38 and TTC first baby, anyone else?

[krasavitsa147]

Happy Friday girls-I'm going to try personals, post-anesthesia, for the first time in like a month, so forgive me if I get everyone all messed up!

First, to everyone. Thank you for the love and support shown after I shared news of my Mom. I miss her so much it hurts, she was my best friend outside of DH. But there is comfort in knowing that she did not have to become elderly and crippled, or suffer a terminal illness. But I would give an arm and leg and whatever else for just five minutes holding her hand one more time.

Chipie-Hi, and a very belated welcome to you. You asked about stim length, and in both my cycles I stimmed for eight days and triggered on the ninth. Menopur, in my opinion, stung and burned like a you-know-what. And it seemed like it would only go out of the syringe so fast-no matter how hard I pushed, it just would not go faster. 300 i think is on the higher end, but i think they will go as high as 450, so if the 300 doesn't cut it for you, there is wiggle room. Can't remember if it was you or Mdc talking about Follistim, but it is a piece of cake. The needle in the pen is so fine I could barely feel it going in. You will be just fine!

Mdc-you will do great with the injectables. They really aren't bad at all. Heading to wine country sounds like a good way to spend tomorrow-assuming I don't take any Tylenol tomorrow, I may join you in spirit. Or would that be joining you in spirits? I don't know.

Wish, extremely jealous that you and Mdc are going to have some face time! That is very cool indeed. I have never heard of CoQ10 having that effect-too weird. I have been taking it about a year and didn't really notice any of the effects that they say it might have-like making it difficult to sleep, etc.

Dandi-wow, only 95 days?!?! Seems like just yesterday we were counting down that TWW with you! I'm very excited for you!

Pothole. So much love to you, my friend. My heart goes out to you at this time. I think maybe my mom has some room on her lap for your little one(s). I am praying for the best for you with your sono and upcoming fet. I wish I could hug you right now. I hope that your work and that your very special Dude are providing some comfort for you. You are needed and loved by so many.

Star-That is a very good number. Statistically speaking, you can expect to have roughly 50% of whatever makes it to blast to be euploid. That is a great thing that you can be involved in a study so you don't have to pay out of pocket for it! I am glad you are feeling better today-it seemed like it took me about a week to feel back to something resembling normal after my last retrieval.

Ellie, sorry to hear about your polyp. Doesn't it seem sometimes like it is just hurdle after hurdle? Geez. I think I remember reading some pages back about you being concerned about polycystic ovaries. I have those too and it just means there is greater than 10 or 12 (depending on which definition you use) antral follicles on each side. In short, a polycystic ovary has lots of antrals, but not the hormonal changes that pcos does. You probably have a very good ovarian reserve yet.

Left and Sugar, good to see your updates. You give me hope.

Anyone else I forgot-Hi! And have a wonderful weekend.

afm, retrieval this morning went pretty well. The last scan had 32 follicles, and were much more homogenous in size and development. They ended up with 21 eggs, 18 of which are mature. They think I ovulated a number of the larger ones. I was not down-regulated for this cycle, and since I have aggressive, bully-like, warlord ovaries, some of the follicles just took that trigger shot and ran with it. (Charge! There is no drug that can hold us down!!) I'm ok with the number that they have to work with. Pretty similar to last time. I feel pretty well, actually-not nearly as sore and bloated. We'll see what tomorrow brings.


Have a great weekend, girls. Much love to all you amazing women.

 

[Mdc]

Chipie and I will be squeezing and icing buddies.

Wish, that is quite a protocol, but glad they are changing it up. Are you doing pgd?

Krasa, you are always funny, but especially funny after anesthesia. I can hear your ovaries saying make a break for it...run little follies run. Yes, you are so allowed to be in 'spirits' with me.

I am getting a pedi right now and may I just say I have a love/hate relationship with them. I am so ticklish it is like torture with all the scrubbing, but the foot rub is heaven.

 

[Chipie]

You didn't stim for as long as the others then Krasa but then you do have superovaries!! 32 follicles! My old things only dream about numbers like that and my right one is practically retired after they think they've cut the blood supply to it after my ectopic surgery. I reckon I'm probably in for a longer stim. I'm only aiming for 3 eggs if I'm lucky.
MDC I'm not going to be sticking myself until the week after next but yes hopefully we can winge and moan about it together . Just a waiting game now, how frustrating. Enjoy your pedi, I should have done something like that this weekend with df away.

 

[sugargully]

Just popping in to say YES, I'm super jelly of you Wish and MDC for meeting up! It would be awesome if we all could do that at some point. You guys have to post a pic of your meetup or at least a foodporn pic of the treats you're enjoying!

