Why are people so ignorant about registries???

[Cetarari]

We asked family and friends to get Alice something they wanted her to have (we bought all the big stuff ourselves) and so far the best gift we have been given is off my mil because she bought Alice jeans (no ruffles!), a t-shirt and most importantly, socks and mitts that fit (Ours are all too big!).

 

[mjvdec01]

I prefer to buy a gift off a registry. I would much rather get a gift that I know the mother-to-be really wanted and would use. It's fun to see the look on their face when they open something from you that was on the registry. I don't want to be the person, who's gift is returned. Why waste my money on something she doesn't really want? I'm also from the US, and having baby number three. No baby shower for me this time, though. I've had two, and that's enough. I would feel uncomfortable having another one, even though all our baby stuff had long since been sold or given away years ago. This baby wasn't planned. I have to admit, it's been fun buying all new baby stuff.

 

[zombiedaisy]

I made a registry this time around, even though I knew it was going to be useless. I learned that when I had my son 9 years ago (only baby shower I ever had besides the one my sister threw for this one). I kept telling her it was pointless because people seem to not care to look at it.

I went into the baby shower assuming I wouldn't get anything off of it, and I was right. It was very nice and generous of everyone who did get something, but we planned and figured we wouldn't get anything that we needed off the list. Sure enough, we didn't. You know though, I was OK with that. I knew what I wanted, and being our last, i really wanted what I WANTED, so I was more than happy to buy whatever it was that we truly wanted and not rely on what other people got us. We got some cute clothes, some I had to take back because I had to many in that size, but I was thankful for them. It does help. I did use my registry this time around as more of a guideline of what I knew I was going to need and then picking the pieces I REALLY wanted so I knew what type of budget we were looking at.

 

[lj2245]

The differences in opinions of people in the USA and people in the UK on this matter are amazing To us UK folk, the thought of having a set out shopping list and expecting people to buy from it is horrifying lol. I guess though, if it's the norm and is expected in the USA, it's maybe not too rude to be upset when people ignore the list. It's entirely a cultural thing! If someone told me they had a list of things they wanted for their baby I would tell them where to shove their list and I bet the majority of people from the UK would feel the same! US cultures are creeping in to the UK though, things like proms and gift registries for weddings are becoming more and more popular (although I don't know anyone who has had a regstry for their wedding gifts). Maybe one day we'll have baby registries and baby showers and the OP's attitude wouldn't be so shocking to us!

I have a 7yo and got a ton of useless things in gifts from people but we were just pleased that people thought to get us anything. Most of the stuff I kept in new condition and have in a big box for my son when he's older, with a wee label saying who got what. If you aren't so keen on some of the stuff OP, and don't plan on using it, maybe you could do something similar?

 

[EverythingXd]

It's a bit strange how registries are part of your culture and yet so many people (who are presumably from the same cultural background) choose not to buy items from the registry. I would have thought if something was embedded into a culture, it would be followed by baby shower guests as well as those throwing the showers?

 

[Breadsticks]

My husband and I made a registry together, it was a lot of fun! I honestly didn't see it as work or wasted time if people don't buy from it. It is more of a list of things we want to get for the baby whether we buy it ourselves or if someone gives it to us as a gift. We don't expect anything from anyone. My family threw me a small shower while we were in town over Christmas and no one got us anything from our registry but it really didn't matter to us, we were just happy with the things we were given. Some of the gifts were things that we completely missed, so I was really happy my family had thought of them! We have mostly been buying things on our own anyway.

I don't see registries as rude. I have a friend who complained on Facebook that no one had bought anything off her registry a week before her shower. THAT was rude in my opinion. Having a registry as a guideline (and at the request of several family members and friends) but being happy with whatever you are given is not rude.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I'm from Australia and I don't put it down to a "cultural thing" moreso how you were raised!

 

[beachgal]

I've seen some greedy and ungrateful people when it comes to baby and wedding showers.
I personally never buy off a registry and never will. And I definitely don't expect my friends to pay for the start up of my babys needs.

