What not to say:

"You do realize that even if you get pregnant... well... it could happen again."

REALLY? I thought after 3 MC's that there was no way I could ever have another. That isn't actually a rule? Darn!

I guess just in case we have any hope they want to smash it just in case? Why would someone say that?

I suppose he was just trying to keep me grounded and realistic... but its not like I didn't know it could happen again. Then, the same person became totally supportive when I did get pregnant again... AND IT DID HAPPEN AGAIN! :cry:

My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. The worst thing was the Dr came in and told us like this with a big smile "you have a pseudo pregnancy (an empty egg). It shouldn't bother you, just remember there never was a baby" ...having all those hormones still in me, i really wanted to deck her in the face, because in my mind there was a baby for 12 weeks, I felt like it was my fault, and never dealt with my emotions properly. It was hard. the miscarriage lasted for 40 days before I went to the ER..I was so angry with the DR I didnt want to see another one and wanted nature to take its course.

Ooh... My 1st 2 losses were just like that. I didn't find out until 10 and 11 weeks that there was nothing but an empty sac. I felt so hurt and cheated and wrong and lied to. I felt like my body had played the cruelest of all jokes! And, then to have it happen a 2nd time? I dealt pretty well the first time, but the second time sent me into hysterics before I could even get off of the ultrasound table. It was awful. Funny enough, losing a seemingly viable pregnancy at 10 weeks wasn't better. It didn't feel as much like a lie or a joke... but it felt like a broken promise that was never meant to be broken.
 
I really can not stand when people tell me I can do anything I want to do if I put my mind to it, including having an healthy baby. IF I could prevent my miscarriages I would.
 
[\QUOTE]
Ooh... My 1st 2 losses were just like that. I didn't find out until 10 and 11 weeks that there was nothing but an empty sac. I felt so hurt and cheated and wrong and lied to. I felt like my body had played the cruelest of all jokes! And, then to have it happen a 2nd time? I dealt pretty well the first time, but the second time sent me into hysterics before I could even get off of the ultrasound table. It was awful. Funny enough, losing a seemingly viable pregnancy at 10 weeks wasn't better. It didn't feel as much like a lie or a joke... but it felt like a broken promise that was never meant to be broken.[/QUOTE]

I am so sorry!! That is awful! I hope for you that you get your baby soon, I know how hard it is.
I know that if it happens to me again I wouldn't deal as well as before either. I just hope this pregnancy makes it past that 12 week mark. Im at 9 weeks so far. Its hard for me to really want to take great care of myself, you know like to go all out, and then have that happen again. Ive been really depressed since we found out, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING! I just sit here. I have to force myself to eat. To get out of bed. To shower. To get dressed (which I only do half the time.) I have a dr appt April 1st (ironically the day that we took the first preg test last year :/) So I hope I get an ultrasound and I hope there is a baby in there with a heartbeat and all that, Im tired of being lonely. Im a stay at home mom, without a baby :(
 
"This is just really hard on your marriage. You two are newlyweds, and this is too much to go through this soon." -My Mom

"It was just too soon for a baby." -My Best Friend

"I don't know why someone would wait tell people they are pregnant, especially if they are family." - My SIL who has never gone through this and has twins. In fact, NONE of my SIL's have ever gone through this. Which is why NONE of them know I had a m/c.
 
"You do realize that even if you get pregnant... well... it could happen again."

REALLY? I thought after 3 MC's that there was no way I could ever have another. That isn't actually a rule? Darn!

I guess just in case we have any hope they want to smash it just in case? Why would someone say that?

I suppose he was just trying to keep me grounded and realistic... but its not like I didn't know it could happen again. Then, the same person became totally supportive when I did get pregnant again... AND IT DID HAPPEN AGAIN! :cry:

My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. The worst thing was the Dr came in and told us like this with a big smile "you have a pseudo pregnancy (an empty egg). It shouldn't bother you, just remember there never was a baby" ...having all those hormones still in me, i really wanted to deck her in the face, because in my mind there was a baby for 12 weeks, I felt like it was my fault, and never dealt with my emotions properly. It was hard. the miscarriage lasted for 40 days before I went to the ER..I was so angry with the DR I didnt want to see another one and wanted nature to take its course.

Ooh... My 1st 2 losses were just like that. I didn't find out until 10 and 11 weeks that there was nothing but an empty sac. I felt so hurt and cheated and wrong and lied to. I felt like my body had played the cruelest of all jokes! And, then to have it happen a 2nd time? I dealt pretty well the first time, but the second time sent me into hysterics before I could even get off of the ultrasound table. It was awful. Funny enough, losing a seemingly viable pregnancy at 10 weeks wasn't better. It didn't feel as much like a lie or a joke... but it felt like a broken promise that was never meant to be broken.

