2013 losses- rainbow baby making thread...

[LucyLake]

Just wanted to let you know that I'm right there with you Sedgeez, Nimyra, and Earthmama. It's very nice to see you back Sedgeez. I've missed you so much, my bump buddy in Feb 13 sadness

I'm 5 days past ovulation and couldn't stop crying today. I'm 99 days since my MC today Oh sure I've been nauseated, suffering a backache, and crampy, but it's probably just some crap I ate. I've been thinking non-stop about my miscarriage. Every month that goes by with another AF, I know I'm being punished for taking the morning-after-pill. Sure, my husband told me to jump off a bridge, but that didn't mean I was supposed to! One thing I've rarely admitted is that I stupidly PRAYED over the years that taking a morning after pill would still get me pregnant despite my husband's objections, I've taken it probably once a year since we had our son with no pregnancies/problems! (He didn't trust me to take birth control and I don't like condoms) I PRAYED for this because other girls all took it and had a healthy 9 months!! I PRAYED for my future Miscarriage! I've never felt so stupid in my life.

I'm humbled today too. I didn't realize how hard were to come by after two first try successes. I feel like it will never happen. After 10 years almost since my last healthy pregnancy, my husband finally gets on-board. And now nothing. My luck blows!

Did I mention that I spent last weekend holding my husband's best friend's baby boy born in December trying not to cry? Born 2 months before I miscarried. And my friend from High School is due Oct 10 and I love seeing her nice healthy baby bump and hearing about crib choices! I haven't talked to my sister since Feb 14 on purpose. I've alienated a lot of other family members who don't think a second child should be important to me.

KarenH, BlueStars, Aleeah, George83, Raggydoll, KatS, Kasey84, thinking of all of you.

KarenH and KatS: Hope you both get very soon. I had a long conversation today with a friend who has suffered with PCOS since age 16 and she can't lose weight and often doesn't ovulate or have periods. My heart breaks

Kasey84: I'm so glad you are moving to temp and OPK! It's really helping me understand things more clearly. I'm not sure, but if I get pregnant I may ask for progesterone. I would REALLY recommend NOT just OPK's and actually vaginal temping when you do it. My orals were all over the place, but vaginal is almost always 97.6 before ovulation and then goes up. It's very clear on charts. This month I had positive OPK's on Day 10, Day 14, Day 15, and O'ed on Day 13. Some girls will get a positive OPK or no positive OPK at all due to PCOS, anovulation, etc. A positive doesn't mean you will actually O either. Your body can gear up to do it and then it can be delayed for some reason Huge hugs as you proceed

Misscalais: My thoughts are with you SO much and I'm so hoping we can be bump buddies. The never ending wait just sucks. I would also temp because that is SO much clearer and surer than OPK's. I use ClearBlue and got peak positive on Day 10 and Day 15 and High on Day 14. I know I o'ed based on temps, cervical mucus, heavy cramps on Day 13.

 

[bluestars]

LucyLake,Sedgeez, Nimyra, and Earthmama im sorry you'se are feeling so down at the minute. Its horrible my AF has just past and i was so upset when it came. It really does remind me of the first part of giving birth to my angels as well. My OH doesnt understand why i cry every time it comes. I dont know if its the reminder of the heartache and pain of the loss of my boys or the reminder that yet another chance has gone by and i have failed.

I have a friend at the moment who is pregnant. Shes not sure how far she is or know a due date as she doesnt attend doctors or midwives appointments at all and I cant get my head around it at all. She births at home with no one around and we stay on a small island so theres no hospital or anything. If anything where to happen during pregnancy birth or after then she is on her own. I cant visit her or speak to her at the minute because i take panic attacks just knowing shes pregnant and knowing she doesnt know everything is alright with her baby. I know everyone has their own ideal plan of how they want things to be. I did too. She doesnt even know if shes having one or 3!

As we live on a small island everyone knows everyone and generally when one person get pregnant on the island others that want another one get on board too. So last year i was the first to announce my pregnancy and then 5 girls are now also pregnant. As my due date is coming up (and theres soon after) it gets harder they get so excited and leave to have their baby and Im left behind with my heart still breaking.

Sorry for the rant. It is rather random but i cant speak to anyone about it without feeling like a horrible person.

xxx

 

[Kat S]

Hearing all your stories makes me feel less alone, but I am so sorry that any of us have to go through this crap. My husband's good friend just had a baby and posts photos every day of every little thing. I feel rude turning his feed off, but I think that's what I have to do. Instead of being happy for him, I'm starting to feel resentful and bitter, and that's not the kind of person I want to be.

Does this happen to you guys? I can turn many songs into a song about pregnancy loss or trying to conceive. For instance, that 80s song "Send Me An Angel"...well, the title is enough...

"Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now.
Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now.
Empty dreams can only disappoint in a room behind your smile.
But don't give up
Don't give up..."

 

[bluestars]

Hearing all your stories makes me feel less alone, but I am so sorry that any of us have to go through this crap. My husband's good friend just had a baby and posts photos every day of every little thing. I feel rude turning his feed off, but I think that's what I have to do. Instead of being happy for him, I'm starting to feel resentful and bitter, and that's not the kind of person I want to be.

Does this happen to you guys? I can turn many songs into a song about pregnancy loss or trying to conceive. For instance, that 80s song "Send Me An Angel"...well, the title is enough...

"Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now.
Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now
Right now.
Empty dreams can only disappoint in a room behind your smile.
But don't give up
Don't give up..."

No i do understand. My step mother is pregnant and sends me regular bump photos ... i dont have the heart to tell her to stop. Feels like she is rubbing it in my face. (She probably thinks it would take my mind off things.) Just makes me see what im missing most.

 

[LucyLake]

Bluestars: Wow, that is nuts about your friend on the island. Sounds very Gilligan or Survivor! I know how hard it can be. I was one of those girls who had it easy the first time around. For 34 blissful years, I had never used a thermometer, OPK, or tried to figure out HGC Levels. Blissful ignorance. Now, I'm having a tough time seeing my old self prancing around blissfully unaware on baby #5. Sounds a lot like where you're friend is at. I'm so sorry that you're on a small island where everyone knows your name! I hope you get your rainbow soon as well

KatS: Hahaha, I love 80's music, in fast I just listened to that song the other day. I play Songpop. It really helps take your mind off some of this, although some songs bring it back. Adele Someone Like You for some reason and Far Away from Red Dead Redemption soundtrack (I was listening the night I think my baby died having such bad cramps and diarrhea). I would definitely hide him for awhile. I'm so sorry. My problem is I get the FB posts when they announce and you can't do anything to stop those!

 

[bluestars]

Bluestars: Wow, that is nuts about your friend on the island. Sounds very Gilligan or Survivor! I know how hard it can be. I was one of those girls who had it easy the first time around. For 34 blissful years, I had never used a thermometer, OPK, or tried to figure out HGC Levels. Blissful ignorance. Now, I'm having a tough time seeing my old self prancing around blissfully unaware on baby #5. Sounds a lot like where you're friend is at. I'm so sorry that you're on a small island where everyone knows your name! I hope you get your rainbow soon as well

KatS: Hahaha, I love 80's music, in fast I just listened to that song the other day. I play Songpop. It really helps take your mind off some of this, although some songs bring it back. Adele Someone Like You for some reason and Far Away from Red Dead Redemption soundtrack (I was listening the night I think my baby died having such bad cramps and diarrhea). I would definitely hide him for awhile. I'm so sorry. My problem is I get the FB posts when they announce and you can't do anything to stop those!

Thank you LucyLake was a rather big ramble. I hope you are lucky too soon xxx

 

[karenh]

I totally here all that in music, my husband doesn't and it drives me nuts.

 

[Nimyra]

Thanks Lucy, Bluestars, and Kat,

I am struggling right now. I also just avoid facebook and other people because it is too unpleasant facing my jealousy and resentment. I'm still pretty pissed at God too, which isn't helping. I don't know if it is just a matter or time or if I should be doing "something" to help me get past this stuck place.

I don't know. It isn't helping that I'm in a state of career "transition" right now (that's code for my professional life is a mess) and I don't know what I should be doing. Gah!

My mom keeps telling me to stop worrying... that the pregnancy will come and my career will get itself sorted out in time... but it is so hard to turn it off.

I've had one hell of a year.

p.s. Lucy -- I love that you put a chart in your siggy, but unless I'm mistaken you put a link for *my* chart in there -- lol!

 

[Kasey84]

Lucylake- thanks for the tips on temping. I've been doing it orally and my temps have been all over the place! I'm trying to be optimistic about the opks a s hoping they'll lead to a BFP for me very soon!

For those if you struggling to be around pregnant ladies/babies, I can totally relate. 2 of my friends just have birth, another is due any day now and yet another is due in just 9 more weeks. And as for facebook, eveyone who is pregnant is blocked from my newsfeed! It's almost unbearable and I hate the jealous feelings that I have!

This month is difficult anyway, as my due date would have been 2 weeks from tomorrow. It's breaking my heart everyday knowing I should be preparing for my baby's arrival :'(

On a more positive note, I've been working with a local jeweller who is making a memorial bracelet for me. I feel really good about having something to wear in memory of my angel.

I truely wish none of us had to go through this heartache and I want nothing more then to see us all welcome our rainbow babies

 

[Hippielove]

p.s. Lucy -- I love that you put a chart in your siggy, but unless I'm mistaken you put a link for *my* chart in there -- lol!

