What not to say:

[LucyLake]

GaiaSN, Topanga053, LucyLake... people are sometimes brilliant when they try to be smart about things they don't know a hack about.

take those opinions as seriously as you would take a never-been-kissed virgin who explains you how to do the doggy style and the best blow j** on Earth at the same time.

Thank you Skyesmom. This comment made me laugh and smile for the first time since all this started. . I also told my mom how the comments made me feel and she has promised to back off and not talk anymore about me TTC. So thank you from the bottom of my heart and big hugs as you continue to make sense of your loss as well

 

[skyesmom]

Thank you Skyesmom. This comment made me laugh and smile for the first time since all this started. . I also told my mom how the comments made me feel and she has promised to back off and not talk anymore about me TTC. So thank you from the bottom of my heart and big hugs as you continue to make sense of your loss as well

hey Lucy, thank YOU for saying this, knowing i have made someone laugh and smile in such hard times makes me feel great too

it is so good you have talked to your mom and made things clear. i guess she was freaked out by you ttc again, as she fears you might go through the same pain again and i guess she can't bear seeing that. great you sorted things out a bit! to u

 

[GaiaSN]

LucyLake, skyesmom, Starry Night: You ladies just cracked me up like nothing else. Thanks! I have to discuss "my options" with my doctor today. As if we weren't all pros by now. I am starting to feel like I am looking at an a la carte menu. I think I'll take the D&C today...could I have that with a side of strong painkillers. Yes? Great. Thanks very much.

 

[skyesmom]

GaiaSN now you make me crack up! thank you! somehow laughing at the whole thing helps in a way... i remember when they put me under for the d&c, the anesthesiologist told me: oh now you're gonna get a bit dizzy, just like when u smoke pot! and i said: but i never smoked pot! and he was like: oh now you're gonna know!!! and laughed with that wicked cartoon laughter... with the rest of the medical crew cracking up in that moment!! and me too! this is the last thing i remember actually

 

[Topanga053]

Starry- thank you, that was really beautifully written and much more eloquent than my "just punch her in the face!" response! Lol but really, I think you're exactly right. People are scared of pain and so tell themselves that people who are experiencing pain must have brought it upon themselves. I think it's a coping mechanism.

Skyesmom- HAHAHAHA!! That is PRICELESS!!! Hands down best D&C story ever.

 

[GaiaSN]

GaiaSN now you make me crack up! thank you! somehow laughing at the whole thing helps in a way... i remember when they put me under for the d&c, the anesthesiologist told me: oh now you're gonna get a bit dizzy, just like when u smoke pot! and i said: but i never smoked pot! and he was like: oh now you're gonna know!!! and laughed with that wicked cartoon laughter... with the rest of the medical crew cracking up in that moment!! and me too! this is the last thing i remember actually

That's hilarious! I had mine today, and it seems I had a conversation with the whole surgery team about a patch of skin on my leg that they thought was showing an allergic reaction. I apparently explained to them in great detail that in fact it was a small area that didn't have any skin pigmentation and that I have had that since birth. It appears that I had huge problems pronouncing the word "melanin" though, due to the heavy sedation I was already under. I don't remember any of this. They told me afterwards, and I had to laugh hard despite the, pardon my French, really shitty day.

 

[skyesmom]

haha GaiaSN, drugs do funny stuff with people!! i guess your tongue was too relaxed to fight with that "L" sound in "melanine"

i was also told that right before the surgery, the male nurse came and covered me with the green sheet so i could undress myself, and i told him something like: "doctor you don't need that, you're gonna see my bits in a minute anyway." but i don't remember this, i was given a tranquilizer prior to the surgery so i got some holes in my memory.

we should start a thread: Hilarious D&C and mc stories - like they have one for labor and birth... who knows what is gonna come out..

 

[farmwife25]

This is so heartbreaking and infuriating. Unless you have been through it you don't understand the pain.

A "friend" who has only been pregnant twice and both resulted in healthy babies said to me "Atleast it happened now istead of when the baby got here. That would be aweful" Yes thank goodness it did, you don't understand loss.

And my dear dear dad. . .love him but gosh. . I am an only child and my momhas passed on so I have no one. He said EVERYTHING under the sun. "well you can try again" "there will be other" My cousin suffered 2 MMC (I suffered 1 MMC) and she even saw the HB twice before going to a 3rd us to find out the baby died he said "think of what your cousin went through. She saw the baby HB twice you never saw it thats worse than you, think how devastating it would of been for her". He wonders why I dont tell him my personal life.

 

[george83]

My mum - who I love dearly and hate saying anything even slightly bad about - told me that's the trouble with early scans in the past I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant, I was nearly 9 weeks so clearly after missing 2 periods I would have known I was pregnant and what difference does it make anyway, I've just been told my baby had died do you think I want to be told off for going for an early scan too

 

[Starry Night]

My mom has said similar things to me but I think that comes from her really, really hurting for me. No mom likes to see her child in pain so I guess she wishes I never knew about the miscarriages. But I was 12 weeks along (or should have been) each time and even showing a little bit so it was obvious!