I am going through the same exact thing. I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage/blighted ovum. I am 10 wks today, the ultrasound said the sac measured 6wks. I feel the the same way....such a cruel miscarriage. I have no bleeding, no cramping, and even have some pregnancy symptoms still (although most of them are gone). The waiting is absolute hell, because I cannot move on until it is out of me. And, to make matters worse almost EVERYONE in my life is saying the wrong things to DH and I. I guess they mean well, but they just don't understand. I need to choose my company very carefully these days.
 
These are the responses I've had so far:

-my mom has been in complete denial about it and said, "There has never been a miscarriage in our family, you are not bleeding or anything, I doubt you are miscarrying."

-"The baby was not healthy and probably would've been deformed."

-"At least you have 2 healthy boys already."

-"If you were farther along it would've been worse."

-"These things happen, just try again."

-"There are people in the world dealing with worse things than that."

All I want from people is I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know you are hurting right now.
Is that so hard?????????????????????????????
 
@ minime1-
Im so sorry! I know it is so hard! And even harder to be around people! I literally hid from the world and was so angry with myself for telling EVERYONE I was pregnant soon. I took it as lesson learned. But ya it is so hard because your body still has symptoms, you still feel pregnant, ugh its so awful! I wish you all the best of luck! I know how bad some people want to be mommies, like me! Hope for the best!
 
@ minime1-
Im so sorry! I know it is so hard! And even harder to be around people! I literally hid from the world and was so angry with myself for telling EVERYONE I was pregnant soon. I took it as lesson learned. But ya it is so hard because your body still has symptoms, you still feel pregnant, ugh its so awful! I wish you all the best of luck! I know how bad some people want to be mommies, like me! Hope for the best!

thanks:cry:
 
Omg!!!! if i hear it was god's will one more time!!! really it was gods will to give me the excitement of getting pregnant n then take it away? seems a bit cruel!!!
I heard them all you're young u still have time..everything happens for a reason...even the doctr w/his this is very common happens all the time..well not to me!!! I know ppl mean well but seriously I rather not have them say anything!!!!
 
I know how that is, my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage was last year in June. I just found out Im pregnant again, and right after the dr told me I broke down crying. My husband didn't understand,but its so hard to be excited when I know what could happen. I know I shouldnt think like that but its hard after going through such a traumatizing event. I have been spotting a little whenever I do ANY physical activity even just something small like grocery shopping :/ it has really been scaring me, and he is not being very supportive just telling me its normal..because he knows. *rolls eyes


I know how you feel.. I am worried about becoming pregnant, even though it's what I pray for daily & really want, but the anxiousness of having a miscarriage happen again..

I hope everything works out for you; & just remember to stay calm. I hope to see some baby pictures within the next 9 months.. Good luck. :hugs:
 
[\QUOTE]
Ooh... My 1st 2 losses were just like that. I didn't find out until 10 and 11 weeks that there was nothing but an empty sac. I felt so hurt and cheated and wrong and lied to. I felt like my body had played the cruelest of all jokes! And, then to have it happen a 2nd time? I dealt pretty well the first time, but the second time sent me into hysterics before I could even get off of the ultrasound table. It was awful. Funny enough, losing a seemingly viable pregnancy at 10 weeks wasn't better. It didn't feel as much like a lie or a joke... but it felt like a broken promise that was never meant to be broken.

I am so sorry!! That is awful! I hope for you that you get your baby soon, I know how hard it is.
I know that if it happens to me again I wouldn't deal as well as before either. I just hope this pregnancy makes it past that 12 week mark. Im at 9 weeks so far. Its hard for me to really want to take great care of myself, you know like to go all out, and then have that happen again. Ive been really depressed since we found out, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING! I just sit here. I have to force myself to eat. To get out of bed. To shower. To get dressed (which I only do half the time.) I have a dr appt April 1st (ironically the day that we took the first preg test last year :/) So I hope I get an ultrasound and I hope there is a baby in there with a heartbeat and all that, Im tired of being lonely. Im a stay at home mom, without a baby :([/QUOTE]

That's how I was this time for... a while. I didn't want to eat, put on clothes, look at or talk to anyone, I barely wanted to expend the energy to watch TV. I really just wanted to go to sleep and hope that it would be a dream when I woke up. But, it never was... no matter how much I slept. :( I've never heard someone say what you just said... But, I'm also a stay at home mom without a baby. What a lousy thing to be, eh? :hugs:

P.S. Thank you so much for your kind words. My last loss was conceived via IVF (well, ICSI, but whatever). So, it was sort of an expensive pregnancy to lose... and all the more disappointing since it had been such a hard road to achieve the pregnancy to begin with. But, I'm back in treatment and hoping for my next BFP in about 1 month.

"You do realize that even if you get pregnant... well... it could happen again."

REALLY? I thought after 3 MC's that there was no way I could ever have another. That isn't actually a rule? Darn!