Have a great weekend everyone

 

[Chipie]

Hi girls, how was everyone's weekends? I've been a bit down actually. Think getting af hit me quite hard this time and with df being away all weekend and being on my own, found it pretty difficult to motivate myself to do anything or speak to anyone.

Anyway I told work I'm starting IVF this morning and they've been super supportive so that's made me feel loads better. I even made my boss cry, I've got a bit of a habit of doing that to her with my tragic stories!

Now I'm off to acupuncture this afternoon so will no doubt be totally zen after that and all good. Plus df home tomorrow yey

 

[Wish2BMom]

morning girls!! How's everyone doing?

krasa - sooooo good to hear from you! you are totally hysterical, I 2nd what mdc said. 32 - that's incredible and my follicles are jealous once again. Chipie and I will just have our few total follicles cheer all of yours on!

mdc - ugh, I need a pedi in the worst way. Actually thinking about getting a mani/pedi on Saturday before my flight to CA so i can be client-ready (at least they'll see my fingers). My BIL and SIL are coming over that day, though so we'll see if I can squeeze it in. To answer your question - not doing PGD. I think PGD would be covered but PGS is what gives you the best answers, and that would be out of pocket. We can't afford both meds and that out of pocket so we'll let nature take its course and just pay for the meds.

chipie - I'm sorry you were feeling so down. Try not to let this get into your head too much. I find that I can get into a very weird spiral of analysis, wishing, hoping, setting expectations, etc and then when AF comes or whatever, I'm sad but then I feel like my head comes out of that fog and I wonder how the hell I got there in the first place. (and it happens just about every month!) I'm really going to try to remain sane this time around.

sugar - haha - 'jelly' cracks me up. I've now been singing 'Bootylicious' in my head. We'll post something, for sure!

So chipie reminded me - I have my first Acu appt today too!! I hope I'm all zen after it. That would be lovely. I'm so excited.

I got my surge on Saturday, so now.....if I start AF next Tues, I'm screwed with the day 2 scan I'm supposed to have. Do I....lie? and say I started on Wed so my 'new' day 2 is Fri? do I ask about coming in on day 3 and screw everything up? I'm pretty sure my follicles will be suppressed - we're talking about ME here...

thoughts?

 

[Chipie]

I'd love to help you Wish but as usual for me, I've no idea what's going on. What's the risk with starting on Tuesday? Is your 2 day scan booked for the wrong day then?

I'm totally zen after acupuncture, it was amazing

 

[elliecain]

Wish, I can't help you there but I'd probably be honest. If it messed things up, I'd be so annoyed with myself. Good luck.

Mdc, were you testing today? Any news? FXed xxx

Chipie, it's horrible. I'm really sorry it's making you feel bad. I totally understand. Every month I seem to reach a new low and I vow not to let it get to me the next month but it does.
I'm glad the acupuncture was relaxing.

Everyone else, lots of love and hugs xxx


Afm, I'm quite uptight this evening... I posted on my diary and people think I might be rushing in, but I'm past the point of no return now after agonising about it this morning and waking DH up to talk it through one last time...
I'm having a hysteroscopic polypectomy tomorrow night under general anaesthetic. It's costing me £2,085 ($2,900), which is a big chunk of what I've saved for maternity/IVF.

* It is likely that my polyp is preventing pregnancy and may have caused the cp in September, so I want it gone asap.
* Lots of women with unexplained infertility get pregnant soon after this procedure: 60% as opposed to 25% who don't have it. This is higher when the polyp is bigger like mine, 12x7.9mm.
* FWIW, my research has shown me that larger polyps have a greater risk of being cancerous too, so even more reason for getting rid of it and getting it tested asap.
* The NHS waiting list is at least 18 weeks, so wait until June/July at least. Not happening!
* If I waited to see if it went on its own, I'd have to get it done in a month which would mean next month's a bust too, as he's taking away the lining.
* I have the money and it can't be used for maternity if I don't get pregnant and have a baby!!!
* He has a space tomorrow evening, around 6/7pm here (1/2pm EST)

Do you understand why I'm doing this? I hope so. My heart jumped into my mouth when I read my diary comments just now and I felt sick. They didn't say I was wrong, just that they'd probably wait a cycle to see if it went on its own...

 

[Mdc]

Chipie, sorry you were feeling down, and we all have been there. Either way you slice it the witch always disappoints. Glad acu made you zen! If needed I will start my inj until later this week, maybe early next so we will be poke buddies.

Wish, enjoy your acu! It took me a couple sessions to really enjoy it. It is a little painful on the checkbook, but it feels like a mini spa treatment for me when I go. As for suppression I heard day 2-3. Hard question to answer, but I think even day 3 would be fine because what some people consider spotting could be what some consider day 1. I guess worst case if you do not tell them you are really cd3 that they would think you are not suppressed, and maybe do lupron?