The day I was miscarrying my first, the doctor came in and was making jokes with me. I found it helpful and made it a bit easier to deal with the physical side of the trauma.

 

[hinkybinky]

I had a text today from a friend saying that she's expecting her third child, with the phrase "just wanted to share our lovely news...". I know there's no good way to announce a pregnancy to someone who has experienced loss, but for me something a little less bouncy would have been kinder

 

[Nimyra]

 

[Twinkie210]

I had a text today from a friend saying that she's expecting her third child, with the phrase "just wanted to share our lovely news...". I know there's no good way to announce a pregnancy to someone who has experienced loss, but for me something a little less bouncy would have been kinder

This topic is always hard. My friend blindsided me at lunch at work (in a public place). It took all of my concentration not to burst our in tears! Anyone who has never been in your shoes just doesn't get how hurtful this news is. It is not that you don't want to be happy for them, but it is like rubbing salt in your wounds. Another friend of mine knew before me and I asked her later why she didn't give me a heads up, she just said she didn't want to spill her news. Honestly surprises like that are not my cup of tea right now. Even after having my rainbow I still don't like hearing pregnancy announcements.

 

[Topanga053]

I agree with Twinkie. Women who haven't had a loss just can't understand why their announcements hurt us. To be honest, if I was in their shoes, I'm not sure I'd understand it either. It's such a primal, emotional reaction that I don't think anyone but us will ever understand! I pretty much live in mortal terror now everytime one of my friends texts/calls me that they're going to be announcing a pregnancy. It is legit becoming a phobia! Forget bill collectors... I don't pick up the phone because I'm terrified of baby announcements!

 

[Starry Night]

I definitely think it's unfair to expect them to understand. And honestly, when my time comes to make my own FB announcement (if that day ever comes) I won't spare on the enthusiasm. I almost feel like a rainbow baby would deserve an extra exclamation point. lol The only real difference is I don't want to gloat either so won't be posting "I am so glad I'm pregnant" every single day or report on every doctor's appointment. I'm also open about my losses and commemorate the anniversaries.

 

[Andypanda6570]

My SIL named her new baby after my Angel and didn't even ask us we had a huge fight on the phone and I said why would you do this with the name and she said LIVE WITH IT..........Then I said you have your baby now and I don't i go to a grave every week and she said GET OVER IT ALREADY

Thank God she wasn't in front of me I would have most definitely put her in the hospital with one blow to the face

 

[Nimyra]

My SIL named her new baby after my Angel and didn't even ask us we had a huge fight on the phone and I said why would you do this with the name and she said LIVE WITH IT..........Then I said you have your baby now and I don't i go to a grave every week and she said GET OVER IT ALREADY

Thank God she wasn't in front of me I would have most definitely put her in the hospital with one blow to the face

That is terrible! How insensitive!



What did your brother have to say about it?

 

[Twinkie210]

My SIL named her new baby after my Angel and didn't even ask us we had a huge fight on the phone and I said why would you do this with the name and she said LIVE WITH IT..........Then I said you have your baby now and I don't i go to a grave every week and she said GET OVER IT ALREADY

Thank God she wasn't in front of me I would have most definitely put her in the hospital with one blow to the face

That is horrible! My first reaction was that she was trying to honor Ava (although still not OK without your permission) but given her responses to you I would say that isn't it at all!

 

[Andypanda6570]

My SIL named her new baby after my Angel and didn't even ask us we had a huge fight on the phone and I said why would you do this with the name and she said LIVE WITH IT..........Then I said you have your baby now and I don't i go to a grave every week and she said GET OVER IT ALREADY

Thank God she wasn't in front of me I would have most definitely put her in the hospital with one blow to the face

That is terrible! How insensitive!



What did your brother have to say about it?

It's my husbands sister . What can he say she is evil IMO

 

[skyesmom]

My SIL named her new baby after my Angel and didn't even ask us we had a huge fight on the phone and I said why would you do this with the name and she said LIVE WITH IT..........Then I said you have your baby now and I don't i go to a grave every week and she said GET OVER IT ALREADY

Thank God she wasn't in front of me I would have most definitely put her in the hospital with one blow to the face

That is horrible! My first reaction was that she was trying to honor Ava (although still not OK without your permission) but given her responses to you I would say that isn't it at all!

Jesus that's so inconsiderate!! i also thought it was meant as cherishing and honoring your little angel Ava, although still a bit rude without asking you for your permission or at least asking you how it would make you feel, but her response was way outa lines! i'm shocked.
i know some people get very uncomfortable when you mention your loss and don't have a clue how to relate to that except of hurting you even more, but this is really... wins the competition of "what not to say".