I guess just in case we have any hope they want to smash it just in case? Why would someone say that?

I suppose he was just trying to keep me grounded and realistic... but its not like I didn't know it could happen again. Then, the same person became totally supportive when I did get pregnant again... AND IT DID HAPPEN AGAIN! :cry:

My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. The worst thing was the Dr came in and told us like this with a big smile "you have a pseudo pregnancy (an empty egg). It shouldn't bother you, just remember there never was a baby" ...having all those hormones still in me, i really wanted to deck her in the face, because in my mind there was a baby for 12 weeks, I felt like it was my fault, and never dealt with my emotions properly. It was hard. the miscarriage lasted for 40 days before I went to the ER..I was so angry with the DR I didnt want to see another one and wanted nature to take its course.

Ooh... My 1st 2 losses were just like that. I didn't find out until 10 and 11 weeks that there was nothing but an empty sac. I felt so hurt and cheated and wrong and lied to. I felt like my body had played the cruelest of all jokes! And, then to have it happen a 2nd time? I dealt pretty well the first time, but the second time sent me into hysterics before I could even get off of the ultrasound table. It was awful. Funny enough, losing a seemingly viable pregnancy at 10 weeks wasn't better. It didn't feel as much like a lie or a joke... but it felt like a broken promise that was never meant to be broken.

I am going through the same exact thing. I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage/blighted ovum. I am 10 wks today, the ultrasound said the sac measured 6wks. I feel the the same way....such a cruel miscarriage. I have no bleeding, no cramping, and even have some pregnancy symptoms still (although most of them are gone). The waiting is absolute hell, because I cannot move on until it is out of me. And, to make matters worse almost EVERYONE in my life is saying the wrong things to DH and I. I guess they mean well, but they just don't understand. I need to choose my company very carefully these days.

Its the most dreadful feeling! :( I'm sorry you're going through this, honey! Feel free to track me down if you ever need to talk! :hugs:

These are the responses I've had so far:

-my mom has been in complete denial about it and said, "There has never been a miscarriage in our family, you are not bleeding or anything, I doubt you are miscarrying."

-"The baby was not healthy and probably would've been deformed."

-"At least you have 2 healthy boys already."

-"If you were farther along it would've been worse."

-"These things happen, just try again."

-"There are people in the world dealing with worse things than that."

All I want from people is I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know you are hurting right now.
Is that so hard?????????????????????????????

:shock: OMG! I'm SOOOOO sorry! If I'm being honest, I'd have to try very hard not to hit someone for saying that... even my mother! :cry:
 
I had a very insensitive response from a close family member yestersday.

" Oh well at least you didn't tell many people"....

For goodness sake!!! Does it matter who we told or who we didn't I have lost my baby!!!
 
Obviously, it must not hurt to lose your baby as long as not many people know... right? WTF?
 
My MIL said, "Why do you keep doing this?!" I asked her what she meant and she said "Getting pregnant!" and proceeded to tell me that it would just be something else to worry about and that DH and I should not have any more children (because we'd have to find someone to watch them).

I'm 34, DH is 38, and she said this as I was crying because I just found out that this pregnancy might be ectopic after a miscarriage at 5W4D last month and a MMC at 12 weeks in March 2009.
 
wow your mil sounds like a piece of work. :hugs:

so sorry!! I Hate people like that.
 
I think because people don' t know how to comfort us they say what ever idiocy comes to their mind to make THEM feel better.

When I lost my twins and the dr found out they had a chromosomal abnormality, and I told my family and friends some of them said "well it was a blessing in disguise, could you imagine having to take care of two handicap children?"
so what...does it make the hurt any less? no.
 
I think because people don' t know how to comfort us they say what ever idiocy comes to their mind to make THEM feel better.

When I lost my twins and the dr found out they had a chromosomal abnormality, and I told my family and friends some of them said "well it was a blessing in disguise, could you imagine having to take care of two handicap children?"
so what...does it make the hurt any less? no.

ya that doesnt make it any better. I just told my OH that I wont be getting any testing done to see if the baby has any abnormalities because I would love my child the same regardless.. :( Im sorry! Miscarrying two babies would be awful! :cry:
 
I would have loved them regardless also, but my dh and I, well let me amend that, I wanted to have some peace of mind , that I didn't do anything to cause the m/c. It's been almost 8 mos since the d&c..and want a baby so badly. One day at a time I guess. It's such a rollercoaster ride of emotions, this ttc
 
I would have loved them regardless also, but my dh and I, well let me amend that, I wanted to have some peace of mind , that I didn't do anything to cause the m/c. It's been almost 8 mos since the d&c..and want a baby so badly. One day at a time I guess. It's such a rollercoaster ride of emotions, this ttc

I know how that is. You will get your baby soon I hope!
 

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