 

[EmmaRea]

OP, I understand where you're coming from. Maybe its because I'm one of those ungrateful American moms, but I get it. I, too, spent loads of time on my registry. But not because I expect anyone to use it, but for me to use as sort of a checklist for things I need and will buy myself if no one chooses to use it. It *is* extremely frustrating to have everyone ask me "what I need", though, when I've pretty much already answered that question with the registry, which even has accurate quantities of the things I need! If its on the registry, I still will be purchasing those things in those quantities. It would be nice if people would at least glance at the registry before asking me what I need. Then I'm faced with having to come up with an answer, and that isn't easy! How do I know what other people have purchased, or what this person's budget is?

ETA: I don't know how anyone else in America feels about it, but I would feel awful returning or donating to charity someone's thoughtfully chosen gift because I will never use it. That, to me, is even more rude than making a registry and wanting people to buy from that. And if I don't want to be rude by returning or donating the item, what am I meant to do? Hoarde it in a closet somewhere? Its not that I'm ungrateful for the things people buy or that I expect others to fund my baby. If they are going to buy something, I personally believe its more polite to purchase from a registry than to make things awkward when a gift receiver can't or won't use the gift. And we all know that happens all the time. We are co-sleeping, and since that's frowned upon in older generations, there are ladies I know planning on purchasing things like crib bumpers that I absolutely will not use! What am I to do with those items??

 

[Kissel]

We had our shower about a week ago. Same deal-we spent hours investigating every brand we could think of for every item. We didn't include clothes because each weekend we have been going out to buy and outfit or two on sale for something for me to do (we started because I haven't had many symptoms and it helped make things real for me). At our shower we got clothes, a lamp, and a crib bumper. We have over 100 items on our registry from medicines to sheets to equipment to toys. We got an effing lamp and bumper.

We had even been sending coupons to relatives "just in case". We have a closet full of clothes and almost nothing else. We bought the crib a while ago, but we had to get the crib mattress, bedding, changing table, bottles, tub-EVERYTHING. I don't know why we bothered, either.

We had items on the registry like shampoo and pacifiers, too. At least 40 items under $10. It's not like we wanted ridiculously expensive stuff. Some of the outfits were over $30 and thy got her a newborn dress for $50 from some boutique that she will probably not even fit into now that we know she is going to be a massive baby. I would have been happy with a bunch of used books for her library instead of all the stinking clothes that will fit her for a couple of weeks.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

We had our shower about a week ago. We have over 100 items on our registry from medicines to sheets to equipment to toys. We got an effing lamp and bumper.

We had even been sending coupons to relatives "just in case". We have a closet full of clothes and almost nothing else. We bought the crib a while ago, but we had to get the crib mattress, bedding, changing table, bottles, tub-EVERYTHING. I don't know why we bothered, either.

We had items on the registry like shampoo and pacifiers, too. At least 40 items under $10. It's not like we wanted ridiculously expensive stuff. Some of the outfits were over $30 and thy got her a newborn dress for $50 from some boutique that she will probably not even fit into now that we know she is going to be a massive baby. I would have been happy with a bunch of used books for her library instead of all the stinking clothes that will fit her for a couple of weeks.

Whoa!
Maybe people felt harassed that u kept sending them coupons (??)
I'm not sure what for but I'm assuming it was seen as some sort if reminder to go buy u stuff??
As for u complaining u had to buy EVERYTHING. umm, you chose to have this baby, not your family and friends. You should be buying for it!

 

[Seity]

I have a registry and it's just a few items that we'll want/need for the baby and we're not having a shower. If someone asked if I had a registry, I'd point them to it, but don't expect anyone to buy us anything.
It's not rude to have something available in case someone asks to give them a guide as to what you might need or your taste in decor.

 

[Kissel]

Whoa!
Maybe people felt harassed that u kept sending them coupons (??)
I'm not sure what for but I'm assuming it was seen as some sort if reminder to go buy u stuff??
As for u complaining u had to buy EVERYTHING. umm, you chose to have this baby, not your family and friends. You should be buying for it!

