What not to say:
- Thread starter JASMAK
- Start date
amberjoy
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2012
- Messages
- 123
- Reaction score
- 0
Many people says so, even my doctor told me the same.But what is the point?If I can't hold it?
- Joined
- May 4, 2012
- Messages
- 2,027
- Reaction score
- 33
Thats exactly what i think ttc.
Have been back to work this wk-am a teacher. I f one more person asked me did i have a gd hol i was ready to scream! No i bl00dy didnt. I shd be gearing up to my 20 wk scan and having my bump fussed over. S0d off!!
Can you tell i got af today!!!!!
Have been back to work this wk-am a teacher. I f one more person asked me did i have a gd hol i was ready to scream! No i bl00dy didnt. I shd be gearing up to my 20 wk scan and having my bump fussed over. S0d off!!
Can you tell i got af today!!!!!
I agree to both of you.
One of my paternal uncle (my father's sister's husband) has died.My mom was so sad, so was I.And I said "the time is bad for females of our home, both me and my aunt are from same family and going through bad time".My mom said "She really is in pain, yours can be ignored,you had a blighted ovum and there was no baby even.You only missed a period.Missing a period is not a pain". :O
I hardly expect this response after my 2nd miscarriage.I am dying and crying in the fear of never holding a baby in my hands.
One of my paternal uncle (my father's sister's husband) has died.My mom was so sad, so was I.And I said "the time is bad for females of our home, both me and my aunt are from same family and going through bad time".My mom said "She really is in pain, yours can be ignored,you had a blighted ovum and there was no baby even.You only missed a period.Missing a period is not a pain". :O
I hardly expect this response after my 2nd miscarriage.I am dying and crying in the fear of never holding a baby in my hands.
amberjoy
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2012
- Messages
- 123
- Reaction score
- 0
I agree to both of you.
One of my paternal uncle (my father's sister's husband) has died.My mom was so sad, so was I.And I said "the time is bad for females of our home, both me and my aunt are from same family and going through bad time".My mom said "She really is in pain, yours can be ignored,you had a blighted ovum and there was no baby even.You only missed a period.Missing a period is not a pain". :O
I hardly expect this response after my 2nd miscarriage.I am dying and crying in the fear of never holding a baby in my hands.
people are the worst sometimes.
hinkybinky
Mum of 2
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2010
- Messages
- 1,601
- Reaction score
- 0
I'm a teacher too - my first mmc was over Oct half-term 2011 and I had that "did you have a good holiday?" awfulness. I tried to avoid that this time with my latest mc by coming back to school Thur/Fri before the hols but that turned out even worse; because I'd been off 'sick' for 3 days while I miscarried I got the "are you feeling better now?" instead. You can't win
whigfield
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2010
- Messages
- 2,377
- Reaction score
- 0
Some things people have said to me:
"I wish I could give you my womb." (Person who had 2 healthy pregnancies, no problems, perfect children.)
Talking about the scan photo in my avatar after hearing the news.. The next day:
"You know, when I saw your scan photo, I said to my husband, "You know, that child is waving goodbye!"". This is possibly the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said about the miscarriage and I'm still reeling as I think about it!
"It wasn't meant to be." FUCK OFF! My baby would have lived were it not for the subchorionic hematoma so what the hell do you think you are talking about?
"It will be your turn soon." Why isn't it our turn now? Does 2 1/2 years of trying and being married with our own home not qualify us enough for it to be "our turn"? Why was our baby chosen to die and yours got to live? What did we do wrong? Why are we so unworthy?
"You will get pregnant again soon." Firstly, you don't know my fertility issues, and secondly, I want THIS baby. The baby we lost! It's not replaceable!
A week or two after the miscarriage:
"What's wrong? Why are you sad?"
Are you kidding?.......
*steps down from angry box*
"I wish I could give you my womb." (Person who had 2 healthy pregnancies, no problems, perfect children.)
Talking about the scan photo in my avatar after hearing the news.. The next day:
"You know, when I saw your scan photo, I said to my husband, "You know, that child is waving goodbye!"". This is possibly the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said about the miscarriage and I'm still reeling as I think about it!
"It wasn't meant to be." FUCK OFF! My baby would have lived were it not for the subchorionic hematoma so what the hell do you think you are talking about?
"It will be your turn soon." Why isn't it our turn now? Does 2 1/2 years of trying and being married with our own home not qualify us enough for it to be "our turn"? Why was our baby chosen to die and yours got to live? What did we do wrong? Why are we so unworthy?
"You will get pregnant again soon." Firstly, you don't know my fertility issues, and secondly, I want THIS baby. The baby we lost! It's not replaceable!
A week or two after the miscarriage:
"What's wrong? Why are you sad?"
Are you kidding?.......
*steps down from angry box*
I am sat here, with my gob open wide at that horrible comment made to yourself, I mean all the comments said to us women who have suffered miscarriages are beyond belief and are uncalled for but that has just stunned me, actually got tears. I am so sorry to hear that someone said that to you
they obviously do not have a heart! In fact none of the people who have said nasty comments to us all do not have a heart!
whigfield
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2010
- Messages
- 2,377
- Reaction score
- 0
I am sat here, with my gob open wide at that horrible comment made to yourself, I mean all the comments said to us women who have suffered miscarriages are beyond belief and are uncalled for but that has just stunned me, actually got tears. I am so sorry to hear that someone said that to you
Thank you.
