38 and TTC first baby, anyone else?

[krasavitsa147]

Happy Friday, ladies!

Sugar-loving your outlook. I'm with you, I am a BFP virgin but I know we will all be blessed with beautiful babies before it is done. I really like the way your church sounds-so glad you have people like that in your life!

Wish-congrats on getting the cost down to what you can afford. I can't imagine what you were feeling on the possibility of canceling this cycle. sending PMA your way that this will be your sticky bean.

Dandi and Pothole-made a note to send extra mojo to you both on the 10th. I just feel like there are good things right around the corner.

AFM, work is kicking my behind, but since I love what I do that's okay.

Have a great weekend, everyone. Looking forward to some updates next week!

 

[elliecain]

Hi girls. I'm back here with you lovely strong amazing women.
Today has been the worst day of my life. I had heavy bleeding from the moment I woke up and I've just had a scan which confirmed there is no more pregnancy. At such an early stage, it doesn't even count, but it did to me. DH and I are trying to come to terms with things and I'll pick myself back up tomorrow, but today I'm very sad.

 

[Dandi]

Oh Ellie, I'm so so very sorry to hear that. It absolutely counted because in your heart, you were a mother the moment you saw that BFP. There are no words to ease the feelings you're having right now, but just know that it will get better.

 

[krasavitsa147]

Oh, Ellie. There is nothing I can say to ease your pain and I am so, so sorry for that. I wish I could hug you.

It counted, Ellie. Believe it. It is said that time heals all wounds and I pray that you find peace in your heart.

 

[Star2011]

My dear Ellie,

I am do sad to read your post. My prayers and thoughts are with your DH and you at this time. Praying for comfort. I believe you will one day be mother. Hugs!

 

[Pothole]

Oh Ellie, I am so very very sorry. I wish I had better words; something that could comfort you. You are in my prayers.

 

[Wish2BMom]

ellie - I wrote to you on the other thread but I am still feeling for you. I hope you were able to heal a bit over the past few days. It totally 'counted' - whatever that means to someone who is saying it didn't. Hopefully it helps to know that you were ABLE to conceive and you WILL again soon. Huge hugs sent across the pond to you and your DH.

 

[elliecain]

Thanks everyone. It's been horrible but I am starting to feel a bit better. I went back to work on Monday and it's been the right thing. No point moping at home adding more guilt to the bad feelings. Being busy has helped lots.
I saw someone after work today, a free counsellor whose number I was given by the EPAC on Friday. She's called Mary and she's a specialist counsellor for pregnancy/miscarriage etc. I've made another appointment for a couple of weeks' time. It was great to offload.
I felt unpregnant again yesterday, so I took a test today and was so relieved it was negative (how ironic!). I'm really hopeful that I'll ovulate next week, so DH and I have planned to get bding again once the final bleeding is done. I'm not forgetting the little one, I'll never forget it, but I need to move on.
In memory, I'm going to get a little feather tattooed onto my tummy, above the one I had done 3 years ago today when I was finally clear of anorexia. It says fortaleza, which is Spanish for strength. I like to think of my little one always being with me and a feather just seems apt.
I have a pregnant colleague who I saw today and she's grown a little bump over the holidays. Mary says it's ok for me to feel angry and resentful towards her so long as these feelings don't take over. I had to leave the room, but it will get easier with time.

So, that's me. How are you lovely girls? Remind me where everyone is in their cycles. I'm cd5 today and waiting to ovulate!

Love to you all xxx

 

[Left wonderin]

Ellie I love the idea of your feather , its just perfect xxxx feeling ok will take time but sounds like you have a great frame of mind . There will be good and bad days . I found copious amounts of choc helped to have near to hand on the bad days and remember .. They will pass xxxxxxx

 

[krasavitsa147]

Ellie, it sounds like you have the right mindset. We're pretty close to being cycle buddies. CD 3 here.

Pothole, Dandi, keeping my fingers crossed for the next couple of days for you.

afm, made it through the first week without my partner at work. DH has a followup SA scheduled for Thursday. So hoping that things have improved-the one he had in June put us in the category of severe MFI, and that really cuts our options down if nothing has changed. Gaaah! My appt with RE for blood work and ultrasound is a week from Thursday. Anyone know what the first ultrasound is for? I was wondering why they would schedule it at this time, I'll be CD 12 then and that probably isn't a good time for an antral follicle count? Dunno.

Hi to everyone on our thread. Have a great week!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

choc and wine!
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, ellie, and are finding ways to take care of you and work through the loss. I love the idea of a little feather - beautiful.

well, IIII still have a week left on BCP. So I'm very boring right now.

 

[sugargully]

X's and O's Ellie, the feather is a lovely way to remember your lo.

I'm CD 28 of a very wonky post-hysteroscopy month. AF usually starts in 2 days. We shall see

 

[Wish2BMom]

temps are looking good, sugar! FX'ed!

 

[Pothole]

It's cd 28 here in pothole land. Still no sign of AF, she was expected yesterday. This is offically farther than I've ever gone. If she hasn't found me by tomorrow morning, I'll be using one of my lovely new 3 pack tests. Incidentally it took me three tries before I could buy. First two shops were out, and then in the third, I found them. Unfortunately, I also found my mum. She looked over an aisle, realized I was in the feminine care/family planning section, and came around. So I shoved the tests behind a large package of tampons and grabbed the next closest thing without looking. And that's why I have a 3 day monistat, and how I remembered why I never ever shop with her. Having a nurse for a mum can many times be a blessing. But when she is asking the colour of your discharge and intensity of the burning in the middle of a drug store...it is not one of those times. So here's hoping, tomorrow!

 

[sugargully]

lol Pothole! That convo w/ MY mom would mortify me!

GL tomorrow.

 

[smithco]

Hi everyone. Been awhile. I don't get much time to come onto this form.
Read a few pages back to try and catch up.

We had some bad news this week. Turn out my bf has no sperm - it's just not there. Hence the last year of ntnp with nothing. We were both shocked. He is seeing the urologist in the next couple weeks. Best case scenario is there is a blockage that can be treated. Other than that ivf may be possible.
If anything I was prepared for the problem to be with me because I am older.
So I am sure I'll be coming here more.

All the best to you wish, pothole, krasa and sugar. So sorry to hear Ellie. Like you feather tattoo idea.

 

[sugargully]

Sorry to hear that Smithco. Like you said there are remedies; surgery or aspiration for IVF. Im glad you have some answers now.

 

[sugargully]

Ladies keep MDC in your thoughts and prayers. I read on our graduation thread she is having some challenges.

Sending you big hugs MDC.

 

[Dandi]

Pothole, that's hilarious!

Sugar, where your temps still up this morning?

Smithco, I'm sorry that you got that bad news. I hope you get some options laid out for you soon.

My RE appt is tomorrow afternoon. I've completed all 794 pages of medical history forms, have my thyroid lab results and the past 10 months of ff charts printed and ready to go. I'm trying not to be a pessimist, but I just have a bad feeling about it for some reason. I hope I'm proven wrong, but we'll see.

 

[smithco]

Thanks sugar and dandi. I can't stop crying when my bf can't see me. It's so heartbreaking.

Good luck with your appointment dandi!