RedRose
New mum :)
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2009
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I'd like to share my thoughts even though I don't really feel qualified- we have a strained relationship with PIL but it is 'well justified' and instigated by my husband, so it doesn't feel like our relationship is strained because of *my* issues, iyswim?
But I stand by what I said earlier, and I think that in general PIL do come on stronger than others because they are so aware of being family outsiders. And this of course could alienate a new mother, regardless of her age.
In this thread we have seen the mums accused of being insecure and threatened, but I would go so far as to say that it is actually MIL who behaves as though she is threatened and feels insecure of her place in her sons new family.
You can see it happening already in this thread, mums of baby boys wishing they were gay so there was no 'evil' DIL on the scene.
I realise that it's a bit like the chicken and the egg and whose 'issues' came first, but I have to say in my experience it is the MIL who alienates the DIL through her insecurity in her role as grandparent and also her changing role as parent to her son.
I think if MIL's could only relax in their trust that they have raised their son to pick a good partner, and is secure enough to give her adult children the space they need while maintaining support, they would have a much closer and more genuine relationship with their DILs.
But I stand by what I said earlier, and I think that in general PIL do come on stronger than others because they are so aware of being family outsiders. And this of course could alienate a new mother, regardless of her age.
In this thread we have seen the mums accused of being insecure and threatened, but I would go so far as to say that it is actually MIL who behaves as though she is threatened and feels insecure of her place in her sons new family.
You can see it happening already in this thread, mums of baby boys wishing they were gay so there was no 'evil' DIL on the scene.
I realise that it's a bit like the chicken and the egg and whose 'issues' came first, but I have to say in my experience it is the MIL who alienates the DIL through her insecurity in her role as grandparent and also her changing role as parent to her son.
I think if MIL's could only relax in their trust that they have raised their son to pick a good partner, and is secure enough to give her adult children the space they need while maintaining support, they would have a much closer and more genuine relationship with their DILs.