Why are people so ignorant about registries???

[JenX]

I see the practicality of registries and baby showers, but in all honesty, they make me very uncomfortable. I made one on Amazon just as a shopping list for myself, but when some friends and family wanted to know what we already had and what kind of things we liked, I shared it with them with a note that it was really just our shopping list and some items (especially some handmade items from Etsy that I had included) were simply there to serve as inspiration for things we wanted to make for baby. I have creative and wonderful friends and relatives, so I would hate to limit their imaginations with a registry, or make anyone feel obligated to give us a gift. So far, I have only shared it with those who have specifically asked for it. A friend wants to throw a shower for us, but the idea makes me squirm a bit. I never had one for our wedding or did a registry for it either. I just don't feel like I am owed anything, and our baby will be very spoiled by us as it is.

 

[smileyfaces]

I am cringing so bad reading this thread!!

If you run the risk of disappointment in not getting what you have asked for then why bother? Why dont you just provide for your own child and buy everything your child will need and know that you have everything prepared?

Then any gifts that people decide to get you will be nice little extras? Things that they have seen in a shop and thought "oh wow, I'd really like to get that for such-and-such's baby".

It is mega mega mega bratty to have a hissy fit and call peoples gifts 'crap' and to call them ignorant when all they have done is go out of their way to spend their hard earned cash on your child.

How embarrassing....

 

[Bun87]

I'm in the UK and have set up a Wishlist on Amazon - I won't be sending it out to everyone, but if someone asks if there is anything we need I will send them the link x

 

[patooti]

I am cringing so bad reading this thread!!

If you run the risk of disappointment in not getting what you have asked for then why bother? Why dont you just provide for your own child and buy everything your child will need and know that you have everything prepared?

Then any gifts that people decide to get you will be nice little extras? Things that they have seen in a shop and thought "oh wow, I'd really like to get that for such-and-such's baby".

It is mega mega mega bratty to have a hissy fit and call peoples gifts 'crap' and to call them ignorant when all they have done is go out of their way to spend their hard earned cash on your child.

How embarrassing....

^^ This exactly! I bought some essentials (second hand clothes mostly) and then had a lovely shower at 32 weeks with a small number of people (12) and no registry. I got some lovely cute stuff. I felt great knowing people put thought into it. Now post shower there are some things I don't need more of like blankets and we are finishing off our shopping. No drama. If I acted like this about gifts as a child (ie ungrateful) I seem to remember getting scolded for being a brat and they were taken away... Just sayin'

 

[patooti]

It's not really crass or rude, it's just a tradition here. I understand this doesn't really translate across the pond, sort of like Halloween too, but there is nothing greedy about a first time mom expecting gifts at her baby shower. It's like showing up to a wedding without a gift for the bride and groom - it's not rude, it's just tradition.

Well it might not be rude to expect people to bring a gift but to complain because they didn't get the right ones or were too "ignorant" to figure out the registry IS pretty shallow honestly.

A baby shower isn't meant to fund your child or provide all the needful stuff IMO. It is a tradition based on women gathering to shower a new mom with stuff they think she'll need or like for babe.

Some of us live far from all relatives and don't get to even have showers. Honestly be thankful, people came and thought of you even if you don't get as much use out of things as you'd like it is still sweet.

I live 5000k from my family, I didn't get one either for my 1st (and def. not the 2nd), so I'm not taking this personal .

I don't disagree that the OP has made some rather childish comments in her subsequent post but I think the comments that baby showers in GENERAL are just rude and grubby annoy me. I never had one, but I loved giving gifts to my friends expecting their babies.

And any mother here knows you've got a good 3-5 'fancy' looking gifts like cute booties in a box just sitting in a closet somewhere, unopened. I have 5 baby books for 1 child. Maybe if I had a shower with registry, people wouldn't have spent $20 on something that couldn't be used.

I know I don't like to piss my money away, so I'd rather get her a nose sucker or breast pads if she really needed them and would use them, rather than something cute in a box that will never be opened.

I don't think showers in general are rude. I had a small one, it was a lovely gesture put together by thoughtful friends. I think, registry or no registry complaining about people not getting you the right gifts is rude.

 

[aliss]

It's not really crass or rude, it's just a tradition here. I understand this doesn't really translate across the pond, sort of like Halloween too, but there is nothing greedy about a first time mom expecting gifts at her baby shower. It's like showing up to a wedding without a gift for the bride and groom - it's not rude, it's just tradition.

Well it might not be rude to expect people to bring a gift but to complain because they didn't get the right ones or were too "ignorant" to figure out the registry IS pretty shallow honestly.

A baby shower isn't meant to fund your child or provide all the needful stuff IMO. It is a tradition based on women gathering to shower a new mom with stuff they think she'll need or like for babe.

Some of us live far from all relatives and don't get to even have showers. Honestly be thankful, people came and thought of you even if you don't get as much use out of things as you'd like it is still sweet.

I live 5000k from my family, I didn't get one either for my 1st (and def. not the 2nd), so I'm not taking this personal .

