAi]

- It was for the best
- At least you know you can get pregnant
- Be glad. Having a baby changes your life; think of all the fun things you wouldn't have been able to do anymore.
- it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby.
- You're young. You'll get pregnant again
- At least you weren't very far along

These words were spoken to me when I was losing my baby (11 weeks). I feel sort of bad for this, but every person who ever said one of these to me I feel such disdain for.

What do you even say to these?

 

[1stBaby2011]

I just miscarried last weekend. While I've heard many of these statements from friends and family, the worst came from my own husband "well, at least we can try again" He doesn't seem too concerned about the fact that we just lost a baby.

 

[JASMAK]

While I was put on bed rest, with my third miscarriage, to prevent the already lost pregnancy from leaving my body until I could get my D&C so they could test my deceased baby to determine why I'd lost it, my mother said, "At least you get to lie around and read and watch tv; I never get any downtime- you won't either if you have any kids. Try to enjoy it."

Holy crap! That's the pinnacle of WHAT NOT TO SAY!

Holy man...that is brutal, isn't it?!! I think that is the worst I have heard yet!!!

 

[MeggyMoo87]

We found out our baby had died at our 12 week scan 3 weeks ago now, and today I had a phone call from the midwife asking why i had missed my antenatal appointment that morning! I politely said to her that we lost our baby 3 weeks ago and she said, "oh you could have let me know so I could have given the appointment to someone else" I was gobsmacked! How can someone be so insensitive!