What not to say:

[ninamama]

One friend said to me, don't take this the wrong way but I'm so glad you will be able to have a drink with me over Xmas...[/QUOTE]

No way... that is truly awful...

 

[Dahlia2007]

How about this from the BFF:

"Can you take me to my first ultrasound appointment?"

 

[SaucySac38]

Ouch Dahlia. That is insensitive.

 

[Dahlia2007]

I just don't think people even get it! unless they've been there themselves. : (

 

[growingbean]

My OH, as we were sitting in Emerg for 8 hours as I was miscarrying: We can look after my sisters baby. I burst into tears and he definitely regretted saying that. He hugged me and told me he was so sorry for even thinking that. MIL didnt understand at all what I was going through, saying: I have never met anyone who has miscarried. Ok so now you have, are you more satisfied with your life. Sheesh! My OH phoned MIL from Emerg to tell her what was happening, she said she MIGHT come and visit. She went to bingo!

Best thing said to me so far: It's sad that these things happen but you just need to remember that little miracle and comfort yourself with the fact that you got to experience that babys amazing presence inside you! I know this baby will try again when your ready [] keep your chin up beautiful

 

[Amiable_Aimee]

A chat between my friend and i today Bare in mind she hasn't had a miscarriage.

Me: Im terrible Last night i got out of hospital after being in there the night before. I found out that im having a miscarriage or possibly an ectopic pregnancy so life is very hard for me right now

Linn: awwww hunny Im in the hospital right now
birth went good but im so tired

Me:thats good glad your well

Linn: Aimee
Everything will be ok

Me: i wanted this baby so bad

Linn: I know how you feel, Im a mother now and it feels so good to be one
Don't worry you can get pregnant again Im sure the doctor talked to you about this
but what was the reason?
Did you stress too much lately?

 

[Dahlia2007]

Sorry for you loss : (
Yes Aimee, there is ignorance amongst the population. She just doesn't know

 

[Dahlia2007]

Best thing said to me so far: It's sad that these things happen but you just need to remember that little miracle and comfort yourself with the fact that you got to experience that babys amazing presence inside you! I know this baby will try again when your ready [] keep your chin up beautiful

Those are comforting words : )

 

[Dahlia2007]

Here I am for the second time today... just found out my brother's girlfriend is pregnant. is due around the same time I would have been. This would be his third child with a different third woman. I love his girlfriend and think she's great, but man, it's a blow to my heart : (
An the only reason I write it down is so I can get some release of stress

 

[lostandsad]

A chat between my friend and i today Bare in mind she hasn't had a miscarriage.

Me: Im terrible Last night i got out of hospital after being in there the night before. I found out that im having a miscarriage or possibly an ectopic pregnancy so life is very hard for me right now

Linn: awwww hunny Im in the hospital right now
birth went good but im so tired

Me:thats good glad your well

Linn: Aimee
Everything will be ok

Me: i wanted this baby so bad

Linn: I know how you feel, Im a mother now and it feels so good to be one
Don't worry you can get pregnant again Im sure the doctor talked to you about this
but what was the reason?
Did you stress too much lately?

I don't know who Linn is but sounds like maybe she had a sensitivity BYPASS at some point. OMG. this is the worst thing I've ever read

"Did you STRESS too much?" wtf? like it might be your fault??? oh she i suppose had the perfect pregnancy which is why she's 'a mother now'.

i just feel all angry again now about what my 'best friend' said to me when she found out. and it feels so painful because you just think, seriously, you are so unempathetic, i would be a MUCH better mother than you, but I'm the one who's had the mc

there is ignorance out there, but i'm not sure this is an excuse for insensitivity. is it? because there are so many other people in my life who have been amazing, and sensitive and warm and understanding: this was a baby. ok it wasn't born yet, but it still had all the potential joy and life of an actual baby! how dare your friend be so flippant about your pain when she's just been blessed by a baby and should of all people understand this??!!!

am i over-reacting? i feel like i might be but aaargghhhh this sort of thing just make me SO MAD!!!!!!!!!

 

[lostandsad]

Don't worry you can get pregnant again Im sure the doctor talked to you about this

and why do people insist on giving you information at this time?

why is SHE telling you not to worry?

why is SHE talking about your doctor?