Hi to everyone else!

I had a lovely weekend and so did not want to come back to work today. Nothing much on the TWW front other than stuff I would attribute to the progesterone. For instance I am hungry all the damn time and bloated like a whale. No cramps, pulls, sore boobs (I never get them), and no bleeding or spotting. I am kind of tempted to test, but will probably wait until Wed morning before my blood draw. Kind of resolved to start inj in a couple days. Yikes!

 

[Chipie]

Thanks MDC. I do feel better and it really helps to know you're all with me and you understand how I feel. It sounds like you'll start injections before me (if you do) so you'll have to tell me what it's like eeeeek.

Ellie, you're 100% making the right decision. Don't doubt yourself, trust in your own judgement. There's loads of good reasons to get rid of this polyp and only one reason not to and that's if you're tight for money. But I'm sure you'll find a way to make the money work. Nobody regrets action, people only regret inaction. Try to relax ahead of the op and good luck xxx

 

[Wish2BMom]

ellie - I agree with chipie - you're doing it for great reasons. And if it's on the larger side, who's to say how long it would take to go away on its own. Just eject that thing and get on with it - hell, maybe a surprise natural BFP will happen afterwards? if you're going to be that fertile after!! I love what chipie said - we only regret inaction, not action.

ok - so I cannot believe how relaxing acupuncture was!!! I went into it a little skeptical, at least thinking I wouldn't feel anything the first time. It made me more relaxed than a massage does, and I love massages!! My body just felt like dead weight halfway through and that was bonkers to me.

yeah, i'll probably just be honest and tell them my expected Day 2. Maybe I can even start stims that night anyway, but just have my scan the next morning with them.

Oh, and meant to say - if you're using follistim/gonal-f with menopur, you can mix the 2 together and only shoot up once. Ask your docs about this - this is what I do and it's way better having one needle than 2!

krasa - hope you're coming out of your fog ok and hoping for a great fertlization report!

 

[Star2011]

Hello ladies,

Wish- thats a detailed protocol. The RE knows you well and i have faith this will work. From what you just explained, this protocol is a bit extensive and will take a few more days longer than the previous one? But i believe its a better one for the ovaries. I am also supposed to use estradiol patch for my FET. IVF has continued to amaze me day by day. I am learning a lot from this process. On the suppression, i think either day is ok. Day 2 or 3. I was talking to my Ivf nurse just a few minutes after reading your post ago and i asked her. She said either day is fine.

Krasa, thats a good retrieval report. Praying for a good fert report too. Are you still doing PGS? Am sorry if you mentioned this earlier on.
PGS is only the part that We are not paying for in this process. Our insurance covers some bits and pieces of IVF but we are paying for the rest that is not
Covered.

Mdc- I would also wait and test later. Fx. We need a Feb BFP!

Chipie- am sorry about AF. I am glad you have a plan B.

Ellie- i agree with you on the surgery. I remember when i had my myomectomy i knew it would put me a couple of cycles behind with but i didn't want to wait. I also didn't want the risk of mc with the fibroids. I would rather take care of any surgery now than get cp after cp. If you feel at peace with your decision, go for it!

Hi Sugar yes, wish we could all meet one day.

Well, i called to get an update on my little embies but they said they will call me later this evening. I did try acupuncture on Saturday too for the first time and oh boy, did i feel relaxed? I also did a full body massage. It felt so relaxed. Its true its costly but what is not costly with ttc? If i can all the vitamins and procedures, blood work, US i have done since i started to ttc i think i would have bought a second house now

 

[Star2011]

Ellie all the best with the procedure tomorrow

 

[Pothole]

Ellie, for what it's worth, I think if you are willing to pay out of pocket for it right now, then you are making the right decision.
Everyone else, I'm so sorry...I'm still catching up.

Afm, I had my sonohystogram/fibroid scan today to determine if we take it out in office, or outpatient surgery at hospital. Except its gone. It was there in my miscarriage scan. In the uterus at the top. He moved the wand all over. He put in a secondary clampy thing to get a better angle on my cervix. He used a whole extra syringe of saline because it drained out. He even pulled up side by side views of the other scan on the machine. It's just not there. We are all baffled. He's going to confer with the other doctor, the one who found it, but it's looking like no surgery, and clear to go on into FET. I think excitement will come. Right now I'm stunned. I was prepared. I made peace with the fact that my uterus would need 3 months to heal after. I wasn't ready for good news. Which seems really stupid, when said out loud. But this whole process has just really done a number on my emotions. It's like the miscarriage broke something in me and now everything is kind of flat. No super lows, no major highs. I'm afraid to feel, I guess. Feeling costs energy I just don't have right now. Does that make any sense at all?