I only sent the coupons to my mother. I told her that if anybody wanted to get things from Babies R Us (where we were registered), then they should use the coupons. At one point she mentioned that a few members of my family were going to "go in" on a larger item together, so I figured it would help save them some money since they were already combining funds. I buy everything on sale and like you said, it is nobody's obligation to go into debt buying things for the baby that I am choosing to have. I didn't send them out in invitations or anything like that (not saying that I'm not tacky, but that's even a bit far for me!).

We are buying things for our baby and have been hoarding some things (I am quite proud of our diaper/wipes stockpile and collection of hygeine items). I don't mind paying for things. The irritating thing is that we got a lot of clothes, which we never asked for. Almost all of them are for a newborn (up to 8 pounds). We are having a large baby, so if any of the outfits fit her at all, it won't be for long. So she will have a new outfit for, optomistically, every single day for a month or two. After that it's like they never existed. I plan to donate a lot of the clothes to a local shelter where they might get more use out of them. I am not by any means ungrateful. I think my previous post didn't convey that and sounded bratty. I am just flustered that we didn't get many practical things because we are practical people. My daughter isn't Kim Kardashian and doesn't need new outfits every day that will be disposed of after a single use.

 

[Skittleblue]

I understand those who are saying "just be grateful," but there is a reason it's so frustrating for those of us who did a registry, and I don't necessarily consider it ungrateful to be irritated if you feel like that time you spent was wasted. In my case, I was told my mil (who was throwing the shower) not only that we needed to register, but also where. So we did. We ended up with 4 bathtubs, 5 diaper bags (all the same very large size), 3 baby books, 2 sets of crib bedding (after we had already purchased our own to match our theme), and a bunch of other duplicates. While it was all very much appreciated, I also felt awful taking the duplicates back to exchange for things we still needed. There's nothing you can do with that many bathtubs. Not only that, but considering that I had been told to register and where, it was frustrating to have to take the time TO go exchange stuff, when it would have been very easy for them to have checked and see that we already had a bathtub. It wasn't that we weren't grateful...it's just that it could have saved us a lot of time and some frustration if they had used the registry.

 

[peanut56]

I like registries. I find them really helpful and love that I know the recipient definitely wants or needs the gift I'm giving them.
However, I don't think it should ever be expected that everyone buy off of it. I had one with my daughter and got almost nothing from it because my friend who threw my shower didn't tell anyone I was registered. We got TONS of clothes. It didn't bother me in the least! The registry was really fun to do, and when my husband and I went to go buy everything we needed, we printed it off and it made it a lot easier. So it was still worth spending the time on, in my case anyway.

 

[lemongrass]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with registries but I do think it is wrong to be upset that people didn't buy from it. I think that people should be grateful that they were given gifts at all. It is a gift- optional and up to the giver to choose. It's not a paycheque where you have a right to it or a right to choose it either.

People love to buy baby clothes. They look at them and think how cute your new baby would look in it and it is the most fun item to buy which is why a lot of people do it.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

Whoa!
Maybe people felt harassed that u kept sending them coupons (??)
I'm not sure what for but I'm assuming it was seen as some sort if reminder to go buy u stuff??
As for u complaining u had to buy EVERYTHING. umm, you chose to have this baby, not your family and friends. You should be buying for it!

I only sent the coupons to my mother. I told her that if anybody wanted to get things from Babies R Us (where we were registered), then they should use the coupons. At one point she mentioned that a few members of my family were going to "go in" on a larger item together, so I figured it would help save them some money since they were already combining funds. I buy everything on sale and like you said, it is nobody's obligation to go into debt buying things for the baby that I am choosing to have. I didn't send them out in invitations or anything like that (not saying that I'm not tacky, but that's even a bit far for me!).