I don't disagree that the OP has made some rather childish comments in her subsequent post but I think the comments that baby showers in GENERAL are just rude and grubby annoy me. I never had one, but I loved giving gifts to my friends expecting their babies.

And any mother here knows you've got a good 3-5 'fancy' looking gifts like cute booties in a box just sitting in a closet somewhere, unopened. I have 5 baby books for 1 child. Maybe if I had a shower with registry, people wouldn't have spent $20 on something that couldn't be used.

I know I don't like to piss my money away, so I'd rather get her a nose sucker or breast pads if she really needed them and would use them, rather than something cute in a box that will never be opened.

I don't think showers in general are rude. I had a small one, it was a lovely gesture put together by thoughtful friends. I think, registry or no registry complaining about people not getting you the right gifts is rude.

Yeah I don't disagree with you at all. I just don't understand why people insist on giving multiples of things that will probably not be used, instead of practical gifts. But I'm very much a believer in practical gifts for babies.

 

[sevenofnine]

I didn't really want to make a registry... they make me feel weird. I had so many people ask, however, that I finally broke down and made one!

If someone is kind enough to send a gift, I really love opening ones that aren't from the registry. I think it's more fun! Besides, most people had the foresight to put in a gift receipt, which is good since we've gotten a couple doubles.

 

[angela2011]

I am from the US and I have been to 3 baby showers recently and they all have had registerys but to be honest I never looked at any of them. I always get what I want to buy for them and if they don't need it they can always exchange it for something else. i agree it is rude to demand certian thing and throw a fit when you don't get it. I am thankful for any gift I get

 

[Mrs5707]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

Wow. I wonder what you'd actually get if any of your guests saw this?!
Oh and I'm NOT from the uk

 

[lj2245]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

I don't think anyone from the UK has said it's tacky or rude to have a registry. What we have issue with (and some people from places other than the UK have issue with) is your attitude. It's YOUR responsibility to provide for the baby you created and gifts should be seen as a generous bonus, a kindness from people who thought enough of you to buy something for your LO. Calling someone selfish for buying you a gift? That's completely ridiculous. If being ungrateful and rude is your tradition you can keep it. I'd rather have the tradition of being grateful for the time and effort spent buying ANY gift and to raise my children to be thankful also. I can't imagine my son being so ungrateful if he didn't get what was on his 'wishlist' for Christmas. He got some things from the list and things we wanted to get him that weren't on the list. If he acted the way you have he'd have had the lot taken off him and he'd have been sent to his room.

 

[smileyfaces]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

This sums up the entire essence of this thread.

Read your response back...do you honestly think you aren't being rude? Your attitude of "it's MY baby and people should buy whatever I want!" is quite frankly embarrassing.

It is far from being about traditions. There are many US ladies that have stepped up in this thread and said that they also agree that registrys/showers etc aren't necessary and if people want to get you a gift then that is fine, they should get whatever they want to get for you.

This whole "tradition" of demanding gifts and throwing a fit when you don't get what you want and calling peoples gifts "crap" is appalling!

"People are so selfish to think they should be able to buy what THEY want" .... This quote is cringe worthy.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I think the moral of the story is, if people don't like it (the registry) they simply wont do it. Especially older people enjoy going and hand picking a gift. They don't understand online registries etc! I know my mum can't even use a computer! But to then call those people ignorant and say they bought u crap and are selfish for buying your child something they choose is wrong. They don't HAVE to buy u a present, your insinuating its an obligation. If you can't commit to buying everything your child needs, you shouldn't be having a child.

 

[Wobbles]

New home for this thread is now in the debates forum

 

[Mrs5707]

The differences in opinions of people in the USA and people in the UK on this matter are amazing To us UK folk, the thought of having a set out shopping list and expecting people to buy from it is horrifying lol. I guess though, if it's the norm and is expected in the USA, it's maybe not too rude to be upset when people ignore the list. It's entirely a cultural thing! If someone told me they had a list of things they wanted for their baby I would tell them where to shove their list and I bet the majority of people from the UK would feel the same! US cultures are creeping in to the UK though, things like proms and gift registries for weddings are becoming more and more popular (although I don't know anyone who has had a regstry for their wedding gifts). Maybe one day we'll have baby registries and baby showers and the OP's attitude wouldn't be so shocking to us!

I have a 7yo and got a ton of useless things in gifts from people but we were just pleased that people thought to get us anything. Most of the stuff I kept in new condition and have in a big box for my son when he's older, with a wee label saying who got what. If you aren't so keen on some of the stuff OP, and don't plan on using it, maybe you could do something similar?

Thank you for your nice response to a difference of opinion rather than alot of other rude unsupportive responses. This is the way it should be looked at.

We are obviously on very different ends of the spectrum on this thing. My OP was intended to be a RANT as I thought we, as all hormonal pregnant women, are entitled to on this forum. I really didn't expect to be called a childish brat from half the posters. My intention is not to have an attitude or be ungrateful to ANYONE that sends us a gift. I was merely expressing my frustrations to ya'll as I know some can empathize with how I feel. Of course I wouldn't be hateful to someone who bought us something... would be nice if everyone backed off on the insensitive comments. If you don't understand something there's no need to be hateful yourself about it.

