Ive been very lucky in that I've received some truly amazing support. It's a shame that it's had to come from some unexpected people. Those who are closest to me have struggled to support me but I understand that they are experiencing this loss too. We told our close friends very early on as we already had gone through one MC so wanted their support should the worst happen, which it did.
Our baby had a happy healthy heartbeat at 6weeks 2 days but a scan three weeks later showed that the heartbeat had stopped just four days after that. D&C was at 9 weeks 2 days.
There is a woman that I work with who INSISTED on coming round even though I've never been close to her. She stayed for almost 8 hours chatting to me as it transpired she had suffered two losses herself, one being only a few months ago and a second trimester loss, only a week or so away from medical intervention being able to make a difference. Like me, she has had two losses with no living children. And I know it sounds supremely awful but she helped me so much simply because she knows what it's like to have had two losses and didn't say all the foot in mouth stuff that other people have been saying. Most of all she is there whenever I need her to simply tell me that what I am thinking or feeling is a normal part of this hideous process. She has been a rock.
WHAT DEFINITELY NOT TO DO!!
My SIL seems to have taken what happened to me as a time to start gushing about being a mother on facebook(DAMN Facebook I really should just stop using it but for some reason I can't!) the following status updates are genuinely taken from her Facebook page and BTW she was fully informed of what was happening with our baby:
Not even 48 hours after my ERPC "
my girls so much, love being a mummy"
"love being a mummy"
Four days after my ERPC "anyone want my baby who doesn't sleep through the night at I'm exhausted"
"(child's name) has learned to blow raspberries. Too cute. Love being a mummy"
"I'm just happy...for the life I have, the family I treasure"
"I love being a mummy so much"
And the one that finally broke me so much that I blocked her status updates was this:
"looking at my children lets me know I've done something beautiful with my life"
DAMN my life must be fuck ugly after two lost babies then! It's a shame that all I've got to prove for my crappy life without children is a happy marriage, our own home, a successful career and two degrees. SCREAM!
I also hate the following statement from other people
"third time lucky". Amazing. Thank you for your wisdom. You sure must have had to dig deep to find those comforting words. You jackass.
I also hate hearing "I don't know what to say to make it better". Of course you don't. Because no words will make it better but now you've just made it awkward for me by telling me how hard it is to support me I feel a little worse. Cheers.
I've had lots of people telling me that I'm being too ha on those around me and sometimes they're right but why can't people just think a little more?! When I told my SIL she had upset me she said "I wish I could empathise". Well, why the feck don't you just pretend that you can empathise and err on the side of caution then you idiot?!
*Disclaimer- if there are a million spelling mistakes in this I apologise but the combination of me being mad when thinking about what I've been through along with the fact that my iPad hates me and wants me to look like an idiot by making up random autocorrect words means that it's highly likely there will be a lot of strange words in this post!*