 

[elliecain]

It makes total sense Pothole. You went through the worst experience and you are still grieving. I'm glad it's good news though

 

[Wish2BMom]

pothole - I get you. I think that's why I am the way I am about all of this. I feel like I sound like a robot sometimes and my only emotion is frustration. I don't feel high highs or low lows anymore, I think that went out the window a long time ago for me. So maybe I am a little robot-y now. That doesn't mean I'm not optimistic, sometimes to a fault. My mantra is to prepare for the worst, hope for the best. But my brain turns to not supporting any extreme feelings.
I am SO glad that your fibroid disappeared!! It's ok to see the light of this and get excited about what is next for you. We'll be excited for you right now!

star - I'm glad your nurse said that, thanks for asking! man, you must have been a puddle after acu AND a massage! I was a complete dope driving home, it was awesome. How did the embie report come out?

krasa - how are your embies doing?

So, I just got off the phone with my nurse and apparently she doesn't feel she can make the call on Day 2 or Day 3. So she said if it does happen, they'll have to check with the doc to see what she says. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I guess doing the patch can delay AF a bit anyway, so hopefully that is what happens. And I don't have to do the antagonist bit at the beginning, so that's good. No meds on the plane! So it's just the patch starting this Saturday, every other day until AF arrives. I really just need AF to be one day late. That's it!! Can we work that out, IVF GODS??? If not, we cancel and move on to the next cycle. I'm fine with it, I'm feeling a little beat down about worrying about such things. It is what it is. Maybe the acupuncture really did work!

mdc - how are you feeling?? I need to check your chart - it wasn't on this page.

 

[Mdc]

Ellie, we must have cross posted, but good luck. You have to do what you feel is right. I think you are probably out of surgery now.

Wish, so glad you love acu!!! I will bring my anti-witch mojo when I see you on Sunday. I cannot believe we will meet in only 5 days!!!! Question, after stopping vaginal progesterone how many days did it take for AF to show?

Star, cannot wait to hear about your embies. They must be what day 5? So jealous about acu and a massage, so I might have to try that. You are right what is some more $$$ in the TTC bucket.

Pothole, that is amazing it is gone. Ugh...the clampy thing is no bueno. Not the worst, but not so fun either. I completely understand being scared to feel. It is something that most of us go through at some point as a protective measure. I myself have kind of lost the feeling that DH and I will get our LO. Now I am positive about it happening on the outside, but inside it is just like I am going through the motions without the internal optimism. I was starting to wonder if it was the universe just telling me it won't happen, but your post made me think I was/am doing the same thing as you...protect myself at all costs. I am sure when the time is right it will all seem real and we all will get to feel the happiness of feeling a LO kicking inside of us, the amazement when we first look into their eyes, and even the exhaustion of new motherhood. The time will come

T minus one day!!! So a small temp drop today, but not too big. I did overlay my past charts and this is looking similar to my BFP cycle, but the others kind of do too and with the progesterone this cycle who knows. No symptoms really still but I guess I did not have them before either. The RN called in the wrong rx to the pharmacy even though I told her which ones are on the formulary. ARGH! Edit: she got it fixed and it is approved. See there goes my protection mechanism again. Maybe the is something I will ask tonight at my acu appt to help move past this emotion.

 

[elliecain]

Just to let you know I've just come back to my room and it went well. Waiting to see Mr Akande and will probably be in over night.

Mdc, fingers firmly crossed for you lovely. Hoping for good news tomorrow xxx

 

[Left wonderin]

Sorry I've been AWOL ... We have a house of sickness here Ellie thrilled your op is behind you and you did great

Mdc ill be thinking about you tommrow . Keeping EVERYHTING crossed for great news for you xxx

 

[Chipie]

Productive day today for me, I'm full of beans!

Pothole, sorry that you're feeling numb. It's understandable with what you've been through. Let us be excited for you then. I'm so pleased that your fibroid has gone!! That's amazing!!! We love good news and we certainly deserve it!! I hope that means you can get on with FET now and keep the good news coming!

Star and Krasa, any news?

Wish, what's the patch? Do you just stick it on? Af best stay away or else.

MDC, whilst we're on a roll with good news , let's hope we're celebrating tmw as well!

Wish and MDC, meeting in 5 days! What will you call each other?!? Something in my memory is telling me one of you is called Michelle...hmmmm might be making that up...

Ellie, glad you're ok, hope the op went well.

Afm, just waiting and cheering you all on. I bought a fertility hypnosis cd today. I really will try anything ha