 

[mummyfin]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

Wow. If it's things you "need", you should be prepared to buy them yourself, because as you say, it's YOUR child. Otherwise shouldn't you just be greatful people are buying you anything?

I wouldn't do a registry because it's not really done for babies here, and I never did one for wedding presents, but I have to say I do like them for other people's weddings, so I know what they want if I don't have any of my own ideas.

Mostly with presents when DS was born people just asked if we needed anything particular, we told them what we had already, and they suggested something we didn't have. Some people didn't ask and just got us random outfits and toys, we only had one double and it was a very cute pair of pjs My parents gave us money towards our pram, MIL bought us a crib, and my granny bought us a cotbed, which were all huge presents, only for the first baby, so DD will prob just have random wee prezzies, we've already got her everything she needs ourselves.

 

[special_kala]

Shouldnt baby showers be about celebrating your pregnancy and getting together with family and friends?

There seems to be alot of emphasis on the registry. People have brought us stuff were not mad on but its fun for them to go out and look for baby things and pick things they think are cute.

Buying what you have told them seems odd to me.

 

[lj2245]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

Wow. If it's things you "need", you should be prepared to buy them yourself, because as you say, it's YOUR child. Otherwise shouldn't you just be greatful people are buying you anything?

I wouldn't do a registry because it's not really done for babies here, and I never did one for wedding presents, but I have to say I do like them for other people's weddings, so I know what they want if I don't have any of my own ideas.

Mostly with presents when DS was born people just asked if we needed anything particular, we told them what we had already, and they suggested something we didn't have. Some people didn't ask and just got us random outfits and toys, we only had one double and it was a very cute pair of pjs My parents gave us money towards our pram, MIL bought us a crib, and my granny bought us a cotbed, which were all huge presents, only for the first baby, so DD will prob just have random wee prezzies, we've already got her everything she needs ourselves.

I'm actually wondering what on earth any of my family are going to buy us as I have gone daft (despite saying I wouldn't as it's my 2nd) and have bought everything I need already People like to buy things like first tooth and first curl boxes and wee photo albums though and that's something I'd never think to get myself. Cutlery too... I got a few sets with my sons name engraved on. We used one and the rest got labelled up with the senders name and packed in the memory box for my son

 

[tina3747]

i live in canada and i dont get it either, but i also didnt have one for my wedding. when i go to other ppls showers and weddings i dont buy from the registry, but i might look at it to have a little laugh! i do think its crass whether some ppl hold it as 'tradition' or not. tbh not alot of ppl that i know use them anymore and the ppl that do ask for the most expensive items, ridiculous. then its a complete turnoff for ppl to even want to show up

that being said i also dont get why ppl keep pestering you, OP, when you have it all set up, other than ppl are stupid

Honestly, I've always thought showers were really fun and cute till I joined baby and bump 2 years ago!

I don't think I've read one positive story where people aren't complaining about who coming or not coming, who hadn't bought off the list or dared to turn up with nothing!

We do have lists for weddings but I wouldn't expect someone to buy off them, there were lots of things on mine I didn't receive but I did end up with a whole load of photo frames. It's not the end of the world!!

I'm glad they've not caught on over here.... They seem so stressful!!!

 

[TwilightAgain]

The differences in opinions of people in the USA and people in the UK on this matter are amazing To us UK folk, the thought of having a set out shopping list and expecting people to buy from it is horrifying lol. I guess though, if it's the norm and is expected in the USA, it's maybe not too rude to be upset when people ignore the list. It's entirely a cultural thing! If someone told me they had a list of things they wanted for their baby I would tell them where to shove their list and I bet the majority of people from the UK would feel the same! US cultures are creeping in to the UK though, things like proms and gift registries for weddings are becoming more and more popular (although I don't know anyone who has had a regstry for their wedding gifts). Maybe one day we'll have baby registries and baby showers and the OP's attitude wouldn't be so shocking to us!

I have a 7yo and got a ton of useless things in gifts from people but we were just pleased that people thought to get us anything. Most of the stuff I kept in new condition and have in a big box for my son when he's older, with a wee label saying who got what. If you aren't so keen on some of the stuff OP, and don't plan on using it, maybe you could do something similar?

Thank you for your nice response to a difference of opinion rather than alot of other rude unsupportive responses. This is the way it should be looked at.

We are obviously on very different ends of the spectrum on this thing. My OP was intended to be a RANT as I thought we, as all hormonal pregnant women, are entitled to on this forum. I really didn't expect to be called a childish brat from half the posters. My intention is not to have an attitude or be ungrateful to ANYONE that sends us a gift. I was merely expressing my frustrations to ya'll as I know some can empathize with how I feel. Of course I wouldn't be hateful to someone who bought us something... would be nice if everyone backed off on the insensitive comments. If you don't understand something there's no need to be hateful yourself about it.

How can you possibly expect a "nice response" when you're throwing a hissy fit like this.....

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

about your friends and family. With that attitude i'm surprised any of your 'loved ones' even give you the time of day.

This IMO is not even about cultural difference. Its the attitude in the thread that disgusts me.