We are buying things for our baby and have been hoarding some things (I am quite proud of our diaper/wipes stockpile and collection of hygeine items). I don't mind paying for things. The irritating thing is that we got a lot of clothes, which we never asked for. Almost all of them are for a newborn (up to 8 pounds). We are having a large baby, so if any of the outfits fit her at all, it won't be for long. So she will have a new outfit for, optomistically, every single day for a month or two. After that it's like they never existed. I plan to donate a lot of the clothes to a local shelter where they might get more use out of them. I am not by any means ungrateful. I think my previous post didn't convey that and sounded bratty. I am just flustered that we didn't get many practical things because we are practical people. My daughter isn't Kim Kardashian and doesn't need new outfits every day that will be disposed of after a single use.

My little one also has around 30-40 newborn suits, and at 34 weeks was measuring 5pound 6 already.
I also started buying clothes way early, turns out that's what everyone likes to buy for new babies so he has heaps! But we can use for bub #2 aswell.
A few eg target ones i took back and exchanged as they'd do it without receipt. I also had way too many newborn singlets, I exchanged and put $$ towards my carseat

We had practically everything by my baby shower, so when people asked what I needed I'd say "just the essentials!" They still felt happy to choose things and I got lots of lovely homemade hampers of wipes, nappies, baby wash, dummies, toys etc a voucher for me to get my hair done, a few people (who knew how many clothes I already had!) told me they really wanted to pick a special outfit for baby, and I said that's fine but larger sizes were much appreciated!

 

[nov_mum]

The beauty of gifts for baby is that often they are things that you would never have bought yourself but they often become very special. A friend who is single and has no major bills always spoils our kids rotten and buys gorgeous little bits of clothing/shoes etc that we would never justify spending money on but when we go out, they are the special outfis baby wears often. She bought a gorgeous bassinet blanket which I would never spend that much on as bassinets are so short lived but, it is so gorgeous that all the pics of baby girl in bed look amazing and it will be put away for her in her memory box. Although we have been given stuff that I wouldn't use, it is gracious to always be thankful. While I can see the point in having a registry if people wish to get you something you have identified as useful, I would only offer this information if requested. It is not an obligation to buy a gift, it is a kind gesture and whether registries are cultural or not, manners are universal and being grateful people went out of their way to get you anything is special and shouldn't be dismissed.

I really don't think anyone should expect people to buy them essential items. If they offer, then great but I agree with others that it's no one else's responsibility to ensure you have what you need to care for your baby.

I have some very talented friends who make some gorgeous items and I am incredibly humbled that they took time out of their lives to make toys, clothes and other items for my family. I couldn't imagine anyone looking at beautiful hand knitted hats etc and referring to them as crap : (

 

[TwilightAgain]

We had our shower about a week ago. Same deal-we spent hours investigating every brand we could think of for every item. We didn't include clothes because each weekend we have been going out to buy and outfit or two on sale for something for me to do (we started because I haven't had many symptoms and it helped make things real for me). At our shower we got clothes, a lamp, and a crib bumper. We have over 100 items on our registry from medicines to sheets to equipment to toys. We got an effing lamp and bumper.

We had even been sending coupons to relatives "just in case". We have a closet full of clothes and almost nothing else. We bought the crib a while ago, but we had to get the crib mattress, bedding, changing table, bottles, tub-EVERYTHING. I don't know why we bothered, either.

We had items on the registry like shampoo and pacifiers, too. At least 40 items under $10. It's not like we wanted ridiculously expensive stuff. Some of the outfits were over $30 and thy got her a newborn dress for $50 from some boutique that she will probably not even fit into now that we know she is going to be a massive baby. I would have been happy with a bunch of used books for her library instead of all the stinking clothes that will fit her for a couple of weeks.

If those things were so important to you then why didn't you buy them yourself?

Disgusted with the ungratefulness in this post - and feel very sorry for those poor people who spent their money on your child.

 

[peanut56]

Oh, I should also add that if you end up with a baby who spits up dozens of times a day (like my daughter), it sure is nice to have a huge amount of clothing!