I was going to say something yesterday my charts is in your siggy as well. I'm not sure what url link you use but it weird to see.

 

[LucyLake]

Nimyra: Thanks for your thoughts on my chart. I feel so much better having talked to you about it. I'm still unclear as to what day I actually o'ed, but at least FF thinks I did after all! How are you doing? I can relate to your feelings about God and FB friends. The part about what a hellish year got to me as well. I got pregnant on New Year's Day and had about a week of unadulterated bliss from Jan 18-25 that was then crushed by spotting and scan after scan of sheer torture. I know our year will improve, that much I truly do believe. Thinking of you Nimyra

Kasey84: I'm so sorry that you're reliving your upcoming due date and can only imagine how hard it is. The whole freaking world is due at the same time you would have been!! I know it must be agonizing!! Most babies are born in June and July I love your idea of a memorial bracelet I know this is our year. That much I know. Hoping it happens sooner than later though

 

[ladyluck84]

Hi ladies haven't been on hear for the last month as trying not to think about conceiving.last month I was a week late for the first time in my life and my fertility monitor said I had ovulated exactly a week late. After a million normal blood tests that all came back normal I had a scan which also came back normal. She said ,y right ovary was slightly enlarged which was probably down to ovulating late from that side. Other half went for sperm analysis this week too. Well I'm now one day late but feel af is on the way. Petrified of testing I just can't bear seeing anymore negatives as being a week late last month I had really got my hopes up.

 

[bluestars]

Hi ladies haven't been on hear for the last month as trying not to think about conceiving.last month I was a week late for the first time in my life and my fertility monitor said I had ovulated exactly a week late. After a million normal blood tests that all came back normal I had a scan which also came back normal. She said ,y right ovary was slightly enlarged which was probably down to ovulating late from that side. Other half went for sperm analysis this week too. Well I'm now one day late but feel af is on the way. Petrified of testing I just can't bear seeing anymore negatives as being a week late last month I had really got my hopes up.

Fingers crossed for you ladyluck. xxx

 

[ladyluck84]

Thank you. Brought a test so if af hasn't arrived by tomorrow I think I might test then

 

[mah0113]

Hi ladies, decided to join you again after a while. I am 4 dpo according to FF but have dotted lines, I am pretty sure cd18 was o day though.

No symptoms so far, which is good bc both of my bfp's in the past my only symptom was weird discharge. And the 2nd bfp [mc from february] I had the same kind of cm as I did this month at o time [it had like a clot of blood in it, then it went away and 4 or 5 days later I had more tinged cm]...I am feeling positive because of we seemed to have timed everything right. But, as we all know, you can time everything perfectly and still not get the bfp.

May 10th would have been the due date for my first baby, so bfn in May was really hard on me. This month is an awesome month for a bfp tho---I graduated law school on friday, and our 2 year wedding anniversary is this month as well. It would be amazing to surprise my DH on father's day

 

[Nimyra]

Congrats on finishing law school!! I hope you get more good news this month!

 

[ladyluck84]

Well bfn this morning....so where is af? if I'm not pregnant i wish she would hurry up and arrive!

 

[Kasey84]

Ladyluck- sorry you got a bfn. In April my AF was a week late. It was so disappointing when she arrived and I realized I was not pregnant.

I hope you get you BFP very soon!

Mah0113- congrats on your graduation from law school! I hope there's a BFP in store for you this month as well

 

[karenh]

Kasey: I love the idea of a memorial bracelet. Can you share a pic once you get it?

Ladyluck: being late is not fun. One thing to remember that might help next time is your LP shouldn’t change. Your LP is the time from ovulation to AF. If you ovulated a week later than normal you shouldn’t expect AF until a week later than normal as well. I hope this helps.

Mah: I am so sorry for how hard last month had to have been. Congratulations on graduating law school! It would be so fun to get your BFP for Father’s day. I am going for that as well.

AFM: I am starting to feel better from my cold. I am in the middle of my tww and it is going so much smoother than my last one. I am not symptom spotting because I know anything I think is a symptom is probably caused from the trigger. Let me tell you, my nipples were so sore for a little bit I couldn’t even sleep on my stomach. I can now, but they are still sensitive. Yikes! My beta is Monday, but I am going to POAS Sunday and hope I have a great Father’s Day present for DH. It will take a miracle.

 

[Kat S]

AFM: I am starting to feel better from my cold. I am in the middle of my tww and it is going so much smoother than my last one. I am not symptom spotting because I know anything I think is a symptom is probably caused from the trigger. Let me tell you, my nipples were so sore for a little bit I couldn’t even sleep on my stomach. I can now, but they are still sensitive. Yikes! My beta is Monday, but I am going to POAS Sunday and hope I have a great Father’s Day present for DH. It will take a miracle.

Oh, my fingers are SO crossed for you!!