It's like... Seriously, if that's what you said maybe you should have just not told me about it! 
Twinkie210
Mom of 2 and an ^Angel^
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2011
- Messages
- 5,795
- Reaction score
- 0
I haven't posted on this thread in awhile, but I was out to lunch with a couple friends yesterday and something struck me as odd. One friend just lost he Grandmother a few weeks ago and was commenting on how she still cries everyday. My other friend turns to her and said very politely, "Well you will feel like this for awhile". Now I am not saying this to belittle my 1st friends grief, she has every right to grieve for her Grandmother. But friend #2 is the same person who responded to my miscarriage by telling me "Oh well you can try again". This is just irking me. Why is it OK for people who lose a family memeber, whom they had years with and who was able to live a long full life, to grieve for extended periods of time, but when we are upset for more than a day or two over losing our babies, then we are strange? I want someone to say to me, "I know it has been a year and a half, but it is OK that you still miss your baby". I am so blessed to have my rainbow, but why can't I miss my other child too? No one is every going to say Oh, it has been a year, you shouldn't miss your Grandma anymore!
Topanga053
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2012
- Messages
- 1,448
- Reaction score
- 0
I've thought about this a lot, Twinkie. I think about a lot of the common things that women who have had a miscarriage hear (it wasn't meant to be, it just meant there was something wrong with your baby, you can get pregnant again, it was God's will, etc etc etc) and I think about how ODD it would be to say those things to anyone else who's grieving. Can you imagine telling someone who just lost her father to cancer that "well, that just meant something was wrong with him!"
I think the problem is our culture doesn't talk about miscarriages and so most people don't understand that women really are GRIEVING, the same way we'd grieve for anyone else who has died. They don't understand that our babies were immediately real to us, so it IS ok to be missing them years later, just as it's ok to miss your father years after he's died. Our babies are people that we loved (even if they had only been conceived for a week or two before they died!) and we're allowed to miss them.
I think the problem is our culture doesn't talk about miscarriages and so most people don't understand that women really are GRIEVING, the same way we'd grieve for anyone else who has died. They don't understand that our babies were immediately real to us, so it IS ok to be missing them years later, just as it's ok to miss your father years after he's died. Our babies are people that we loved (even if they had only been conceived for a week or two before they died!) and we're allowed to miss them.
I am sat here, with my gob open wide at that horrible comment made to yourself, I mean all the comments said to us women who have suffered miscarriages are beyond belief and are uncalled for but that has just stunned me, actually got tears. I am so sorry to hear that someone said that to you
Thank you.
No worries
I just can't believe it. They should have just kept their traps shut like the rest who say nasty things to us. Disgusting 
IcePrincess
Pregnant #2 our rainbow
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2012
- Messages
- 134
- Reaction score
- 0
I have heard several or most of these comments in the last few weeks... Glad there is a place to get our feelings out... Cannot believe people are so insensitive and Topanga you are right... The word is not out there about the facts of miscarriage people just are blind to most of our grief.
MommaJJ
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2012
- Messages
- 705
- Reaction score
- 0
I started miscarrying Thursday night after 3 healthy children and this will be my fourth mc... All I've heard since is "don't bother trying again, you obviously can't have anymore and you will just keep miscarrying"... I really hope they are wrong 
Renaendel
LTTTCARL
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2012
- Messages
- 5,833
- Reaction score
- 0
33 finally had my first Bfp and we just lost it a few days ago.
The worst phrase I have heard is "life throws at you, what it thinks you can handle"
While I am sure it was their way of saying you are strong, you have been through so much you can handle this also. But it made me just want to say, ok world you win again. You have given me cancer, a genetic autoimmune disease. I managed those and now I miscarry. From his point on, no more being strong. Yes as a matter of fact I will just be a boob about everything. That will make everything ok.
To top it off my phone rang, I did not recognize the number but I answered it any way. It was this chipper girl calling from the cell phone company. She started with "Hi!! How are you doing today". I should not have, but I flipped out and cried into the phone. "I am having a miscarriage, how do you think I am feeling?". Then I hung up. In retrospect I think that call was worse than my friend.
The worst phrase I have heard is "life throws at you, what it thinks you can handle"
While I am sure it was their way of saying you are strong, you have been through so much you can handle this also. But it made me just want to say, ok world you win again. You have given me cancer, a genetic autoimmune disease. I managed those and now I miscarry. From his point on, no more being strong. Yes as a matter of fact I will just be a boob about everything. That will make everything ok.
To top it off my phone rang, I did not recognize the number but I answered it any way. It was this chipper girl calling from the cell phone company. She started with "Hi!! How are you doing today". I should not have, but I flipped out and cried into the phone. "I am having a miscarriage, how do you think I am feeling?". Then I hung up. In retrospect I think that call was worse than my friend.
Stash777
Mommy to Teagan Noelle
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2010
- Messages
- 4,488
- Reaction score
- 1
I thought I had heard them all until someone tried to relate to me by comparing my miscarriages to her abortion...ummm....completely different! Yes, the choice may be hard but the keyword is choice....you chose, I did not! And it's definitely different when I've been trying for three years and have two mcs and you are trying not to get pregnant and still manage to do so only to abort...NOT THE SAME!