Send me her address. I'm going round..................... ;-)

 

[makeupgirl]

I hate it when people have told me... "Oh you're so young, you have a lot of years ahead of you. It just wasn't the right time.. It wasn't meant to be."

Obviously it was if I got 'freakin pregnant I just wish people weren't so insensitive..

 

[makeupgirl]

A chat between my friend and i today Bare in mind she hasn't had a miscarriage.

Me: Im terrible Last night i got out of hospital after being in there the night before. I found out that im having a miscarriage or possibly an ectopic pregnancy so life is very hard for me right now

Linn: awwww hunny Im in the hospital right now
birth went good but im so tired

Me:thats good glad your well

Linn: Aimee
Everything will be ok

Me: i wanted this baby so bad

Linn: I know how you feel, Im a mother now and it feels so good to be one
Don't worry you can get pregnant again Im sure the doctor talked to you about this
but what was the reason?
Did you stress too much lately?

I don't know who Linn is but sounds like maybe she had a sensitivity BYPASS at some point. OMG. this is the worst thing I've ever read

"Did you STRESS too much?" wtf? like it might be your fault??? oh she i suppose had the perfect pregnancy which is why she's 'a mother now'.

i just feel all angry again now about what my 'best friend' said to me when she found out. and it feels so painful because you just think, seriously, you are so unempathetic, i would be a MUCH better mother than you, but I'm the one who's had the mc

there is ignorance out there, but i'm not sure this is an excuse for insensitivity. is it? because there are so many other people in my life who have been amazing, and sensitive and warm and understanding: this was a baby. ok it wasn't born yet, but it still had all the potential joy and life of an actual baby! how dare your friend be so flippant about your pain when she's just been blessed by a baby and should of all people understand this??!!!

am i over-reacting? i feel like i might be but aaargghhhh this sort of thing just make me SO MAD!!!!!!!!!

My FOB told me the same thing... "You shouldn't have been so stressed.." Like seriously? Now it's my fault that this happened?! I'm so sorry for your losses ladies. And I'm even more sorry for the insensitive comments. I just don't get people sometimes... /:

 

[Amiable_Aimee]

I know lostandsad It's so difficult, i thought stress doesn't cause miscarriage. That's ment to be a myth.. I have tried so hard to be calm, i even bought some relaxation CD's that i kept listening to before bed. I also ate a healthy balanced diet and took prenatals I spent a lot of time sleeping and relaxing, so clearly it's not that.. I've tried staying off facebook because it's upsetting seeing so many babies I get jealous and upset.

Makeupgirl, it's not your fault, and your not alone. I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[QtK8ie]

This helped a lot. Thank you.
I hope the people that don't know what to say read this, and find out what NOT to say.

 

[Carzelle]

hi ladies, just learned that I lost our baby today at 7 weeks. My poor husb doesnt know what to say because I just can;t stop crying. He said 'well at least it wasn't 14 weeks' which is true it would be more painful at that point but just because i wasnt that far along doesnt meant that i dont want to shove my head in a ditch. it was our first and i wanted it so bad. my heart is so broken.

 

[Amiable_Aimee]

hi ladies, just learned that I lost our baby today at 7 weeks. My poor husb doesnt know what to say because I just can;t stop crying. He said 'well at least it wasn't 14 weeks' which is true it would be more painful at that point but just because i wasnt that far along doesnt meant that i dont want to shove my head in a ditch. it was our first and i wanted it so bad. my heart is so broken.

Aww i know how you feel No matter how many weeks, it's still painful and normal to cry. Here for you

 

[silverlizard]

My first miscarriage was at five weeks, and it is absolutely heartbreaking no matter when it happens. I'm so sorry for your loss, Carzelle.

 

[bethiegirl]

Some biologist friend of my hubby today told him that blighted ovums were never really babies. The only thing that has kept me going is that I know my baby is in heaven and I will continue to believe that it is regardless of what he seems to think.

 

[silverlizard]

Your husband's biologist friend is not very tactful, and also... well, not wrong, but as I understand it a blighted ovum means there was a fertilized egg, and a new life did begin, it simply didn't develop very far. If he wants to personally define that as not being a 'baby', well, I guess he can use whatever terms he wants, but it was still a tiny little life and it was still your baby.