3rd Cycles A Charm??♤♡ Wishing on a star ♧◇ TTC BABY #2

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So , I'm feeling a little down. When I was ttc with my son, I had my ttc and pregancy journal deleted because I had a family member on here who I was afraid was gonna go back and tell my business to the rest of my family after we had a falling out. I was 20 at the time and very immature :shy: cringe.. just so much cringe lol :blush:

I wish I could turn back the time and not have my journals deleted because I have been wanting to go back and re read my journals/ compare symptoms etc. But I can't do that. I even went back and deleted my responses and posts by erasing what i put and just adding a period instead so that way you wouldn't know what was written. So stupid :dohh:

I also had a lot of bump photos on there, that i no longer have because my laptop one day wouldn't power back on.

I try to remind myself that what's more important is that I have my son here with me. But, it would be nice to go back and re read some of my journals if I still had them.:cry:

I still have my birth story and parenting journal which is great!! But wish I would have kept my ttc and pregnancy journal. Ugh!
 
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Bevziibubble said:
so sorry you're feeling a bit down :( That's so sad that everything got deleted :(
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Thank you :sad1: it's definitely my own fault tho. I'm the one who had the moderators delete it due to my own fears/ insecurities. I wish I would have handled it differently. :cry:

Ugh in other news I'm second guessing ttc. Just kinda been in a funk lately. I feel all over the place. As much as I want to have another baby, the fact that I don't really feel secure with my job makes me feel unstable . It's just a whole bunch of things that's making me second guess. Idk if its because there's just been a lot of major changes and has been a huge adjustment period lately.. It just makes me feel uncertain about everything even tho the changes aren't bad.. maybe I'm just overwhelmed with everything. Im not really a fan of change and it has been nothing but that lately.

:sad1:
 
Change can be really unsettling at the best of times. It sounds like you have been through a lot lately. Hopefully things will settle down soon :hugs:
 
Same thing happened with my daughter's journal but the site changed and away went my journals since I hadnt signed in enough. Should have saved it some place. It does hurt. Hugs

Ttc whenever life feels good for it. Never gonna be a perfect time. Yet, less stressful times, work best. Ttc is fun/exciting because of the blessing at the end. I always pray when I get doubtful about ttc. Fears, anxieties can creep in at any time. Your hearts desire coupled with the logic needs of your life situations will help you decide as well. Some things will always be out of your hands kinda like you catch those good waves when you can but keep surfing.:hugs:
 
Thank you so much ladies

You ladies are both right. I hope things settle down too. I'm mentally exhausted at this point. I do really want to start trying so I will carry through with it. I'm just ready for things to settle down and I can get back to a routine. Right now things just feel all over the place and that makes me feel so out of place.

@FTale go to yout watched threads and go all the way back! Your journals should still be there if they weren't requested by you to have them deleted by an admin :) when I was using the search thread i couldn't find a lot of my posts too. But when I went thru my watched threads they were all there :)
 
Cooking chicken soup in the crockpot with beans and corns for dinner for me and baked chicken for my husband and son.

Have a full weekend of work ahead. Semi looking forward to it. I'm just tired since I haven't been getting much sleep lately.

Not really looking forward to having to talk to staff today. I just want to be left alone.. lol. Certain staff there like to gossip and talk about me and with how I'm feeling today there's no telling if I will be able to bite my tongue or hide my expressions lol. Sigh.. but it is what it is. That's just apart of the work life. You can't win everyone over and im ok with that.
 
I just hope that things will get better in the upcoming weeks. I'm not depressed or anything. I just feel drained and wiped out. When I pinpoint it to the root of issue it makes it easier to manage and figure out what next steps to take instead of generalizing my feelings and now all of a sudden ( much like now ) I'm feeling overwhelmed with contradicting emotions and feelings that I'm not really feeling but not knowing a better way of describing what is going thru my head.

I'm sorry if I'm being a debbie downer :flower:
 
Feeling better since my last post. Actually feeling a lot better. Dinner is done ( wish I had more ingredients to top the soup with like scallions and avacado - still good tho) and now just on the game trying to relax before work. But honestly, I might try and get a nap in. It's getting to the point where I could doze off at any moment now lol. Dishes are done, trash is all bagged up to be taken out, son is ready for bed - feeling accomplished.

:sleep::sleep::sleep:
 
I'm glad you're feeling a lot better. Sometimes things can get very overwhelming and that can be draining :hugs:
I hope you have a good sleep.
 
Dont feel bad about feeling bad. It is gonna happen. Just know you have ppl to talk with and God to pray to. You are not alone at all.:hugs: And that soup sounded like what I need now.

Keep you head up. Do your thing and know its your life to live. So enjoy every morsel of it the way you like it. Will go insane trying to please the whole lot of them..lol.

Gotta run. Stay in the light!!:flow:
 
FTale said:
Dont feel bad about feeling bad. It is gonna happen. Just know you have ppl to talk with and God to pray to. You are not alone at all.:hugs: And that soup sounded like what I need now.

Keep you head up. Do your thing and know its your life to live. So enjoy every morsel of it the way you like it. Will go insane trying to please the whole lot of them..lol.

Gotta run. Stay in the light!!:flow:
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Amen!! Thank you so much! <3 Definitely trying to keep my head up. Thank you again for your such kind words :hugs:

The soup was tasty! Lol I ended up adding cayenne pepper to make it spicy. I love spicy food lol. I also got an avacado from work and put it in my scrubs when I was in the kitchen, had to do my rounds, and when I checked my pocket the avacado was all over the place(it was in a baggie lol that somehow came undone..) I thought I put it in my lunch bag before checking on my residents but nope.. It would have went perfect with the soup lol :munch:
 
Thank you ladies! I feel a lot better.

I'm having a hard time at work because everyone is in my business about why I'm back and asking me personal information about how much my new job is paying me to come and work at my former job. I'm not really good at thinking on the spot so I stupidly gave information that I shouldn't have. I'm hoping I get the job that I'm interviewing for so I can be done with that place for good.

Tbh I don't even want to be a caregiver anymore. It's too much on my body and I am burnt out. I just stay with caregiving because they have the shifts that I need. UGH

The hardest part is branching out of caregiving because that's all I really know. I can learn other things sure, but I fear jobs won't want me due to lack of experience. It stresses me out because I feel stuck in this field.
 
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I think what's bothering me is I feel like I can't go for the jobs that I really want because I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone and my lack of experience being what stops these jobs from hiring me.

I need confidence and a higher self esteem really.. I need to also be present in the moment because my mind is always so occupied with something whether it's the past, present, future, daydream, or something that didn't even happen yet
 
I totally get that fear. The comfort zone is such a safe place. I have to force myself out of my comfort zone and remind myself that everything I've achieved in my life has only come from stepping out of my comfort zone. It's not easy at all and there's a lot of fear to fight through but you can do it. The mind is such a powerful thing and can convince us we are not good enough :hugs:

I also understand not being present. I still struggle with this and am often living in the future. Usually worrying about the future or even just counting down until bedtime!
 
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